So I had a boyfriend when I was 16 we’re going to call him Bobby. He broke up with me. I was sad for awhile but obviously got over it.
I saw him again when I was 20 he walked me home from a bar and told me how sorry he was and that he really wanted things to be different. I told him that I was very much in love with the man I am married to now.
5 years later I see him at a wedding reception he is with his wife me with my husband. There’s a little small talk and that’s it.
20 years later my phone rings it’s him. He is drunk very drunk. Asking me if I’m happy, telling me his dad passed and his sister had died and he needs a friend. I tell him he’s too drunk to really understand him and if he really needs a friend to call me tomorrow when he’s sober and we can talk.
The next day we talked and he trauma dumped which is fine I don’t mind. But was blaming all of his drinking on his father’s death and being touched inappropriately by a family member and was upset because his wife won’t sleep with him because he’s drinking too much. At that point he says to me, “we used to have great sex it was amazing” My response was, ” maybe for you but you never made me orgasm.” He didn’t believe me at first, but then I told him that my husband is the only man that has ever done that for me and that there’s a reason I’ve been with him for 27 years. Now I’m wondering if that was a little too honest? Am I the asshole?
Comments
NTA. Block him and cut off all contact permanently.
Honestly, it’s a bit inappropriate for you to be talking to your high school ex while you’re still married.
Especially considering that your ex married too and is talking about sex.
Why are you even still communicating with him especially considering that he dumped you 20 years ago? What’s the point?
You shouldn’t be talking to him period.
First of all? Why you talking to another man about sex / your sex life?!?!
And why does he even have your number? If he is a ex of 20 years?
..
This is a tough one. Personally, given how vulnerable of a state he was in emotionally I feel like you could have gone without doubling down and moved the conversation on. Clearly his comment was inappropriate as you’re both married. He is super vulnerable right now, and should have had this conversation with his wife. It’s unfortunate that their relationship clearly isn’t in a place where he felt he could. I hope he can open up to you or someone else soon. You weren’t necessarily an A Hole, but you could’ve been more trauma aware.
Nah not at all. My theory is that women need to stop faking it if your bored in bed say so, if he’s crap tell him they won’t improve otherwise and why should we never get any pleasure but they do? Oh hell no! He trauma dumped on you and is basically doing the my wife doesn’t understand me but you do bs. He’s a drunk and no matter what happened in his past he chose to drink and not get therapy, he is choosing to try getting back with you rather than trying to fix his marriage which he is breaking. He is the only person responsible for his actions and reactions to his past. He needs professional help before his life implodes but that’s not on you maybe your honesty will be the push he needs maybe not but tbh I would just tell him from now on he needs a qualified person to help him and that’s not you.
NTA. I would block him. He is using you and you are letting him. He is not your friend, he is a guy you dated at 16 who seems to think you owe him something. He is trying to manipulate you with his trauma. He needs a therapist and if you want to be kind you can suggest that before blocking him.
I had an ex from high school reach out 13 years later. He was full of apologies but I realized quickly that he was apologizing for breaking up with me and really his perception was that I was still pinning over him all these years later. He didn’t acknowledge or apologize for how he had treated me, which had been poorly. When I ignored that message the next message was some sob story about his girlfriend running away with his best friend. I ignored that too. It sounds like this guy is also living under the same illusion as my ex. Nothing good will come of interacting with him, he has an agenda.
You ATA just for entertaining him, not because you telling the truth.
You should’ve shut the down the sex talk immediately. Should’ve never gotten to the point of discussing orgasms.
If I found out my wife was in contact with her ex and talking about their past sex life and that he never made her orgasm, I’d leave her ass so quick 😂 you’re a red flag, why are you even entertaining the guy?
YTA but only for talking to him in the first place, especially about your current sex life to an ex.. So inappropriate
If he reaches out to you again tell him he needs therapy badly
That’s the reason you’ve been with your husband? Yeah YTA but not for the reasons you think
No such thing as too honest, just too sensitive.
Eh. I’d say the problem is that for some reason, you care.
NTA. Perfect response. Good for you!
This is hilarious… sorry to hear about your troubles but you can’t fuck for shit.
I think it was a weird thing for him to bring up and also a weird thing to engage back. But I don’t think it makes you an asshole. Whole scenario just sounds weird. I don’t think it was appropriate for him to bring up your and his sexual past given you’re both married and haven’t been together in what sounds like 3 decades.
I had a flirtation with a bartender in grad school, we hung out twice and fooled around once. He still texts me every 5 years or so. I recently blocked his number as I’m not married and it’s just weird after 15 years.
You’re giving him way too much clearance. And does your husband know about the calls etc? Every detail?
I think you handled that well. You could’ve just said, it’s inappropriate for him to talk about your sex from 20 years ago but giving him the cold shower was also a good rebuttal. It was 20 years ago, if he grew he won’t be upset that he wasn’t great in bed as a teenager. Most of us aren’t. If he didn’t grow as a person maybe that’s a wake up call for him.
You were kinda a jerk, but honestly idk what he’s expecting when he’s going down memory lane of all the good fucks he had with you. While sober. And you’re both married. Commenters saying you shouldn’t have even went down that road might be right.. but with how terrible the sex was, I don’t think that was going anywhere near cheating. And honestly if a 20 year ex is contacting you to talk about sex, you don’t owe him any pleasantries. So I guess YTA but it’s justified so don’t feel bad about it.
He needs a therapist to dump this trauma on and help him fix things with his own wife
YTA cause you knew he was drunk.
Sorry but I think it’s weird af that you said that. Clearly the guy is unstable; and you’re kicking him in the nuts while he’s down. You don’t owe him anything, and frankly you shouldn’t have taken the call at all if your intention wasn’t to show compassion. Grief is horrible, and I think not taking the call and just leaving him alone is better than shutting on someone after they confess to struggling with substance abuse after the passing of loved ones.
Also, telling another man about your orgasms is weird as fuck full stop.
Everyone in this story is the asshole
Never talk to a man about your sex life unless he’s your partner. Second why even speak to him, he’s an ex for a reason. Third, are you going to tell your husband he called? Fourth just block him
NTA. Dude was fishing and got no bites.
the very correct response is to hang up.
they’re the past for a reason.
YTA all around, but especially to your husband. Why even entertain and ex? Especially when it seems like you weren’t ever really friends outside the relationship.