In kinda new on Reddit but I feel like I’m getting the hang of it hahaha I don’t know if I’m doing it right but here it goes!
I have a friend 33F that it’s recently engaged with her boyfriend 35M for three years. Since they got engaged she told me she didn’t like the engagement ring, and she is hesitant to tell her husband.
I think she shouldn’t tell him because he has been having some money problems for some time and maybe that ring was the only one he could afford?
The ring it’s beautiful in my opinion and I tell her maybe she had very specific expectations on it (we talked about it before she got engaged) and she should wait to have the ring resized (because it was too big for her) and she should wait before she told her because maybe with the ring resized she feels different about it.
Another friend (who is married) told her she should tell her fiancée, because if she it’s going to marry him she should tell him this kind of stuff, which I kind of disagree because I think she should wait some time before telling him at least.
Another friend who is married as well, tells her to never tell him she doesn’t like the ring, because it’s a symbol of his feelings towards her, it’s not only about her taste, it’s something that her future husband took time and bought expecting her to be delighted to, and telling him she doesn’t like it will hurt his feelings..
What do you guys think? Should she tell him? Or should she take it to her grave?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: In kinda new on Reddit but I feel like I’m getting the hang of it hahaha I don’t know if I’m doing it right but here it goes!
I have a friend 33F that it’s recently engaged with her boyfriend 35M for three years. Since they got engaged she told me she didn’t like the engagement ring, and she is hesitant to tell her husband.
I think she shouldn’t tell him because he has been having some money problems for some time and maybe that ring was the only one he could afford?
The ring it’s beautiful in my opinion and I tell her maybe she had very specific expectations on it (we talked about it before she got engaged) and she should wait to have the ring resized (because it was too big for her) and she should wait before she told her because maybe with the ring resized she feels different about it.
Another friend (who is married) told her she should tell her fiancée, because if she it’s going to marry him she should tell him this kind of stuff, which I kind of disagree because I think she should wait some time before telling him at least.
Another friend who is married as well, tells her to never tell him she doesn’t like the ring, because it’s a symbol of his feelings towards her, it’s not only about her taste, it’s something that her future husband took time and bought expecting her to be delighted to, and telling him she doesn’t like it will hurt his feelings..
What do you guys think? Should she tell him? Or should she take it to her grave?
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I think the context of him not having a ton of money says yeah, don’t say anything. He probably did his best and it would hurt his feelings to say something. I mean as long as it’s generally aesthetically pleasing, which it sounds like it is, she should just deal with it.
I got diamond family heirlooms and I’m not a diamond gal but I love that ring it’s special
I’m in a similar situation… dangit. I was hoping some other people would post advice first. We are planning on getting a different ring regardless tho, so I guess it doesn’t matter THAT much. But I wish he listened to what I wanted before he got the ring.
If the issue is the style, then it’s not unreasonable to want the ring you are supposed to wear every day for the rest of your life to be something you enjoy wearing. I think your friend should do some discrete research re what she would want instead and how much it would be to replace it – she should go to jewelry stores in person. Be armed with facts and then have talk to fiance in person at a time when no one is harassing either one of you and you are both well fed and had enough sleep.
If the issue is the size of a diamond, then she should not say anything bc that’s just greedy.
If she can’t talk to him about something like this then why marry the guy?
Women need to get over themselves a bit with these things.
The relationship should matter a heap more than the ring.
You want her to start her marriage with a lie? That’s a terrible idea. He obviously has enough on his mind without having to worry about dishonesty and a lack of transparency in his partner. He’s going to find out eventually.
She should get it resized. That’s not expensive. If she changes her mind, the problem is solved. For now, anyway.
If she’s still unhappy, she should tell him that down the line, when finances are stable, she’d prefer something different because she just isn’t comfortable with it or whatever kind way she prefers.
What is her specific complaint with it?
She should march right up to him, hand him the ring with her nose in the air and tell him how awful it is.
Then he will be free to give it to a woman who is not so shallow.
She should tell him. The longer you wait, the more it festers and the less time you have to return it since we’ve been told money is an issue.
Why be so wasteful of what little money there is. Please be prepared with alternatives.
Maybe she shouldn’t be marrying him if she is so focused on if she likes the ring or not. He proposed she said yes, thus accepting him and the ring. If she says something she comes off as kinda shallow. Especially since it sounds like he doesn’t have much but spent it on her.
Not a women so maybe I just don’t get it,
Isn’t the commitment and gesture the most important part of the engagement and not actually the ring itself?
Especially if OP knows that her they have some money problems, just seems like in general your friend is entitled and ungrateful.
Maybe I’m way off but if I was a women in a happy relationship I’d be ecstatic about the proposal regardless of what the ring looks like.
If it’s just a style thing, she may be able to use the stones in a new arrangement for just the cost of labor, or at least much cheeper than diamonds. I have an aunt that has had her wedding ring reworked a few times. Get a quote for the cost to have it reworked, budget for that cost herself, and tell him once it’s eminent, and tell him in a compliment sandwich, I love you I appreciate all the hard work that went into buying this ring, but Im having the design changed so I could love it more. I’m so excited for the rest of our lives together and I want this ring to be in every moment I share with you.
Does she not like it or was it just not exactly her perfect expectation? Like if she honestly thinks it’s ugly, that’s one thing but if it’s just not the ring she would have picked for herself? Unless she was part of the process the whole point is he picks the ring and gives it to her.
I did not want to do that so I have been part of the process with both of my engagement rings.
I think it’s shitty of her to have exacting expectations but then make him do it all on his own and he just has to guess exactly right.
Edit: the one concession I will make is my first engagement ring (to my ex-husband) was an extremely high setting, and it caught on everything and was forever pulling out my hair when I was putting it up. I did not make this mistake with my current husband’s engagement ring.
I think she should, but ultimately that’s between the two of them.
Is the issue the size or cost, or does she not like the style? If it’s the former, she shouldn’t say anything. If it’s the latter, she should speak up. This is a ring she will wear every day, potentially for the rest of her life – even people I know who upgraded at some point waited a decade or so to do so. She shouldn’t have to wear a ring she dislikes every day just to spare her partner’s feelings.
Of course, she should approach it with tact and treat it as them coming together to exchange the ring for something she loves that celebrates their love, not just as her returning it and picking out something else by herself.
I don’t think you should get in the middle.
Now that she has her ring she needs to be able to communicate that or live with it.
Honestly I just don’t understand people who are choosing to marry someone they can’t communicate with something as simple as this about.
I didn’t like my ring either but I loved the man . I knew he spent time, thought and money into it. I would have never dreamed to hurt his feelings like that.
He meant more to me than the ring.
She is going to be wearing it everyday, she needs to say so he can get it swapped or changed to be more suited to her. He has also spent a lot of money on something that she doesn’t like
It’s such a f*cked up thing. I waited for like 2 years to be able to propose with a nice ring that I selected carefully after browsing the web for hours and hours with the help of both my sister and my father. I had to struggle a lot to finally get a decent amount of money (despite multiple setbacks when I almost had the money but I had to help out someone in a dire situation) to buy a beautiful and modern engagement ring and my fiancée told me she would have preffered another ring. It is not the ring, but the emotions and the struggles behind it, to finally get to the point that I could ask her the big question… Honestly, it feels pretty damn awful as a man.
She’s not even married and complaining about a ring. It doesn’t set a good example for the future. If I were him I would be concerned that I am marring a superficial person.