at start of high school, i immediately screwed myself over

TW: S/H
when i entered high school i was in a new country and in a completely new school, and kind of adapted myself there. nobody knew yet that i had a huuuge troubled student history though. i was a masochist who would cut, and sometimes i had urges to so i would do it in school. in the morning, i went to school and planned when to do it.

issue, i didn’t have any bandaids. i didn’t know where the nurses office was- in my old school, you could just walk up to the reception or nurses office and ask for a bandaid and leave. apparently it wasn’t like that in this school. i asked my teacher to go to the nurse, she asked me why. i made up something like “i cut my leg on the walk this morning and wanted a bandaid” and she told me she would get a student to take me to the nurses office so she could CHECK THE WOUND.

i did not have a wound yet. i only wanted a bandaid for a LATER WOUND. internally panicking, he walked me outside- the nurses office was across the campus. i think he said he went to the bathroom or smth, so i was there alone outside for a second. it was a rainy and foggy day so nobody was outside. i took the chance. i grabbed a knife from my pocket, rolled up my pants leg, and slit my knee. it was just to create a wound she could check so i didn’t look crazy when i walked into the nurses office with nothing at all. that decision was SO FUCKING STUPID. he came back, and we walked to the nurses office. halfway across the campus i realize i am horribly bleeding down my leg, it is all over my pants legs and socks. i don’t rlly react though. when we arrived, he left and she came to check on me.

she did NOT believe my story. in a panic i had basically said something like “oh yknow i was walking to school this morning and went to the park, and i cut my knee on this metal bench!”

-my pants were not ripped.
-the cut was too clean for it to be an accident.
-it was deep as fuck.

she pretended to believe it, put a bandaid on it and i went my merry way. i got confronted later with all these facts though. it aches me to this day why i thought that was a good idea. i couldve waited til lunch, where i could go outside the school and buy bandaids. i couldve waited til home. but i decided to do it THAT moment.
safe to say i was expelled halfway through the year. i was a new student who didn’t even make it a whole semester.

i just had to confess this because while people knew it was intentional, nobody knows how UTTERLY STUPID the entire planned thing was. XD i don’t attend high school anymore of course.