I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years. We live in India, but he works a US shift and is quite ambitious. He travels to the US for work for 2-3 months at a time, so when he’s back in India, I expect us to spend some quality time together.
Out of the limited time we have when he’s here, I often ask him to meet me. However, he always uses work as an excuse. He’s a man of words. Not actions. He says things like, “Let’s do this,” or “Let’s plan a date,” but ends up always canceling last minute or makes excuses like work, stress, lack of sleep, or says “I thought we weren’t going.” We hardly meet, and when we do, it’s more about being physical rather than going on proper planned dates.
At this point, I don’t even feel like he loves me anymore. I’ve been dragging this relationship along for almost six months because every time I try to leave, he pulls me back with promises of change and tells me how he’s struggling mentally because of work. This makes me feel guilty for even wanting him to meet me.
I always feel guilty for “forcing” him to meet, especially when there’s no excitement on his face even after months apart. It feels like he can easily go 2-4 weeks, or even a month, without seeing me. The last time he returned from the US after three months, we didn’t even meet until 2-3 weeks later. If someone truly loved me, they would want to meet the very next day.
I know he hardly gets any sleep due to his work, and he’s often tired and sleepy, so I sometimes offer to travel closer to him to make it easier. We live about an hour apart. But even then, he asks me not to come saying he’ll feel guilty for making me travel so far.
I’ve told him I don’t want us to get physical every time we meet, but he says “It’s just my way of expressing my love to you.”
TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn’t make time to meet me often, and when we do meet, it almost always ends up being about sex.
Comments
Reading what you wrote, it’s clear you’re craving emotional connection, time together, real shared moments — and he’s not showing up for that. He’s giving you promises, excuses, and guilt trips but not actions that show love, care, or priority. His words (“I’ll change,” “I’m just stressed”) don’t match his actions (canceling, avoiding, emotionally checking out).
The fact that you feel used — especially since meetings mostly lead to physical intimacy without the emotional bonding you want — is essential to acknowledge. Your feelings are valid.
Sex should never replace true emotional closeness.
Also, love isn’t supposed to feel like you’re “dragging” it or constantly second-guessing your worth or needs. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for wanting basic care and attention from someone who claims to love you.
You’ve already noticed some major red flags:
It’s not selfish to want more. It’s self-respect.
Honestly? You deserve someone excited to see you. Who makes you feel safe, loved, desired, and respected — not someone you have to chase down or beg for scraps of attention?
You’re 22.
You have so much life ahead of you.
Please don’t settle for a half-hearted, one-sided relationship because you’re emotionally invested after two years.
Love isn’t supposed to feel like this.
You are young, and you deserve to be respected. You are a lady who must be hard to find to tolerate what he has been doing to you. Women with principles. It’s hard these days to find a woman so valuable like you. You have to think with your brain and not your heart. Please move on. You will find someone who deserves you. Good luck in your search and in your life.
Hey, I can really relate to your feelings, I’ve been in a similar situation where I was dating someone who worked a US shift in India. They are out of sync with normal life here, and they’re genuinely tired most of the time. So thinking the way you are is completely understandable. Even though physical affection might be his love language, he should still be willing and able to meet your emotional needs too. Please don’t feel guilty for wanting more. Wanting time, care, and emotional connection is basic and healthy in a relationship. It’s not “forcing”, it’s expressing your needs. If you constantly have to convince yourself that your needs are too much, it can become really emotionally draining over time. You deserve to be with someone who naturally feels excited to spend time with you and puts in effort without being pushed. A healthy relationship doesn’t leave you feeling confused.
You don’t have a boyfriend. You have a FWB that’s pretending to act like one, and manipulating you. This is way worse than the fuckboys or fuck girls who are at least honest about only wanting sex.
Text him a breakup and block him on everything right away. He will continue to guilt you back into being together because he’s too lazy or dishonest to get an actual FWB.