Long story short – my brother (43M) demanded that I (40M) apologize to his wife (44F) for a text I sent, and until I do, I’m not allowed to talk to his wife or their kids. I proved my comment was justified, and then demanded that he apologize to me and my wife (35F) for the lies they spread about her, and not to talk to me or my wife until he does.
Here’s the full story:
I’m using a throwaway account. My brother and I were close. I visited his family every few months, and even lived with them during the pandemic for a couple of months. I got married at 38, while all of my siblings married much younger. My wife invited my SIL to be a bridesmaid at our wedding, and she stayed with us during the bridal shower weekend.
Before the weekend, my SIL insisted on talking to my wife because she said she was the only other woman married into the family and wanted to warn her about family quirks. I told my wife I’d already been honest about everything, but SIL insisted. After their conversation, my wife seemed off and didn’t want to visit my brother’s family, but I didn’t understand why.
Leading up to the wedding, my wife had frustrations with my SIL about the bridesmaid dresses. The 2 asks about the dresses were 1) gold color and 2) let my wife approve it. SIL was constantly sending dresses for approval, and my wife found the process with SIL stressful. A week before the wedding, I got a text from my brother saying SIL had found a dress and was happy with it, but there was no picture for my wife to approve. I texted back saying, “I’m happy that SIL found a dress, but we need to see it at least 4 days before the wedding or she won’t be walking down the aisle but still invited to the wedding.”
My brother got upset about this, claiming I was too aggressive, and demanded I apologize to SIL. And until I do, I’m not allowed to talk to his wife or their kids
Fast forward to my honeymoon, where I find out my SIL had told my wife I was a drug addict during the conversation SIL insisted SIL have with my wife. For context, I occasionally use an edible every month or two, and I’ve been upfront about it with my wife. My brother and I got into a big argument over it, and he asked me to call my wife a liar because according to brother, his wife did not say that I was a drug addict. He later denied that his wife had said I was a drug addict, even though he had previously admitted it. He thinks he can gaslight his way out of this situation.
It got worse when we went on a family trip. My wife tried to hug my brother, and he pushed her away. We didn’t eat with them, and my brother claimed I was giving his family the cold shoulder which my brother asked me to do, so he did the same to my wife. My family backed me up, and he apologized, but I was still angry that he was excluding my wife.
Later, I found out that my SIL had been spreading lies about my wife rejecting nine bridesmaid dresses that SIL picked. I proved SIL was lying by showing the actual text messages, which revealed that she was wrong. SIL went around telling anyone that would listen that my wife was a pain to deal with and rejected 9 dresses, even throughout our wedding. I demanded that my brother and SIL apologize to my wife and I. If they understand that apologies are important, they should be able to give one when they are wrong. My brother said if I kept pushing for an apology, we shouldn’t talk, and I agreed.
Now, the rest of my family thinks I should just let it go, but I feel like they’re gaslighting me, and I’m not willing to let it slide. My brother keeps changing the story of what he said. I don’t like dealing with liars.
Clarification: My family did not insist I apologize, just my brother and his wife.
AITA for going low contact with my brother and demanding an apology for the lies and manipulation?
Comments
At this point i wouldn’t even talk to them anymore at all. Just be cordial during family stuff.
NTA
Your family needs to stop enabling them. You’re the more reasonable one, so they’re pushing it on you. Remind them to go bother the actual problems and leave you and your wife alone.
NTA
Well first of all a coerced or demanded apology means absolutely nothing so what’s the point? Just stay out of their lives and be polite at family events. No sense wasting your energy and life stressing about this situation. Nta.
NTA. Don’t worry, eventually the rest of y’all’s family will see what a two faced liar your SIL & brother are. I would just keep living y’all’s best life & forget about them. As for the family saying to get over it, well whenever they get lied on & SIL spreads rumors about them, just say the same thing back to them.
Does SIL have a thing for you maybe? Since she was lying to your wife about you being a drug addict & going around & spreading lies about your wife.
Fake exhausting story
NTA. Fuck letting it go. Your brother’s wife is the problem and instigated everything. He should get her unhinged ass under control.
Unfortunately needed: did your wife approve the dress? Was it white or really inappropriate?
I always found that funny. Back when I used weed I was called a drug addict for it by a drunk, that was at the bar so much they became a bar stool. Hypocrisy at its finest
Your SIL wanted to talk to you about your family?? Sounds like she just told on herself
Sounds like SIL doesn’t like being the only DIL anymore. NTA
Never, ever, apologize to keep the peace or to just let something go. It is not the victim’s job or responsibility to make the perpetrator of awful actions feel better. If someone feels bad about their terrible actions, that’s the point. Don’t be an asshat and you won’t be treated as one. Accountability and a change in actions/attitude is what is needed for your brother, SIL, and even the rest of the family at this point. Tell them all that. Also, it seems that your SIL is insecure and a pick me. She couldn’t stand that your wife was becoming a woman of the family and needed to lie and sabotage things. She needs therapy. You should share that publicly at the next family event as well. Maybe even with some therapist suggestions.
your brother is the ahole and his wife is a bigmouthed lying bitch. break all contact, you don’t need their crap in your life. she has been proven to be a liar, and is not worth your waste of time or aggrevation. if your family can’t understand that proof , then slowly work away from then until they can understand where you are coming from. sooner or later she will start talking about them too and they will see through it
Made up horseshit.
"Long story short"
"Fast forward to"
"the rest of my family thinks I should just let it go"
+ everyone demanding apologies
+ fuck me, of COURSE it’s a wedding.
good grief. so tiresome.
Honey why is this a question? NTAH!! Has your brother always been like this? Constantly defending the wrong or is he love struck by his wife and doesn’t want to disappoint her in fear of her leaving??
Yta your wife sounds miserable
Just cut them out.
NTA
I would personally set the record straight with a social media post. Call SIL a liar and disgusting POS who thrives off make-believe drama. And end it with, this is why we are going No Contact aka you don’t want more lies made about you from someone who doesn’t have anything good going on in their life.
And then leave it at that.
Yes, YTA for going low contact instead of NO contact. That goes for any of the stooges that’s backing them up. These are some toxic-ass people.