How do I tell my bf that I’m not satisfied in bed? Most of the time I’m the one who initiates anything, I always satisfy him but after it just really seems like he’s not interested. Never wants to go down on me, play w me, n I don’t wanna force it either. It’s really like he’s not interested. Should I just take the hint? Is that a red flag?
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Huge red flag. Just tell him there’s something on your mind you’d like to discuss. Depending on how the conversation goes, it may be time to move on. No reason to stick with someone who doesn’t care enough about you to want to ensure your happiness – whether in or out of bed.
Will it be easy? Nope. Will it be worth it? Hell yes.
Don’t expect strangers to tell you want you like and what your standards are. But if you ask me he may be selfish or incapable or not enjoying you that much. But whatever speak to him and find out
i wouldn’t say its a HUGE red flag but he does sound like he isn’t used to being the one who puts in the work sexually or hes just gotten comfy with the idea of that’s just how it goes. going down on someone isn’t necessarily for everyone and you’re right forcing or pushing someone to do it is wrong and pretty gross but if its just because he doesn’t like it then you might have to find other ways to enjoy yourself with him you could take charge during the process and slow it down at the same time an honest talk might not hurt either.
Def speak up for your needs and give examples of what kinds of things you like. It can be very liberating and you may be met there or need to consider moving in.
Huge red flag. He doesn’t care about your pleasure or satisfaction at all. Expect to see that kind of behaviour in other aspects of your relationship as well.
You need to either put your foot down and demand that he at least tries to make you cum, or you need to leave him. Living your whole live sexually frustrated with someone who doesn’t care about you is no way to live.
Do you guide him on what to do?
Yep, it’s a red flag. If he’s not into pleasing you now, how do you think it will be in the future???
I think he’s selfish and you should have a conversation about your wants and needs ASAP. If he can’t meet your needs or at least try, cut your losses and move on. Imagine marrying him and living the rest of your life not completely happy. Your bf should be doing every he possibly can do to make and keep you happy, EVERY DAY. Don’t short change yourself and settle with what you have cause it’s familiar, life is way too short. I’m sure there’s plenty of men that would love to go down on you! 👅
The comments here are very interesting, I don’t disagree with most but I wonder if the sexes were reversed if the comments would be the same?
Stop satisfying him first. If he wants to finish, he needs to take care of you first. Tell him exactly what you want, and how you want it. How he responds will tell him everything you need to know.
You could say something like, “I’ve noticed that I’m often the one initiating intimacy, and I feel unsatisfied because I’d love for you to be more engaged, like going down on me or playing with me can we talk about how we can improve our connection in that way?”
Just ask.
Tell him you want to have more sex. You want him to indulge your kink. You want to soft dom him. You find it hot. Then you tell him that he is only allowed to orgasm after you have. Ladies first, etc. then maybe that becomes the norm. That would be the best case scenario anyway.
If that doesn’t work then you might have to have that awkward conversation. There is no good way to do it. Be as gentle and heartfelt as possible and he will likely still be pissed about his perception of you defending his manliness or something similar.
The bottom line is sex shouldn’t be over when he gets off. It should be over when you both do. He’s being selfish. But good luck finding a constructive way to frame that.
It is absolutely reasonable to talk to him and mention you have needs he isnt fulfilling. I feel like some people are going of the deep end here. What do we think is the cause of him seemingly not wanting to participate in sex. If i had to guess it could be trauma, mental health issues, low labido, hormone issues, could be demisexual without knowing. Many men are embarassed to bring up issues like these. If u want the relationship to continue i would put some thought in asking of these. Again though you have no obligation to stay in a relationship you dont see working out.
Your libido’s are different from how you describe it I think he just doesn’t want sex as much. Which is perfectly normal, but you both have to communicate.
When my friends complain about similar stuff. It’s usually just a miscommunication of the roles in the relationship 9/10 times. Not anything self destructive or a sign of incompatibility. Some tough conversations: Are you willing to open up the relationship a bit? Do we have everything we need to get going? (vibrators, lubes, pillows etc) Would he like a different kind of stimulation not just his meat? yk expand the solutions beyond just blaming the guy or your own body.
i wouldn’t call this a ‘red flag’ at all tbh that’s a whole other arena. That said, if you feel unappreciated or chronically unwanted despite trying to communicate, your feelings are valid too.
Is your hygiene good? A lot of the times that could be the issue and they dont want to hurt your feelings. Like hey babe, your pussy stinks… doesnt really go over well. Its happened, definitely felt bad bringing it up but it can cause some static.
Plot twist: he is not satisfied either
This is going to sound crazy, but it works. Have an open, honest and direct conversation about it BUT do it through email. Trust me. This allows the other party to work through all the emotions (embarrassment, anger, etc.) BEFORE responding and allows for a more productive conversation. My wife and I learned this trick more than a decade ago and it has been a game changer. Any difficult conversation is done through email, when the situation allows.
Sex shouldn’t be transactional, but it should also not be selfish
You have been giving him everything he wants while he gives you nothing
Stop giving him what he wants until he can man up and please you, as well