Spouse(50) is on disability… he is convinced he will die within the next 10 years. We do not have a savings or 401(k) because it needs to be used to pay off our current home so we didn’t have to worry about losing it at any point do to not having a significant income. He is now wanting to sell our home and build the home set up of his dreams. I am not in favor of this at this point in time. But not opposed to five years in the future due to son’s age.
My reasons…I’m quite positive that what he is wanting would be more $ than we have and we’d be taking out a larger mortgage, which could be a danger for us in our situation. He wants to go somewhat off grid or at least so neighbors aren’t close by and we have an 11 yo on the spectrum and in the neighborhood currently live in he has friends and such that he is able to walk out our front door and ride his bike and play safely with other children. We also have a pool and other items that would not be afforded if we moved. I am also not comfortable having neighbors close by. I take comfort in knowing there are neighbors around. Also, the set up he is talking about our separate structures for each room, and I am not comfortable putting our child any separate structure to sleep at night.
Their reasons… it is a dream of theirs. We’ve living at the current place for 18 years and wants to change and wants to have something new. Feel their time is limited due to health and wants to be happy the last of it. So there will be no financial change. Says there is nothing holding us here. And he wants a change.
AITAH for not agreeing to do this now?
Comments
You’re right to be cautious about finances and your child’s stability. Your husband’s dream matters, but so does security. Maybe find a middle ground small changes to your current home for now. Talk openly and try to compromise.
NTA, honestly your husband is kind of selfish for wanting to take your son away from his home, school, and friends to move so far away. Additionally, he is being rather stupid to put you in such a precarious financial situation, given that he thinks he will die well before a mortgage is paid off and you have a special needs son. That type of “house” also sounds incredibly specialized and not something that you could sell easily if/when he does die, tying you to it for longer than you would like. You should be saving money or thinking about life insurance or long term care insurance for yourself and your son since he may not be able to take care of you and you will likely predecease him.
NTA. you are being practical and thinks what best for all of you and your child lives his best life having friends in your neighborhood
He believes he will be dead within the next 10 years so he wants to sacrifice both the present and future for you and your son because he wants something new because he wants to personally be happy for the next 10 years, with no concern for the rest of his family or even for his future if he lives longer than he is expected. Moving to an isolated area off grid is a huge change, taking your son away from a community where he is happy is a huge change and having separate structures for each room sounds awful. Under no circumstances should you make this change and, if he insists, then you need to consider the marriage. This will destroy you financially, destroy your mental health and, more importantly, your son’s.