I was diagnosed in 2018 with BPD and recently made the hardest decision of my life to leave my partner of 6 years. I finally realized the terrifying escalation of violence that was happening before my eyes. From verbal assaults to throwing me across rooms and punching/choking me.
For so long I made excuses and minimized the abuse. I believed him when he told me I deserved everything, that I was lucky to “have it as good as I do”. That nobody would want someone broken like me. My abuser used the insecurities I confided in him to manipulate me.
A few days before I got the courage to leave he assaulted me for hours, held me down and strangled me, I truly thought I would die that day. I was vividly aware the next assault may end with me dead.
I even told him one day I was done and wanted to leave. He sped up the car, swerved into oncoming traffic and told me that’s fine he’ll just kill us both then. I begged and apologized for hours before he let me out of the car. Finally I realized he didn’t love me he wanted me as a possession dead or alive.
I spent weeks planning and finally managed to escape my abuser. I left everything I owned behind to get away alive. I reported everything to the authorities and they are pursuing charges.
I’m want to tell you not every moment in a DV relationship is bad, that is what makes leaving so hard. Victims desperately seek out the “good times” to prove to yourself you should stay and it is love. But victims in the same breath end up minimizing and ignoring the red flags. Abusers use just enough kindness to manipulate our brains into believing things aren’t that bad, we must be exaggerating. We aren’t! We want to see the best in someone and that’s why people stay so long, hoping love can change that person.
Love won’t change them. You won’t change them. You deserve love and a healthy relationship. Don’t stop searching for that. Choose yourself before it’s too late.
Comments
I am so proud of you, and happy that you’re safe❤
Good for you!!! Stay strong!!!
Leaving a relationship like that is when you are at the highest risk from your abuser, its when women are killed most in that relationship dynamic, when they try to leave. Good for you, stay vigilant, be safe, live your life and be happy
You did a really hard, hard thing and showed so much courage. I’m so glad you got yourself out of that situation. It likely was going to keep escalating until he killed you.
Please take care of yourself and your needs right now. If you aren’t in therapy I would explore it and find someone with DV experience. A local women’s shelter can likely provide referrals. Good luck building a wonderful life for yourself!
You are a BADASS WARRIOR PRINCESS! Bravo!
I’m so so so proud of you now and the person you’re going to be when you heal 💜
I am so happy you got out. Proud of you 🤟🏻
I’m so proud of you. Such an emotionally difficult thing to do. I haven’t spoken to him in over 2 months and I keep thinking of him today; thank you for this reminder not to reach out. Stay safe and strong 💕
You did so well to leave. We know it’s hard as they love bomb you and make you feel special when they are not abusing you. Get therapy it will help you not make the same mistakes again
So proud OP !!! Stay strong and stay away from your abuser. Much love
OP, I don’t even know you, but that doesn’t make me feel any different about it: I’m genuinely so, so glad you got out and away from him before it was too late 💙
I’m proud of you, please allow yourself to be proud of yourself as well.
I can’t even imagine the damage he has done to you, mentally even more so than physically. I wish you all the best, and hope you will find any and all the support and strength you could possibly need from here, to be able to feel free again, and to live a life that truly makes you feel happy. You deserve it.
A big hug for the brave decision, You will be fine.
it will hurt for a while but every time you miss him remember the abuse and reason for your quit.
Good Luck for the future.. You will be fine
Congratulations! You got out alive and are a badass! Best of luck to you as you embark on the wonderful journey that is the rest of your life! You deserve happiness! Hopefully, he ends up in jail and gets what he deserves!
I empathize entirely. I was preparing to leave after 9 years of horrific abuse when my BPD spouse pinned my arms down with her weight and placed her hands around my neck to choke me. In that instant I thought I could have escaped, but the violence it would have taken, I thought, would allow her to claim DV. So, went limp, and she released her hands. In that instant I decided to leave immediately.
I leashed the dog for a walk in the park and while out there I phoned 5 friends to tell them what had just happened.
Then I returned and packed my clothing and headed out.
It was the event I needed to finally leave. And I’ve felt only relief since then.
Good going!!!
💗
I am proud of you.. leaving is dangerous and that is also why people stay. I got out too. It gets better from here and I hope you have a therapist who can help you with the coping skills needed for recovery..if you do? Good. Also proud of you for that..if you don’t and have access now is the time
I’m glad you’re safe and I’m so proud of you for getting out! Wishing you all the best!
I’m SO proud of you. (:
I could have written this myself 10 years ago. I know how impossible it feels to escape that kind of relationship, and I am so proud of you. When a partner strangles you, the chances of him murdering you increase by 700%. You just saved your own life. Stay strong and let yourself heal. We are survivors. If you EVER need anything, my inbox is always open. Im so happy that you’re safe.
Sending you love ❤️ you did a very scary and courageous thing. I’m proud of you. I’m glad you’re choosing yourself and that you’re able to tell us your story. You’re worth it and you deserve to be here too. I’m so grateful you got away.
You are amazing!
I’m proud of you. You are worthy. Good luck.