Huge fan of the podcast, and honestly so frustrated right now. I (27F) attended a friend’s wedding this weekend in a major city 4hrs from where I live. I stayed with my friend M (31M) who happened to move from where I live to this city 3wks ago. Because the bride is in my grad program a bunch of people from our school were also planning on driving down for the wedding and because of a lil drama between one couple, another woman, E, ended up riding with me. This made sense anyway because even tho she and M don’t know each other well, she was going to stay with me at M’s place.
My plan: drive down on Fri. Maybe hit up a museum Sat morning, go to the wedding Sat afternoon/evening, attend the after party Sat night. Leave on Sunday after maybe another museum and or some shopping.
Things I didn’t account for:
1.M, who has lived in the US for 6 or 7 yrs assuming that this wedding would end early like the one we attended last summer and planning on doing a bunch of non-wedding related things. (Side note: while M does know the bride, he was not invited to the wedding and was attending as my plus one. Also, just to get ahead of any potential theories, he’s gay.)
- Me becoming ridiculously irritable.
Idek how this started. I think it started after the ceremony. We had about 3hrs between the end of the ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.M, E, and I decided to grab lunch. I suggested we eat somewhere nice (like a steakhouse, so not expensive)
since we were all dressed up. I looked up nearby restaurants, picked one, and asked them to look at the menu on their phones and see if there was anything they would eat. M looked it up and said, “we dont have to eat American food”. Again, M is Indian, E immigrated from Nigeria 2 yrs ago, and I am the child of Nigerian immigrants but was born and raised here. M had already made a few jokes poking at me being “American” because he knows it irritates me and he thinks he’s being funny. I told them that they could also look up restaurants and M proceeded to recommend: a restaurant that was closed, one that closed in 20min, and one who’s bar was open, but who’s kitchen didn’t open for 2hrs. I think this is where I started gettinf annoyed. I opted to get everyone in the car and go get gas while we figured it out. During the drive, M looked up and suggest more restaurants…..all of which served American food. 🤦🏾♀️ At this, point, I was getting mad. After fueling the car and taking SEVERAL deep breaths, I asked M and E what the plan was. We ended up going to a calzone place that was fast-food adjacent and costs the same amount as most food ar a steakhouse. The second we walked in, a cashier commented on how dressed up we were. I ordered and immediately went to the bathroom to try to calm down. I was mostly silent as we ate, while E and M spoke to each other until E asked me if I had ever tried pounded yam (a ridiculously common food in Nigeria that I have grown up eating because newsflash; IM NIGERIAN). Me? Ridiculously offended. I tried to listen to music on the drive to the reception venue and asked for some space, letting them know I was agitated.
Once we reached the cocktail hour, I immediately distanced myself from them, once again, to try and calm down. I literally had to tell them to stop following me (there were at least 10 other people there that they knew and could talk to and I NEEDED space after being trapped in a car with them since neither of them have cars). I did my best. Fast forward to the end of the reception.
M wanted to go home. I was planning on walkimg the 1 block to the after party. This request agitated me, so I went to change my shoes, take MORE deep breaths, and ask God for strength. I came back and told M I could drop him off at home (it was a 3min drive) but then he wanted me to take him home and go with him upstairs so he could unlock his door and give me the key (nevermind that the building is passcode-protected). He and E turned this into a whole discussion for some reason and I went to the bathroom to run cold water over my hands and (you’ll never guess) deep. Breathe. Because I was OVER it at this point. I just wanted to do what I came here to do: celebrate my friends getting married.
I came back out and asked what the plan was
M said he would just go with us to the after party that was at a bar 1 block away. I made it abundantly clear that once I got to the bar, I was not leaving until I.was ready to leave. They said fine. Great. We walk over there and E says she doesn’t have her ID…..so we walk back to the car, and drive back to M’s place. I’m on the verge of tears at this point because I am so. Freaking. Irritated. Like, why am I here? Why are these people my responsibility? They’re adults. Uber exists. This is my car. My time. My gas money. And yet, I feel obligated to drive them…..
I cannot hide my anger anymore, but I am still silent. I park back at the venue (1 block away from the bar). M asks if we can park closer to the bar. I ask him if I look like an f-ing taxi and stalk the 1 block to the bar ahead of them. As soon as I get in, I ordered a shot and a drink. I do another shot with a friend 20 min later. Midnight rolls around and M and E start asking when we’re leaving. I shrug and tell them I’m still drunk. 30min later they find me and tell me they’re calling an Uber which I guess they’ve magically remembered existed. I’m still tipsy but actually ready to go home, so I offer to let M drive.
Here’s the thing. M recently renewed his license after not driving at all for the last several years. He rented a car to help with packing 3wks ago and I had heard from our friends that he was a disaster on the road. He thinks he’s a good driver and I made it abundantly clear that he was not allowed to drive my car this weekend. But at this point, it was 12:30 am, they weren’t likely to be any cars on the road and it was a 3min drive, 1/2 a mile.
Pulling out of the parking I had to tell him there was a car coming from the left TWICE before he stopped. He then immediately blew past a stop sign. And then blew past another one 90sec later. Truly a sobering experience. By the time he got to h is apt all of 3min later, I was on edge and had decided that I would be paralleling parking the car rather than waiting to see what would happen. I told him to put the car in park. We both got out and I got behind the wheel. He stood next to the car. I rolled down the window and told him (gently), “hey, you either need to get in the car or cross the street”.
Him: “why, I’m watching you park”
Me: “I’m going to pull out and repack. You need to get in cross the street so I dont hit you”
Him: “I can take care of myself”
Me, raising my voice: “M. You need to move so I can park the car without hitting you” he was literally less than 2ft from the car, standing on the left side, in the road…..
He got mad and said he was going inside. I lost it and was ranting to poor E who was sitting in the back. I’m tired, I’m angry, and I’m debating sleeping in a hotel tonight.
Reddit, AITA for deliberately getting too drunk to drive so that i could just do what I came here to do? Is it responsibility to chauffeur these grown adults around just because i have a car and I’m staying with one of them? Where do I get to draw the line and just enjoy the wedding that I cam here for?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Huge fan of the podcast, and honestly so frustrated right now. I (27F) attended a friend’s wedding this weekend in a major city 4hrs from where I live. I stayed with my friend M (31M) who happened to move from where I live to this city 3wks ago. Because the bride is in my grad program a bunch of people from our school were also planning on driving down for the wedding and because of a lil drama between one couple, another woman, E, ended up riding with me. This made sense anyway because even tho she and M don’t know each other well, she was going to stay with me at M’s place.
My plan: drive down on Fri. Maybe hit up a museum Sat morning, go to the wedding Sat afternoon/evening, attend the after party Sat night. Leave on Sunday after maybe another museum and or some shopping.
Things I didn’t account for:
1.M, who has lived in the US for 6 or 7 yrs assuming that this wedding would end early like the one we attended last summer and planning on doing a bunch of non-wedding related things. (Side note: while M does know the bride, he was not invited to the wedding and was attending as my plus one. Also, just to get ahead of any potential theories, he’s gay.)
Idek how this started. I think it started after the ceremony. We had about 3hrs between the end of the ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.M, E, and I decided to grab lunch. I suggested we eat somewhere nice (like a steakhouse, so not expensive)
since we were all dressed up. I looked up nearby restaurants, picked one, and asked them to look at the menu on their phones and see if there was anything they would eat. M looked it up and said, “we dont have to eat American food”. Again, M is Indian, E immigrated from Nigeria 2 yrs ago, and I am the child of Nigerian immigrants but was born and raised here. M had already made a few jokes poking at me being “American” because he knows it irritates me and he thinks he’s being funny. I told them that they could also look up restaurants and M proceeded to recommend: a restaurant that was closed, one that closed in 20min, and one who’s bar was open, but who’s kitchen didn’t open for 2hrs. I think this is where I started gettinf annoyed. I opted to get everyone in the car and go get gas while we figured it out. During the drive, M looked up and suggest more restaurants…..all of which served American food. 🤦🏾♀️ At this, point, I was getting mad. After fueling the car and taking SEVERAL deep breaths, I asked M and E what the plan was. We ended up going to a calzone place that was fast-food adjacent and costs the same amount as most food ar a steakhouse. The second we walked in, a cashier commented on how dressed up we were. I ordered and immediately went to the bathroom to try to calm down. I was mostly silent as we ate, while E and M spoke to each other until E asked me if I had ever tried pounded yam (a ridiculously common food in Nigeria that I have grown up eating because newsflash; IM NIGERIAN). Me? Ridiculously offended. I tried to listen to music on the drive to the reception venue and asked for some space, letting them know I was agitated.
Once we reached the cocktail hour, I immediately distanced myself from them, once again, to try and calm down. I literally had to tell them to stop following me (there were at least 10 other people there that they knew and could talk to and I NEEDED space after being trapped in a car with them since neither of them have cars). I did my best. Fast forward to the end of the reception.
M wanted to go home. I was planning on walkimg the 1 block to the after party. This request agitated me, so I went to change my shoes, take MORE deep breaths, and ask God for strength. I came back and told M I could drop him off at home (it was a 3min drive) but then he wanted me to take him home and go with him upstairs so he could unlock his door and give me the key (nevermind that the building is passcode-protected). He and E turned this into a whole discussion for some reason and I went to the bathroom to run cold water over my hands and (you’ll never guess) deep. Breathe. Because I was OVER it at this point. I just wanted to do what I came here to do: celebrate my friends getting married.
I came back out and asked what the plan was
M said he would just go with us to the after party that was at a bar 1 block away. I made it abundantly clear that once I got to the bar, I was not leaving until I.was ready to leave. They said fine. Great. We walk over there and E says she doesn’t have her ID…..so we walk back to the car, and drive back to M’s place. I’m on the verge of tears at this point because I am so. Freaking. Irritated. Like, why am I here? Why are these people my responsibility? They’re adults. Uber exists. This is my car. My time. My gas money. And yet, I feel obligated to drive them…..
I cannot hide my anger anymore, but I am still silent. I park back at the venue (1 block away from the bar). M asks if we can park closer to the bar. I ask him if I look like an f-ing taxi and stalk the 1 block to the bar ahead of them. As soon as I get in, I ordered a shot and a drink. I do another shot with a friend 20 min later. Midnight rolls around and M and E start asking when we’re leaving. I shrug and tell them I’m still drunk. 30min later they find me and tell me they’re calling an Uber which I guess they’ve magically remembered existed. I’m still tipsy but actually ready to go home, so I offer to let M drive.
Here’s the thing. M recently renewed his license after not driving at all for the last several years. He rented a car to help with packing 3wks ago and I had heard from our friends that he was a disaster on the road. He thinks he’s a good driver and I made it abundantly clear that he was not allowed to drive my car this weekend. But at this point, it was 12:30 am, they weren’t likely to be any cars on the road and it was a 3min drive, 1/2 a mile.
Pulling out of the parking I had to tell him there was a car coming from the left TWICE before he stopped. He then immediately blew past a stop sign. And then blew past another one 90sec later. Truly a sobering experience. By the time he got to h is apt all of 3min later, I was on edge and had decided that I would be paralleling parking the car rather than waiting to see what would happen. I told him to put the car in park. We both got out and I got behind the wheel. He stood next to the car. I rolled down the window and told him (gently), “hey, you either need to get in the car or cross the street”.
Him: “why, I’m watching you park”
Me: “I’m going to pull out and repack. You need to get in cross the street so I dont hit you”
Him: “I can take care of myself”
Me, raising my voice: “M. You need to move so I can park the car without hitting you” he was literally less than 2ft from the car, standing on the left side, in the road…..
He got mad and said he was going inside. I lost it and was ranting to poor E who was sitting in the back. I’m tired, I’m angry, and I’m debating sleeping in a hotel tonight.
Reddit, AITA for deliberately getting too drunk to drive so that i could just do what I came here to do? Is it responsibility to chauffeur these grown adults around just because i have a car and I’m staying with one of them? Where do I get to draw the line and just enjoy the wedding that I cam here for?
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