So I’m only 22, but I’ve never had a long term relationship (lasting over a year) because I’ve seen red flags during the 3-4 month stage and I ended things. I’ve only had two short term relationships for that reason. I’m not expecting a fairytale but in a long term partner I would want a man who’s kind, honest, courteous, has a job, votes blue (I live in the u.s and the Republican Party doesn’t align with my values so we would be incompatible) likes to try new things, consistent with communication and effort. Even though I’m taller for a woman (5’9) I don’t care about height. Race I could care less.
I would also want a partner that I could laugh with sometimes and be goofy! I remember when I was seeing this guy and I had red lip stick on. We kissed and I chuckled a little bc my lipstick was smeared on both of our faces. He got insecure and offended. That made me realize I want someone I can be playful with and laugh sometimes. When I tell people this they tell me that I’m expecting to much from men my age . I honestly don’t think so bc my standards are standards that most people should possess. Like be a good person and make me laugh is too high 😳…
Comments
If you could care less, then care less.
Otherwise, I’m with you. It is better to do without than to settle for less. If you already don’t like them when they’re showing their best face, then it’s just going to be downhill from there.
I would rather be single than with someone who isn’t what I want. I don’t want to waste my life wondering if I could have been happier. At least if I’m alone there isn’t someone living in my house making me miserable.
Knowing this at 22 puts you soooo far ahead of a lot of other women (who don’t understand this until their 30s or never) keep having high standards it will save you from a lot of pain.
No such thing as “Too high standards”. What you should expect of a partner is entirely for you to decide. If you can’t find anyone that’s better than being alone: Be alone.
A partner’s presence should be better than their absence. That is the lowest a standard should ever get.
Ok. Look it. How people respond to your standards – as long as you aren’t being a jerk about it – has nothing to do with your standards, and everything to do with their self image. It’s projection, pure and simple. They feel judged, either for failing to meet your standards (they think) or for failing to uphold those standards for themselves.
And, hey, give them some grace, especially if they are someone you value. Their hurt may be self-inflicted, but it’s still hurt. Build them up a little, let them know you think well of them.
But don’t lower your standards. Compromise if it suits you (e.g. he’s not ambitious like you want but he is kind and funny). Know what your shooting for and don’t apologize for it.
I felt very similar when I was 22. I never had a serious relationship until I was 24 because I couldn’t find anyone worthy of dating. A lot of talking stage, very minimal progression due to something that would pop up I’d just walk away from. I got told many times, by men and women, I was too picky and had too high expectations. I wasn’t expecting anything I wasn’t also bringing to the table. I wasn’t going to sell myself short.
I’m now married to a wonderful man. He’s not perfect, but neither am I. He puts me first always, I’ve been told so many times from people who see us interact how lucky I am. I don’t feel lucky, I feel like this is how all relationships should be and I wouldn’t be in one if it wasn’t like this.
just know men develop mentally slower than women.
You are in a great place with this truly. 3-4 months is plenty of time to determine what you need to know
I’ve been married 32 years; we laugh all day, still. I can’t imagine trying to live with someone who wasn’t smart, kind, politically conscious and has a good sense of humor.
Honestly, these people aren’t rare at all; everyone I know is like that. You just have to get in with the right kind of people who also hunger to be around the right kind of people (your kind).