This might be a weird question, but how did you learn to stop hating yourself, seeing yourself in the mirror and not feeling disgusted or thinking about your life and knowing you have to live as yourself and not feeling miserable. If anyone else has had this problem, how did you deal with it?
How did you learn to stop hating yourself?
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Stoicism gave me the push I needed. I wouldn’t describe myself as a stoic but, reading, listening, learning and implementing it into my life has shifted my frame of mind, perspective and how I approach life in a very positive way.
Exercise, proper diet and full nights of restful sleep give me a body that I’ve earned through hard work and discipline. I’m so proud of myself, I can’t hate it.
I grew up Roman Catholic but didn’t enjoy it as a religion. I now am on a spiritual path that I feel aligns with my soul.
In summary I stopped hating myself and life itself by taking care of my mind, body and spirit.
Well, after multiple years of hating myself l left my island to study abroad to foreigner country (1st time living alone)
Then l quickly learned how most people simply didn’t give a shit about you.
I understood then that lm the only person who can love myself in this world, it’s simply worthless to be mean and feel hated to yourself
I started doing things I could be proud of. Like educate myself, help and support others, do things that are better for my (mental) health.
I think that if someone doesn’t ever look in the mirror with a sense of disgust, then they’re delusional. Everyone makes decisions that affect others negatively (whether it’s deliberate, the choice between 2 bad options, or something seemingly innocuous that turned out to be bad for someone else) reflecting on those with a dose of self-loathing rather normal.
So, maybe don’t seek to end the behavior as much as bring it into balance. Chances are a professional therapist is how you do that. Based on your description, there could be 1000 different reasons you experience self-hate and strangers on the internet aren’t good at supporting people who need support.
I will never stop hating myself.
It was little by little… not some big magical moment.
It started with treating myself like I would treat a friend, catching those awful thoughts and asking, “Would I ever say that to someone I love?” Over time, being a little kinder in small ways (even just saying “meh, good enough” instead of tearing myself apart) made it easier to exist as me.
I haven’t learned it, if anything it grew
Start respecting urself
So it’s realising you are human and nobody is perfect. Forgive yourself for wrongs. Take time to understand you have probably done certain things in your life for a reason.
It’s a gentle balance of being honest with yourself about areas you would like to improve (and make a plan if you need to, on steps you will take in your journey forward).
Mostly, it’s about being kind and compassionate to yourself because that is the environment in which you allow yourself to move forward and grow.
If you are insistent on constantly beating yourself up and tearing yourself down, you will stay stuck exactly where you are and nothing will change.
So choose to begin. With little things and breaking things down into smaller steps. Because every passing moment, is another opportunity to turn it all around… to identify one of those moment and then cease it. Just begin… because once you have begun… momentum carries you forward. 🫂🙏🏻
I started to be the person I wanted to be. Also having unconditional love of some people helped me see that I did deserved love even if I thought I was shit. I read a lot of philosophy, existentialism (Jean-Paul Sartre), absurdism (Albert Camus) and some stoicism helped a lot to change my view on the world. Spinoza is pretty good to to see that you just doing your best in every circumstance,and accepting what you did and stuff
Listening to Whitney Houston’s the greatest love…
What do you hate about yourself?
I realized the reasons behind my self hatred. Some were illogical when put under a microscope, so I figured, well what’s the point in that? Tf? Wasted energy on this nonsense? Absolutely not.
I stopped caring about it because I stopped validating it.
The ones that made sense I started slowly changing. I’m pretty happy with myself as a person and I trust myself but it took becoming keenly aware of my flaws. I used to be really abrasive, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, I was pissy and irritable all the time. Some of that can be attributed to chronic physical pain and the things that accompany that like poor sleep but I stopped using that as an excuse and acknowledged that a lot of it was also a lack of interest for me to better myself or to consider other people around me. If I was wronged I would never dream of forgiving someone. I held a grudge like nobody’s business.
Now I have a much healthier approach. I consider how people hear what I’m saying. I tell the truth as much as I possibly can and I do so with kindness.
It didn’t really change my personality, it just made me more digestible and worthy of respect and courtesy, including from myself.
I’m still kind of abrasive and not fun to argue with but I’m much more likely to listen, apologize, forgive and/or move on, I still tell people what I think and I tell the truth but I do it in a way that’s helpful and my tone is calm as opposed to harsh and critical and I’ve stopped giving unsolicited advice in the same manner I did before.
A couple of years ago I met with some old friends I hadn’t talked to in 5-6 years before then and they said it was like talking to a different person. That I used to be “big mean”.
Essentially, in the process of bettering myself I started liking myself more. It’s still improving as I’m now working on family relationships that I haven’t engaged in for the better part of 10 years and it’s actually going well. I’ve started learning a craft and that helps too.
Person I loved and trusted the most (my best friend) started hating me. Like always, I believed him and I succumbed to the emotions, attempted to kms, failed, had to start defending myself from his emotional attacks until I finally decided to burn that bridge.
Defending myself from hate continued… but this time against the voice in my head.
This is what therapists do for a living. Therapy.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It works. I learned it through a combination of self study, individual and group counselling.
Counselling – person centred and self empathy, compassion and acceptance. Regulation of emotions, breaking down conditions of worth and restoring my locus of evaluation from external back inside myself. Restoring one’s actualising tendency and self concept. Quitting vices and shit habits, being healthy emotionally, physically and psychologically, meaningful work and relationships.
By being ok with my flaws.
By taking good care of myself. I already started hating myself less by putting in the effort, even before I got some of the results I wanted. I also started being less harsh on myself, which for me also means that I’m taking good care of myself.
Never start
To be honest, I am getting better at it.
It took me medication for my depression and anxiety and realizing that it’s never helpful to compare myself to others. I also forced myself to practice saying one nice thing to myself at least twice a week.
I haven’t and probably never will.
I didn’t.
Did you?
How?
I admitted what I hated about me and did everything to change it. The answer is so simple except some people don’t like to admit that they have faults so they never change and just complain.
If you don’t like your life, the simplest solution is to change it. You don’t like your body, go to the gym. You’re poor with money management, save and stop spending. You can’t stop drinking alcohol, get help or develop insane discipline and stop drinking.
You already know what’s wrong with you based on the fact that you hate yourself. The hard part is done. Now do the opposite.
Occam’s Razor, the simplest solution is always the best.
Good luck.
I couldnt fight a crowed by myself. Personal story broke publicly how about my life? The census was they agree, so I started to believe that maybe I wasn’t so bad after all
Exercise and sun. Don’t get out there with a goal to look better, just do it. Your attitude will change without you realizing at first but it will change.
I didn’t,it can be a good thing
By learning who I am and what I really wanted. And then doing things that aligned with that person that I wanted to be instead of being easily tempted into doing things that don’t make me better or happy
It is a thing I also asked myself. I moved away to live abroad and was doing good. Was pressured to return home and got the same result as always. I wonder how I could be so stupid again…… ???
Still learning. Good days and bad days.
Just faked it until I started to believe it
Still hate myself