I’m 18 (F) and just got back home after finishing my first year of university – my first year finally having my own room and privacy.
Growing up, especially after my parents’ divorce, my mom would always make me sleep with her. I never really had my own space at home. It’s not because of money she makes over $150k a year, it’s just how things have always been. Meanwhile, my brother has always had his own room without any issue.
At one point, I even tried to buy a mattress so I could set up a space for myself in the basement, but she returned it. Anytime I try to sleep on the couch instead of in her bed, she eventually wakes me up and pushes me to come sleep with her.
Last night was my first night back home and it was awful. I fell asleep on the couch around 3 AM because I didn’t want to sleep with her. Around 3:30 AM, she woke me up (I don’t even remember what she said) and then went to wash dishes. I went to the bathroom, nearly fell asleep sitting on the toilet, and even put the seat down just to rest because I was so exhausted.
After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I tried to lay back down on the couch around 5 AM, but my mom called me upstairs, jokingly saying, “Come upstairs or I’ll beat you up.” (For context, I’m much taller than her, so she couldn’t actually hurt me, it was just a really strange comment.)
I gave in because I was exhausted and she said she couldn’t sleep. When I got into her bed, she immediately started cuddling me. At some points I was both the little spoon and the big spoon. I tried to use the blanket to separate us a bit but she pushed it away and big spooned me and was right up against me and when she hugged me she brushed her hand against my boobs. I have never felt more grossed out sleeping beside her than I did tonight. I couldn’t fall asleep at all, just laid there frozen, but she passed out quickly.
Now it’s 6:30 AM, she’s getting ready for work, and I’m sitting on the couch with a coffee she made for me, just feeling exhausted and weirded out.
I don’t know why she still does this. She acts like it’s normal and jokes about it. I used to feel fine about this before going to university, but im now starting to feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I’m regressing every time I come home.
I hope I don’t come across selfish or entitled, but this just made me a bit uncomfortable.
To answer some common questions
I’m white.
What’s my relationship with her: It almost feels like she has two personalities – she can switch from being loving to full of rage, and certain topics can trigger it. She has no friends; she just works and takes bike rides. Growing up, she used me as a therapist, never showed much interest in my life, and always seemed to hate people. She’s very insecure about her body and has a strong hatred toward men. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her, and like I was the parent in the relationship. We’ve been doing this sleeping shit since I was a kid, and she never slept with my dad when they were married (my dad actually locked the door at night to his bedroom)
I don’t hate her, but I don’t love her either. At university, l avoid the rare text messages she sends, because they’re always either her asking for advice or ranting about work.
Comments
No not what I heard atleast
Your mom sounds like she has some attachment issues that she never really worked out, luckily for you though, you are allowed to say “no” and set a boundary for yourself. Maybe you should try sitting your mom down and explaining to her how you feel.
The worst that can happen is she disrespects your boundary but then you have clarity, you can ask yourself “am I okay with this?” and from here you can make a decision on how to handle it.
She must be afraid of sleeping alone.
I think it’s more “I’m 18 and don’t know how to say no to my mom” and I say that in the nicest way possible. hopefully you can fix this so it doesn’t manifest itself later with a partner or spouse
No, not at all.
This is so not normal. Stop going home. And try get some therapy.
If people do not have money and space for bed or kid have anxiety, it can fine to sleep in the same bed with you parent into teenagers. With own blankets. That is from necessity or to help the child. What your mom does feels like abuse and putting her own needs above yours.
On the one hand, moms sometimes act like they own you despite not being a child anymore. You are 18, youre a grown ass adult.
On the other, it might be a subconscious thing, she might be afraid to lose you and is going overboard on the affection even if it means nothing beyond parental affection. The best thing you can do is sit her down, have a heart to heart and tell her how you feel about it. It might suck if she gets defensive but if you dont want to do something, you are entirely within your right to say no.
Edit: I did feel my skin crawl reading all it but it is mostly coming from my own family dynamic of me only physically giving affection to my family through hugs, not a touchy feely person so I need my space.
This does not feel like a physically and emotionally safe space for you. How old is your brother? Does he agree with you that this is strange? Do you have any other family members you could stay with during holidays? I agree with others that you have to set a boundary. You’ve tasted freedom and you deserve to be comfortable, especially in your own home. Your mom definitely needs therapy, but that’s not your job to make her go. You can tell her that you feel more comfortable sleeping alone and you don’t want to come home until you have your own room (are the basement and the couch the only options for you?) She may guilt trip you but you have to stand firm. Is this the only bad pattern she has or are there other off putting things she does towards you or your brother?
What is the dynamic between your brother and your mother? Is he still at home while you were at university? Your relationship with your mother is unhealthy. Avoid going home, leave.
This is absolutely not normal and kind of creepy and at the very least incredibly disrespectful.
This does not sound ok. Please look up the term “enmeshment”. Please also read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson. I recommend speaking to a therapist as well, if possible. Many have a sliding scale where you can pay what you can afford, or your university may have a program that will help.
>What’s my relationship with her: She almost feels like she has two personalities – she can switch from being loving to full of rage, and certain topics can trigger it.
Has she been tested for a personality disorder?
>Growing up, she used me as a therapist. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her and like I was the parent in the relationship.
I’ve experienced that as well
>We’ve been doing this sleeping shit since I was a kid, and she never slept with my dad when they were married (my dad actually locked the door at night to his bedroom)
Ask your dad why he did that, seriously this is not normal.
This sounds like a mother daughter relationship in which you were parentified from a young age. That is, instead of being your emotional solid ground to stand on, your mom was trying to lean on you even when you were a child.
I’m not going to judge sleeping arrangements as there’s a huge range of normal in this world, and many single mothers i know do sleep with their children a long time, or families have “the family bed.”
More concerning is that this seems to be for your mother’s sake rather than whole family wellness or the sake of the child. That you felt she talked to you as if you were her therapist from a young age is especially inappropriate. That you don’t want to share a bed anymore is perfectly normal and I hope you learn how to say “no.”
You might get a lot out of reading the work of Terry Real. He mostly writes about romantic relationships, but parent-child relations are woven throughout as we learn how to be in relationship from our parents.
Nope 👎🏾
This should be in /r/no
I have no advice but to say this is not normal/healthy, and I could never go back home after this until some questions are directly asked and answered.
The healthy thing to do here is explain that you are confused and have her explain why she insists on this.
I am 17M and still sleep with my mom because only have one room
This isn’t healthy. Based on what you described, your mom checked off all the boxes for clinical depression with attachment issues.
I highly advise seeking out a therapist. Start with a consult… get information and advises on how to move forward.
start setting firm and strong boundaries and do not waver EVER.
i’m 31 now and wish I stood up for myself before her brain started to go;
my mom and i had a similar relationship- down to the brother and everything- difference? my parents are still together 🙃
you are not to be her surrogate partner, you should not be coddling her emotional needs you are her CHILD and you need to take care of you because she won’t. and that is not your fault at all, these types of parents find it easier to see their children as extensions of themselves instead of real people with internal lives.
she has trauma she has issues that she needs to deal with with FELLOW ADULTS and REAL PROFESSIONALS not her kid who is supposed to be cared for by their parent.
besides; WHY isnt she engaging with people her own age? its because its easier to take advantage of someone younger- especially someone who’s emotionally vulnerable to you
To answer your question, none of her behavior seems normal to me. Her insistence on you sleeping with her, the cuddling, the waking up in the middle of the night to have you sleep with her – all of it is not normal. The boob touching is weird but perhaps it was an accident.
In any case, you can set boundaries and explain to her why you are no longer willing to sleep in the same bed with her. She may get emotional over your discussion but that’s her issue that she’ll need to sort through.
Most importantly, don’t let your mom gaslight you into thinking you’re doing something wrong, you aren’t.
this sounds like emotional enmeshment
/r/raisedbynarcissists
No
Sounds like Jennette Mccurdy’s “I’m glad my mom died” book
Check out r/emotionalneglect and r/estrangedadultkids
Also move out asap.
hey, i just wanna say straight up, you are not crazy for feeling weirded out by this. this is not normal. this is not healthy. you are picking up on something real.
your mom is treating you more like an emotional support partner than her daughter. it is not about money, it is not about love, it is about her trying to plug a hole in her own soul by controlling you. that is not your job. it never was.
the fact that she forces you into her bed, sabotages your attempts to sleep elsewhere, jokes about beating you up at 5 am, and has this unstable emotional vibe around you, it all points to deep emotional enmeshment. she is blurring boundaries because she never healed her own loneliness and resentment. she is trying to unclog her own broken toilet by jamming you into it.
it is super telling you said you feel like you are regressing when you come home. that is what happens when you are trapped in a place that demands you suppress your own needs to protect someone else’s emotions. it will kill your growth if you stay stuck in that. you already know it. you can feel it.
you are not selfish for wanting your own space. you are not cruel for feeling disgusted. you are not wrong for wanting to sit on your own clean toilet seat without somebody dragging you back into their mess.
you deserve privacy. you deserve independence. you deserve to build a life where your soul gets to be sovereign, where you are not flushing someone else’s pain down your own bowl every time you try to breathe.
if your mom refuses to respect your space, it is okay to go low contact. it is okay to set hard lines. you do not have to explain it. you do not have to feel guilty. you are not abandoning her. you are choosing yourself.
sending you strength. you are not broken. you are flushing the old. stay clear. stay strong.
If your dad isn’t a bad guy from your own perspective not hers, speak to him and see if he will provide more insight in on it? The locking his door part seems odd like he was afraid of her, worth finding out why.
Get her to watch the Goldbergs
Sounds like that episode of SVU where liv notices the mother and daughters apartment only has 1 bedroom
Your mom for sure needs to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Something is off.
My daughter is 11. After my separation, she slept in my bed often – her choice. She’s slowly starting to sleep in her own bed (in her own room) again and I could cry tears of joy to have my own space back. Even when she does sleep with me, she has her own blanket and I have mine.
After my parents divorce, my brother slept with my mom well into his teens – his choice.
When your child seeks it out, that’s fine. And there were nights shortly after my ex moved out that I did find it comforting when she would hold my hand, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for and adult to force their child to do this or to ever force physical intimacy with their child – I don’t even let my relatives force my daughter to hug them.
This doesn’t sound like a healthy parent-child relationship.
This is abusive behavior. Even if there’s no violence or open agrression. She’s controlling you, and it’s negatively impacting your life. There’s clearly boundary issues here if she’s not even letting you sleep or have your own space at all.
Do you have control of your own finances and identifying documents? This is the first step to getting free. Create an escape plan, then set some clear and firm boundaries. It’s okay to cut even your own mother out of your life if she can’t respect those boundaries.
You need to take care of yourself first. You can try to get your mom help or help your brother get away from her once you’ve stabilized your own life. But you need to do that first.
This sounds like a pretty clear case of emotional incest bordering of crossing the line to slight physical incest. She is using you, her kid, in lieu of a romantic partner. Enmeshment also fits here. Look into getting counseling about this and read about the experiences of others who have gone through this. Try to find a way to safely exit the situation without compromising your education and so on.
The fact you describe it as “makes me” points to it being against your own wishes…
Hoping you get your own space and sending good vibes !!
You got to be firm with her. No is no. Tell her you’re not comfortable with it and she needs to respect your boundaries.
Sorry to hear your situation.
Try getting a summer job that provides housing for the employees.
At Disney, they include housing for their employees. They might even help pay for some of your tuition.
If you like cruise ships, try getting a job as one of the staff on one of them.
If you like airplanes and hotels, you’d love being a flight attendant. That’s more of a career job than a summer job though.
No this is not normal
OP this is in no way healthy or normal. It’s not within even the fringes of normal behavior in our society.
Your mom is struggling with mental illness. I’m going to say it again to make sure it’s getting through:
Your mom is struggling with mental illness.
This doesn’t make her a bad / evil person, but just like if someone had a heart condition or diabetes, they’d go to the doctor to seek care.
Your mom needs to seek care.
Hopefully this isn’t your burden to take on alone. Perhaps you can have an adult conversation with your brother. Maybe there’s someone in your circle that you trust that has some more life experience and can give you some guidance.
I’m going to guess that you trying to confront your mom directly with this would not go well at all. That’s why you should get some support.
Additionally, you can’t force her to take help. So you may need to walk away from this situation. And it’s ok if you decide to do that. It’s not your fault. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Sometimes you can’t save a drowning person. Most importantly, look out for your own mental health and take care of yourself first. You can’t help her if you’re broken too.
That Title though.
Thats not normal, i only know that far.
Wtf
Tell her no and to leave you alone.
Find a different place to live as soon as possible.
She’s a pervert with mental issues and none of it should be your problem.
She is sick
I know sometimes people co sleep with babies for the first year. So whatever but if that’s the case, hasn’t been normal for 17 years.
Move out stat!
Nope this is weird
She’s using you to replace your father
This is incredibly disturbing to be honest. She should not be using your body for her need of intimacy. That is perverse..
You’re an adult. You get to set your own boundaries. It’s possible it’s innocent. It’s possible it’s every bit as perverse as it seems. The only thing you know for sure right now is that it makes you extremely uncomfortable. So if your question is “do I need to put up with this extremely uncomfortable feeling for the sake of appeasing my mom” the answer is no. You don’t have to. You need to decide if this is something you can tolerate.
To establish your boundaries you simply refuse, and then tell her why. That’s all you owe her. If she really does love you, she’ll accept your boundaries. This is a good test to see if her love for you is sincere or just a manipulative mask.
Is it normal for a parent to spoon their adult child? No. No it is not.
No it’s not normal and yes, you need to put your foot down and hurt her feelings about it to get the point across that it’s absolutely not fucking normal.
Not normal. She has attachment issues. You need to find somewhere else to live and only visit for holidays and birthdays. Meet with her for coffee or lunch from time to time, but put great distance between you two. Also be prepared for her to do some crazy things when you get into a serious relationship. She will do everything in her power to keep you apart from that person. She needs some mental help to cope with her attachment issues.
No, this is neither okay or normal. I don’t think we have enough info to be diagnosing, but there is something not okay going on with her
Nah
This is not normal and does not sound healthy for either of you.
Like I grew up poor and have slept in the same bed as my (individual) parents because that was all we could afford. None of what you described ever occurred. As I grew up I eventually got a bed of my own an dmy own room. It was something my parents made as a goal.
No.
What do you think? Respectfully
Sounds like borderline personality disorder.
No that’s not normal whatsoever. Don’t say this directly to her obviously because of her anger issues, but you should know there are hotlines out there. Maybe speak with her about it, face to face, say you don’t feel comfortable, and update afterwards?
when you said you felt as if you were walking on eggshells, it reminds me of a book i’m reading about people with borderline personality disorder and/or narcissistic personality disorder. it’s by paul t. mason and randi kreger if you’re interested. i also recommend googling emotional incest
good luck op. i know that feeling all too well. healing from it (through therapy) is a long and arduous process but very worth it 💜
no
I think you know it isn’t
No
No
It doesn’t have to be explicitly sexual or anything to be emotional incest. At least that’s what came to my mind. Emotional incest + parentification often go hand in hand
Don’t become a victim and don’t hold victim mentality, if you’re over it, just bail and do your life your way. Close the chapter and move on, this read book and go to theory thing will send into a dark spiral believe you’re the victim and ruin your ability to grow in the world. Wanna read a book, dude The hobbit, sweet book. Then head to the gym, go play pickleball and sleep in your own bed. Becoming a victim is a choice if you’re aware of your circumstances. I’ve got no financial incentive but a therapist does…
/r/enmeshmenttrauma
No, it’s not normal. No wonder your parents divorced.
no this is really weird and uncomfortable behavior on her behalf
Definitely not this is very strange
No this is just weird and what’s more weird is that you have to ask reddit for advice on this 🤔
Sounds like some bpd symptoms, enmeshment, codependency, and a plethora of other unhealthy and unusual things. Also, sounds like she may have been victimized at one point or more in her life. Perhaps she is dealing with a slew of things herself.
You deserve space and to not raise your parent. It makes sense you feel like you’re regressing. Since you’re uncomfortable about sleeping with your adult mother, as an adult yourself (totally reasonable) then you deserve to stand up for yourself and maybe not return home if it’s negatively affecting you.
I hope you find the freedom, independence, and comfort you deserve!
This is not okay
heeey so the “personality disorder” thing is kind of valid, but please know a personality disorder does NOT automatically result in this sort of thing. would it make it worse? yeah, absolutely. either way, having that information doesn’t help your situation.
this is not normal. most people i know only slept in their parents beds from ages 3-7 and even then, not most nights. it is NOT okay that she is having physical contact with you in any of these ways IF YOU DON’T WANT IT. it doesn’t matter that you’re her child. you are your own person. you can be grateful for her and all she’s done for you, and still be your own person with your own boundaries.
i don’t have a solution because you are so young and also have an attachment to your mom still, but i implore you to keep asserting your boundaries and refuse to let her make you continue to do this. it’s not okay. i’m sorry she’s violating you (it doesn’t have to be physical violence to be violating). if you can, get out. honestly. if you can’t, either keep asserting your boundaries or please start planning to leave.
sending you soooooooo much love lil sis. you deserve your space and peace.
This is not normal. This has multiple signs of emotional incest. Emotional incest by itself doesn’t have to do with sex – it happens when a parent uses a child for emotional support that would normally be provided by another adult (there is also an actual incest angle in that she grabs your boobs while sleeping. In this case I think it’s called covert incest). Emotional incest is also a form of enmeshment, which is when the child is denied their own individuality and having their own boundaries.
The thing about emotional incest and enmeshment is that this is done solely to fulfill the needs and desires of the abusive parent, never to fulfill a need of the child.
You really, really need a therapist. Can you find one in campus? Being in therapy will help you assert your own boundaries.
Also: you need to talk with her and be firm that you WILL NOT sleep with her anymore and that she CAN NOT force you. That you WILL NOT cuddle with her and she shouldn’t touch your boobs anymore. You did great by sleeping in the couch, you just need to press this issue further.
No? I can understand she might want reassurance, but your comfort levels matter too. At least sleeping in different rooms under one roof is better than on the same bed, everyone wants and needs their own alone time at times.
No. I think it’s fine to nap or scratch heads etc and talk but not full on sleep all the time.
You’re likely her reason and only source of external connection which isn’t healthy. Even in multigenerational homes outside of US culture, the kids may live with the parents, cuddle when they watch movies (usually mom pops pimples of the kids or other mom things), etc. but they don’t sleep together every night unless they’re in extreme poverty and can’t afford multiple beds.
This is tough. I would explore it in therapy
No
Apparently..
I would get a job and move into an apartment asap and just set boundaries and don’t come home for overnight visits. Try to find someone from school to room with
I think your mom definitely needs to speak to a real therapist. You’re right to think this is uncomfortable and abnormal.
>I’m 18 and my mom still makes me sleep with her. Is this normal?
Unless you’re living in a Third World plywood shack with only one bed, no it isn’t.
>Meanwhile, my brother has always had his own room without any issue.
Yeah, it’s completely bizarre to treat two children so differently.
No.
My grandma is like your mom. My family doesn’t talk with my grandma. The psycho never goes away — not ever.
That’s completely wrong.
The dependence on you is backwards.
This is how it has to go…
In writing…
“Mom,
I will no longer sleep with you or go without sleep.
This is not ok, it’s not love, it’s you using me to fill a need of yours that I shouldn’t, as your child, be forced to fill.
Do not attempt to wake me from the couch anymore.
I love you.
I care about you.
I am not your snuggle partner.
This will not be a discussion.
Your name”
And when you go there make a bed on the couch, put pillows and blankets ahead of time to show that you mean it.
You’ll also need a spray bottle or water gun to spray her when she comes to bother you and say “NO, go to your own bed!”
As others have said, this is not normal. What you said about being loving one moment and full of rage the next sounds like bipolar.
I’d say call CPS but you’re 18. Id get therapy BY YOURSELF and be honest with them.
But first thing I’d do is stand up for yourself and say NO and mean it. What does your father think of this? Also how old is your brother?
Is that normal? No, absolutely not.
No it is not normal, also “No” is a complete sentence. What will she do, carry you to bed with her?
Oh honey, she’s got issues. She can’t rely on you like that. I wish you both well but she needs therapy not parenting her daughter…. Hope you get support too. Get out of there.
My guess is your mother has a personality disorder, I’m thinking borderline or histrionic – just a feeling based upon what you’re describing. If not, then at a minimum I would think clinical depression and low self esteem. Probably childhood trauma, I would guess. Your solution will be firm but caring boundaries. She might explode and turn on you if you push back or she might understand. You won’t know till you know. She likely needs to see a therapist – if she won’t travel to see one, there are on-line resources available. You don’t need family counseling, I’m guessing, based on your narrative, because I think your mom needs to do some internal work first. In other words, this doesn’t seem to me like a dysfunctional family problem as much as her own issues. That said, you might need therapy if you’ve grown up in a, what sounds like, a loving but dysfunctional home. Issues for you may be lurking just under your personal awareness. Finally, the fact that she didn’t stand in the way of your leaving for uni is a great sign that boundaries may be possible. So good luck!
Nope, not remotely
Honestly, you and your mom both need therapy, it sounds like you too suffer from validation issues.
Sounds like your mom loves you very much, but needs help
The big brother in me just started boiling. Shits weird and I wouldn’t let you near the woman alone. Like wear your skin weird.
No
Could this be a cultural thing? In some households, co-sleeping with parents lasts longer, but the dynamic you’re describing still feels off. Trust your gut, if it feels wrong, it probably is.
Eat a lot of beans. And Jerusalem artichokes.
That should solve your problem.
It’s normal in Stephen King novels …
r/raisedbynarcissists
“Makes me” is where it’s wrong.
OP, please update us a few months down the line. I would like to know you are ok and managed to put some boundaries in place safely.
Lol no.
That’s fucked up.
This is not normal, you need to get out of that house before you lose your mind.
If a man did this to his 18 year old daughter, he would 100% go to prison.
The fact there’s people here acting like she’s just lonely or depressed is disgusting. More female privilege allowing them to get away with things men would be slandered for.
I genuinely thought this was gonna be a bait-and-switch and OP was gonna turn out to be a cat or something.
Not to make you feel bad, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be asking this if you thought it was normal. This is extremely weird, if it’s possible to safely remove yourself from the situation you probably should find a way out ASAP. Again, if it’s safe to do so, maybe you should cut ties with her for a period of time so she can learn to function without you. If she can seek help and work out her issues on her own then it would be safe to reinstate contact, but otherwise, if you can cut her out without her threatening your safety, that might be the best move. Remove yourself from the situation entirely.
It seems like your mother has replaced your father with you in some way, whether it’s out of grief or whatever, your erm.. sleeping arrangement is some kind of deep rooted coping mechanism for her
You should absolutely be confronting her about this because from how you described the whole thing, it seems rather obsessive, but being uncomfortable about the situation is more than enough reason on its own.
No absolutely not, this is not normal, if you can’t do it by yourself, get help
You have your own place at the university, a dorm room or maybe a studio? Does she pay for it and are you dependend on her for your university fee?
She has manipulated you into a dependent relationship, which is unhealthy. You should end that situation, even if it means going NC / No Contact.
Where is dad? Does he have a place to go? Can he pay for university and dorm room? Go ask him why they split up.
Your mom isn’t mentally healthy and she has created an inappropriate bond with you to cope with it. Your feelings of wrongness are valid and normal. Your response is appropriate and how anyone would feel. “I don’t hate/love her” is a coping response on your part. Your feelings are numbed out because your mom is using you emotionally and physically in an inappropriate way.
Messing with your sleep is a whole other form of abuse and control and it’s very alarming. It’s telling that your dad locked her out at night- was she messing with his sleep as well? What happens when you tell her “I’m sleeping on the couch- don’t wake me up tonight.” Do you get a rage response? It sounds like you aren’t able to have personal boundaries without enraging her which is also her way of controlling you. She makes you fear asserting your personal boundaries on purpose.
Not ok. Making a child share a room if they don’t want to is never okay. Independence is a natural part of development. All humans need alone time except little babies, maybe.
Your mother’s borderline personality disorder is not curable. You’ll have to remove yourself from the situation or physically distance yourself.
I was here for part of reddit history
Absolutely not. Boundaries!
Hey, i’m 19 and i’ve been a victim of child abuse and i just want to say, That is extremely not okay. in absolutely no situation is it acceptable for someone to pressure you into sleeping together, much less cuddling! She is your mother but she is not your owner. I hope you can get out of this situation safely and happily, my friend. Being uncomfortable around your own parent is not a sensation anyone should have to feel.
Just going to throw this out there, but she just likes you maybe and wants to cuddle? Not really the worst thing in the world, you’re allowed to do that, I don’t think she’s doing anything romantic. If you hate it then stop it I guess, but parents often love their kids to a stupid extent. I might embrace how much your mom loves you.
i think its time you might need to stop looking to others on whats appropriate for you.
It doesnt matter if its normal. Does it make you uncomfortable? thats what matters. I think you already know the answer and thats whos advice you should be taking. I know how hard it is to deal with toxic relationships from your parents, trying to appease them out of guilt etc. But you can be independent and make boundaries and listen to whats right for you.
I’m not a therapist or a doctor, but my mom kinda did the same thing – it’s co-dependency and the whole two personalities thing you described sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder – a deep rooted fear of abandonment probably pushed a little bit further by the divorce.
Is there anyway you can push for stronger boundaries? That’s the only way I’ve been able to cope when living with my mother.
This is not normal at all. My daughter comes in my bed sometimes if she needs a cuddle but then after 10-15 min she goes back to her own bed. You need you’re own bed and space. You need to explain to het that you want to have your own bedroom now that your back from uni or you move out. Your mum needs to understand your not a little girl anymore and you want your own space
It’s hard at a young age to know how to set boundaries, especially with someone you care about. The simplest way is to say in no unclear terms “I will not be sharing a bed with you anymore” then your options are to either ‘ease’ out of it with perhaps a second bed/couch in the same room for a little while (if the loneliness is an issue), possibly relaxing together with a movie or something at night before going to separate rooms or simply moving out and cutting contact. Ideally it’s best case scenario!
Good luck either way
My son is 17 and he and my wife sleep on the sofa every night, lol.
Depends on your comfort.
Yes
No no no absolutely not okay. Even disregarding the question of is it normal or not, if you’re not comfortable then it’s not okay. She clearly can’t handle not doing this and it seems like she needs therapy. It seems like she has an unhealthy attachment. Sleeping in bed with a parent isn’t automatically “wrong” but not be allowed to NOT sleep in bed with a parent is absolutely weird and wrong.
Also the cuddling is beyond creepy to me when you were trying to get away from her with blankets and she wouldn’t let you. My skin was crawling I was so disturbed. She’s using you like an emotional support object. You’re a person with your own thoughts, wants and needs. This is very far from okay.
I sincerely doubt she will let this go though. You need to just get out of that house as fast as you can.
When I was 19m my dad decided to leave my mom. (Found out he’d been cheating or trying to cheat on her for like most of their 30 years). Wasn’t going to college but was working full time. My mom used me as an emotional punching bag for 2-3 years just like you described. I am an only child and didnt have a choice. There’d be nights where I would try to sleep on my own then she would come and get me bawling and inconsolable and I’d either have to be up all night or sleep in bed with her. Many days I had to work 12 hours the next day and I got no sleep.
It is not normal. I was parenting her and trying to get my own life together and I couldn’t. Eventually she found help and we have a good relationship now.
Long story short, YOU need therapy AND your mom also needs therapy.
You know the answer that question already
I used to sleep with my mom at your age, but it was because she had a big queen sized waterbed which I preferred over my own bed and my mom never made it creepy like this, we stayed on our own sides.
Have you tried to talk to her and tell her how you feel about this?
Only if you sick or something. I mean literally. I think it’s acceptable when you are not in a condition to be left alone as an example to your question. But other than that NO!
This has fake story written all over it