My FWB and I have been friends for over 7 years. A few months before leaving for further studies in different (but nearby) countries, we decided to hook up. We tried keeping in touch, mostly from my side, but eventually got busy. A year later, we accidentally visited our hometown around the same time. After meeting him, I realized I had deeper feelings. I consulted a mutual friend (the only one who knew about our FWB situation), and he encouraged me to confess. I texted my feelings right before leaving, but he later called to say he didn’t feel the same, though he valued our friendship.
We agreed to stay friends, but communication gradually faded. I tried casual dating after, but it didn’t work. Recently, while tipsy, I told another friend about my confession, and she harshly asked, “Do you not have any self-respect?” That really hit me. Since then, I’ve stopped initiating contact, deleted his number, and distanced myself. I doubt he’ll notice. Our group isn’t very communicative anyway, but we occasionally have long calls together.
I don’t want to lose this friendship — he’s unaware of my struggles, and it’s not his fault I fell for him — but it’s been very hard emotionally.
TL;DR: fell for my FWB and he doesn’t like me back.
TIFU by falling for my FWB
r/tifu
Comments
I’m married to my at one point fwb.
Your friend sucks.
Tale as old as time
Though why would it mean you don’t have any self respect?
Yeah, this sucks but it would have been worse if you’d have said nothing hoping to change their mind down the road only to be disappointed and more invested when it doesn’t work out.
I’ll also say FWB setups aren’t good for all people. A significant chunk of the population cannot stay in one because feelings will develop. So it might have been a bad call in the first place especially with someone you had a long established relationship with.
This too shall pass. It’s time to fall in love with yourself again
Sorry you’re hurting, but when you take the chance you don’t always “win”. Give yourself credit for being brave enough to have taken the chance; your friend wasn’t being much of a friend for questioning your self-respect. Up to you whether the contact your are still having with him is enough to warrant a continued friendship. Give it time.
Somebody always catches feelings, it can take a while but it’s inevitable. My gf and I were fwb for 2 years before we ended up together, been together 13 years now.
There is no fu here, we don’t control who we fall for and you handled it correctly. Your friend that gave you a hard time is an idiot.
My former fwb caught feelings (I had too just didn’t realize it), decided that it wasn’t meant to be. Lose contact for 13 or so years. Reconnected realized I never lost feelings for her
You deserve someone who wants you back. Your girlfriend was harsh but right in a way. Pining over someone who doesn’t want us just causes pain and begs the question, “Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you back?”
Eventually we realize it was just limerence. You fell for that person’s potential. You fell for the idea of that person that you constructed in your mind. Love is mutual and there is respect on both sides.
I hope you are able to direct that love inward and then eventually outward again toward a person who matches your feelings! Best of luck on your healing/self-love journey.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have self respect. Love is a battlefield and a confusing place to be. Most of us overthink or dont think clearly when we are the ones involved. It’s a lot easier to see others situations and know what we would do. So you didn’t fuck up, at least now you know. Many people have been in your situation. Usually after we are out of a situation it’s easier to see the obvious signs we missed.
That’s show business baby!! You took a chance and rolled the dice. Sure, it didn’t work out. That sucks, but you can move forward now instead of holding on.