My fiancé and I chose our wedding reception venue about 10 days ago– a country club where we know several people who are members. While I’m not a member myself, they allow non-members to rent the space. A close friend of mine got married there last year and recommended it to me.
My best friend and her family have been members for at least 20 years, so I thought she would be happy for me when I mentioned the venue. I shared the news with two of my best friends (one being her) and casually mentioned, “Hey, I found my wedding reception venue!” At that time, we only placed a soft hold on the venue but didn’t go into specifics with them.
Over the next few days, my best friend (who is not engaged yet) and I weren’t really in touch, and then I received a series of lengthy text messages from her on Saturday. She expressed that I “stole” her wedding venue and that I had gone behind her back. I was really caught off guard because she had never mentioned this venue as a possibility for her wedding, and I had told her about my intention 10 days ago. Additionally, she kept pointing out that I’m not a member of the country club, but she is.
I’m at a loss for what to do. I never intended to hurt her feelings, and this situation has really thrown me off. I’m now wondering if I should’ve had a more formal conversation with her about my plans to use this venue.
We’ve already signed paperwork for the venue, but there may still be an option to back out, although I’m uncertain. This whole situation has been really overwhelming for me, and it’s affected my mental health to the point where I had my first panic attack in a long time. Wedding planning has become so stressful, and I’m feeling lost. AITA
TL/DR: We chose a wedding reception venue and my future maid of honor does not want us to have our reception at her country club.
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My fiancé and I chose our wedding reception venue about 10 days ago– a country club where we know several people who are members. While I’m not a member myself, they allow non-members to rent the space. A close friend of mine got married there last year and recommended it to me.
My best friend and her family have been members for at least 20 years, so I thought she would be happy for me when I mentioned the venue. I shared the news with two of my best friends (one being her) and casually mentioned, “Hey, I found my wedding reception venue!” At that time, we only placed a soft hold on the venue but didn’t go into specifics with them.
Over the next few days, my best friend (who is not engaged yet) and I weren’t really in touch, and then I received a series of lengthy text messages from her on Saturday. She expressed that I “stole” her wedding venue and that I had gone behind her back. I was really caught off guard because she had never mentioned this venue as a possibility for her wedding, and I had told her about my intention 10 days ago. Additionally, she kept pointing out that I’m not a member of the country club, but she is.
I’m at a loss for what to do. I never intended to hurt her feelings, and this situation has really thrown me off. I’m now wondering if I should’ve had a more formal conversation with her about my plans to use this venue.
We’ve already signed paperwork for the venue, but there may still be an option to back out, although I’m uncertain. This whole situation has been really overwhelming for me, and it’s affected my mental health to the point where I had my first panic attack in a long time. Wedding planning has become so stressful, and I’m feeling lost. AITA
TL/DR: We chose a wedding reception venue and my future maid of honor does not want us to have our reception at her country club.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Choosing a wedding venue that my friend wanted to us in the future.
2. AITA for choosing the same venue as my friend.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA Wow. With friends like this you don’t need enemies.
Will she be upset when you decide on a bridesmaid dress colour that she wanted at her wedding; complain about the colour of the groommens ties; throw a fit when you wear white because she always dreamed of that.
NTA. If your friend wants a unique wedding reception location that no one’s ever used before she shouldn’t be picking a country club, since that’s a pretty common choice for a wedding reception, and she’s being silly. I don’t recommend telling her that, necessarily, since that’s just going to escalate things and I don’t really have any good advice for you to manage her feelings other than just letting her cool off.
NTA talk about main character syndrome! People are allowed to have the same venue. Now if she had gotten married and you copied her wedding, decor, flowers, etc, that would be another story.
She might be jealous and feeling insecure you are getting married. Especially if she’s single and not dating. You can’t expect people not use venues for something you might do and same for baby names.
If she can’t get on board and be happy for you, please choose another maid of honor. You don’t need that stress on top of planning a wedding.
NTA. She doesn’t own the site; so there’s no way that you stole it.
The idea that some places (or even some names) can be used only once within a social circle of so-called friends is simply ridiculous. On those grounds, people couldn’t use the same Churches and/or cemeteries and/or officiants after they’d been used once by someone who they know.
NTA, she doesn’t own the venue. When her wedding happens it will presumably be different from yours in many ways, even if the venue is the same.
BTW, her “dream wedding venue” which she’s got her heart set on and can’t stand to see anyone else using is … the country club where her family are members? I find that pretty lame tbh.
NTA. Your friend sounds like TA here. She doesn’t “own” a place, there’s no rule that you can’t both get married in the same place at different times. Honestly, if I were you, I’d find a new maid-of-honor, cause she doesn’t sound like a good, supportive friend.
NTA. You can’t “steal” a wedding venue. Full stop, end of story, no further discussion is necessary. The entire idea that you can’t use a business for it’s intended purpose just because your friend wants to use it at a later, unspecified date because she’s not even engaged yet, is certifiably insane.
NTA. It’s not her country club. It’s a for-profit business that holds events.
Your friend is acting like an entitled brat. Don’t let her gate keep the venue ruin this for you. Unless she comes to her senses, you might want to choose a different MOH. Congratulations and good luck!
Absolutely NTA.
This friend of yours isn’t engaged and may never become so, but she does seem incredibly jealous of the fact that you are getting married, and in an “elite” venue that she doesn’t think you are worthy of as a non-member.
In the event that she does end up engaged and looking at venues, there is absolutely nothing stopping her from having her wedding in the same place. These venues are not single-use within friend groups.
NTA she isn’t even engaged yet, and tons of people have and will use that venue for wedding events. She’s being weird and possessive over a space she has no claim to and has never even expressed a desire to use.
NTA.
Country clubs are common wedding venues. You selecting that location doesn’t prevent her from using it in the future.
She doesn’t own the country club, nor does making a member give her the right to deny others from using it.
Keep your venue, but maybe consider choosing a new maid of honor.
NTA. That is ridiculous. Who cares if you both use the same venue? How many similar venues are within reasonable distance from you? Can you not use any that people you know have used?
NTA. Good luck trying to reason with a person who would react this way. I assume this is a place where many wedding receptions are held. For heaven’s sake, why not yours and maybe someday hers too? You are in no way in the wrong here and your MOH needs to get over herself. Maybe she is just in general envious/jealous of you and your getting married and that is why she is reacting so unreasonably. Maybe she is not a good choice for MOH if she cannot be fully supportive of you. Whatever, do not let her rule your day.
NTA
That’s not a friend.
Does your friend who got married there before think you’re copying her and throwing a tantrum?
Does this so called friend realise that you’re probably one of dozens of people who are getting married there that year? Is she going to tell all those people that they stole her venue?
She can get married there too! It’s not like her family are going to attend hers and be like “do you remember OPs wedding here? It was so beautiful!”
NTA – she sounds more than a little bit extra. If she doesn’t like your wedding venue, she doesn’t need to attend your wedding. No one “owns” a wedding venue. Heck, my sib had her wedding at a very unique venue and several years later, my cousin had her wedding at the same venue because she liked it so much. You know what happened? People had a great time at BOTH weddings, that was it.
If your “friend” is being this difficult already, maybe it’s time to find a new friend/MOH.
NTA As you said many people use this as a wedding venue. She can still use it especially since she’s not even engaged yet. Sounds more like jealousy that you’re planning yours before her. She wants to make it extra stressful for you. Don’t ask this person to be a part of the wedding or you’ll regret it. Ask her if she tells everyone she knows who plans to use it as a venue that they can’t because someday she might want to use it. Go ahead with your plans.
“A close friend of mine got married there last year and recommended it to me.”
This is the attitude of an adult.
“[Best Friend] expressed that I “stole” her wedding venue and that I had gone behind her back”
This is the attitude of a spoiled brat who is nowhere near mature enough to get engaged, never mind married. She’d probably also insist that no one else get married, pregnant, or have a celebratory event during “her year” too.
No one gets dibs on a venue. Especially people who aren’t even engaged yet. Sounds like she had some sort of fantasy about getting married there, but you didn’t (and don’t) owe her any explanation, nor should you change your plans because of her tantrum.
Have you talked to your fiance about this? You could try discussing this with BF but the odds are she wont be happy with anything short of you changing the venue. People get CRAZY about their wedding fantasies.
You may need to find another MOH though. But you didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA.
NTA
….she had never mentioned this venue as a possibility for her wedding…
It doesn’t matter even if she’s talked about it forever or wears a sandwich board saying that’s where she wants to have her wedding
She’s not even engaged. She can still have her wedding there. Who cares?
“OMG!! How dare you buy a red car?! I want a red car one day and you stole that from me. Some friend….”
Did she call the venue and tell them they can’t book any other weddings except for hers? Does she know how unhinged she sounds? Wedding venues book weddings. Usually more than one in the same weekend! It’s how they do business and make money.
NTA
Enjoy your wedding preparation!
Book your venue!
Life is short to listen to this nonsense!
Is your friend going to tell you what dates you’re allowed to get married also? Much like baby names, no one can tell you where you can or can’t get married. NTA.
Your bestie acting like she put a down payment on a venue she doesn’t even have a fiancé for 💀. You didn’t steal anything, you just got there first. NTA.
NTA. She seems to have some sort of pain or entitlement here but her behaviour has triggered a mental health outcome for yourself. Don’t change the venue, but do consider how you approach this going forward. You didn’t need to ask her formal permission and you don’t need to apologise.
Let’s assume and accept she did not intend for you to have a panic attack, and she was just being a bit unfair. I think ask her to meet up for a nice afternoon tea type thing and say something like “I am so happy and excited that we will share having the same wedding venue. I was sad that you felt poor about it. I want to be able to talk through your feelings with care, but please do the same for me”.
If she’s a friend worth keeping she’ll be able to meet you halfway. If she then maybe she’s just a snob.
Same day? TA.
Same husband? TA.
Same reception venue? NTA.
It’s hardly a castle in transilvania that Count Dracula let’s out once every 100 years
You best friend is very much acting like a. Ex best friend, in fact and ex friend.
She doesn’t own the venue, she doesn’t own you. Do what you like.
If she wants a dream exclusive wedding she should go to everyone who has booked there this year and next and next and next until she married and get them to cancel . If her husband wants to get married there of course.
NTA.
It sounds like she thinks you’re too poor and beneath her to be able to use HER country club.
Don’t worry about her! Have your wedding where you want! If she even engaged? Is she even in a relationship? She is an AH .
That sounds very much like how a member of a country club might react to a non country club member getting married at their club before them. Money can not buy happiness or maturity. You are NTA. I’m sorry your friend is being a jerk. If she can’t work through her feelings, then it might be time to cut ties.
NTA
I can’t believe this is even a thought… how dare you get engaged, married, and celebrate in a place that anyone can rent for parties. How come you didn’t read her mind and assume that in the mythical FuTuRe that she has dibs on everything to do with weddings. Are you wearing white too? The nerve.
Let me guess…. Daddy pays for her membership
NTA – ignore that entitled prick and move on. You don’t need her in your life if she can’t be anything but happy for you
NTA you can’t steal a wedding venue they are for the public to get married at. She’s not even engaged and is she going to get mad at all of the thousands of brides who used that same venue and not allow anyone else to get married there after she does. She’s being ridiculous don’t cancel your venue.
Nta uninvite her
NTA – you didn’t hurt her feelings. Lol WTH?!
You didn’t even know about this venue until another friend mentioned it to you recently.
And the fact that she’s trying to rub it in your face about not being “a member” says something else about her.
Literally nothing you did could possibly hurt her feelings. Geezus!
Stick to your facts. And reevaluate your friendship
NTA. Its rentable event space, I’m guessing they have a couple hundred receptions there a year. She’s using the “not a member” as justification for her tantrum. She is not acting like a friend and needs to grow up.
Maybe it’s because my parents grew up in a smaller town, but most of the family weddings and receptions tended to be at the same venues because that’s where you did weddings and venues in that town. No one expected their event to be the first one there.
NTA. If everything comment says you’re NTA and that you’re friend is, I think it’s a fact.
Nta. Man imagine the venue being told they can’t have anyone’s wedding there because they have to wait for OP’s friend to hold her wedding there first and it may not even happen lol. Friend’s family being members of any clubs clearly tells you why she had the attitude she does
NTA.
Women get so kooky over dumb shit like this.
“Oh someday I might get married there so you cant”
“I’m not pregnant but I might be someday so you can’t name your kid that “
Get over it!
Hmmm, this sounds familiar … isn’t this the subplot in “27 Dresses”?
NTA. She’s not your best friend and is being ridiculous about laying claim to a wedding venue when she isn’t even engaged.
Does your friend not want her country club to be successful? To get revenue that supports the business, keeps the place well maintained, the employees earning enough and the fees from increasing too much? I’m always happy when a business I support prospers.
NTA your friend is being ridiculous. This is a place that makes money on being a venue and is open to the general public for booking. She needs to get over herself.
Congratulations on getting married.
NTA. Pretty much every weekend, someone else also “steals” the venue. How many hundreds of wedding receptions have been held in that exact space??
I got married in a popular wedding venue. Three of my friends also got married there within a 6 month span. The weddings were all lovely and different. There were lots of overlapping guests. None of us threw a fit about it.
Your friend is delusional and clearly not mature enough to get married.