I always “thought” I wanted kids. Always imagined being a 30 something year old dad, kids, wife, grandparents, house, etc.
But, as I approach 40, childless, and to be completely honest – more concerned about myself, looking after my free time, money, and health than ever before… I’m really starting to reconsider if I was ever really meant to have kids, or if I ever really wanted them to begin with.
I’d like to know from anyone who had similar ideals about having kids growing up, but made it to 40+ and was just like “you know what, I don’t even care or think about it anymore!”. Have you made peace with it and do you feel alight, or even relieved?
Starting to come around to the idea that it might just not happen, and I might just not care anymore.
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Up to maybe 5 or 10 years ago, I was on the fence about kids. Not really pushed either way. But after seeing both my sister’s having kids, and a lot more interaction with them when they were younger, I’m now considering a vasectomy. Heavily dislike the eating crying poop machines that kids up to 4 years old are.
I am also almost 40, and I have simply never felt a strong urge to have children. I guess when I was young I figured I’d probably have them one day… but I also figured I’d probably WANT them one day… which just never happened. My wife is on the same page, and we’re plenty fulfilled without them!
Never planning in having kids and been snipped for years , quite happy with the peaceful life I’ve been able to build because of it
I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum. I’ve always disliked kids and never wanted them. I hit 40 last year and all of the sudden I had this inexplicable feeling that I wanted to be a dad. Only now it too late for me and I can’t help but wish I had made different choices when I was younger. It’s made me a bit sad really.
I turned 40 without kids. I was very at peace with it. I did have a moment where I told my wife I wanted to get a good watch. I wanted a Hamilton, it came out of my town, Lancaster, PA, and has an interesting history along with a good reputation for reliability.
I said I wanted an heirloom watch, but when she asked me who I’d be leaving it to, I realized I wouldn’t. I decided to focus on enjoying the now a bit more. Lean into my hobbies and build a life of togetherness with my wife. We made our little nest and enjoyed it.
Well, a couple years later, we got a little surprise. It hasn’t been easy, and I can’t afford things like I used to, but I don’t regret it. I would have been happy either way, either way our without my little buddy. It’s all about the life you build yourself.
Never wanted the little bastards since I was in 2nd grade.
High School reaffirmed and sealed that vow to the Universe for all eternity.
…have you ever spent time around children? Interacting with them? Playing with them? It’s really a unique and enjoyable experience. It can take some learning, particularly for babies, due to where they are in development.
For example, my wife plays the “hat game” with our baby (but she assures me it works on all babies). Just talk to a baby, then put something on your head, or on his. He’ll find it to he the funniest thing in the world. You’re Loius C.K. to that baby.
I also like teaching older kids how to do stuff, like taking toys apart and putting them back together. They take to it really quick.
I wanted a family then gave up.
Yeah, 40 is too old to start. That ship has sailed.
36 and it’s never really been a huge desire or want for me and at this point I just can’t see it. Well mostly because I hate trying to meet someone but also I’ve done so many interesting things by myself now over the years I really don’t want to change that
I also had a little brother at 16 years old which was out of nowhere
Also in the last decade I saw my sister have 3 kids in 5 years so yeah that was kind of eye opening and not in a good way
If you still want to have sex ever, don’t do it.
A kid is like an Apple Watch, they interrupt you all the time and you didn’t think you NEEDED one but boy are you glad you got one! The iPhone is your spouse, most WANT a sexy smartphone.
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Quand’ero più giovane mi dicevano che i figli vanno fatti giovani e in effetti è vero, quando sei più giovane non ci pensi non ne senti la necessità di averne ma poi quando arrivano ti cambiano la vita( in meglio ovviamente) solo che col progredire dell’età si fa sempre più fatica ecco perché vanno fatti giovani, farli a 30 è un conto, mentre farli a 40 è tutta un’altra cosa, però mi rendo conto che oggi non è facile, in realtà non lo era nemmeno un tempo
45 and do not care. When I was younger I was open to it with the right woman, but that didn’t happen. I’d still be open to the idea, but at my age, the pool of the right woman is so small, let’s get real. It’s not happening.
Man I can’t fathom it. Were all supposed to have 4x the money. But the wars and elites taking a bigger chunk means we don’t. And I’m supposed to raise a kid? Fuck that
Most guys I know never wanted kids. They wanted to have sex with a woman and kids became of that as a way to try to connect to the woman. Maybe you had your eye on a woman you couldn’t get.
I love the idea of kids. But also I like my career, my sleep, my vacations.
My wife’s job is a ceo so that’s hard to balance as well.
Don’t do it if you aren’t certain. It’s a full time commitment. Help!
I’m 40 and it was never something I was interested in. I never saw parents and envied the life they lead. I became a bit of a fence sitter in my 30s after watching my sister become a mom but quickly realized that fence sitters shouldn’t have kids.
If I can’t 100 percent commit to parenthood in my mind, then becoming one would be a terrible idea in my opinion.
I’m grateful to have a girlfriend who agrees with my desire to stay child free.
Observing guys I know who have kids I’ve noticed the following.
The ones who’d clearly always wanted kids love being dads. It’s awesome for them and it makes me smile. Guys who were more on the fence or who just got pushed into it because of societal expectations though? Ooph, none of them seem particularly happy.
I never had a strong urge to have kids but did anyway because it was important to my wife. It’s really fucking hard. Don’t do it unless you are very sure.