Hi loving community! Long-time listener, posting again! (English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.)
Here’s the story:
I (38M), went to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve, small gathering, just family and a few friends. During the day, my 2yo nephew was being a typical toddler: he didn’t want to take a bath. Nothing serious.
After a couple of drinks, my dad told my sister (40) and her husband: “Just slap him firmly across the face and he’ll learn.” Something I’m strongly against and so is my sister. I told my sister loudly (on purpose) that if she ever wanted my nephew to grow up resenting her, sure, go ahead and do that.
My dad laughed sarcastically and said, “Like he’s gonna remember.”
Here’s Reason #1 why I might be the asshole:
I snapped back at him and said I still remember very clearly when I was six years old, and he threatened to slap me for something dumb I did.
I told him, right to his face, “If you touch me, I’ll report you to the police.” (It’s something we were taught during the first week of first grade at my school.)
My dad started mocking me, loud enough for everyone to hear: “Like a six-year-old could report anyone!”
I lost it and I shouted:
“It doesn’t matter! Do you realize how a 6yo must feel to look his own dad in the eyes and say something like that? Do you have any idea what that means about how he sees you?”
And then I left.
Now, Reason #2 why I might be the asshole:
My dad is an expert at avoiding conflict and will never admit he’s wrong. So… I never told him what actually triggered me.
Here is the background:
The day before, during another family gathering (yeah, pretty common in my family), my dad had, for the 50th time, made his “broken-condom” joke about me.
Pointing right at me, he said (again):
“Yep, he’s our broken condom! We didn’t want any more kids, but the condom broke, hahaha!”
Right in front of extended family and family friends, again. EVERYONE started laughing.
I’ve heard that same “joke” with different crowds for over 30 years. Every time, I either left the room, gave him a dirty look, or told him, “Not funny.” He never stopped.
So yeah, my anger wasn’t just about the slapping comment. It was everything.
After storming off, I found my mom in the kitchen. She asked what was wrong, and right as I was about to answer, my sister walked in too.
I unloaded on both of them about the slapping and the broken-condom jokes, remarking the latter is the main reason I lashed out.
At first, they kind of laughed off the broken-condom thing…until I snapped at them too, saying:
“You’ve been enabling this for years by laughing along. How would you feel if your dad kept telling everyone that you were an accident he didn’t want? How would that make you feel about being in this house?”
That shut them up real fast. They apologized immediately, and honestly, I could tell they finally got it.
Meanwhile, my dad? He acted like nothing ever happened, typical. I stayed polite but distant for about a month. Now, four months later, everything’s “back to normal”, but that bittersweet taste is still there.
Actually, just last night I realized I’m still carrying this hurt: I was casually watching a TV show, and someone used the term “broken-condom” as a joke, and it hit me like a punch in the gut. All those feelings came rushing back.
So…
AITA for blowing up at my dad on Christmas Eve, without telling him why, after he humiliated me for the 50th time?
P.S.
Any advice on how to handle it if it happens again, especially with someone who avoids any kind of real conversation, would be really appreciated.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hi loving community! Long-time listener, posting again! (English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.)
Here’s the story:
I (38M), went to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve, small gathering, just family and a few friends. During the day, my 2yo nephew was being a typical toddler: he didn’t want to take a bath. Nothing serious.
After a couple of drinks, my dad told my sister (40) and her husband: “Just slap him firmly across the face and he’ll learn.” Something I’m strongly against and so is my sister. I told my sister loudly (on purpose) that if she ever wanted my nephew to grow up resenting her, sure, go ahead and do that.
My dad laughed sarcastically and said, “Like he’s gonna remember.”
Here’s Reason #1 why I might be the asshole:
I snapped back at him and said I still remember very clearly when I was six years old, and he threatened to slap me for something dumb I did.
I told him, right to his face, “If you touch me, I’ll report you to the police.” (It’s something we were taught during the first week of first grade at my school.)
My dad started mocking me, loud enough for everyone to hear: “Like a six-year-old could report anyone!”
I lost it and I shouted:
“It doesn’t matter! Do you realize how a 6yo must feel to look his own dad in the eyes and say something like that? Do you have any idea what that means about how he sees you?”
And then I left.
Now, Reason #2 why I might be the asshole:
My dad is an expert at avoiding conflict and will never admit he’s wrong. So… I never told him what actually triggered me.
Here is the background:
The day before, during another family gathering (yeah, pretty common in my family), my dad had, for the 50th time, made his “broken-condom” joke about me.
Pointing right at me, he said (again):
“Yep, he’s our broken condom! We didn’t want any more kids, but the condom broke, hahaha!”
Right in front of extended family and family friends, again. EVERYONE started laughing.
I’ve heard that same “joke” with different crowds for over 30 years. Every time, I either left the room, gave him a dirty look, or told him, “Not funny.” He never stopped.
So yeah, my anger wasn’t just about the slapping comment. It was everything.
After storming off, I found my mom in the kitchen. She asked what was wrong, and right as I was about to answer, my sister walked in too.
I unloaded on both of them about the slapping and the broken-condom jokes, remarking the latter is the main reason I lashed out.
At first, they kind of laughed off the broken-condom thing…until I snapped at them too, saying:
“You’ve been enabling this for years by laughing along. How would you feel if your dad kept telling everyone that you were an accident he didn’t want? How would that make you feel about being in this house?”
That shut them up real fast. They apologized immediately, and honestly, I could tell they finally got it.
Meanwhile, my dad? He acted like nothing ever happened, typical. I stayed polite but distant for about a month. Now, four months later, everything’s “back to normal”, but that bittersweet taste is still there.
Actually, just last night I realized I’m still carrying this hurt: I was casually watching a TV show, and someone used the term “broken-condom” as a joke, and it hit me like a punch in the gut. All those feelings came rushing back.
So…
AITA for blowing up at my dad on Christmas Eve, without telling him why, after he humiliated me for the 50th time?
P.S.
Any advice on how to handle it if it happens again, especially with someone who avoids any kind of real conversation, would be really appreciated.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.