This happened last weekend at a family dinner. My brother and his wife invited everyone over, and I was actually looking forward to it. Everything was fine at first, but then my sister-in-law started in with her usual comments about my job.
For context, I work in tech. It’s a solid job, pays well, and I enjoy it. But for some reason, my SIL has always had this weird attitude about it. She thinks because I’m not coming home covered in sweat or physically exhausted, it’s not real work. She’s made comments before, but I usually let it slide.
This time, she was on a roll. She kept saying things like, must be nice to sit around all day and make more than people who actually work hard and some of us don’t get paid to play on the computer. Everyone at the table kind of laughed awkwardly, but I was getting sick of it.
I finally told her I work just as hard as anyone else, and I don’t see how my job affects her at all. She rolled her eyes and said I was being sensitive and that she was just joking. At that point, I was done. I finished my plate, thanked my brother for dinner, and left. Now my mom is saying I was rude for walking out and making things awkward, but honestly, I feel like I just set a boundary.
AITAH for leaving?
Comments
Sounds like she puts more work into complaining vs into her job! I don’t think you were wrong for leaving it’s none of her business where you work and how much you make! I don’t understand people like that, that are so worried about someone else when it’s got nothing to do with them!
Tbh I would have called her a cunt
>Now my mom is saying I was rude for walking out and making things awkward, but honestly, I feel like I just set a boundary.
Right. Why are you even bothering to post something so one-sided.
NTA. I have a SIL who put down my husband’s career in front of everyone at a wedding when he left the table. Some people have no class!
NTA. You were right in leaving. Your brother should tell his wife to knock it off. Updateme
Tell her to mind the business that pays her and stop having you live rent free in her head.
If she invested all the time and energy that she does into improving her own life and her career, maybe she would be able to live as well as you do.
Tell your parents that they need to muzzle their DIL or the next time you’re not going to be as polite as you were
NTAH
She sounds jealous. You are NTA.
NTA. As someone who works in tech, I can say we don’t just sit around and play on a computer. We deal with assholes like your SIL all the time
Next time, tell her the color green does not suit her. And it’s sad that her life is so pathetic that she feels the need to try and bring down others around her.
Then offer her your sympathy, and give her a list of phone numbers for therapists to help her manage her feelings of inadequacy.
NTA.
Sounds like someone is jealous that they don’t have the aptitude for IT…remind her that it took IT for her to have a cellphone and the other gadgets that makes her life more bearable…then tell her to STFU….NTA for leaving.
NTA: with narcissistic personalities like her, you’ve got to make her aware that comments like that are going to be very uncomfortable, so maybe she better think twice before saying them.
As someone that has worked in tech for 25y, the real laugh comes later in life. You use your money using your brain, those other guys make their money using their bodies. Their bodies will break down long before your brain does. Today I turn 50, and I’m still at the top of my game in Cybersecurity. Friends I have that stayed in mechanics and labor jobs wake up every morning having to swallow down 1,000 mg of ibuprofen just to get out of bed. Most of them have had to find Les labor intensive jobs because their bodies just can’t do it anymore.
NTA tell your mom SIL can suck a bag of d*cks. You were way nicer than I would have been. The person who should be getting reprimanded and SIL as you had just reacted to her energy.
NTA. But it sounds like your whole family feels some kind of way about your career choice. Which means you can choose to lower your contact with them when they are together as a group like that. Or you can change how you respond.
Personally, in your position I’d stay really calm and casual and while still eating say something like: “Wow, SIL, you’ve done a LOT of thinking about my job, I’m starting to wonder if you spend enough time thinking about me and my work that you could actually draw a salary for it.”
“I can’t decide if you’re just jealous or if you’re insecure AND jealous.”
“What part bothers you the most SIL, my stable career field, my good salary or the fact I’m not slowly breaking my body down just to pay my bills? Or are you jealous about the whole thing?”
“You know SIL, it’s never too late to go back to school and pick up a career. I could help you pick a good program if you wanted to get into some IT work.”
“We each play to our strengths in life. Yours is using your body for work, turns out mine is using my brains. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
You did just set a boundary. And keep reinforcing that boundary because what she’s doing is not okay c
She’s just jealous that you don’t have to PHYSICALLY work your ass off and PHYSICALLY exhaust yourself to make more than her.
Nta
NTA. I would tell her that is the definition of work smarter not harder. Tell her you work with you brain and don’t want to wear your body out doing menial labor.
‘It’s just a joke bro!’ said no-one ever who was actually joking. You’re mom lacks a backbone. Tell her she or any other family member could have stopped the rudeness many times but they never did. Just start ‘joking’ about your SIL’s body, about how her only job is laying on her back and popping out kids or any other really nasty stuff. Ignoring bullies doesn’t work. You need to give them a bloody nose.
NTA But I prob would have stayed long enough to question her as to why she keeps making the comments and that you don’t want to hear her do it again.
YTA. The proper thing to do is point out the fact that if everyone did “sweaty labor” and nobody did white collar work, then we wouldn’t have lights that cost 2 cents a day to run, and go on down the long long list of all the other things we would not have.
NTA. I’d likely have called her an idiotic cunt, and how it was too bad she wore herself out scrubbing toilets for a living.
WTF is the matter with this witch?
Next time tell her that her face is a joke and if she says anything tell her you were just joking hate when people say that Ughh makes my blood boil like no your not joking your jealous because I make more money then you but I get to do it from a computer I use my brain instead of my body
“Yes, it is nice having a job where I can sit… use my education, earn a decent living, and not abuse my body physically… it sounds like you regret your career choice sil…”
NTA, tho… you never have to put up with bullying dressed up as joking
Oh silly sister-in-law, I’m so sorry you’re jealous because you’re not smart enough to do what I do all day.
I would have laughed and have been like “yeah it’s awesome! I’m really lucky”. Double down on what they say and you take all of her power.
If she calls you lazy, say yeah, it’s a cushty job!
NTA but next time instead of getting mad why not have some fun winding her up.
“Work smarter not harder”
Simple
What a delightful person she sounds!
NTA. She’s a jealous witch.
What does she do that’s so special? Something that she can easily be replaced in I’m willing to bet. Sweating doesn’t equate to work… what does she think about general officer workers as a whole, not just tech? I’m sure she wouldn’t feel the same if she couldn’t file her own paperwork at a legal office because she doesn’t know the codes.
NTA.
I’d have responded and been like, “yea it actually is nice. I really enjoy it. Sounds like you’re just a bitter bitch because you don’t make as much.”
NTA. Your SIL was making things rude and awkward. Just tell your mother you left before doing or saying something that was apology worthy.
NTA she might be jealous of your income compared to your brothers most tech job pay a pretty penny
I would have dished it back.
“Yeah it is pretty great. You sound a little jealous, maybe dissatisfied with your “real work”, want to talk about that?”
WTF is wrong with your mom?? Why is she ok with your SIL making passive aggressive jealous comments like that? Her and SIL are the rude ones.
Your sister in law is jealous of your skills and of the money you make. Is your brothers family doing as well, if not, then she is not happy about that either. It doesn’t matter how you make your money as long as you make it. Your brother should have shut it down.
How are you rude but SIL isn’t?? Let me guess, now they want you to be the bigger person and let it go or apologize. NTA. She owes you an apology. Not a joke if you are t laughing
NTA She’s the bitch who couldn’t stop digging at you. Did anybody step in to tell the cunt to stop? No? Then fuck any of them for taking her side. Stand up for yourself as it seems nobody else wants to stand up for you.
NTA but next time stay calm and ask her to explain her “joke”. Don’t break eye contact. Ask why what’s she’s saying is funny to her. Then when she can’t, say “jokes are supposed to make the intended target laugh. What you’re doing is shitting on my career because you don’t respect it or me. If you’re going to be a mean girl far past high school age you might want to start owning up to the things you say when they’re intended to be hurtful or else people might start thinking you enjoy simply being a bully”
NTA. You tell your mom that SIL was the only one who made things awkward and mom should stick up for the one who’s right, not the one she’s apparently afraid of displeasing. I wouldn’t go back there for the foreseeable future.
next time reply, if she works smarter she can make as much as you. then walk away. NTA.
NTA. Keep leaving the minute she starts up with your job. Awkwardness is good. It will show her that you are not going to tolerate being disrespected.
I’d probably say something along the lines of “aw, I’m sorry you don’t have the brains to do a job like mine! Don’t worry, though, the world will always need folks like you to do manual labor.”
To be clear, I don’t think there is anything lesser about having a manual labor job, but she clearly does and I’d happily use that on her.
NTA- She’s bitter because she can’t make the same money as you do. Please tell her she enjoys everything tech related thanks to guys like you.
Your mums TA for expecting you to act like a doormat. She honestly just sat there and let someone speak to her kid like that? What a disappointment of a parent to worry more about everyone feeling awkward out all of this.
As for your SIL, sounds like a busybody loser who needs to mind her business rather than creating drama for no reason at all.
NTA.
Nope, NTA.
I have a SIL that has been jealous of us her entire life just because we have a better life. I finally had enough of her shit and went NC with her and her family. Told the hubs he could talk to his brother all he wanted, but I was finished with the BS. He agreed. His brother was also jealous.
Your mom should be on your side not hers. Your brother should also stop her ranting.
If none of that is happening, just know that you have options to go either LC or NC because nobody needs that toxicity in their life.
NTA – What a rude host. You should not go back.
She won.
Going forward you need to devise an offensive for her or you’ll get eaten up. She’s coming from a place of insecurity, and it would be dead simple to pack her back into her shell.
Eg
“I respect all lines of work. Too bad for you my employer respects my line a bit more than yours”.
NTA
While not a truth, you can just taunt her next time with a just-as-obnoxious statement when she talks about hard work like “Well, it’s like they say… Hard work is for people short on talent” or similar, and let her stew on it.
Meh. 25/75 NTA.
75 NTA for having set a boundary. 25 The way you went about it is a little ham fisted in my opinion.
She’s making comments. OK, let the first one or two slide. Then call it out. You don’t need to be an asshole doing it either. Something as simple as “do you mind?” or “can you stop please, I really don’t appreciate it.”
Most people can take the hint or get embarassed when you call it out, especially with a table full of people sitting around.
If it continues then your response becomes “ok. This is unnecessary. You really need to stop.”
Im just joking…. “well. I’m asking you to stop please”
If it continues past that. Then you leave. Don’t make a scene. Just leave. Which it sounds like you did.
Sounds awkward. Just remember, you weren’t the one who made it that way. As for your mother… Put it right back on her. Who made it awkward, mom? Me? Or her?
You could have some fun, sit her in front of a computer with issues, and let her have at it, since it’s so easy, right? Tell her you’ll pay her to fix it, what they pay trainees, as long as she fixes it 100% correctly.
NTA
What does she do?