Hi all long time listener first time listener
So a little necessary back story. My boyfriend (29m and I (25f) have been dating for a couple of months. We’ve been friends for 4 years and both got out of our relationships around the same time and decided to explore the feelings we had for each other. It was a hectic first month tbh. First he lost his job which definitely took a toll on him. A couple of weeks after that his car broke down. A week after he got kicked out of his apartment. Throughout it all I was there to help out. Getting him to job interviews running him back and forth to his car to try to get it fixed and taking him to his apartment to get his stuff out. I didn’t do it because I wanted him to owe me or because I felt like I had to but because it’s something I would’ve done even if we had stayed friends I’m always the type to help people but have a hard time accepting help myself. So after a month he gets a new job, he gets a cheap car to use that just needs touched up and is able to find a place to stay. He told me numerous times how much he appreciates it and if I needed help in return not to hesitate.
Last week I was at work when I got a voicemail from my mom. My son had broken his leg at school and since they couldn’t get a hold of me ( warehouse job so I’m not allowed to have my phone on the floor). I was panicked and rushed over to meet them there. Luckily because of a previous break/surgery we didn’t have to stay too long and were able to go home within a day. I had already asked my boyfriend to help me with my brakes before this happened but since it happened I told him I wasn’t able to make it to his house to get it fixed. I asked if he would be able to come pick it up to fix it at his place then bring it back. I told him I know it’s asking a lot but I’d pay for his gas. Or if he had plans we could figure something out a different day. He lives about 20 minutes away. He seemed really hesitant about it and just said he’d talk to his brother and the call was over. Now he’s not answering me and it’s bothering me a little. I had no problem helping him out going back and forth out of my way to make sure he could get his ducks in a row and now he’s seems hesitant to help me out. I’m the other hand I already hate having to ask people for help so the fact he seems a little upset makes me feel like an asshole for asking. So am I the asshole?
Edit to add he has stayed over a couple of times and helped with things around my apartment that I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted. He also helped me get my youngest back to sleep in the middle of the night when I was struggling with it. It’s not like he hasn’t been helpful at all it’s just this instance felt off
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi all long time listener first time listener
So a little necessary back story. My boyfriend (29m and I (25f) have been dating for a couple of months. We’ve been friends for 4 years and both got out of our relationships around the same time and decided to explore the feelings we had for each other. It was a hectic first month tbh. First he lost his job which definitely took a toll on him. A couple of weeks after that his car broke down. A week after he got kicked out of his apartment. Throughout it all I was there to help out. Getting him to job interviews running him back and forth to his car to try to get it fixed and taking him to his apartment to get his stuff out. I didn’t do it because I wanted him to owe me or because I felt like I had to but because it’s something I would’ve done even if we had stayed friends I’m always the type to help people but have a hard time accepting help myself. So after a month he gets a new job, he gets a cheap car to use that just needs touched up and is able to find a place to stay. He told me numerous times how much he appreciates it and if I needed help in return not to hesitate.
Last week I was at work when I got a voicemail from my mom. My son had broken his leg at school and since they couldn’t get a hold of me ( warehouse job so I’m not allowed to have my phone on the floor). I was panicked and rushed over to meet them there. Luckily because of a previous break/surgery we didn’t have to stay too long and were able to go home within a day. I had already asked my boyfriend to help me with my brakes before this happened but since it happened I told him I wasn’t able to make it to his house to get it fixed. I asked if he would be able to come pick it up to fix it at his place then bring it back. I told him I know it’s asking a lot but I’d pay for his gas. Or if he had plans we could figure something out a different day. He lives about 20 minutes away. He seemed really hesitant about it and just said he’d talk to his brother and the call was over. Now he’s not answering me and it’s bothering me a little. I had no problem helping him out going back and forth out of my way to make sure he could get his ducks in a row and now he’s seems hesitant to help me out. I’m the other hand I already hate having to ask people for help so the fact he seems a little upset makes me feel like an asshole for asking. So am I the asshole?
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Typical man.
He sounds really lazy…. Are you willing to sign up for that?
Ohhhh sweetie…. find a new bf. He used you and has no plans to help you out. And if he does this… he’s not going to be there for you in the future. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Unfortunately you have a very selfish bf who can’t be counted on. You have to choose whether you want a bf or another dependent
You can do better. Hes Not the one.
Typical toxic male traits. Leave him.
He sounds like a keeper
/s
Idk girl. I wouldn’t ever want to be with someone like this because I WAS with someone like this. I was so kind, went out of my way to care for him and make him comfortable, took care of him through hard times, helped his family out during an emergency…….
And then I had to have wrist surgery. I have a huge fear of surgery which he knew. Even making the appointment, I was sobbing. In this surgery, I’d be awake and not sedated, just numbed which is a nightmare for me. I asked him to come to the hospital with me. He whined and complained that he’d have to take PTO but eventually took me.
When I got out of surgery, I walked out and he was on the phone with his real estate agent (nothing urgent). I came up to him and gave him a hug and started SOBBING. He put one arm around me and kept talking on the phone without addressing me. He stayed on the phone as we walked to the car and halfway home. Didn’t think to open my door or help with my seatbelt. When we got home and I had to use the bathroom, I needed him to help me pull my pants off. He groaned and asked if I really needed help since it was “barely even surgery.” I said yes, I can’t even move my fingers and can’t get my pants off with one hand. He sighed and grumbled about it but came to help me and quickly left. I was too annoyed to ask for his help getting my pants up so I struggled and eventually did it alone.
This is not the kind of person you want to be with long term. You should be with someone who not only wants to help you, especially when your child is injured, but someone who goes above and beyond and does things to take stress off your plate.
This man sounds like a selfish loser, as was my ex. It never seems that bad when you’re actually in it, but think about it this way. In five years, let’s say you’re broken up. Are you going to look back at this moment and think “Damn, why did I put up with that shit, I should have left him then”? Because I think you will.
You can do better. You step up for him and he fails to do so for you. Put your energy into your life with your child. Stay single for a while; don’t just date the first guy at hand. Not answering calls within a reasonable time should be a deal-breaker.