In short first. English is not my first language, so bear with me.
So, me (31,F) and my ex (30,M) were married couple of years and we divorced in 2021. Divorce was messy and I shall tell you more about it later, but we got our assets divided, except for our shared home and a car. My ex, whom I shall refer as John, wanted to buy our shared home and car to himself. And I was fine with it. I just wanted to get rid of everything that was our shared property.
I moved to a rental unit and began to wait. First he said it will be a couple of moths, then half a year, then a year and so on. He told me he was saving money, his money situation was hard etc. And I just gave him time. John needed to save approximately 4000-6000€ to get the loan. And I believed that he could save that pretty quickly. But then started the waterworks, he got laid off, he was burnt out and so on. Although, through all of this, he had money to visit abroad and buy almost a brand new motorbike.
Midst all this, he wanted me to pay for the house renovations, upgrades he got for the house and he tried to get me to pay for some electric renovations. I declined of any payments, because I didn’t benefit for the renovations (he said the house would still be sold to him at the same price) and I didn’t even get any rent from him staying there. I also didn’t pay the mortgage, because he was living in the house rent-free.
Now, four years have passed and still nothing. Same songs. He lost all the money (and said that was the new American presidents fault) and didn’t have anything. He needed more time. I said I’ve had enough and I threatened legal actions and found myself a lawyer. He tried to settle thing, but no answer. Now John was mad that I made him ask for a bank loan or possibly take him from his home. Because the settlement didn’t work, we are going to court with this. And with that, either he buys the house and the car, or he moves and sells it all.
So, AITA for only waiting four years and not giving him enough time to save approximately 5000€?
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In short first. English is not my first language, so bear with me.
So, me (31,F) and my ex (30,M) were married couple of years and we divorced in 2021. Divorce was messy and I shall tell you more about it later, but we got our assets divided, except for our shared home and a car. My ex, whom I shall refer as John, wanted to buy our shared home and car to himself. And I was fine with it. I just wanted to get rid of everything that was our shared property.
I moved to a rental unit and began to wait. First he said it will be a couple of moths, then half a year, then a year and so on. He told me he was saving money, his money situation was hard etc. And I just gave him time. John needed to save approximately 4000-6000€ to get the loan. And I believed that he could save that pretty quickly. But then started the waterworks, he got laid off, he was burnt out and so on. Although, through all of this, he had money to visit abroad and buy almost a brand new motorbike.
Midst all this, he wanted me to pay for the house renovations, upgrades he got for the house and he tried to get me to pay for some electric renovations. I declined of any payments, because I didn’t benefit for the renovations (he said the house would still be sold to him at the same price) and I didn’t even get any rent from him staying there. I also didn’t pay the mortgage, because he was living in the house rent-free.
Now, four years have passed and still nothing. Same songs. He lost all the money (and said that was the new American presidents fault) and didn’t have anything. He needed more time. I said I’ve had enough and I threatened legal actions and found myself a lawyer. He tried to settle thing, but no answer. Now John was mad that I made him ask for a bank loan or possibly take him from his home. Because the settlement didn’t work, we are going to court with this. And with that, either he buys the house and the car, or he moves and sells it all.
So, AITA for only waiting four years and not giving him enough time to save approximately 5000€?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I didn’t give my ex husband the time he needed to buy our shared property, and (2) I could have just waited a little bit longer, for like a half a year or so.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA…You waited way too long. This should have been settled before the divorce was finalized.
You state you have not been paying the mortgage. I sure hope he has. Because if your name is on the mortgage, that affects your credit as well.
He either refinances and gets your name off mortgage and deed or the house is sold.
NTA. You’ve given him 4 years living rent free to get the money sorted. That’s more generous than most exes would be. The only person John should be mad at is himself.
NTA. You have been extremely patient. Time to move on.