I just need to shout this into the void.
My MIL is very unstable.
Background: she’s very conservative Christian and uses religion to gaslight people. She also uses it to uphold this image…if you just met her on the street you’d think she was this kind, softly spoken woman who would do no harm.
Yesterday, she had a fight with my BIL. She has this thing where she feels abandoned by her sons because they now have their own lives and apparently never come and see her…despite them always being the ones to visit her and her NEVER coming to see them. She then spoke to my BILs fiancée telling her about all my BILs previous girlfriends, the jewellery he’d bought them, the gifts she girlfriends had b bought her and told my BIL that he’d never be happy unless he found a woman like MIL. She ranted at BIL’s fiancee that his clothes are always creased (like who even cares?!) and basically implied that she’s going to make a horrible wife because she doesn’t iron. They’ve been together for about 4.5 years and until this point she’s NEVER acted like this towards her. Also, of all BILs girlfriends this is the one I’ve seen him most happy/settled with. She is an AMAZING person who I love so much. She’s an awesome auntie to our sons and just the best sister in law. I could not ask for anyone better to join our family.
After all this went down, my BIL called my husband to vent to him about it. He was really, understandably upset. He’s had arguments with her many times, but this was the first time she’d personally attacked his fiancée like that. So, under the guise of ‘checking on her’ my husband rings my MIL. She rants at him for nearly 2 hrs about BILs poor life choices and dredges stuff up from the past that is not even relevant. Husband tries to be diplomatic and tell her, in a careful way, that maybe she was out of line and that BIL is very upset. You have to tread carefully with her because she’s had huge mental breakdowns before, is very unstable and will threaten suicide self harm if she feels cornered.
She then starts preaching religion to my husband. Now, my husband is sort of religious. He believes in some sort of higher power, but not necessarily a Christian god. He’s kind an agnostic and very chill about it. I’m not religious, was never raised with religion. BUT i also don’t really care if other people are religious and fully support them in it if it makes them happy and they’re not hurting anyone or forcing it on others. I have many religious friends and it’s never been an issue. We’ve also made the choice to not baptise/christen our sons because we believe it’s not up to us what religion (if any) they choose, but will fully support them if they decide to undertake any religious rites in the future. This has never sat right with MIL. She has this image of me being this raging atheist who has turned her son against religion…despite me literally having bought books on the subject to learn more and I’ve bought her Christian devotionals for gifts in the past. But yeah, I’m trying to turn everyone into an atheist apparently.
So her conversation with my husband goes something like this.
MIL: I hope you pray on this…
Husband: no offence, mom, but I don’t really think prayer will help this situation (meaning how she fought with BIL)
MIL: I really do hope you can find it in your heart to let the lord in and if that causes issues in your marriage then that’s something you’ll have to deal with
Husband: laughs thank you, but it wouldn’t cause an issue even if did become religious.
MIL: Oh, well please watch (some religious evangelical whose name I can’t remember) on YouTube and let the lord in.
Does this sound like she is gunning for a divorce?! Like if she thinks that my husband becoming religious would break us up (which it wouldn’t) and then actively tells him to do it…I know I’m not her ideal DIL, but I’ve never heard her so blatantly advise my husband to basically throw his marriage away.
Am I reading too much into this? Or is she trying to wreck both her sons’ relationships?
I’m not super worried or even angry (I find it sort of amusing), she’s just batshit insane and I want to know if I’m misreading this.
Edit: formatting
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of course she wants to break you up. I think without change your BIL may lose his great girlfriend.
I think you’re better off checking in with your partner on his satisfaction in the relationship and not worry so much about MIL. She could definitely be hoping for both her sons to leave their partners so they priorize he, but you already know she’s unstable. Her blessing on your marriage or acceptance of you is a long way away and you’re married already. She can’t ruin your relationship is is strong.