Honestly I had given my all to them and sacrificed so much BEFORE they cheated. I didn’t want all of that to be for nothing, so I held on as long as I could in the hopes that they’d change.
It’s a lesson I needed to learn, but I’m still full of regrets.
She was pregnant.
I was raised by a single mother. I wasn’t about to let that happen to someone else.
She forced me out 14 years later. I got the boy, she took thr money
Worth it
My first girlfriend cheated on me with my friend which really messed up my trust, I was called ugly a lot as a kid so I stayed with her as she was considered “hot” and “popular”, I wish now I just broke up with her, I don’t even know why she wanted to be with me in the first place, my self conscious ness tells me it was just to mess with other boys she was after and it’s unfortunately probably true.
I was insecure, 22 and couldn’t afford a place on my own. Parents were in the midst of a nasty divorce and for my mental health’s sake, I couldn’t stay with my dad and my mom lived farther away than what I could make it work with school and work situations. I don’t believe he ever did it again but once is enough to ruin a relationship, especially because we were engaged. I stayed for years after and it was too long. Eventually a lot of things just didn’t make sense for me anymore as far as we both changed and I wanted different things than what I originally thought. He also didn’t ever fully commit. Engaged for 7 years was not on my radar. Cheating really does a toll on a relationship, whether they ever do it again really doesn’t matter because what was once great is now broken and beyond repair.
He cheated many times. It was a lot of insecurities, wanting to prove to myself that I could change him, comfortability and I couldn’t stop seeing his potential, like who he really was. He didn’t change for a long time, then slowly made the change and has come a really long way since then. I still have doubts at times, we talk about it a lot and honestly, I have seen the change in him. Not just tricking myself into believing he’s been changing because I wanted it so bad, but I’ve seen and felt the proof. You can’t change someone. Change will only happen when they truly have the desire, drive and determination to change.
She cheated on me with my best friend by convincing him I was Gay, it was a sham marriage and I had a boyfriend. Imagine MY surprise 🙂 All BS. She got pregnant, didn’t know who the dad was, and he vowed to out the affair if she didn’t.
Reason for the backstory is because my motivation was loneliness. That is how powerful it is for some people. I went through that entire nightmare of discovery and still didn’t want to be alone. I was a stupid 26 year old who thought he’d be single forever if I didn’t try to make it work. “Sometimes relationships take a hit and come back stronger!” lol.
She ended up leaving after a year. She “changed her ways” and I was a reminder of her mistakes. Nice.
Now I look back and think what a weak piece of shit I was. I’ve grown a LOT.
My mom stayed, tried to make it work, would have, but then dad left her to be with someone else. I still have to tell him to shut the fuck up when he starts talking shit about her. He’s wasting away while she lives her best life.
1: they got cheated on but decided to stay in the relationship if they were allowed to have a ONS with a guy they found hot (which their partner agreed to).
2: she was about to get married and felt she had to, since they have kids together. They worked it out somehow and seem to be happily married now. Not sure about details.
3: they’d been cheating on their partner (found out when they were drunk once and told me a bit more than they maybe should have) so they thought it was fair.
3 again but another partner of theirs: the partner was abusive so they were too scared to leave.
My first wife, years ago, years ago, when I was like 19, was obviously cheating on me, while I was in jail, her Dad was the sheriff of the jail at the time, but she still came and put money on my books weekly and visited, .
That’s probably why, the money on the books.
Not everyone want to throwaway years of stuff built with blood and tears. Sure if you’re emotionally too damagedby the treason, sure but peoples need to act with logic and weight whether or not leaving is worth it, purely mathematically speaking. Sometimes forgiving is just much less expensive
I was married very young and came from an abusive home, so it was better than going back to my parents. Also, I didn’t have hard proof, and he vehemently denied anything was going on. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I never trusted him again. He became abusive plus cheated more, but this time I found condom wrappers in the couch so I had proof and I ended up escaping. I don’t regret staying after the first time, I was in a better place to take care of myself when I did finally leave. If I would have left earlier I would have always wondered if he was really a cheater or if I jumped the gun (and I would be back in a terrible home situation). This way I knew 100% he was a cheating, abusive asshole and I feel great about leaving.
Stupidity and I was manipulated massively by a narcissist. It was 8 years ago and back then I thought if we break up who’s going to want a single dad….. how wrong was I. Never in a million years would I stay now.
Initially, because I was still in love and you can’t just switch that off no matter how painful things can be from finding out she cheated. After a while, the pain dulled. She was putting more effort into our relationship to prove she was a keeper and that felt good but it wasn’t long before she started going out without me and staying back at work late, blah fucking blah blah and it happened again. Cheating is almost impossible to come back from
My ex-husband swore that it was only about sex, and my cancer meant that he was going to outlive me anyways. His girlfriend made him so happy, and I wanted him to have that after I was gone…
But he treated me like absolute shit as my cancer worsened, and as I had to retire.
I’m still alive, to the surprise of the research community, but now divorced. Should’ve done so much sooner.
Because I loved her and thought I could have moved past what happened.
A month or two after the whole event, I realized that I would never be able to move past what happened and because of that, I realized I would never want to marry her. So I broke up with her.
Wild insecurity and I was absolutely the weaker of the 2 women he was looking for. He said things I’d never been told and made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life. It actually helped my self esteem enough that I recovered and made something of myself. As soon as I put myself through school, got a job that received respect and started earning WAY more than him he was cheating on me with an echo of what I was.
I contacted her let her know he was cheating on her and that beautiful jewelry he bought her was actually gifts I PURCHASED FOR HIS DAUGHTERS which. I sent him to her pretty much gift wrapped at that point cuz she knew he was lying and was willing to accept it just to be with someone. I thank God I found the strength to not become that woman.
My mum had an affair when I was a young kid, my parents separated and dad moved out.
They decided to work it out and have been happily married for another 30 years since then.
My mum was young, in a foreign country and made a bad decision. But it never happened again and they have a happy marriage
She cheated, and pulled some sob story about wanting to stay together, so I went out that weekend and did the same, then many more times. And I wasn’t careful at all with who saw it. Eventually one of her friends reported it to her and we broke up.
Call it immature, but it went from the worst week of my life to the best month of life. Revenge feels fucking amazing and I still think back to the frantic call I got with her freaking out and my “fuck you bitch we are done” like the fondest of memories.
My friend wife cheated on him for 3 years . It was his friend and they did it almost every part of the house etc. she had a job where she needed to be on call so she could lie all time in the night saying work needs her. When he found out was on Christmas when she got drunk she talked a weird story about “ she was with xxx last night and they saw Santa got into an accident “ everyone laughed but she actually got serious pulled out her phone but it wasn’t her phone it was her second phone and showed that she took pics , as my friend scrolled through the photos he passed out. Seizures for the next few days , they had two young kids and it broke their hearts when they saw their parents arguing they decided to stay for the kids. Been about 6 years and they are actually still together. I asked him if he forgave her he said yes but he can never forget. Although he seemed happy , I can tell deep down he’s just waiting to end his life. As for her she’s definitely not okay mentally since everyone knew what happened that night. She’s embarrassed , loss weight and aged overnight. Still don’t know how it’s going to end but she ruined 3 people lives because I’m sure those kids will loose their dad at some point .
Didn’t necessarily stay but an ex girlfriend left me and instantly had a new boyfriend.
(one of those i need space for a few days things and broke up by changing her FB R status from me to another guy).
No hard proof but obviously cheated.
Well after a few years NC cross paths and after turning her down at first I take her back because I think she’s changed. Well only 3 weeks of being a couple she invites an ex over and bangs him while I’m at work. (Even admits they had sex “she was feeling hypersexual” lol).
Dumped her on the spot and she makes up false abuse claims about me.
I already had a foot out the door, but I was just waiting it out.
I was in my final year of uni, and he was very manipulative. Not successfully, but would fake mental health episodes, show up at my accommodation and make a scene, blow my phone up, cause an unbelievable amount of drama. The fight about him sexting the coworker-he-told-me-not-to-worry-about turned into him verbally attacking me for not seeming upset enough that he did it, ‘proving’ he was right to do it and it was a romantic cry for help. Told him that if he really felt that neglected he should leave, but of course, he didn’t.
I was emotionally numb to it at that point but I figured I’d at least wait out the extra few months until uni finished so I could focus on exams, have a drama-free last few months in my college town, and I could go home and be away from the blow up.
I know people hear stories like this and ask ‘but why were you with him in the first place’, it was a relatively short relationship that was never meant to be more than casual dating, he just wormed his way in relatively quickly and, as noted previously, very difficult to cut off. Presented himself as a very chill, laid back guy when we started seeing eachother.
My dad had committed suicide about a year before and I just wasn’t ready to lose someone else that I loved. So I lost myself in the process of trying to keep him.
I am currently working on staying… although it’s difficult and may change my mind… He’s said it was one time, and is extremely remorseful and feeling shame / guilt, and has been willing to go to therapy. There is still a lot of good about him and the relationship.We’ve been together a long time, and I really feel he’s my person. Definitely issues on my part, too, around self-esteem, self-worth (worsened by his cheating), and fear that also add to staying. So far, it’s been hard, but ok. In recent weeks, things are feeling better overall until something triggers a memory of what he did. It’s a cycle.
I also think I’d have the same issues now and trouble trusting someone else if I were to leave, so that’s another reason I’ve stayed.
Read Esther Perel, the state of affairs. I think you have to separate after you find out, if you do then you can potentially decide to try again later, but staying together immediately after is a recipe for disaster. A great quote from the book is along the lines that a relationship always ends after an affair, but it is up to you if you want to try to start another one.
For context, I did this about 2.5 years ago. We separated for three months, I moved out and dated other people, we both worked on ourselves in counselling and processed our feelings and what caused it. Then when we got back together, we continued to do individual and couples counselling for about 18 months. Our new relationship is so much better than before and I now see it as a pivotal moment for positive change our lives.
I stayed for the kids. She changed for the better, true transformation. I told my self I would stay till the kids graduated (7yr). The last kid graduated 2010. Glad I stayed another 15 years and still going.
Financial security. Folks are right: it was never the same. I stuck it out for 16 years then she got sick and died. I got the house and her pension and her social security.
Not me but my friend
He cheated on her on a drunk night out and came home and apologized right away. She forgave him, he never drank alcohol again. I don’t keep in contact much with her but based on social media they’re still together 5 years later and when this was going on/ they got back he let her have access to any and every app/text that he had and didn’t go out without her
bc I understood why he did it even though it didn’t make it right. I was a stay at home mom and incredibly depressed.. but was honestly stubborn about getting help even when he urged me to. I stopped cooking, the house was always a wreck, I was emotionally neglecting our three year old and I stopped having sex with him altogether and didn’t even make the effort to not act disgusted when he touched me and I was constantly mean to him when he honestly didn’t deserve it… this went on for months. I didn’t blame him for seeking someone else.
the timing was also weird bc it came from a gut feeling and I went through his phone and saw the phone records that the last time they spoke was two weeks prior and texts of him saying it was over and he wanted to fix things with his family. he also answered every question I had, even if some of the answers hurt my feelings… he said he wasn’t going to lie to my questions to spare my feelings when he is willing to do everything it takes to regain my trust and keep his wife and family. it’s been 8 months since the affair but he understands that I will always have moments of insecurity bc he betrayed my trust. and he knows that what he did to me I would’ve never done to him, so he does feel guilt over it. I’m also allowed to check his phone unprompted and I have his location. (I have BPD so I sometimes spiral when I’m feeling insecure, so he lets me have these things so my emotions don’t get the best of me, not because I don’t think he deserves privacy) last time I felt the need to check was month ago bc he came home almost an hour late from work and it triggered me.
Its a weird thing to say esp out loud but somehow him cheating opened up my eyes to my own relationship and somehow him cheating actually saved our relationship… It’s difficult to explain but the night I found out, we talked for over eight hours and opened up some hard conversations that we should’ve already had about things we’ve suppressed over the past few years. we still bicker every now and then… but our communication is way better, we go ahead and tackle issues/problems with eachother before they get worse and we try to find solutions for them together as a team. I also got on meds, we found a solution for daycare and I got a job to get me out of the house so I can feel like I am my own person outside of my family…
Ten years in to our marriage, she (30F, 31M) cheated. Stayed together for the kids. Seven years later caught her again. She wanted to stay married and have her fling also.
I said what was good for the goose was good for the gander. She said I didn’t have the balls! Three days days later I was banging some 28F. She got upset and cried! Separated and divorced. Best 260 pounds I lost!
I didn’t have anywhere to go. I did eventually leave once the time was right, but those few months where my ex was dating the other woman just openly and without shame, was hell on earth. I was so depressed.
Because she spined it around like it was my fault (I have severe child trauma) and knew how to control and manipulate me
And because she went thru my mother (my master manipulator) to get back to me. My mother gave her my new cell phone number without my consent. (My mother never knew about the cheating btw).
I was guilt trip and shamed by both of them.
Yeah, I knew what I had to do but too damn chicken to do anything about it (it’s a bit complex).
I was 24 tho with severe mental health issues. So like I used to do: I just took it and said nothing.
I’ve been cheated on twice. Massively fcked me up. I still bear the emotional scars to this day. I wish I was one of those people that had it in me to be in an open relationship. Then it would all be out in the open…. But unfortunately I’m not wired that way
My wife cheated on me with several different men while at the worst point in her addiction to alcohol. I stayed with her after rehab for the kids, but mostly so we can get our debt paid off. Not sure what I’ll do after that.
At first, it was because I was trying to figure out if her two kids from previous relationships would weather another father figure failing them. Her son was in her divorced parents custody, and had come to live with us as his grandma just had a stroke. He lived with his grandpa for a short time, but once I heard that he called an Uber to take an 8yo to school, he came to live with us. If I left, that meant there was no more house. My wife & her daughter were living in Section 8 apartments when we met. He would end up back at Grandpa’s. Nope.
I still struggled with this. It would be bad to set myself on fire simply to shield these kids from the situation. She stopped taking her birth control without telling me. You can see where this goes…
If I had it all to do again, I would have left immediately. At this point, I’m not leaving any of my kids solely to the whims of a covert narcissist.
Fear. Insecurity. Abandonment issues. Thought it was better for the kids.
Long story short, I’m five years post D-day and four months into my separation, and happier than I’ve been for a long time.
Kids are good. We are co-parenting well. We will even be friends I think. And for the first time in decades, I feel attractive, comfortable, and confident.
No one can decide you’re ready to go but you, but I stayed too long. It’s okay on this side.
Fear. I have no hope and I would be homeless and I’m in my early 60s with a fatal illness (late stage COPD). It’s safer than the alternative. I stay for safety, not love.
I guess it’s a personal choice
I chose to stay and forgive him
There are many reasons to stay or leave everyone has a choice to do either or
Most people leave some decide to stay and have very strong reasons for either
Either way it takes a lot of strength
I didn’t, initially, because she actually left to be with her AP. When the AP wouldn’t leave her husband, my ex completely flipped. She swore up and down that it was a huge mistake that she regretted immensely. She BEGGED me, tears streaming down her face, to give her another chance.
I didn’t, at first. I was certain that she was just doing it to not be lonely after her little fantasy fizzled out. I’d had my heart broken less than a month prior and wasn’t eager to do it again. My ex was adamant though. She realized the error of her ways, she’d be better, she loved me so much. I thought, maybe I’m just being vindictive by refusing her.
We got back together. Actually got married (at her insistence and after years of putting it off) a few months later. Roughly three months after that, she just walked out one night. Left me to deal with all the bills with zero notice. I genuinely don’t remember the next two years after that because my life was a complete whirlwind. It took years to finalize the divorce.
In short: I stayed because I was stupid enough to trust someone who’s already lied to me.
Comments
The money.
The affair was really good so we chose to continue it
Shaven haven
Comfortable shoe. Devil that you know. Insecurity. Abandonment issues. Desire to prove I’m worthy.
Long story short. Don’t stay. You’ll regret it. I promise.
I gave a chance for corrected behavior. They don’t take it so I left in due time.
I thought I owed it to my kids to try. Forgiving him gave him permission to do it again and after that, I was done.
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Wanted to see if the second betrayal came with a loyalty discount
She was super hot and fucked like a porn star… of course I stayed!!!
Honestly I had given my all to them and sacrificed so much BEFORE they cheated. I didn’t want all of that to be for nothing, so I held on as long as I could in the hopes that they’d change.
It’s a lesson I needed to learn, but I’m still full of regrets.
She was pregnant.
I was raised by a single mother. I wasn’t about to let that happen to someone else.
She forced me out 14 years later. I got the boy, she took thr money
Worth it
My first girlfriend cheated on me with my friend which really messed up my trust, I was called ugly a lot as a kid so I stayed with her as she was considered “hot” and “popular”, I wish now I just broke up with her, I don’t even know why she wanted to be with me in the first place, my self conscious ness tells me it was just to mess with other boys she was after and it’s unfortunately probably true.
I was insecure, 22 and couldn’t afford a place on my own. Parents were in the midst of a nasty divorce and for my mental health’s sake, I couldn’t stay with my dad and my mom lived farther away than what I could make it work with school and work situations. I don’t believe he ever did it again but once is enough to ruin a relationship, especially because we were engaged. I stayed for years after and it was too long. Eventually a lot of things just didn’t make sense for me anymore as far as we both changed and I wanted different things than what I originally thought. He also didn’t ever fully commit. Engaged for 7 years was not on my radar. Cheating really does a toll on a relationship, whether they ever do it again really doesn’t matter because what was once great is now broken and beyond repair.
He cheated many times. It was a lot of insecurities, wanting to prove to myself that I could change him, comfortability and I couldn’t stop seeing his potential, like who he really was. He didn’t change for a long time, then slowly made the change and has come a really long way since then. I still have doubts at times, we talk about it a lot and honestly, I have seen the change in him. Not just tricking myself into believing he’s been changing because I wanted it so bad, but I’ve seen and felt the proof. You can’t change someone. Change will only happen when they truly have the desire, drive and determination to change.
She cheated on me with my best friend by convincing him I was Gay, it was a sham marriage and I had a boyfriend. Imagine MY surprise 🙂 All BS. She got pregnant, didn’t know who the dad was, and he vowed to out the affair if she didn’t.
Reason for the backstory is because my motivation was loneliness. That is how powerful it is for some people. I went through that entire nightmare of discovery and still didn’t want to be alone. I was a stupid 26 year old who thought he’d be single forever if I didn’t try to make it work. “Sometimes relationships take a hit and come back stronger!” lol.
She ended up leaving after a year. She “changed her ways” and I was a reminder of her mistakes. Nice.
Now I look back and think what a weak piece of shit I was. I’ve grown a LOT.
Horrible self esteem.
My mom stayed, tried to make it work, would have, but then dad left her to be with someone else. I still have to tell him to shut the fuck up when he starts talking shit about her. He’s wasting away while she lives her best life.
Cuz i was stupid and hopeless and a pathetic loser and he knew that i would stick to him so he did whatever he wanted
Not me but 3 separate friends:
1: they got cheated on but decided to stay in the relationship if they were allowed to have a ONS with a guy they found hot (which their partner agreed to).
2: she was about to get married and felt she had to, since they have kids together. They worked it out somehow and seem to be happily married now. Not sure about details.
3: they’d been cheating on their partner (found out when they were drunk once and told me a bit more than they maybe should have) so they thought it was fair.
3 again but another partner of theirs: the partner was abusive so they were too scared to leave.
My first wife, years ago, years ago, when I was like 19, was obviously cheating on me, while I was in jail, her Dad was the sheriff of the jail at the time, but she still came and put money on my books weekly and visited, .
That’s probably why, the money on the books.
I feel like only the insecure will stay. Or those who are dealing with an abusive narcissist. I’ve experienced it.
Not everyone want to throwaway years of stuff built with blood and tears. Sure if you’re emotionally too damagedby the treason, sure but peoples need to act with logic and weight whether or not leaving is worth it, purely mathematically speaking. Sometimes forgiving is just much less expensive
Didn’t want to share custody of my kids, especially when my Dh was showing such poor judgement.
All worked out anyway and I’m very glad I stayed. I realize this isn’t the right choice for many or maybe most people though.
There is a big difference between staying with somebody who was caught, and somebody who comes clean without being caught.
money
Old stockman I used to know once told me a horse that’s bolted once will bolt again. This is true in my experience
The dream of a family never to be.
Don’t think it was an affair as such but he cheated… I stayed for our daughter *(I know, don’t stay for the kids but we’re doing fine now)
I was married very young and came from an abusive home, so it was better than going back to my parents. Also, I didn’t have hard proof, and he vehemently denied anything was going on. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I never trusted him again. He became abusive plus cheated more, but this time I found condom wrappers in the couch so I had proof and I ended up escaping. I don’t regret staying after the first time, I was in a better place to take care of myself when I did finally leave. If I would have left earlier I would have always wondered if he was really a cheater or if I jumped the gun (and I would be back in a terrible home situation). This way I knew 100% he was a cheating, abusive asshole and I feel great about leaving.
Stupidity and I was manipulated massively by a narcissist. It was 8 years ago and back then I thought if we break up who’s going to want a single dad….. how wrong was I. Never in a million years would I stay now.
Initially, because I was still in love and you can’t just switch that off no matter how painful things can be from finding out she cheated. After a while, the pain dulled. She was putting more effort into our relationship to prove she was a keeper and that felt good but it wasn’t long before she started going out without me and staying back at work late, blah fucking blah blah and it happened again. Cheating is almost impossible to come back from
My ex-husband swore that it was only about sex, and my cancer meant that he was going to outlive me anyways. His girlfriend made him so happy, and I wanted him to have that after I was gone…
But he treated me like absolute shit as my cancer worsened, and as I had to retire.
I’m still alive, to the surprise of the research community, but now divorced. Should’ve done so much sooner.
My perception of who they was just didn’t allow for them to be viewed as a cheater, instead of admitting I was wrong I tried to believe I was right.
I was wrong.
Ruined so many days of my life with no trust
It was my first relationship. I was 19, stupid and believed people can change 🫡
I hoped things would change. I shouldn’t have
Because I loved her and thought I could have moved past what happened.
A month or two after the whole event, I realized that I would never be able to move past what happened and because of that, I realized I would never want to marry her. So I broke up with her.
Kids. I was afraid of upsetting the apple cart.
I don’t know if it was a wise choice or not but I’m miserable.
Because I was stupid af
I convinced myself that everone that said, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” were cynical reductionists and that my situation was different.
I underestimated the cruelty and selfishness that some people are capable of.
I didn’t understand the warning signs for different types and subtypes of Cluster B personality disorders.
Dick was too good
Wild insecurity and I was absolutely the weaker of the 2 women he was looking for. He said things I’d never been told and made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life. It actually helped my self esteem enough that I recovered and made something of myself. As soon as I put myself through school, got a job that received respect and started earning WAY more than him he was cheating on me with an echo of what I was.
I contacted her let her know he was cheating on her and that beautiful jewelry he bought her was actually gifts I PURCHASED FOR HIS DAUGHTERS which. I sent him to her pretty much gift wrapped at that point cuz she knew he was lying and was willing to accept it just to be with someone. I thank God I found the strength to not become that woman.
My mum had an affair when I was a young kid, my parents separated and dad moved out.
They decided to work it out and have been happily married for another 30 years since then.
My mum was young, in a foreign country and made a bad decision. But it never happened again and they have a happy marriage
because i was dumb and thought she really would change.
Revenge. That’s all it was. I wanted revenge.
She cheated, and pulled some sob story about wanting to stay together, so I went out that weekend and did the same, then many more times. And I wasn’t careful at all with who saw it. Eventually one of her friends reported it to her and we broke up.
Call it immature, but it went from the worst week of my life to the best month of life. Revenge feels fucking amazing and I still think back to the frantic call I got with her freaking out and my “fuck you bitch we are done” like the fondest of memories.
cheated for revenge of course, just like everyone else
its the old phrase “whats good for the goose is good for the gander”
for my daughter.
My friend wife cheated on him for 3 years . It was his friend and they did it almost every part of the house etc. she had a job where she needed to be on call so she could lie all time in the night saying work needs her. When he found out was on Christmas when she got drunk she talked a weird story about “ she was with xxx last night and they saw Santa got into an accident “ everyone laughed but she actually got serious pulled out her phone but it wasn’t her phone it was her second phone and showed that she took pics , as my friend scrolled through the photos he passed out. Seizures for the next few days , they had two young kids and it broke their hearts when they saw their parents arguing they decided to stay for the kids. Been about 6 years and they are actually still together. I asked him if he forgave her he said yes but he can never forget. Although he seemed happy , I can tell deep down he’s just waiting to end his life. As for her she’s definitely not okay mentally since everyone knew what happened that night. She’s embarrassed , loss weight and aged overnight. Still don’t know how it’s going to end but she ruined 3 people lives because I’m sure those kids will loose their dad at some point .
$$$
Didn’t necessarily stay but an ex girlfriend left me and instantly had a new boyfriend.
(one of those i need space for a few days things and broke up by changing her FB R status from me to another guy).
No hard proof but obviously cheated.
Well after a few years NC cross paths and after turning her down at first I take her back because I think she’s changed. Well only 3 weeks of being a couple she invites an ex over and bangs him while I’m at work. (Even admits they had sex “she was feeling hypersexual” lol).
Dumped her on the spot and she makes up false abuse claims about me.
I thought I was in love and that we deserved a second chance… ha big fat lie I told myself. He loved himself and I was delusional.
Poor self esteem
I already had a foot out the door, but I was just waiting it out.
I was in my final year of uni, and he was very manipulative. Not successfully, but would fake mental health episodes, show up at my accommodation and make a scene, blow my phone up, cause an unbelievable amount of drama. The fight about him sexting the coworker-he-told-me-not-to-worry-about turned into him verbally attacking me for not seeming upset enough that he did it, ‘proving’ he was right to do it and it was a romantic cry for help. Told him that if he really felt that neglected he should leave, but of course, he didn’t.
I was emotionally numb to it at that point but I figured I’d at least wait out the extra few months until uni finished so I could focus on exams, have a drama-free last few months in my college town, and I could go home and be away from the blow up.
I know people hear stories like this and ask ‘but why were you with him in the first place’, it was a relatively short relationship that was never meant to be more than casual dating, he just wormed his way in relatively quickly and, as noted previously, very difficult to cut off. Presented himself as a very chill, laid back guy when we started seeing eachother.
My dad had committed suicide about a year before and I just wasn’t ready to lose someone else that I loved. So I lost myself in the process of trying to keep him.
I am currently working on staying… although it’s difficult and may change my mind… He’s said it was one time, and is extremely remorseful and feeling shame / guilt, and has been willing to go to therapy. There is still a lot of good about him and the relationship.We’ve been together a long time, and I really feel he’s my person. Definitely issues on my part, too, around self-esteem, self-worth (worsened by his cheating), and fear that also add to staying. So far, it’s been hard, but ok. In recent weeks, things are feeling better overall until something triggers a memory of what he did. It’s a cycle.
I also think I’d have the same issues now and trouble trusting someone else if I were to leave, so that’s another reason I’ve stayed.
Read Esther Perel, the state of affairs. I think you have to separate after you find out, if you do then you can potentially decide to try again later, but staying together immediately after is a recipe for disaster. A great quote from the book is along the lines that a relationship always ends after an affair, but it is up to you if you want to try to start another one.
Because I’m an idiot. Spent 30 years so far regretting it.
I tried to make it work for the kids. Got cheated on again. Then another. Left me for the third (that I know of).
Dumb enough to believe it was somehow my fault.
For context, I did this about 2.5 years ago. We separated for three months, I moved out and dated other people, we both worked on ourselves in counselling and processed our feelings and what caused it. Then when we got back together, we continued to do individual and couples counselling for about 18 months. Our new relationship is so much better than before and I now see it as a pivotal moment for positive change our lives.
I stayed for the kids. She changed for the better, true transformation. I told my self I would stay till the kids graduated (7yr). The last kid graduated 2010. Glad I stayed another 15 years and still going.
Financial security. Folks are right: it was never the same. I stuck it out for 16 years then she got sick and died. I got the house and her pension and her social security.
Not me but my friend
He cheated on her on a drunk night out and came home and apologized right away. She forgave him, he never drank alcohol again. I don’t keep in contact much with her but based on social media they’re still together 5 years later and when this was going on/ they got back he let her have access to any and every app/text that he had and didn’t go out without her
bc I understood why he did it even though it didn’t make it right. I was a stay at home mom and incredibly depressed.. but was honestly stubborn about getting help even when he urged me to. I stopped cooking, the house was always a wreck, I was emotionally neglecting our three year old and I stopped having sex with him altogether and didn’t even make the effort to not act disgusted when he touched me and I was constantly mean to him when he honestly didn’t deserve it… this went on for months. I didn’t blame him for seeking someone else.
the timing was also weird bc it came from a gut feeling and I went through his phone and saw the phone records that the last time they spoke was two weeks prior and texts of him saying it was over and he wanted to fix things with his family. he also answered every question I had, even if some of the answers hurt my feelings… he said he wasn’t going to lie to my questions to spare my feelings when he is willing to do everything it takes to regain my trust and keep his wife and family. it’s been 8 months since the affair but he understands that I will always have moments of insecurity bc he betrayed my trust. and he knows that what he did to me I would’ve never done to him, so he does feel guilt over it. I’m also allowed to check his phone unprompted and I have his location. (I have BPD so I sometimes spiral when I’m feeling insecure, so he lets me have these things so my emotions don’t get the best of me, not because I don’t think he deserves privacy) last time I felt the need to check was month ago bc he came home almost an hour late from work and it triggered me.
Its a weird thing to say esp out loud but somehow him cheating opened up my eyes to my own relationship and somehow him cheating actually saved our relationship… It’s difficult to explain but the night I found out, we talked for over eight hours and opened up some hard conversations that we should’ve already had about things we’ve suppressed over the past few years. we still bicker every now and then… but our communication is way better, we go ahead and tackle issues/problems with eachother before they get worse and we try to find solutions for them together as a team. I also got on meds, we found a solution for daycare and I got a job to get me out of the house so I can feel like I am my own person outside of my family…
Just had a kid and wanted to provide a stable environment for that child.
Mistake.
Completely better that I left.
Ten years in to our marriage, she (30F, 31M) cheated. Stayed together for the kids. Seven years later caught her again. She wanted to stay married and have her fling also.
I said what was good for the goose was good for the gander. She said I didn’t have the balls! Three days days later I was banging some 28F. She got upset and cried! Separated and divorced. Best 260 pounds I lost!
I didn’t have anywhere to go. I did eventually leave once the time was right, but those few months where my ex was dating the other woman just openly and without shame, was hell on earth. I was so depressed.
Because she spined it around like it was my fault (I have severe child trauma) and knew how to control and manipulate me
And because she went thru my mother (my master manipulator) to get back to me. My mother gave her my new cell phone number without my consent. (My mother never knew about the cheating btw).
I was guilt trip and shamed by both of them.
Yeah, I knew what I had to do but too damn chicken to do anything about it (it’s a bit complex).
I was 24 tho with severe mental health issues. So like I used to do: I just took it and said nothing.
Low self esteem is a b!tch
I’ve been cheated on twice. Massively fcked me up. I still bear the emotional scars to this day. I wish I was one of those people that had it in me to be in an open relationship. Then it would all be out in the open…. But unfortunately I’m not wired that way
My wife cheated on me with several different men while at the worst point in her addiction to alcohol. I stayed with her after rehab for the kids, but mostly so we can get our debt paid off. Not sure what I’ll do after that.
At first, it was because I was trying to figure out if her two kids from previous relationships would weather another father figure failing them. Her son was in her divorced parents custody, and had come to live with us as his grandma just had a stroke. He lived with his grandpa for a short time, but once I heard that he called an Uber to take an 8yo to school, he came to live with us. If I left, that meant there was no more house. My wife & her daughter were living in Section 8 apartments when we met. He would end up back at Grandpa’s. Nope.
I still struggled with this. It would be bad to set myself on fire simply to shield these kids from the situation. She stopped taking her birth control without telling me. You can see where this goes…
If I had it all to do again, I would have left immediately. At this point, I’m not leaving any of my kids solely to the whims of a covert narcissist.
Fear. Insecurity. Abandonment issues. Thought it was better for the kids.
Long story short, I’m five years post D-day and four months into my separation, and happier than I’ve been for a long time.
Kids are good. We are co-parenting well. We will even be friends I think. And for the first time in decades, I feel attractive, comfortable, and confident.
No one can decide you’re ready to go but you, but I stayed too long. It’s okay on this side.
Fear. I have no hope and I would be homeless and I’m in my early 60s with a fatal illness (late stage COPD). It’s safer than the alternative. I stay for safety, not love.
I guess it’s a personal choice
I chose to stay and forgive him
There are many reasons to stay or leave everyone has a choice to do either or
Most people leave some decide to stay and have very strong reasons for either
Either way it takes a lot of strength
Mortgage
To all the ppl who stayed because of money issues, I get it.
I didn’t, initially, because she actually left to be with her AP. When the AP wouldn’t leave her husband, my ex completely flipped. She swore up and down that it was a huge mistake that she regretted immensely. She BEGGED me, tears streaming down her face, to give her another chance.
I didn’t, at first. I was certain that she was just doing it to not be lonely after her little fantasy fizzled out. I’d had my heart broken less than a month prior and wasn’t eager to do it again. My ex was adamant though. She realized the error of her ways, she’d be better, she loved me so much. I thought, maybe I’m just being vindictive by refusing her.
We got back together. Actually got married (at her insistence and after years of putting it off) a few months later. Roughly three months after that, she just walked out one night. Left me to deal with all the bills with zero notice. I genuinely don’t remember the next two years after that because my life was a complete whirlwind. It took years to finalize the divorce.
In short: I stayed because I was stupid enough to trust someone who’s already lied to me.
I didn’t get caught, so why would I not stay after having an affair? ^(/s)