I (16F) have had extremely bad social anxiety my entire life. So bad that until the end of middle school I was basically mute in public. The therapist i’m working with abt this suggested I try complimenting someone. After this, when I was at the store I saw someone with an XO Weeknd hoodie, I was genuinely curious where he got it from. For context, this is a grown man with a wife and a toddler. I didn’t think this would be wrong since I’m VERY CLEARLY a teenager. I walk up to him and say, “where did you get that hoodie from? I love the Weeknd” and the guy replies, in the rudest tone he possibly can, “online” then his wife looked me up and down and said “that compliment wasn’t necessary” and that was the end of the interaction. It prob doesn’t seem like a big deal to most but this was a huge step for me. Some ppl I told abt this are siding with me but others think i’m in the wrong since I had a crop top on (with baggy jeans, nothing extremely revealing) while complimenting a guy with a gf
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I (16F) have had extremely bad social anxiety my entire life. So bad that until the end of middle school I was basically mute in public. The therapist i’m working with abt this suggested I try complimenting someone. After this, when I was at the store I saw someone with an XO Weeknd hoodie, I was genuinely curious where he got it from. For context, this is a grown man with a wife and a toddler. I didn’t think this would be wrong since I’m VERY CLEARLY a teenager. I walk up to him and say, “where did you get that hoodie from? I love the Weeknd” and the guy replies, in the rudest tone he possibly can, “online” then his wife looked me up and down and said “that compliment wasn’t necessary” and that was the end of the interaction. It prob doesn’t seem like a big deal to most but this was a huge step for me. Some ppl I told abt this are siding with me but others think i’m in the wrong since I had a crop top on (with baggy jeans, nothing extremely revealing) while complimenting a guy with a gf
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that people judged me for it since I walked up to a guy with a gf and complimented him while wearing a crop top
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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NTA
That dude definitely cheated on his wife before.
NTA. That’s a bizarre reaction to receiving a benign compliment and I hope you realize their reactions had nothing to do with you. Most sane adults would be happy a teenager thought their clothes were cool.
NTA. Clearly nothing wrong with your comment and question. Some people are just not very nice or social so maybe you just picked the wrong person to approach. Don’t take it too personally.
NTA. That is completely appropriate. They were just rude.
NTA. People can be assholes. No matter what, if you were not rude, the attitude was unfounded.
Please remember though, you have no idea what kind of day / week they were having, don’t take it personally.
If someone says something off to me, here’s my thought process… 1:Have I insulted this person, 2:have I been rude.
If the answer is no, then generally it’s a them not a you issue.
Keep at it !
Nta just super bad luck. Try again I’m sure you’ll go fine
NTA. How rude of them.
That was not about you, I bet they have issues with cheating.
Their response says a lot about them and nothing about you. NTA
NTA. They have their own issues. There’s nothing wrong with what you said, or your crop top. Crop tops are super popular.
NTA, don’t let it get you down. They were probably having some marital issues, not your fault.
Man why are adults such dicks!!! It was very basic question, as for me I’d be expecting a very basic answer, do you live in Connecticut it kinda sounds like some of the people around where I live :(((
Man why are adults such dicks!!! It was very basic question, as for me I’d be expecting a very basic answer, do you live in Connecticut it kinda sounds like some of the people around where I live :(((
Baby steps
NTA- Where did you compliment him? I love the weekend is not complimenting anything to HIM
NTA. At ALL.
That response had NOTHING to do with you, and a whole bunch to do with whatever shit was rolling around inside someone else’s relationship.
You keep on complimenting people. You can bring little bits of happy into people’s lives, and that is the very best superpower.
NTA. Listen, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in 30 years is most people are jerks. If you keep your expectations low then you can’t be offended. The nice thing about low expectations of people is that when you find someone who is genuine, you end up becoming friends pretty quick
Then, guys on Reddit: Why don’t women compliment more?
(because it is generally perceived as advances and we’re not troubling our peace over the aftermath and having to deal with jealous SOs, awkward rejection for worse)
NTA. Stick to complimenting women only.
NTA but the next time you try this exercise, give a compliment to a peer to a young woman your age.
NTA… Some girls are just mean
Congrats on beginning to take steps to break out of your shell and I hope this negative experience doesn’t deter you in the future. This might be a regional thing, I’ve been to places with super friendly people that’d love the opportunity for a conversation. I live somewhere that has ruder people like this. I’m going to assume because you have social anxiety your tone and mannerisms probably came across as.. off. There’s nothing wrong with that, but that also could be why you got a rude response.
All of that to say you’re NTA but probably pick your audience better. Even in my rude area woman to woman compliments always seem to go over well. Even if it’s a single dude, he may fall in love with you from one compliment. And I know the dudes will downvote me for that, but it’s just riskier complimenting men in general. Especially when you’re beginning to branch out of your social anxiety. Feel free to do so when you’ve gained a better feel for people
If the wife has a issue with a 16 year old girl complimenting her husband, the issue is with her, not you.
NTA, that wasn’t anything crazy or inappropriate or offensive. It was rather a nice thing to do, and keep being nice to fellow humans.
People are just super unsociable sometimes. It’s gotten soooooo much worse in the last decade. It’s like we want to live in society, but more and more, don’t want to partake in it.
So confusing 😕
I wouldn’t think this is an odd thing to say! You weren’t even complimenting particularly, just asking a question…
Hope this hasn’t knocked your confidence.
Holy fuck, NTA at all. Weird jealous people have actual problems. That’s completely on them, not you. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing at all. Please don’t let it get to you, I love complimenting people, and I love when people compliment my boyfriend. For them to think a 16 year old is competition is extra fucked. They are the problem, not you, not at all.
You complimented the weeknd to a random guy and asked where you could get a hoodie…
You didn’t compliment him.
Read Albert Ellis “A Guide to Rational Living.” It’s a big deal to you, but you have to realize: You have social anxiety (back in my day, I was just “shy”). (Excess) anxiety is the most treatable form of mental illness (what you have is dysfunctional and highly limiting to what you can do in life). The treatment is graded exposure under physiological relaxation.
So, congrats on making one interaction that happened to be with people who are either assholes or misunderstood. You need to do 1000 interactions, one per day until it’s 5-10 per day until it feels about as anxious as brushing your teeth. I did this to overcome shyness, now I give talks on networking, how to make friends etc. I used to get nervous about public speaking, so I relaxed and gave 100s of talks. Now I get about as nervous giving a talk as petting my cat (I’ve been scratched by both).
You’re dwelling too much, some people are mean, others kind, most are just more involved with their own thoughts than with judging or thinking about you. Find all types. You have to find the mean ones because 100 of those will help you get over it as no big deal. Good luck.