Am I the asshole because I told my mom that she proves to me im a better mother than her because she is still with a man who has tried being creepy with me since highschool ( I was 16/17 when it started)?
So let’s s start back when it started and the first occurrence, I was in hs and just woke up to get dressed and crossed paths with my stepdad on the way to the bathroom. He was in boxers and I looked at him awkwardly and said goodmorning then proceeded back to my room and let him go to the bathroom.
He then texted me while I was at school on some “I saw the way you looked at me” typpa vibes…. weird right? My friends thought so too and suggested I tell my mom, so I did that day after school. Time goes on and to my awareness she had talked to him about it but they were going to move past it.
I completely forgot about that situation honestly and this is what burnt it into my memory. I had gotten into a stupid kid breakup and was burrying my face in my pillow crying, thinking I was showing my mom the text between my ex bf and I. I was wrong and instead she went into my phone and deleted all the creepy text my step dad sent. I didn’t say anything about it tho, just peeped it and knew to keep my distance a bit.
More time goes on and im now 21, I had my son at 20 and became a single mother at 21. That first year really is a test iykyk. Anyways, lets talk about the second occurrence. I had gotten the flu and was at urgent care to get tested for a dr note.
My step dad had called me that morning to see how things were going, this is definitely not something that is normal for him to do. Long story short he then texts me in that same time period talking about how I should post more pretty pictures on facebook and if I don’t want to do that I can send them his way cause ive got his number.
I didn’t respond and the next day I told him that, “that made me uncomfortable and I would appreciate if he wouldnt be that way with me”. He proceeds with “no no youre my daughter I would never!” Blah blah blah, was all I was hearing bc its pretty clear what he meant and he wasnt trying to be a fatherly figure. Because I had told him that and it didnt continue I didnt tell my mom that time,, also out of fear she would delete the only evidence i have of it again.
So more time goes on and he keeps his distance in person and has always given me side hugs. Well now he was getting in the habit of calling me every morning before work, just on normal convos and checkin in on me. I found it weird but nothing that I needed to run to my mom about immediately and cause problems for their relationship.
Then one morning I didn’t answer his call because I had woken up late for work. I woke up to my phone ringing and then it ended and I realized the time so I immediately called my work to let them know I slept through my alarms on accident and I’d be in late. Well then I go to check whos call was waking me up and then hear footsteps leading up to my apartment and a knock on my door. The answer to both of those questions was my step dad.
I had just gotten out of bed not even fully awake and throw some loose shorts and tshirt on and check who was at my door. He comes inside uninvited fr and hugs me now with both hands, (grazing them from under my breast to the back of my rib cage) I felt immensely uncomfortable.
He then proceeds to bring up the text about the pretty fb pictures and how he didn’t mean it in that way. He also mentioned that he didnt have an opportunity to talk to me about it till then bc my mom was always around. Then I basically just okayed him to get him to get out of my apartment asap!
Then it took a couple days till I got some alone time with my mom to bring it up to her and I told her what had been happening and how it made me feel uncomfortable. She proceeded with not bringing it up to him and telling me to tell her if he calls me and that shes upset I didnt tell her sooner.
It’s been a couple weeks now that I’ve been giving my mom the time to make something out of that and make the same decision I would and I believe most women would and leave him. Well she hasn’t and yesterday he called me again before work and I picked up, and he asked me if all was good w him and my mom and I kinda just put that question off and again said whatever I could to get myself off that call asap.
I just handle my trauma weird and when I feel taken advantage of its hard for me to get myself out. so I told my mom that day (yesterday) that he called me again. her response to that is to just ignore any phone calls or text.
I called my little sister and had her hand the phone to my mom and I told her that she proves to me im a better mother than her everyday bc I care for my child a hell of alot more than she shows she cares for me. Then she said she wont listen to how im going to attack her as a mother and she walked away.
Keep in mind I could hear my step dad in the back so im highly positive she didnt want to talk to me because she knew I was upset about him, and she didnt want him to hear. I’ve got my older sister telling me that I initiated things with him as well bc I would answer his calls, which is why im bringing this here, bc she would typically agree with me on this.
so reddit/tht am i the asshole?
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Backup of the post’s body: Am I the asshole because I told my mom that she proves to me im a better mother than her because she is still with a man who has tried being creepy with me since highschool ( I was 16/17 when it started)?
So let’s s start back when it started and the first occurrence, I was in hs and just woke up to get dressed and crossed paths with my stepdad on the way to the bathroom. He was in boxers and I looked at him awkwardly and said goodmorning then proceeded back to my room and let him go to the bathroom.
He then texted me while I was at school on some “I saw the way you looked at me” typpa vibes…. weird right? My friends thought so too and suggested I tell my mom, so I did that day after school. Time goes on and to my awareness she had talked to him about it but they were going to move past it.
I completely forgot about that situation honestly and this is what burnt it into my memory. I had gotten into a stupid kid breakup and was burrying my face in my pillow crying, thinking I was showing my mom the text between my ex bf and I. I was wrong and instead she went into my phone and deleted all the creepy text my step dad sent. I didn’t say anything about it tho, just peeped it and knew to keep my distance a bit.
More time goes on and im now 21, I had my son at 20 and became a single mother at 21. That first year really is a test iykyk. Anyways, lets talk about the second occurrence. I had gotten the flu and was at urgent care to get tested for a dr note.
My step dad had called me that morning to see how things were going, this is definitely not something that is normal for him to do. Long story short he then texts me in that same time period talking about how I should post more pretty pictures on facebook and if I don’t want to do that I can send them his way cause ive got his number.
I didn’t respond and the next day I told him that, “that made me uncomfortable and I would appreciate if he wouldnt be that way with me”. He proceeds with “no no youre my daughter I would never!” Blah blah blah, was all I was hearing bc its pretty clear what he meant and he wasnt trying to be a fatherly figure. Because I had told him that and it didnt continue I didnt tell my mom that time,, also out of fear she would delete the only evidence i have of it again.
So more time goes on and he keeps his distance in person and has always given me side hugs. Well now he was getting in the habit of calling me every morning before work, just on normal convos and checkin in on me. I found it weird but nothing that I needed to run to my mom about immediately and cause problems for their relationship.
Then one morning I didn’t answer his call because I had woken up late for work. I woke up to my phone ringing and then it ended and I realized the time so I immediately called my work to let them know I slept through my alarms on accident and I’d be in late. Well then I go to check whos call was waking me up and then hear footsteps leading up to my apartment and a knock on my door. The answer to both of those questions was my step dad.
I had just gotten out of bed not even fully awake and throw some loose shorts and tshirt on and check who was at my door. He comes inside uninvited fr and hugs me now with both hands, (grazing them from under my breast to the back of my rib cage) I felt immensely uncomfortable.
He then proceeds to bring up the text about the pretty fb pictures and how he didn’t mean it in that way. He also mentioned that he didnt have an opportunity to talk to me about it till then bc my mom was always around. Then I basically just okayed him to get him to get out of my apartment asap!
Then it took a couple days till I got some alone time with my mom to bring it up to her and I told her what had been happening and how it made me feel uncomfortable. She proceeded with not bringing it up to him and telling me to tell her if he calls me and that shes upset I didnt tell her sooner.
It’s been a couple weeks now that I’ve been giving my mom the time to make something out of that and make the same decision I would and I believe most women would and leave him. Well she hasn’t and yesterday he called me again before work and I picked up, and he asked me if all was good w him and my mom and I kinda just put that question off and again said whatever I could to get myself off that call asap.
I just handle my trauma weird and when I feel taken advantage of its hard for me to get myself out. so I told my mom that day (yesterday) that he called me again. her response to that is to just ignore any phone calls or text.
I called my little sister and had her hand the phone to my mom and I told her that she proves to me im a better mother than her everyday bc I care for my child a hell of alot more than she shows she cares for me. Then she said she wont listen to how im going to attack her as a mother and she walked away.
Keep in mind I could hear my step dad in the back so im highly positive she didnt want to talk to me because she knew I was upset about him, and she didnt want him to hear. I’ve got my older sister telling me that I initiated things with him as well bc I would answer his calls, which is why im bringing this here, bc she would typically agree with me on this.
so reddit/tht am i the asshole?
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YTA to yourself. You need to create boundaries. Tell your step dad not to contact you anymore and to never come by your place. Then block his number. If you see him at your door, do not open the door and call the police. Tell the police that he’s a creepy pedophile and you don’t want him near you or your child. Tell your mother that you will only meet with her one on one in public. You do know that whole situation between your mother and hm.
It’s not your fault. But you have to be more careful because if he thinks you won’t put up resistance he’ll escalate. Stop letting him in your home, specially when you’re alone. You don’t have to say he’s not welcome. Just don’t answer the door. Stop answering the phone. Or start recording when/if you do. If he gets angry or starts guilting you tell him those are your boundaries and he needs to respect them. Repeat this regardless of what he says. Please be careful.
NTA. Your mother should have protected you.