I realised today that I’ve been swallowing bullshit from the day I was born. I did everything I was supposed to do, got an education, worked my way up through the worst, most soul-destroying minimum wage jobs until I landed something slighty less awful. Found a partner and spent 6 years building a beautiful, happy, loving relationship. We pooled our life’s savings and put down a deposit on a tiny, run down house in our home town, learnt to plaster walls, paint and lay carpet to make it habitable. Then in January my lovely partner started suffering horrible, debilitating medical symptoms. “Go to the doctor” I was always told, and so we did. The doctor did nothing, ignored my partners desperate pleas for help and told him he would call him back in two weeks. The symptoms got worse and worse, he couldn’t function, couldn’t eat or sleep, could barely walk 5 yards to the bathroom. The doctor took a blood test and never followed up. My partner went to his GP 5 times in 6 weeks. Out of sheer desperation, he attended A&E 4 times. Every medical professional he spoke to treated him like nothing but a nuisance, not a single one of them showed him an ounce of kindness or compassion, not one of them offered anything more than a blood test, not one of them cared that his quality of life had been utterly destroyed. Eventually, he became despondent, one day he said to me “I feel helpless, I think I’m dying and no-one cares to help me” A few days later, I came home from my shitty, mind-numbing job to find that my partner had hung himself in the bathroom.
We did everything we were supposed to do. I’ve watched a nice, big chunk of my paycheck dissappear in taxes every month for my entire adult life, despite the fact that I barely earn enough to keep a roof over my head. These taxes pay for roads that I don’t use because I can’t afford to run a car. These taxes pay for schools for children I don’t have. These taxes pay for churches and religious centres that I don’t believe in. These taxes pay for a health care system that doesn’t care if I live or die.
I swallowed the bullshit and it was all for nothing. I have lost everything because the people who had the power to help, didn’t care to do so.
Comments
People would say that life is unfair, and they are right, but I would say that what your face seem painful and nobody excepted people who faced the same situation could fully understand you, you have all my compassion, I hope the time will help you to feel better little by little, it will take time, courage
I’m sorry for your loss
Life is a combo of luck, hard work, and brain power. You had zero luck, fucking sucks. You have a right to be angry, but don’t let it consume you.
I’m so sorry
Oh honey. I am so very sorry for your profound loss. I cannot imagine the pain, frustration and hopelessness your partner felt or that you feel now.
My heart hurts for you.
My god, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is not how it was supposed to end for them. Please, please find ways to take care of yourself and lean on friends or family as much as you can.
So very sorry for your loss!
Im so sorry for your loss.
Sweety..there are no words to comfort the utter emptiness that somehow seems to suck in your life force that you might feel. But good god, I am so sorry. I am so truly, utterly sorry, and for you and your partner. I’m sure that their energy is, by now, recycled, and freely being used somewhere in the universe. I know hopeful words aren’t going to do anything for you right now, but maybe they will help in the future, when it is time. Your life doesn’t have to be over, okay? Please believe that it doesn’t have to be wasted. This could be the catalyst for a big change in your life. I’m currently going through that change, so I know how scary it can be. But you absolutely can still live a life that brings you enjoyment. Just please try..okay? When you’re ready 🖤
I am so sorry that you and your partner had to go through this. This is truly awful.
Where do you live?
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It wasn’t for nothing.
Your partner deserved so much more and I am so sorry! You both deserved so much better than life had offered you so far but it wasn’t for nothing.
Your existence and experience and your story will mean more than you probably will ever understand but it is NOT for nothing.
You are important. You are loved. Your partner was and still is important and also loved, probably most by you. That love doesn’t just disappear.
This is so unfair on you. It’s utter bullshit and should have been prevented. But it wasn’t for nothing. Mark my words.
I don’t know what to say to you because everything just sounds trite. I am so very sorry that you had to find your partner like that, I’m sorry that he felt he had no choice but to end his life. And I’m sorry that the system failed you both.
I wish I could give you a huge hug.
I’m so sorry. I’m in the exact same situation. My partner could not get a diagnosis after two years of appointments with three different doctors. He had no hope and decided to release himself from the pain four weeks ago. DM me if you need someone to talk to. It still doesn’t feel real
There are no words I can say to express how sorry I am. Life in the UK (just from your words it makes me feel you are a fellow Brit, sorry if I’m wrong) is absolutely brutal. I’m sorry and furious at the NHS’s treatment of your partner, no one deserves that. Let alone someone proactive and willing to help take their health seriously. He was clearly unwell and deserved help. I am also gobsmacked at the wait times to get results from tests back – my step mum had to wait 8 weeks to get x-ray results back.
I know you are crushed and heartbroken but please reach out and get the support from your family and friends. You and your partner have been so badly let down by the system and as a fellow Brit I am disgusted and heartbroken for you. Please look after yourself ❤️
I’m evil, I’d send a card to the doctor every year telling them what happened.
I’m so so sorry for your loss
I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a hug.
I’m so sorry, love 🫂 Nobody should have to go through this; you nor your partner. You’re not alone. And I’m beyond sorry that you were the one who had to find him. I can only imagine the absolute dread you must’ve felt.
(Sharing this to relate, not make it about me)
I have a chronic pain condition myself and for the past year and a half I’ve been in so much pain in a specific area that I can barely function. I’ve told numerous doctors that it’s so bad I’m literally suicidal. Nobody cares, at least not enough to lift a finger. It’s gotten to the point where we know which procedure I need, but the one clinic that has the necessary competence won’t do it. They told me they could and that it would likely help, but due to a technicality they’ve decided it “doesn’t fall on them”. Told me to “try acupuncture” instead 😐 the healthcare system is a fucking joke.
Oh, my gosh. That is really awful. I’m so sorry you and your partner went through that. Time will help, but you should also get into some therapy to process your grief, frustration, and anger. I hope you get some peace.
I’m just so sorry.
While I’m not in the same situation I get how you feel. Went to college, got an associates and tried to chase my dream. Now I’m almost thirty, living with my mother and trying again. Life sucks.
I’m so sorry.
The American Dream.
(Hugs). I was in a similar situation. It is absolutely hell
I’m so sorry
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and all the horrible bullshit you have had to go through. I truly hope that your situation can become better. Sending you good karma vibes and big hugs on your healing journey.