First time posting, using a throwaway account for privacy. Sorry, if the formatting is off.
I (29F) have a boyfriend (32M), and we’ve been together for almost a year now.
Some background: I’m autistic — specifically, I’m high-functioning. I’ve never struggled intellectually; in fact, my autism has helped me excel academically, and I earned all my degrees faster than most people. Professionally, I’m doing great.
However, socially, it’s a different story. I often struggle to understand social nuances. That’s actually what drew me to my first degree in psychology — an attempt to understand people on a theoretical level. But even with all that knowledge, real emotional connection is still something abstract to me. I can explain attraction and relationships academically — emotional support, self-affirmation, etc. — but I don’t really feel it the same way others do.
Because of this, my social circle has always consisted of other neurodivergent people and close colleagues. I hate having to explain myself constantly.
Then about a year ago, I met Jake (fake name).
He’s neurotypical, and I was genuinely surprised by how easily we clicked — something that almost never happens for me with people outside the neurodivergent community. Things were great at first: we went on dates, I even willingly cut down my work hours (which had never happened before — work has always been incredibly important to me). Jake was attentive and made a sincere effort to understand my disorder. Early on, he asked for more information, so I gave him some books, and I was touched when he actually read them.
But about three months ago, things started to change. According to Jake, we were arguing more.
Because of my autism, I often don’t realize when I offend people unintentionally, so I’ve always appreciated when someone would calmly explain what I did wrong so I could learn and do better. Jake used to do just that — he’d gently point things out and offer alternative ways to phrase things. I appreciated that.
Whenever I accidentally hurt him, I would apologize and usually give a small gift — like how people give flowers after a fight. I thought it was a normal thing couples did to make amends.
For example, once at a dinner with his family, his sister said something rude to me. His dad tried to brush it off, saying she was always like that, and I said, “Oh, it’s fine. I used to work with children who had narcissistic parents; she’s just projecting.”
Later, Jake told me that his mother was deeply upset because she thought I was calling her a narcissist, and he said I should apologize. I honestly still don’t see what was wrong with what I said — from a psychological point of view, it was a fair assessment — but to avoid making it worse, I apologized and even bought his mother a necklace.
After that incident, Jake started pointing out every little thing I said. It wasn’t just occasional corrections anymore — it felt constant. And each time, he expected me to apologize, sometimes accompanied by a gift.
At first, I thought maybe I was messing up more. Maybe I was missing some big social cues again.
Then, about a week ago, Jake had some friends over at my place.
After a while, my social battery drained, so I excused myself and went to my room to read and recharge. Later, I realized I’d left my phone charger in the living room. When I went to get it, I overheard Jake telling his friends a story — about me.
He was laughing and saying, “One little word about being hurt, and she’ll buy me anything I want.”
It’s hard to explain, what I felt at that moment, but hearing that really hurt.
And in that moment, everything clicked — the endless apologies, the constant gifts, the sudden increase in “mistakes” I was supposedly making. He wasn’t helping me; he was using me.
Using my trust, my guilt, my need to do the right thing — twisting them for his own benefit.
I didn’t say anything. Just went back to my room, and closed the door. Texted him that I have work to do, so he can stay at his place tonight.
I’m obviously ending things.
P.S. Sorry for the long post. I’m not ready to tell my friends yet, and honestly, writing it down helped me organize my thoughts.
Now I have to cancel everything we had planned with my family for the holidays, plus our trip — and that’s a lot of work. Thank God I always book everything myself and choose places with free cancellation.
Also, writing all this out makes it easier for me to send to my family, my friends, our mutual friends, and maybe even his family (I’m kind of close to his older brother and his fiancée, and his dad, who’s a really nice guy). This way, Jake won’t have the chance to twist the story and paint me as the villain.
Comments
Updateme
Completely reasonable response given the context
>For example, once at a dinner with his family, his sister said something rude to me. His dad tried to brush it off, saying she was always like that, and I said, “Oh, it’s fine. I used to work with children who had narcissistic parents; she’s just projecting.” Later, Jake told me that his mother was deeply upset because she thought I was calling her a narcissist, and he said I should apologize. I honestly still don’t see what was wrong with what I said
Perhaps if you had only said “I used to work with troubled children and understand when people project” instead of specifically saying it was your experience with children of narcissistic parents. It very clearly seems like you’re drawing a causal link between her & those kids, the cause being the parents, which in this instance didnt need to be specified since the sister’s parents are not narcissistic. I can see how you interpret it (working with children of narcissistic parents taught you about projection, and projection can be caused by tons of things). But mentioning the specifics of your personal experience absolutely would’ve seemed like you were calling them narcissistic. Imo. How did you apologize and did she accept it? Did you feel like you had to buy her a gift on top of the verbal apology/ explanation?
Considering what he said behind your back I feel that maybe what you can take away from this experience is that you oftentime use objects & gifts to win favor with people, or perhaps have a “rudimentary” understanding of how to make people like you or “keep happy” with the people in your life. I definitely think you should talk about this with him and ask him to explain what he was saying to them. When you were a kid did you feel like gifts were a common tool for settling disputes?
Updateme
I am so sorry. He sounds like an asshole.
Please stop buying people gifts as apologies. It is not the normal way to do things, and makes your apology transactional.
Your EX BF is a total AH for using your Autism to gain ‘presents’. You are absolutely doing the right thing but expect him to tell you that you are ‘seeing’ it wrong again, because of your autism. You’re not, but he’s going to tell it that way so be prepared.
good you’re ending things with someone that clearly doesn’t respect you, it’s refreshing to aee a post like this
Updateme
Op, I’m so sorry, I’m AuDHD, and when the people do things like that it makes it hard to trust people.
I’m so sorry he was so cruel to you, truly I can’t understand why someone would manipulate and betray their partner like that. However I am so in awe of how self-possessed you are. Bravo on cutting it right off. It hurts and will be a ton of disappointment and annoying work to untangle him from your life, but-as you well know-you deserve better from a partner than that. Wishing you luck finding a partner who deserves your love and care in the future ❤️
I think you are totally right for ending it, he is using your way of making things right for his own benefits.
For your own growth I think it’s better to find other ways to ‘make it up’ to people. People close to you should be able to understand you don’t really know how to say things in a delicate way, you’re blunt and therefore can hurt people without meaning to do so. If people care for you they accept you the way you are. You can ask them to keep telling you when they’re hurt and what would have been helpful in that situation so you will learn certain ways/sentences for how to react. For example the dinner situation, you could have said: it’s okay, it happens to me as well sometimes OR it’s okay, I have worked with children who act this way and am not easily offended OR it’s okay. You wrote you are high functioning so I think you should be able to come up with options, with help of others.
With meeting new people you can explain situations like this can happen and apologize if it does. Are you able to see when you did hurt someone or do they have to tell you?
>I honestly still don’t see what was wrong with what I said — from a psychological point of view, it was a fair assessment
That’s the real crux of it, isn’t it.
The statement very much looks like you’re suggesting that his parents must be narcissists like the parents of the children you work with. Even if they are complete narcissists, calling people out on it isn’t really appropriate. I do admire standing up for yourself and not tolerating crap at the dinner table!
My boss does this. An employee used to work here that weighed 300 pounds. One day he was wearing basketball shoes and my boss said “Because you look like a guy who plays basketball”. Everyone was shocked. My boss said “What? There’s no way he plays basketball in those shoes.” People have quit this company and cited him as the reason, and he still doesn’t understand that it’s definitely him, not them.
There was a user in the MTG forum that was so abrasive people began making complaint posts about him. He arrived and defended himself with dozens of replies to the comments. No matter what people said, he insisted that they were the ones with the problem – they don’t being corrected, that they don’t like being told they’re wrong, that they don’t like hes a better player, and that they were only persecuting him for being autistic.
This is why no one associates with my cousin anymore. If you text him “Happy Birthday” he’ll reply “You’re only texting me because it’s my birthday and that’s what people are expected to do. Had you genuinely cared you would text more often.” He goes on long rants about how nobody gets him and he doesn’t understand why. At some point most people in the family have gone NC with him – including me.
Fine, get lost asshole
It isn’t just having no filter
It’s not even understanding why people walk away
>He was laughing and saying, “One little word about being hurt, and she’ll buy me anything I want.”
Holy crap. Run. Run for the hills
Definitely send that out to everyone ESPECIALLY his family & don’t wait until he can twist the narrative. Send it tonight and congrats on loving and respecting yourself enough to kick that pos to the curb! He doesn’t deserve you but I’m so sorry you’re going through this. ❤️
I am really sorry you had to find out your ex was an asshole in such a hurtful way. I would be ending things if I were in that situation, too. Take care of you.
Oh babe – I hope you don’t let this stop you from dating and trusting in the future cause this guy is an absolute ASSHOLE
Im sorry the ex turned out to be such a user.
Be kind to yourself, but definitely let everyone know ow that Jake seems to think pretending to be offended to get “gifts” is acceptable.
From what you have said, it doesn’t sound like Jake started like this, but the fact he’s decided to abuse your giving nature is more than a good reason to walk away.
Maybe for the future, only buy gifts because you want to, the item made you think of them, for example, not because you think you’re obligated to and definitely not as an apology.
Saying sorry and discussing why they are upset is how you deal with hurting people’s feelings and what you can do differently going forward to avoid the situation, is, imo, how you resolve those issues.
My late husband and I used to just buy “just because ” gifts. They meant so much more than obligatory ones.
He sounds pathetically immature. Bullet dodged.
Apologize when it is necessary ask different people if you need insight,,, but stop buying things. L
He was using you and to avoid future situations whether it’s with boyfriends or friends. Stop buying people things as a form of an apology. Owning your hurtful comments verbally is enough.
Then I read your story about meeting with his parents, I was like… yeah, it may sounded rude apologies will not hurt.
But then I read about second part my only thought was – what a bastard. Glad you out of this.
Updateme
You’re using AI. All those em dashes are giving you a way
Hi there, fellow neurodivergent. Giving gifts is not a common or expected apology. Start making handmade cards for apologies, and giving gifts only as joyous things. Pebbling is ok, but not for apologies. Let the gift have no strings attached. I am sorry this happened to you and that people still take advantage of others.
I have lots of thoughts.
You have got to stop buying gifts as apologies. That isn’t a true apology in the first place, but it puts you at risk of being taken advantage of.
What you said to his mom was rude. Making comments that involve a diagnosis, whether you have proof of that or not, is never going to come off well. There’s a difference between being right and right behavior.
Your ex is an AH. Go absolutely no contact with him, and take some time to deal with the hurt you feel. But don’t let this dissuade you from dating.
Update me
Meet in a public place. Don’t break up privately
It’s so easy for NT’s to recognise our patterns and cynically take advantage of them, I’ve had huge trouble with this in the past because I’m also big on the presents, and also people pleasing.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
Obviously what your bf said is very shitty and clearly dump him.
Also, my mom is 70 and for the last decade I’ve suspected is on the spectrum and this sounds exactly like the sorts of situations she ends up in and she would or could have written as a young person. She studied psychology in college too! She also said it was because she wanted to understand people better! What I’ve written here is the advice I’d give her if she ever asked or bothered to listen to me. I wrote this out in hopes that maybe you’d hear it and learn and have a better rest of your life.
For life lessons, what you said at that dinner is a huge insult, especially if you were intending to marry their son and become their daughter in law–a part of their family. You turned the daughter’s faux pas into declaring the daughter to be an uncontrollable idiot raised by awful people. So congrats on that! It’s a perfectly good and effective insult if the kid of people you hate did something to you and you wanted to tell off a whole family so that they’d leave you and never talk to you again.
Also, don’t buy people gifts as apologies, especially not jewelry. I only think of buying people necklaces as husbands buying their wives necklaces as special gifts. People buying each other gifts after a fight sounds like what married people to do because the only alternative is divorce, which is way more expensive.
Also, don’t say out loud what conditions you think people have, even if they are showing signs. Talking about people’s medical conditions or illnesses of their potential or likelihood of having them is really rude and invasive. Only give advice if people ask for it. Unsolicited advice is considered rude even if you’re trying to be helpful. You only intervene if someone is about to hurt themselves or someone else or have an accident or is injured and don’t realize it.
Just in general, and everywhere that is not a clinical room, don’t judge or evaluate people you don’t know well. Nearly everyone is doing the best they can and most everyone has good intentions and if they hurt or conflict with someone it’s most often because they simply weren’t aware or used words poorly, no malice behind it.
You don’t need to write a manifesto either or justify or explain anything. A lesson I’ve learned in my time working is no one reads more than the first paragraph in an email. Just say the relationship ended, or you realized you have different paths or goals, or the relationship reached its end. There are some situations in life you can’t not be someone’s villain. Also it’s narcissistic to think about or to try to control what people think about you. Have you considered that?
Breaking up with Jake is an excellent decision, shame he couldn’t appreciate you, because you’re a total catch but he’s not and he’s not worthy of your time and presence
This looks like a Chatgpt post
You dodged a bullet sweetheart!
I’m so sorry that you met someone who turned out to be such a disappointment. What a jerk. I’m glad you’re getting out of the relationship. You’re too good for him.
Wow. He is abusing your trust big time. That’s low. Keep in mind, buying a gift after an apology is not normal. That is very transactional. Just something to keep in mind.
You don’t have to give a gift, a heartfelt apology is enough for good people that genuinely care about you and strangers. He’s a cruel gold digger. I’m sure he never apologised with gifts and didn’t make his sister who insulted you apology let alone give you a gift. If his family/mum knew then they’re just as awful. Maybe you hit the nail on the head and that’s why mum was offended. I think you should block both him and his family on everything. Be careful because when golddigger loose their golden goose they can act unstable because they believe you owe them something l/the things they manipulated out of you. Don’t meet him alone
>“Oh, it’s fine. I used to work with children who had narcissistic parents; she’s just projecting.”
So to help understand why that’s also a rude comment: it comes off as arrogant to assume that you know her and all of her issues on a deep level just based on one conversation. You aren’t her therapist and certainly not qualified to diagnose her given your relationship. The comment, while it might be factually accurate to your professional experience, instead comes off like you using your degree as a cudgel to diminish others by acting like you know everything about them. Basically it makes yiu sound like a know it all and people really hate that, even if (especially if) you’re right.
She could have been rude for a number of reasons. Maybe she just doesn’t like you, maybe she had a bad day at work. You’re making assumptions you don’t have the data for WHILE you’re a guest in their home
Remember, you can think things and be right about things but that doesn’t mean you have to say those things. Neurotypical people also struggle with putting their foot in their mouth sometimes. Is it kind, is it necessary? That’s the internal check I run
Omg, what a jerk! I am sad you are having to go through this.
Updateme
So glad you heard the conversation.
You were right with the comment you made over dinner “Oh, it’s fine. I used to work with children who had narcissistic parents; she’s just projecting.” Because both the siblings are showing these traits. Make sure you tell his dad this. Please don’t get back with that POS regardless of what he says.
I’m sorry that someone intimate to you was taking advantage of you like this. I wish you all the best with your breakup.
It’s likely he’ll gaslight you and make you feel “less than,” but stand strong on your ground. Your instinct is correct and lack of social cues shouldn’t hinder your decision.
And trust me, from one high functioning autistic person to another, you’ll find great people who accept and love you for who you are, and are willing to navigate you through life with you by gently advising you on those cues.
i think it good choice to break up but also i think sometimes it’s hard to calmly explain smth when ur upset/arguing, so maybe a little bit of unrealistic expectation there
Update me
Instead of a make up gift, maybe you can change it to a make up “act of service”. A lot more people might take this as more genuine, but I wouldn’t point out you’re doing an act of service to make up for it. Keep that bit to yourself. That way you avoid the same situation you’re in with your bf, with him using you. But, people will notice you doing something nice for them and will certainly help towards making amends.
You did nothing wrong.
>For example, once at a dinner with his family, his sister said something rude to me. His dad tried to brush it off, saying she was always like that, and I said, “Oh, it’s fine. I used to work with children who had narcissistic parents; she’s just projecting.”
You say you still don’t see how this is rude? I’m curious where the disconnect is — a lot of it being rude can be explained logically.
His sister was rude, his dad said she was always like that. Your response was two parts. In the latter half, you’re asserting that she is projecting. You are substantiating that from your own experience working with kids. You are making a comparison between your past experience and what you’re witnessing, otherwise it would be irrelevant, right?
When you’re making a comparison, the implication is that, unless expressly stated otherwise, you are comparing everything you’re saying to what you’re witnessing. Which means that you’re not just comparing her to your work with kids, you’re comparing her to your work with kids who had narcissistic parents — which means you’re saying she’s like the kids who had narcissistic parents. The implication is that you are calling her parents narcissistic – otherwise why include that detail if it’s not relevant to the current situation?
Do you think her parents are narcissistic? If not, it’s not a relevant detail to add to your comparison and only serves to confuse the listener, or in this case offend them.
If you think they are, and you’re making the comparison because you believe it to be accurate in its entirety, then the disconnect is your tact, your understanding of rapport, and your understanding of how inflammatory such an accusation (them being narcissistic) can be without the right approach.
And yeah, your bf is a piece of shit for using you for gifts. I would take this as a learning opportunity for yourself not to rely on that as a means to apologize, because it’s not the only way to do so and gift giving can be seen as disingenuous in some cases — especially if you’re overdoing it. It can be seen as a bribe of sorts.
What you felt in that moment is hard to explain but i think its called betrayal ☹️
I would like to start by saying as a neurodivergent who has an interest in psychology, I’ve delved into the topic of social norms and behaviors. Whatever you decide, I think it is important to analyze both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship and learn for the future. I have fumbled conversations frequently, but something that I realize tends to make up for it – in a sense – is to take interest. If I don’t understand why what I said hurt someone, I will (gently) ask questions. Here’s my process:
Analyze the situation. Take a mental note your own feelings of the situation, but at the moment you need to analyze the situation outside of yourself. If you notice someone’s facial expressions shift negatively, the mood in the room change, etc. take note. If someone SAYS something specifically about it being hurtful or they get defensive, usually you shouldn’t go past step 2.
Apologize for your actions, not their feelings. Say something to the effect of “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.” Take ownership of the moment, apologize for what you said/did, and then – if the situation allows for it,
Empathize. Don’t explain why you did what you did, explain a time when you experienced something similar. Going off the thing with Jake’s sister projecting, maybe saying something like “I’ve done something like that too”(even if you haven’t, try to rework the situation they were referencing and make up a believable story you experienced.) It can diffuse tensions in a way that outright explaining your behavior can’t.
Investigate. Maybe you have an idea of what you said that might have hurt their feelings, but you don’t necessarily understand why. Don’t ask outright – because of step 2, it’s implied that you understand exactly what you did wrong. Instead, turn the conversation around – if it’s an appropriate situation and you’ve eased the tension semi successfully, you could potentially them about any experiences they’ve had personally. In step 3, you empathized with them (or made something up). Usually if the conversation isn’t totally dead after the initial interaction, this step can happen pretty naturally.
(Optional). Acknowledge the problem, and verbalize a plan to learn from it. “Again, I’m sorry for what I said. I want to make sure I don’t upset you in the future. If I do say something that upsets you, I would love to understand why. Sometimes I struggle with seeing the ways I hurt people (a good point to make, even if it’s not true) but I want to do better, especially if I’m going to be interacting with you more. (Usually only relevant if true, in which case it’s extremely important to try and follow the steps).
This doesn’t work in every scenario. This is something that has worked pretty consistently because of my personality and genuine interest in people. If you don’t use this, that’s totally valid. But I tend to think it’s a good idea for ND people to come up with a game plan for when they need to backpedal/they say something unintentionally hurtful. What’s most important is to communicate and acknowledge your how actions impacted the other person(s).
I hope this is helpful, or if not I hope you find a process that works for you 🙂
I am so sorry that he took advantage of you like that. No one should treat another person like that especially their significant other.
BUT ALSO that comment about the sister projecting was a zinger and a half, hunny!!!!!
100% reasonable reaction. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
“I’m sorry if….” Is not an apology at all. Take all the conditional language out.
It’s weird you can’t see that you called his parents narcissists. The fact that it might be true makes the comment worse not better.
It’s also worse because it was the daughter who out of line, not the parents. I imagine your boyfriend took personal offense too.
You have every right to break up with him though, it sounds like the relationship never recovered from that dinner.
For context, I am also a high functioning autistic person. It sounds like you struggle with conversational subtext. This is pretty common for people with ASD.
A general rule of thumb is to limit the amount of specific detail. The more detail you add, the more people will try to draw hidden meanings that you did not intend.
The situation with your soon to be ex-boyfriend’s little sister was actually a complicated emotional minefield that would have been very hard to navigate. The safest response would’ve been “It’s fine”
If I were you I’d send this to your friends if you have trouble telling them but still want to tell them. also make sure you have all your things with you and he doesn’t have a key to your place if he does change the locks. You deserve someone that loves you not a golddigger.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It was very hurtful and manipulative. I don’t think you’re asking for tips or the proper way to say things. Just that you are hurt and understandably so. Hopefully you can share this with your close friends and I wish you the best. You are quite articulate.
Oh you better do just that! Much love from a fellow neurodivergent sis
Just wanted to let you know OP that I understand you ❤️
I’ve seen some comments about you discussing this with Jake. No. You heard what you heard, that’s what he really thinks about you, he’s mocking you behind your back and using you for material gain. There’s nothing to talk about. Just dump him. If you want to let everyone know why, that’s fine, too. He deserves it. What a POS.
Talking with him just gives him an opportunity to twist things around and manipulate you some more.
That guy is an asshole! Let him know you overheard and you’ll have nothing more to do with him. You deserve better. 🫂
As a parent of an autistic 12 year old. Im so sorry this happened to you. Im sorry a person used your autism to manipulate you. Not everyone is like this. Im so sorry.
I’m really sorry you had to go through that. The strength it took to recognize the manipulation and choose your own peace is incredible. You deserve respect, honesty, and someone who values your trust not someone who exploits it. Wishing you healing and better days ahead 🙏
It’s the first post where I really understand everything perfectly, thank you! Normally people don’t know how to use commas, paragraph separation…
Honestly, it’s not worth your time or dedication. A little kick in the ass and off you go…
Kept informed, if you feel like it!
It might help to to think/remember that all words, especially adjectives, have an emotional factor to them. As many people have said here before, even though narcissism is just a mental health conditional, it has a negative emotional factor associated with it.
Whenever you make a comment about someone, a situation etc. people will hear the dictionary definition of what you say, but they will feel, internalize, and remember the emotions associated with what you say.
Before you talk, think about what you literally want to get across as well as the feeling you want to get a cross. This might be exhausting for you in the beginning, but over time it may become easier, perhaps even natural.
I’m not autistic (at least I don’t think so ahahaha) but growing up I had trouble distinguishing social cues as well. I knew there was a second layer to the conversation that was taking place, but it was a coin flip as to whether or not i could figure it out. Eventually I started reflecting on any and every interaction I had; how I was standing, how they were standing, tone of voice, vibe, word choices etc. and now I don’t even have to think about it.
You’re gonna struggle, but it will definitely be worh it.
Lastly, DON’T BUY GIFTS, ESPECIALLY JEWELRY AS AN APOLOGY. They should be bought to show appreciation to someone, or for special occasions.
He is such a massive scum! Dump him as soon as you can.
Similarly autistic and after the end of our relationship, my first girlfriend hit me with revealing her plans to host friends weren’t actually cancelling, she just liked that I would go buy “fun” groceries.
Good on you for ending things.
Your soon-to-be exboyfriend is an asshat, his actions are a form of abuse, and you deserve better. Frustrating that this is how you found out but at least now you can put a stop to it.
That being said, you mention you don’t see what was wrong about how you phrased your rebuke of his sister. There is an argument that, in a social and public setting, you didn’t just suggest your ex’s parents were narcissists, but by your statement accused them of being it, and by the phrasing you shared in a way that was indirect and, if taken disingenuously, underhanded.
It seems to me that you were trying to show a parallel between how you can handle things in the moment with past experiences, but it is very easy to misconstrue what you said as “It’s okay, I know how to deal with people whose parents are narcissists, such as yours, who are in the room right now but I’m not going to address directly even though your behavior is clearly their fault, what with them being narcissists and all.”
UpdateMe
You’re doing exactly the right thing, and of course you won’t even look back.
I can relate to the ‘high-functioning’ stuff; I just hate it when somebody says, “Nice weather, isn’t it?” I’m like, do they not know I know it’s nice weather? Or are they asking me to validate for them that it’s nice weather? And why are we even talking about the weather; *I* have no control over the weather! Then, I’ll start wondering what weathermen talk about at the Weathermen’s Christmas Party… and after I had had my last evaluation before surgery, my surgeon asked me what I thought of the psychologist (I didn’t know he had married my surgeon’s wife’s sister), I said I understood why they called them psycho-therapists…
And I can see I’m already off on a tangent so, anyway;
YES, you’re 100% right to be ending things!
I am so so so sad to hear this. I am also ‘high-functioning’ and I relate very much to the way you described your expression of autism. I am 34 and trying to date finally, and I can relate to the challenges you’ve spoke of here. I just want to say I’m incredibly proud of you for breaking things off. There are things people do unintentionally, which they can learn and grow from. But this guy was intentionally exploiting you. And bragging about it?!!! It’s honestly extremely sick. I am so so glad you are leaving him. Please keep us updated if you can. Breaking up can be hard. Stick to your boundaries though!!!! You are doing a great job dealing with a terrible situation! Make room for better people to join your life! You’ve got this.
The gift thing is sweet for stronger moments of misunderstanding or hurt. But otherwise, a sincere apology and desire to do better is enough. I’m so sorry your trust was broken like this.
It WASN’T a fair assesment.
She IS NOT your patient.
Plus, it was incredibly rude of you.
(And I have ADHD as ASD, too).
Thar being said, ditch the bf. He is manipulative and an asshole
>“Oh, it’s fine. I used to work with children who had narcissistic parents; she’s just projecting.”
This is deeply offensive saying to somebody in the presence of their parents.
I mean, like really, inappropriate unless you meant to insult the parents.
I suspect this was the turning point in your relationship.
I’m not saying your ex was a good guy or what he did was proper, but sometimes, some mistakes are hard to reconcile, especially with a gift… a material thing can often seem shallow. A better way to show true penance is to give of yourself and your time.
Good for you. You deserve better. We all do.
One thing that I have learnt and that is from seeing how my step mum behaves as a psychologist is she doesn’t diagnose people in social settings. There’s a distinction between having particular thoughts that you can say privately to a partner which can be gently rebuked or in public. I think this will be a lesson in the way you handle further interactions with others and to consider how it would make them feel.
wow im so sorry, you’re doing the right thing
I relate to this. We go through life sort of assuming we are wrong but sometimes we’re actually just fine and people are being dicks
Oh he got off easy….
You’re a sweet, kind, honest person. He didn’t deserve you and you obviously dodged a bullet. Stay away from NTs. I hate to say it but most of them end up like this guy. The NDs I’ve dated were always honest and kind, though not without their own quirks and struggles…they were never as cruel, manipulative or awful as the NTs.
I feel terrible for saying this but the way you posted about the dinner made me laugh.
I agree though with everyone. Stop buying gifts, I don’t think it’s right.
Good riddance about Jake, he seems awful.
I’m so very sorry, I’m neuroatypical too, so many things you said hit home. This is such a breach of trust. i’m glad to see you are self reliant and confident enough to not tolerate the disrespect.
Yea dude fuck that guy. Ditch him.
I’m not going to harp on the same stuff that most people seem to be on this thread.
Your ex is a shitty human. Not only was he using you, he was bragging about it to his friends in YOUR place. What a giant FU. He also made you not trust yourself by continually using manipulation to get gifts; truly scum of the earth.
If OP can’t even comprehend why calling her bfs parents narcissistic to their face at the dinner table is wrong, then is she really equipped to be a therapist of all things? A profession based on reading people and navigating their emotions?
Earlier this day I stumpled upon an app which could help you in the future:
https://autistictranslator.com/
It helps to translate situations for people with autism.
I wish you all the best and you deserve someone better.
Why do I always notice the post is AI generated towards the end of a very long story. Welp.
Fuck that guy, good for you ♥️.
Please stop using the term, “high functioning.”
I never buy gifts when I apologise for something.
Stop doing that.
Unless it’s your culture.
I bring small gifts when I visit someone etc and usually small things for kids.
But when I accidentally say something rude (or one purpose sometimes I am snippy on purpose) I just apologise.
Stop buying people gifts bc you misspoke.
Also people are predatory and can turn predatory – Jake turned predatory
Dump him in a public place and make sure you get all your keys back. He will react with anger and manipulation.
Stay safe and update us!
Oh dear, you’re being taken advantage of. He’s a POS. Break up with him.
What kind of grown man thinks that being bought gifts by their girlfriend is in any way something to boast about?