I’m a 17yo girl and last year a new girl arrived at my school. We became friends almost immediatly because we had a lot in common, and agreed on almost everything. We quickly got really attached to each other since we both have the same struggles at home and with our families, so we understood each other in a way I never did with anyone before. I feel like she’s the only person that truly knows me and listens to everything I say, so it’s no surprise that in a year and a half of knowing each other she became my bestfriend.
The thing is, she’s in love with another friend of ours. At first this didn’t really bother me, I was okay with this and even gave her advice on the whole situation, since I’ve known him longer than she has, but she confessed her feelings for him and they talked and he doesn’t feel the same for her. It was a shitty situation and she got really upset, so me and another friend comforted her, and that just made me realise how much of an incredible person she is. I already knew that, obviously, but the way she dealt with it all made me realise how mature she is even in situations that hurt her, and how she always takes care of the others and put others before herself.
Recently, he (the friend that she likes) did something stupid and hooked up with her cousin at our friend’s house while we were all there (a group of like 10 people, including my bbestfriend), and we all noticed even though they tried to hide it, and it visibly upset her. Later that day she was crying alone and I went to comfort her, she talked a lot to me and said how much it all was hurting her because she was never the one anyone picked and how she felt like she was never enough for anyone. I kept thinking that she was enough for me, and I would pick her, and just couldn’t stand to see her so hurt.
I wish I could tell her all those things but I know I can’t, because she’s already going through a lot and is emocionally overwhelmed, and also because I know she loves him and not me, so this would probably make us distant from each Tonyer and I don’t want to lose her friendship or make things awkward.
By the way, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes or typos.
Comments
Relatable, I (boy17) have the fattest crush on my best friend and he doesn’t have a girlfriend but he’s never said he’s gay/bi
Just be there for her as a friend for now, hopefully she’ll realize given time
I say give her some time then confess and tell her that you’re comfortable leaving the friendship where it is, but you can’t stand her thinking that she’s nobody’s first choice when she’s Your first choice
I admit my best friend confessed to me in college and I thought I was straight at the time, either way I was uninterested in her, and it didn’t go anywhere but it also didn’t change how I saw her. I felt guilty i couldn’t return her feelings but she didn’t make me feel bad about it. Now she has her own partner and we are still best friends 5 years later
You need to give her time because you don’t want to be an easy rebound for her emotional state right now. The time isn’t just for her to process, it’s to make sure she doesn’t take an easy way out to feeling wanted and take advantage of you, because that will mess up your friendship and without time to process it’s so easy for her to do that without meaning to
Hiya! I went through this when I was your age (about 10ish years ago) except I didn’t know I was in love with her, and just thought we were super close. It sucks, because looking back on it I was completely in denial over it. She was charming, funny, a year younger than me and she’d moved to my city from another country. We hit it off and hung out all the time. We came close to kissing a few times.
Frankly, it’s gonna suck. Because you can sit on it and suffer in silence and settle for being her best friend. Or you can make a move. Obviously you wouldn’t do it now, because that’s kind of skeezy. But give it a few months and have a conversation with her about your feelings. Its gonna be tough and you might lose her as a friend, but you’ll have been honest.
My younger sibling was also in love with their bestie. They had a conversation (really they traded letters because they chickened out) and now they’re engaged. Meanwhile the girl I was in love with called me slurs bc her abusive homophobic bf hated me and she told anyone who’d listen that I was a (lesbian slur) and a disgusting person. (Not saying that’s going to happen to you, but I viewed the world through rose covered goggles then)
See that cliff? Go run and jump. This metaphor not literal go tell her worst thing is she’s turns you down your young. You miss 100% of tge shots you don’t take.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!”
Yeah if your friend’s not gay and you’re going to spring that on her that sucks. Please be her friend for wanting to be her friend, not be her friend because you want to get in her pants. That sucks, that happened to me before and it’s utterly devastating when you lose a friend because they have the hots for you and you just thought they were being your friend.