Me (19F) and my wife (23F) have been together for about a year and 8 months. Since the very beginning, I made it clear that I don’t want to hear about her exes. I told her multiple times that it hurts me, and that it makes me uncomfortable to hear her talk about her past relationships, especially in detail. I was always polite about it and just asked for respect on this boundary.
Despite this, she kept bringing them up, random stories, deep emotional memories, even talking about how she wanted to spend her whole life with one of her exes. I always asked her to please stop, that I don’t want to know, that it’s disrespectful.
Today she started again, telling me about how her ex used to do piercings, how she came abroad to stay near her and how she wanted to spend her life with her. I asked her again to stop. She got mad and sent me a whole video of someone explaining that “Cancers” (her zodiac sign) like to talk about their past and that it’s “normal” for her.
I told her respectfully that I don’t care about zodiac excuses, this is about basic respect. I said that if she can’t stop talking about how she wanted to spend her life with another woman, then maybe she should find someone else who’s okay with hearing that, because I’m not.
She then told me we’re “over,” divorced me, and blocked me.
I’m heartbroken but also just… shocked. Was I wrong for asking for this boundary? Was I asking for too much? Did I dodge a bullet?
Also, to clarify: we are Muslim, and we got married Islamically, not legally. In Islam, if one spouse verbally states a divorce (ṭalāq), it counts as an actual divorce it’s not just ‘words.’
TL;DR: My wife kept disrespecting my boundary about not talking about her exes, and when I stood up for myself, she divorced and blocked me.
Comments
did yall get married as soon as you turned 18, or?
Next time don’t ignore the red flags
maybe dont get married this early in life?
You are neither right or wrong. It doesn’t matter tbh. What matters is that you have set your own boundaries and she decided she did not want to be with you anymore. Life goes on! The fact that she blocked you is childish and not respectful. You should be good moving forward because that will allow you to understand that she did not love you the way you loved her. Maybe she will miss that and come back at some stage, but to this you will need to stay strong and while you can and should stay polite; you should not go back into this relation. Focus on moving forward and find a women that makes you feel good, but you need to focus on this even when it gets lonely. Good luck boi! You should be proud of knowing what you want…not everyone does.
Maybe next time wait a decade or so before marrying. Also rofl TODAY she had this argument with you and “divorced you”? What did that involve exactly? And blocked you? Do you not even live together? What even is this babbies first marriage bullshti?
Seek an annulment. And thank your lucky stars that it ended when it did.
“I said that if she can’t stop talking about how she wanted to spend her life with another woman, then maybe she should find someone else who’s okay with hearing that, because I’m not.”
and she did. That’s the thing about making ultimatums. You sound young, she sounds young and inconsiderate. If she is walking away over this, its probably best that it happens sooner rather than later.
This is why you don’t get married before dating done at least a year, hope this helps 🫶🏻
Edit to add: I read as 8 months my bad
She said they are not legally married so no they are not married just dating.
I wish my divorce had been that easy and cheap.
How can she divorce you the same day you set the boundary? The process takes months lol