Changing his personality drastically when he was with his friends.
Loving and romantic in private but would be disrespectful in front of his friends (like woman you are here to serve me)
Full of human values with his family, especially about gay rights (his uncle being gay) but the first one to laugh and tell homophobic « jokes » with his friends.
Transphobia, in a gay relationship. Later come to find out they had transistioned after we broke up, so I assume the phobia was just projecting. Still made me realize they weren’t “my person” at the time.
Killed open communication with me when they realized sometimes solving problems takes more than just saying “I didn’t like that” or just a look. Turned into burying conversations that needed to take place.
I knew it on some level but I tolerated it far longer than I should have.
Started collecting illegal weapons like brass knuckles, swith blades, etc and discussions on what he would do to hurt others with said weapons.
He got an assault charge 2 weeks after we broke up
We were discussing the potential of getting married, where we would live, kids, values, etc….and she said, “You know that when it comes to the house, you have no say so right….like the woman is responsible for decorating, furniture, etc…and you have no say.” I asked her if she was joking and she said no. I said, “So you expect me just to pay for everything and you just get to do whatever you want with the money?” She said with a smile “Yup!” I said, “Yeah, you might get away with that with the past guys you dated, but that’s not me. If for certain will have a say so in everything, this is a marriage, not a dictatorship, so if you really feel that way, maybe we shouldn’t be together.” Just to be clear, that wasn’t the cause of the breakup, but was one major area of contention where she clearly thought she was just going to dominate the marriage and just expect me to be her piggy bank.
in university i had a friend who passed on tragically and unexpectedly. she had a not-so-secret crush on me which made my girlfriend at the time jealous. upon hearing the news, my girlfriend’s response was not that of sympathy or grief, but only smug indifference and schadenfreude. totally awful.
I was willing to be open to it, but had yet to heal my anxious attachment. The main motivator for the relationship appears to have been her sexual needs.
We live 3 hours apart. So, when they took a new job after talking about cohabitating, I realized they weren’t even serious. I decided ok, we can take our time. Then they kept a fwb in orbit, and another guy from a dating site around. We broke up briefly, you can guess who was back in the picture immediately. Eff her.
We were together 1986-2014. After our daughter was born, he started turning into someone else. Kind of a Dollar Tree Archie Bunker/Ralph Kramden. Yeah, no Dude. This girl ain’t nobody’s house pet. I work, I earn. Later for the prehistoric BS.
Realized how strongly her feelings were for the opposing political party and knowing that this would eventually come to a head, so I ended things before things could get crazy.
Another was quite literally crazy.. I’d already been looking for an out.. She started talking to a dude who came to me with screen shots, so I ended things and cut all contact.. She ended up sending a few emails.. but I blocked those too.
Started dating him 10 years ago at 47. Still dating him but found out he’s just incredibly financially irresponsible. He lives with me in my paid off home – I’ll never legally tie myself to him, although I love him.
Treat bad his autistic sister, humiliate his trans sister and making a cute house look like a trash room. On top of that, his excuse was that because his mom was famous he was “the victim”.
Told me that if she ever decided to get married, I could show up to the wedding to poke fun at her. Welp, guess you don’t see any long-term plans for *us* now, do you?
Yelling at me that they were “the catch” in the relationship. All I was catching was raising an adult person who hoards, mistreats two cats, refuses to work, and funded smoking habits with payday loans.
Refused to grow up, was horribly immature (was literally like a toddler that had watched nothing BUT south park and would say ABSOLUTE WORST things in public without a care as to who was near and could hear) , would not take accountability for his actions but would instead blame his past trauma for being the reason he acted the way he did. Please note, he was freshly 30 years old and has not been dealing with any abuse since he was 15. So he had 15 years to fix himself and to grow tf up.
For the first three years of the relationship, I planned my whole life with him. Marriage, a house, kids. But over time, especially after year 3, those dreams faded, because I saw who he really was.
I was with a guy who did drugs for 15 years. He never did anything for me and told me I never did anything for him besides give him money. I went to be with him for 5 days for our 15 year anniversary. Before I left, while he was method out, he says” you know why I do drugs? To deal with people like you”. I went back home and never had anything to do with him again. That was two years ago.
After a few months of being pretty normal it became clear that she was jealous and suspicious and very clingy. She tried to put her foot down about me having female friends – which I’ve always had…And then she became resentful when I even hung out with guy friends.
She also made it seem like if we stayed together, we would inevitably have to move to her home country of Japan and I would end up working for her father who was a successful entrepreneur.
He played a game on his phone while I poured my heart out about how I had been struggling with my mental health and taking care of myself.
I didn’t really have the wake up call until I stayed at his place for 2 weeks with my cat while I was very sick with a mystery illness that lasted about 4 months. He didn’t clean the entire time that I was there, leaving dishes to pile up and surfaces to be sticky and grimy. One night I got so fed up that I spent 2-5 am deep cleaning the kitchen, only taking breaks to throw up (from the illness). When he saw that I cleaned in the morning, his only response was “I don’t know why you picked the kitchen to clean – my room is messier and I would have slept right through it”
I had a bad reaction to antibiotics and ended up in the hospital. Drove myself there and home. They spent the next three days on a coke binge with friends (each day saying they’d be home that night just to come up with an excuse like their ride left already or something equally ridiculous). Their reasoning? There was nothing they could do anyways so did I expect them to just sit there and stare at me? No apologies, nothing.
In that moment, I realized that they would never be someone I could count on in a serious situation.
Yelled at my best friend and gave her the silent treatment the same way that he had done to me so many times in the span of our nearly five year relationship. After that I couldn’t think of getting married without feeling a sick feeling of dread. It’s been more than a year since I dumped him and I haven’t looked back once 🙂
Cheated on me twice, lied to me, stole from me despite me helping him. Currently owes me $30,000. Doesn’t help with any bills, uses me like an ATM, a free lunch, and a free place to sleep. Not to mention ghosting me 4 times at the beginning of the relationship. Refusing to grow up, talking down to me when I am the successful and mature one. Got diagnosed bipolar last year and doesn’t take it seriously like I do. Holding marriage over my head for 3 years knowing I was led on for 9 before that.
Would drink and drive regularly. Took me a while to realize. Took way too long to get rid of the repulsive brat but I knew then and there that it wouldn’t last. I cannot stand drink drivers. They disgust me
i once explained to him “yeah no sometimes i ask for a ride home because i want to spent a lil time with u in a busy day” and he was shocked by the fact i enjoyed spending time with him, made me consider what he ACTALLY thought our relationship was and how badly he viewed me.
Got drunk and said I don’t love him I’m just obsessed with him, screamed I hit him when I didn’t and then grinned at me with an evil twinkle in his eye because he knew my brother and housemate were home, tried to leave with a bottle of whiskey and when I took it away and locked him out he banged on the front door screaming to give him back his drink. Nothing was the same since then and our relationship spiraled into the depths of hell 🧘♀️
When we went on holiday & I got my daughter (10 years old) to take a photo of me and he turned funny about me getting a picture taken and told my daughter I only wanted the photo cause I wanted men’s dicks in me. When he would disappear all the time and not come home, when he would constantly stare at other girls whilst we were out together, when we went on another holiday and he started taking all my stuff off me cause he was drunk, threatened to kill my children, left me in the middle of nowhere, I could go on and on
He got so comfortable showing me how Homophobic he was, I once asked him what would he do if our son in the future came out as gay he confidently said “my son won’t be gay, I’ll raise him right”
His anxiety got bad, and he was super stressed with starting a new job. He decided to kick me out of his life while he worked through what he was dealing with. Didn’t want me to be a support for him. He then proceeded to act like I had never been in his life whenever we happened to cross paths.
There was a time that I would’ve, if he asked me. But now, I don’t ever want to see him again.
It would be pretty pathetic to try to talk someone into it wouldn’t it? We decided yes, years later He’s decided no. I’ve cried and cried and felt so unworthy. I think with this very question that i am the one who doesn’t want to be married.
He embarrassed me. Constantly got irrationally angry over stupid things, always trying to display this tough guy macho personality that I found super cringe. Just be yourself bro. Would talk about how he wanted to beat people up after minor disrespect or inconveniences. Even yelled at and treated his mom like shit.
He didn’t invest any time whatsoever in my interests.
Was super materialistic, always worried about his shoes creasing or getting dog hair on his clothes.
Couldn’t communicate, clean up after himself or manage his own life. Forgot multiple important events, appointments and responsibilities and never seemed to learn better habits. Would never bring up issues proactively, only during arguments when I had a concern.
Got defensive and refused to apologize if he didn’t agree with my expressed issue, which meant he never apologized at all because he was never in the wrong.
Said verbally abusive things, like calling me crazy, stupid, telling me to shut up. Interrupted me constantly. Never trusted my input or guidance.
Unreliable. Never followed through on promises and would gaslight me about things he would say, sometimes only moments after saying them.
He got so drunk that he accidentally walked into my dad’s bedroom (instead of the bathroom) in the middle of the night and started peeing. He was naked and completely blacked out.
“You’re not going to get fat like your mom, are you?” Said by my hs boyfriend of two years after we went to college. Took me a week to dump him after that comment.
We played Cards against humanity and his sense of humor sucked. He thought the dumbest shit was funny. I’d given a pass to the dumb shit he shared on YouTube and such but ultimately, his humor was nothing like mine and humor is pretty critical to me. He was (seemed to be) a genuinely wonderful, kind man, albeit not terribly clever. It felt like a shallow reason but hey, he assaulted me when I dumped him so I definitely dodged a bullet there!
When we talked about marriage, he insisted he wanted to get me a gold ring with a diamond solitaire. I never wear gold. And I’m not into diamonds. He insisted, because what would his friends, family and co-workers THINK of him if I wasn’t wearing a mega sparkly on my hand?
It was then that I realized I wasn’t a person to him, I was an acquisition he could show off. Didn’t last much past the last big screaming fit – “you’re going to wear it and you’re going to like it!”
A decade later, the man I was dating called me from a jewelry store, all excited. They had beautiful titanium ring blanks, he’d picked out a gorgeous semi-precious moonstone and a few garnets (sentimental favorite) to flank it. And could I come by and see if I approved because he didn’t want to buy something I’d hate.
He told me that his mom confessed to him she might be an alcoholic. His reaction was to tell her she didn’t have a problem, and she just had a hard job and needed to drink to unwind after work.
As someone who grew up with enabling parents with addictions, I knew that his response to her admitting she had a problem wouldn’t work for me. He’s a good man, but I need someone that we can hold each other accountable, especially as I struggle myself with addiction.
Tried to guilt me into spending several thousand dollars on a vacation. Their family had money and decided to take a spur of the moment international vacation. All of her expenses would be paid by the family, but I would be out at least $5000. Technically, I had the money, but I was working 50 hours a week when she was working maybe 15. I was saving for our future.
She went no contact while on the vacation and that made it pretty clear it wasn’t going to work. She had just finished college and the deal was when she finished school and started her career I would take a part-time job and go back to college. Less than a month later she met somebody else. In fairness it was a better man and most respects and they got married. She burned me bad, but that’s the brakes.
Spit in my face during a fight. Later it came up that for cultural reasons they didn’t realise how bad that was. Was some years ago, have hoped we could work through it, so am still here but in a limbo state, don’t see how we could ever get to marriage but not ready to lose all I’d lose if I end things
My ex and I were going through an elongated dry spell. Sex once every four or five weeks, sometimes up to seven weeks. I kept talking to her about it, and she kept saying that we’d work at it, but it felt like every time we talked about it, the issue just got worse. She just became… entirely uninterested in having any kind of sexual contact with me and even when we did have sex, it was just… sad bad maintenance sex. I eventually even stopped trying to initiate.
One day, we were watching a show together as we we were having dinner and one of the characters in the show told his friend something along the lines of, “Me and the wife are going through a rough patch. We’re down to having sex twice a week!” The punchline was supposed to indicate that the couple has sex far more than twice a week, but that even when they’re fighting, they’re still getting it in at least twice.
My ex spat her food out of her mouth and cackled. Then she looked at me and said, ” SEX TWICE A WEEK??? OMG. I can’t even imagine. I could NEVER.”
That’s when I knew our relationship was over. Because during the first few years of our relationship, we would have a lot of sex. A few times a week at least. Then… at around year six, it just started to become less and less frequent. I expected for the frequency to go down, but I did communicate to her that twice a week would be my preference (I would have settled for ONCE a week). She said that she’d try, but… she couldn’t promise anything. It didn’t matter what I did, how many chores I took off her hands, vacations I would book for us, or anything that I’d do to help her relax and make her life easier, etc. She gave up on sex. Her saying that she couldn’t imagine really made me sad, because she didn’t have to do any imagining. All she had to do was remember.
We broke up soon thereafter. I told her that I hadn’t signed up to be in a sexless longterm relationship.
She came back months later, asking that I please take her back, that she hadn’t realized how important sex was to us and our relationship. I told her that nope, we had had that conversation far too many times over the course of three years and that I’d been crystal clear with my communication about my needs. There was absolutely no way that she didn’t know.
Threatened to take my dog, drive far away, and drop her off in the middle of no where so she’d be lost. I knew we had to get out. He was always a jerk but this was psychotic.
Guy one: pouted when I beat him at a board game guy 2: never left the house and smoked Mary Jane all day/night
Guy 3: just drugs. And alcoholism. Guy 4) cursed at me and called me names, tried to always tear me down.
He wasn’t willing to pull away from his family. He still lived at home, still worked for the family business, and never put in any effort to be independent by 28 years old.
He talked about his brother’s pregnant wife being fat and letting herself go. She was 8 months pregnant and was basically all belly. It was a weird and disgusting thing to say but also very untrue.
He was incredibly rude and standoffish to both me and my family when we first met, and was just generally unpleasant to everyone. His best friend and my sister ended up really hitting it off, but the guy convinced his friend that my sister wasn’t actually into him, leaving my sis heartbroken. Then he insulted my entire family, and basically said that he was in love with me in spite of his better judgment. It was then that I knew that he was last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.
Went MIA which pissed me off cause he’s been cold and distant the days leading up to that. When confronted, he told me he was in the ER when I couldn’t reach him. I asked him why he didn’t tell me about it sooner, told me his mom told him not to tell anybody. We’re twenty-something adults.
I was gone for a day and half to go to a concert with my sisters and he was suppose to watch the dogs. I usually walk them in the mornings but he will just open the back door so they could go out in the backyard. He also was responsible for feeding them in the morning. The afternoon I got back(around 12:30pm), the dogs had not gone out or eaten because he bing drank as soon as I left and wouldn’t wake up when the dogs were barking at him to go out.
Tried to convince me to have sex without a condom on the first date. Fast forward a few months he confesses he has HIV and has known since we’d been dating but not to worry, he was going to a shaman who was healing him.
Raising his voice to me, calling me out of my name, unplugging my phone at night and plugging his in instead- even when he has his own charger and multiple other plug ins to choose from. There’s honestly a lot and idk why I’m even still in this relationship. Gah
Unfortunately I found out too late. Married after 6 years together. Two months ago he tells me he used to fuck his mom. Currently sitting next to him and am disgusted. Trying to find a way out.
After my grandmother died. I had just given birth and my son was about 5 days old. We had planned to give him his first bath on this day, I was really excited about it. ( umbilical cord had not fallen off so we planned to give him a little birdbath) 30 min prior I found out my grandma died, I was incredibly close to her. I asked if we could hold off the bath for one day as I was heart broken over the news. And he told me “No, I’m not gonna put off bathing my son for you” in the coldest tone. I was in such shock, what’s worse is his mother was standing right there and didn’t say a word to him about it. I never felt so unsupported.
She got really drunk and started beating on me while i was passed out sleeping. It was sad because she wouldn’t stop and after about 30 punches, I finally reacted with one random swing and broke her nose. She sobered up fast and her emotional attachment finally gone.
Couldn’t manage his chronic health issues, wouldn’t communicate with me. If I tried to discuss an issue in the relationship he would go quiet and try and guilt trip me or get angry and tell me I was just taking it too far and going on about nothing when all I wanted was to discuss the issue and come to a solution
I had told my ex about my history struggling with eating disorders. I expressed I could feel myself starting to relapse, I had downloaded MyFitnessPal and wasn’t eating. It was getting worse and my mental health was tanking.
My birthday rolls around the next month and the only thing he got me was a home workout kit. I left the box on my desk unopened for months because I was so angry. He finally confronted me about how “unappreciative” and “ungrateful” I was for his gift. When I told him that it was an asshole move to get me that when I was obviously struggling, his response was
“I thought that if you lost some weight you’d feel better about yourself” 🙃
Bucking up to me as if he was going to hit me. And he knows I have a history of childhood physical abuse. Looking back, that’s the moment that should’ve ended it all.
Yelled at me that because I’m on my period I have no excuse to be irritated and he’s only irritated because I’m on my period. We had a huge fight and he just berated me because I’m hormonal and he can’t be bothered.
He told me what he saw as our future. We would move to Hawaii, he would grow weed in our basement, and I would work. While our relationship was already not great before then, I realized that this future he described made me nauseous.
When I lost everything to move to where he was and he was a completely different person than he had been when he was with me before. Like a total stranger. And not a nice one. Turns out he’s the worst person I ever met and unfortunately I procreated with him so we’re tied together forever. I was so stupid. Never again.
We had a ring camera in our kitchen to watch our newly adopted cat at the time who only felt comfortable coming out at night. Was trying to catch a glimpse of her in the “recent events” section on the app and instead saw my ex taking pulls straight from a bottle of Jameson after refusing to have any kind of conversation about his drinking despite telling me he was an alcoholic a few months prior to that. Had begged and pleaded for months after that initial conversation for him to get help or re-affirm that it was an issue to no avail. Something about seeing him drink straight from the bottle really broke me idk why exactly though. But we did end up breaking up over alcohol in the end.
He told me that since I had graduated from high school, I could then follow him with his career and schooling. I could get a job, clean his apartment and cook for him. Never once asked what I wanted to do with my life and career, just treated me like his accessory and maid.
We took a break and he was lustful over any and every woman he met, even so much as dating people he wasn’t even interested in and trying to date ex’s of our friends just for the sake of dating. The lack of selectivity, the anger he took out on me for not finding the intimacy he craved, the persistence he had with woman even after being left on read, and how easy it was for him to be led astray by any little attention was at first heart breaking and made me run to him more everytime he came back, just to go back to how we used to be before this side of him. But the more I sat with it the more I realized it was such a turn off. When he came back and wanted to make things work again, all I could think of was the pure disgust for considering a future/life with this man who would genuinely chase any mildly pretty face or tiny bit of attention he came across and how my old perception of him was completely irreversibly shattered.
I was bed bound with hyperemisis gravidarum and couldn’t get far enough to go to the bathroom without fainting. So I got a bit of a shock when I recovered!
We were on vacation and we borrowed my sister’s car to travel/sightsee. We got into an argument in the car. This dude had the audacity to kick me out of the car and drove off for a little to calm down.
Blow every night and even if I Begged him to stop. Chose it over helping me, sleeping In our bed, sleeping with me. We lost three friends to bad drugs in six months and he couldn’t stop. It wasn’t my thing for most of our relationship and he chose it over me all the time
My very first boyfriend, still in high school but ~so in love~ with each other that we had recently gotten engaged. There had been a LOT of red flags that my rose-tinted goggles had just turned into our own private Parade of Love- but the morning that he showed up to our first wedding-planning date drunk as a SKUNK, (before 9am and as a minor still!) was the day I realized that I was taking the relationship a lot more seriously than he was and that I was setting myself up to be treated the same or worse than I had for my whole life so far if I stayed with him. Honestly still impressed I had so much backbone as such a youngster!
Totally ignored my suffering through a horrible viral fever, especially the part where i was on the floor and couldnt get my muscles to help me stand up for 10 minutes so i crawled to the door. But he just kept working at his desk 5 feet away from me like nothing was happening.
Comments
Bukkake
Sent her meal back on our 1st three dates. Drank to much and talked down to the wait staff on the third and final.
The way they judged me.
Changing his personality drastically when he was with his friends.
Loving and romantic in private but would be disrespectful in front of his friends (like woman you are here to serve me)
Full of human values with his family, especially about gay rights (his uncle being gay) but the first one to laugh and tell homophobic « jokes » with his friends.
Transphobia, in a gay relationship. Later come to find out they had transistioned after we broke up, so I assume the phobia was just projecting. Still made me realize they weren’t “my person” at the time.
Killed open communication with me when they realized sometimes solving problems takes more than just saying “I didn’t like that” or just a look. Turned into burying conversations that needed to take place.
I knew it on some level but I tolerated it far longer than I should have.
Never again.
Started collecting illegal weapons like brass knuckles, swith blades, etc and discussions on what he would do to hurt others with said weapons.
He got an assault charge 2 weeks after we broke up
She didn’t want me wearing condoms (I don’t want kids)
We were discussing the potential of getting married, where we would live, kids, values, etc….and she said, “You know that when it comes to the house, you have no say so right….like the woman is responsible for decorating, furniture, etc…and you have no say.” I asked her if she was joking and she said no. I said, “So you expect me just to pay for everything and you just get to do whatever you want with the money?” She said with a smile “Yup!” I said, “Yeah, you might get away with that with the past guys you dated, but that’s not me. If for certain will have a say so in everything, this is a marriage, not a dictatorship, so if you really feel that way, maybe we shouldn’t be together.” Just to be clear, that wasn’t the cause of the breakup, but was one major area of contention where she clearly thought she was just going to dominate the marriage and just expect me to be her piggy bank.
Became a drunk for four years
Extremely contentious.
in university i had a friend who passed on tragically and unexpectedly. she had a not-so-secret crush on me which made my girlfriend at the time jealous. upon hearing the news, my girlfriend’s response was not that of sympathy or grief, but only smug indifference and schadenfreude. totally awful.
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Got SUPER religious in a relatively short amount of time.
He lacked ambition. I knew I would be supporting him in the future.
Push polyamory on me.
I was willing to be open to it, but had yet to heal my anxious attachment. The main motivator for the relationship appears to have been her sexual needs.
We live 3 hours apart. So, when they took a new job after talking about cohabitating, I realized they weren’t even serious. I decided ok, we can take our time. Then they kept a fwb in orbit, and another guy from a dating site around. We broke up briefly, you can guess who was back in the picture immediately. Eff her.
We got into a conflict while he was driving and he pulled some sketchy driving moves to “show me how angry I’d made him.”
We were together 1986-2014. After our daughter was born, he started turning into someone else. Kind of a Dollar Tree Archie Bunker/Ralph Kramden. Yeah, no Dude. This girl ain’t nobody’s house pet. I work, I earn. Later for the prehistoric BS.
Realized how strongly her feelings were for the opposing political party and knowing that this would eventually come to a head, so I ended things before things could get crazy.
Another was quite literally crazy.. I’d already been looking for an out.. She started talking to a dude who came to me with screen shots, so I ended things and cut all contact.. She ended up sending a few emails.. but I blocked those too.
Punched me in the face repeatedly.
Started dating him 10 years ago at 47. Still dating him but found out he’s just incredibly financially irresponsible. He lives with me in my paid off home – I’ll never legally tie myself to him, although I love him.
If they showed emotional immaturity, poor communication skills…
Treat bad his autistic sister, humiliate his trans sister and making a cute house look like a trash room. On top of that, his excuse was that because his mom was famous he was “the victim”.
Told me that we would have a ton of sex after marriage
Told me that if she ever decided to get married, I could show up to the wedding to poke fun at her. Welp, guess you don’t see any long-term plans for *us* now, do you?
Irresponsible
Cheat, judge me and always put me down. Think less of me and spoke more then act
Yelling at me that they were “the catch” in the relationship. All I was catching was raising an adult person who hoards, mistreats two cats, refuses to work, and funded smoking habits with payday loans.
Die…….
Ducttaped my dog to the couch because apparently he had interrupted one of her work calls.
Wow, the comments.
Refused to grow up, was horribly immature (was literally like a toddler that had watched nothing BUT south park and would say ABSOLUTE WORST things in public without a care as to who was near and could hear) , would not take accountability for his actions but would instead blame his past trauma for being the reason he acted the way he did. Please note, he was freshly 30 years old and has not been dealing with any abuse since he was 15. So he had 15 years to fix himself and to grow tf up.
For the first three years of the relationship, I planned my whole life with him. Marriage, a house, kids. But over time, especially after year 3, those dreams faded, because I saw who he really was.
I was with a guy who did drugs for 15 years. He never did anything for me and told me I never did anything for him besides give him money. I went to be with him for 5 days for our 15 year anniversary. Before I left, while he was method out, he says” you know why I do drugs? To deal with people like you”. I went back home and never had anything to do with him again. That was two years ago.
After a few months of being pretty normal it became clear that she was jealous and suspicious and very clingy. She tried to put her foot down about me having female friends – which I’ve always had…And then she became resentful when I even hung out with guy friends.
She also made it seem like if we stayed together, we would inevitably have to move to her home country of Japan and I would end up working for her father who was a successful entrepreneur.
He played a game on his phone while I poured my heart out about how I had been struggling with my mental health and taking care of myself.
I didn’t really have the wake up call until I stayed at his place for 2 weeks with my cat while I was very sick with a mystery illness that lasted about 4 months. He didn’t clean the entire time that I was there, leaving dishes to pile up and surfaces to be sticky and grimy. One night I got so fed up that I spent 2-5 am deep cleaning the kitchen, only taking breaks to throw up (from the illness). When he saw that I cleaned in the morning, his only response was “I don’t know why you picked the kitchen to clean – my room is messier and I would have slept right through it”
I had a bad reaction to antibiotics and ended up in the hospital. Drove myself there and home. They spent the next three days on a coke binge with friends (each day saying they’d be home that night just to come up with an excuse like their ride left already or something equally ridiculous). Their reasoning? There was nothing they could do anyways so did I expect them to just sit there and stare at me? No apologies, nothing.
In that moment, I realized that they would never be someone I could count on in a serious situation.
Cheated and lied constantly need attention all the time from other women
Yelled at my best friend and gave her the silent treatment the same way that he had done to me so many times in the span of our nearly five year relationship. After that I couldn’t think of getting married without feeling a sick feeling of dread. It’s been more than a year since I dumped him and I haven’t looked back once 🙂
Finding him fucking my room mate in my bed 2 weeks before the wedding pretty much made up my mind
Died.
Date #2, picked her up at her house. She was practicing writing her married name. It was our second date FFS.
Cheated on me twice, lied to me, stole from me despite me helping him. Currently owes me $30,000. Doesn’t help with any bills, uses me like an ATM, a free lunch, and a free place to sleep. Not to mention ghosting me 4 times at the beginning of the relationship. Refusing to grow up, talking down to me when I am the successful and mature one. Got diagnosed bipolar last year and doesn’t take it seriously like I do. Holding marriage over my head for 3 years knowing I was led on for 9 before that.
he cried because the maid was on vacation and he had to wash his own sneakers, that killed me inside
Would drink and drive regularly. Took me a while to realize. Took way too long to get rid of the repulsive brat but I knew then and there that it wouldn’t last. I cannot stand drink drivers. They disgust me
i once explained to him “yeah no sometimes i ask for a ride home because i want to spent a lil time with u in a busy day” and he was shocked by the fact i enjoyed spending time with him, made me consider what he ACTALLY thought our relationship was and how badly he viewed me.
Got drunk and said I don’t love him I’m just obsessed with him, screamed I hit him when I didn’t and then grinned at me with an evil twinkle in his eye because he knew my brother and housemate were home, tried to leave with a bottle of whiskey and when I took it away and locked him out he banged on the front door screaming to give him back his drink. Nothing was the same since then and our relationship spiraled into the depths of hell 🧘♀️
When we went on holiday & I got my daughter (10 years old) to take a photo of me and he turned funny about me getting a picture taken and told my daughter I only wanted the photo cause I wanted men’s dicks in me. When he would disappear all the time and not come home, when he would constantly stare at other girls whilst we were out together, when we went on another holiday and he started taking all my stuff off me cause he was drunk, threatened to kill my children, left me in the middle of nowhere, I could go on and on
He got so comfortable showing me how Homophobic he was, I once asked him what would he do if our son in the future came out as gay he confidently said “my son won’t be gay, I’ll raise him right”
Referred to women as “females” in casual conversation one day.
His anxiety got bad, and he was super stressed with starting a new job. He decided to kick me out of his life while he worked through what he was dealing with. Didn’t want me to be a support for him. He then proceeded to act like I had never been in his life whenever we happened to cross paths.
There was a time that I would’ve, if he asked me. But now, I don’t ever want to see him again.
It would be pretty pathetic to try to talk someone into it wouldn’t it? We decided yes, years later He’s decided no. I’ve cried and cried and felt so unworthy. I think with this very question that i am the one who doesn’t want to be married.
He embarrassed me. Constantly got irrationally angry over stupid things, always trying to display this tough guy macho personality that I found super cringe. Just be yourself bro. Would talk about how he wanted to beat people up after minor disrespect or inconveniences. Even yelled at and treated his mom like shit.
He didn’t invest any time whatsoever in my interests.
Was super materialistic, always worried about his shoes creasing or getting dog hair on his clothes.
Couldn’t communicate, clean up after himself or manage his own life. Forgot multiple important events, appointments and responsibilities and never seemed to learn better habits. Would never bring up issues proactively, only during arguments when I had a concern.
Got defensive and refused to apologize if he didn’t agree with my expressed issue, which meant he never apologized at all because he was never in the wrong.
Said verbally abusive things, like calling me crazy, stupid, telling me to shut up. Interrupted me constantly. Never trusted my input or guidance.
Unreliable. Never followed through on promises and would gaslight me about things he would say, sometimes only moments after saying them.
There’s much more but I’d be here all day.
He got so drunk that he accidentally walked into my dad’s bedroom (instead of the bathroom) in the middle of the night and started peeing. He was naked and completely blacked out.
“You’re not going to get fat like your mom, are you?” Said by my hs boyfriend of two years after we went to college. Took me a week to dump him after that comment.
We played Cards against humanity and his sense of humor sucked. He thought the dumbest shit was funny. I’d given a pass to the dumb shit he shared on YouTube and such but ultimately, his humor was nothing like mine and humor is pretty critical to me. He was (seemed to be) a genuinely wonderful, kind man, albeit not terribly clever. It felt like a shallow reason but hey, he assaulted me when I dumped him so I definitely dodged a bullet there!
When we talked about marriage, he insisted he wanted to get me a gold ring with a diamond solitaire. I never wear gold. And I’m not into diamonds. He insisted, because what would his friends, family and co-workers THINK of him if I wasn’t wearing a mega sparkly on my hand?
It was then that I realized I wasn’t a person to him, I was an acquisition he could show off. Didn’t last much past the last big screaming fit – “you’re going to wear it and you’re going to like it!”
A decade later, the man I was dating called me from a jewelry store, all excited. They had beautiful titanium ring blanks, he’d picked out a gorgeous semi-precious moonstone and a few garnets (sentimental favorite) to flank it. And could I come by and see if I approved because he didn’t want to buy something I’d hate.
He told me that his mom confessed to him she might be an alcoholic. His reaction was to tell her she didn’t have a problem, and she just had a hard job and needed to drink to unwind after work.
As someone who grew up with enabling parents with addictions, I knew that his response to her admitting she had a problem wouldn’t work for me. He’s a good man, but I need someone that we can hold each other accountable, especially as I struggle myself with addiction.
Tried to guilt me into spending several thousand dollars on a vacation. Their family had money and decided to take a spur of the moment international vacation. All of her expenses would be paid by the family, but I would be out at least $5000. Technically, I had the money, but I was working 50 hours a week when she was working maybe 15. I was saving for our future.
She went no contact while on the vacation and that made it pretty clear it wasn’t going to work. She had just finished college and the deal was when she finished school and started her career I would take a part-time job and go back to college. Less than a month later she met somebody else. In fairness it was a better man and most respects and they got married. She burned me bad, but that’s the brakes.
Spit in my face during a fight. Later it came up that for cultural reasons they didn’t realise how bad that was. Was some years ago, have hoped we could work through it, so am still here but in a limbo state, don’t see how we could ever get to marriage but not ready to lose all I’d lose if I end things
Superficial Dreams
[Incorrect planning]
Sexual compatibility is extremely important.
My ex and I were going through an elongated dry spell. Sex once every four or five weeks, sometimes up to seven weeks. I kept talking to her about it, and she kept saying that we’d work at it, but it felt like every time we talked about it, the issue just got worse. She just became… entirely uninterested in having any kind of sexual contact with me and even when we did have sex, it was just… sad bad maintenance sex. I eventually even stopped trying to initiate.
One day, we were watching a show together as we we were having dinner and one of the characters in the show told his friend something along the lines of, “Me and the wife are going through a rough patch. We’re down to having sex twice a week!” The punchline was supposed to indicate that the couple has sex far more than twice a week, but that even when they’re fighting, they’re still getting it in at least twice.
My ex spat her food out of her mouth and cackled. Then she looked at me and said, ” SEX TWICE A WEEK??? OMG. I can’t even imagine. I could NEVER.”
That’s when I knew our relationship was over. Because during the first few years of our relationship, we would have a lot of sex. A few times a week at least. Then… at around year six, it just started to become less and less frequent. I expected for the frequency to go down, but I did communicate to her that twice a week would be my preference (I would have settled for ONCE a week). She said that she’d try, but… she couldn’t promise anything. It didn’t matter what I did, how many chores I took off her hands, vacations I would book for us, or anything that I’d do to help her relax and make her life easier, etc. She gave up on sex. Her saying that she couldn’t imagine really made me sad, because she didn’t have to do any imagining. All she had to do was remember.
We broke up soon thereafter. I told her that I hadn’t signed up to be in a sexless longterm relationship.
She came back months later, asking that I please take her back, that she hadn’t realized how important sex was to us and our relationship. I told her that nope, we had had that conversation far too many times over the course of three years and that I’d been crystal clear with my communication about my needs. There was absolutely no way that she didn’t know.
Threatened to take my dog, drive far away, and drop her off in the middle of no where so she’d be lost. I knew we had to get out. He was always a jerk but this was psychotic.
Guy one: pouted when I beat him at a board game guy 2: never left the house and smoked Mary Jane all day/night
Guy 3: just drugs. And alcoholism. Guy 4) cursed at me and called me names, tried to always tear me down.
Now I’m bummed about my loser exes.
He wasn’t willing to pull away from his family. He still lived at home, still worked for the family business, and never put in any effort to be independent by 28 years old.
He talked about his brother’s pregnant wife being fat and letting herself go. She was 8 months pregnant and was basically all belly. It was a weird and disgusting thing to say but also very untrue.
Stealthed me
He was incredibly rude and standoffish to both me and my family when we first met, and was just generally unpleasant to everyone. His best friend and my sister ended up really hitting it off, but the guy convinced his friend that my sister wasn’t actually into him, leaving my sis heartbroken. Then he insulted my entire family, and basically said that he was in love with me in spite of his better judgment. It was then that I knew that he was last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry.
Went MIA which pissed me off cause he’s been cold and distant the days leading up to that. When confronted, he told me he was in the ER when I couldn’t reach him. I asked him why he didn’t tell me about it sooner, told me his mom told him not to tell anybody. We’re twenty-something adults.
I was gone for a day and half to go to a concert with my sisters and he was suppose to watch the dogs. I usually walk them in the mornings but he will just open the back door so they could go out in the backyard. He also was responsible for feeding them in the morning. The afternoon I got back(around 12:30pm), the dogs had not gone out or eaten because he bing drank as soon as I left and wouldn’t wake up when the dogs were barking at him to go out.
Runnoft
Tried to convince me to have sex without a condom on the first date. Fast forward a few months he confesses he has HIV and has known since we’d been dating but not to worry, he was going to a shaman who was healing him.
He yelled at a fox to scare it away. I had never seen a fox that close and was SO excited.
Told me that me and his kids DONT come before everyone else in his life. We’re all “equal.”
Raising his voice to me, calling me out of my name, unplugging my phone at night and plugging his in instead- even when he has his own charger and multiple other plug ins to choose from. There’s honestly a lot and idk why I’m even still in this relationship. Gah
Unfortunately I found out too late. Married after 6 years together. Two months ago he tells me he used to fuck his mom. Currently sitting next to him and am disgusted. Trying to find a way out.
After my grandmother died. I had just given birth and my son was about 5 days old. We had planned to give him his first bath on this day, I was really excited about it. ( umbilical cord had not fallen off so we planned to give him a little birdbath) 30 min prior I found out my grandma died, I was incredibly close to her. I asked if we could hold off the bath for one day as I was heart broken over the news. And he told me “No, I’m not gonna put off bathing my son for you” in the coldest tone. I was in such shock, what’s worse is his mother was standing right there and didn’t say a word to him about it. I never felt so unsupported.
She got really drunk and started beating on me while i was passed out sleeping. It was sad because she wouldn’t stop and after about 30 punches, I finally reacted with one random swing and broke her nose. She sobered up fast and her emotional attachment finally gone.
Breaking up w me. That was when I knew
Couldn’t manage his chronic health issues, wouldn’t communicate with me. If I tried to discuss an issue in the relationship he would go quiet and try and guilt trip me or get angry and tell me I was just taking it too far and going on about nothing when all I wanted was to discuss the issue and come to a solution
I had told my ex about my history struggling with eating disorders. I expressed I could feel myself starting to relapse, I had downloaded MyFitnessPal and wasn’t eating. It was getting worse and my mental health was tanking.
My birthday rolls around the next month and the only thing he got me was a home workout kit. I left the box on my desk unopened for months because I was so angry. He finally confronted me about how “unappreciative” and “ungrateful” I was for his gift. When I told him that it was an asshole move to get me that when I was obviously struggling, his response was
“I thought that if you lost some weight you’d feel better about yourself” 🙃
Bucking up to me as if he was going to hit me. And he knows I have a history of childhood physical abuse. Looking back, that’s the moment that should’ve ended it all.
Yelled at me that because I’m on my period I have no excuse to be irritated and he’s only irritated because I’m on my period. We had a huge fight and he just berated me because I’m hormonal and he can’t be bothered.
He told me what he saw as our future. We would move to Hawaii, he would grow weed in our basement, and I would work. While our relationship was already not great before then, I realized that this future he described made me nauseous.
When I lost everything to move to where he was and he was a completely different person than he had been when he was with me before. Like a total stranger. And not a nice one. Turns out he’s the worst person I ever met and unfortunately I procreated with him so we’re tied together forever. I was so stupid. Never again.
We had a ring camera in our kitchen to watch our newly adopted cat at the time who only felt comfortable coming out at night. Was trying to catch a glimpse of her in the “recent events” section on the app and instead saw my ex taking pulls straight from a bottle of Jameson after refusing to have any kind of conversation about his drinking despite telling me he was an alcoholic a few months prior to that. Had begged and pleaded for months after that initial conversation for him to get help or re-affirm that it was an issue to no avail. Something about seeing him drink straight from the bottle really broke me idk why exactly though. But we did end up breaking up over alcohol in the end.
Said he had a “daddy-daughter” kink. I thought about how fucked up it would be if someday we had a daughter and he took his “kink” too far.
He told me that since I had graduated from high school, I could then follow him with his career and schooling. I could get a job, clean his apartment and cook for him. Never once asked what I wanted to do with my life and career, just treated me like his accessory and maid.
We took a break and he was lustful over any and every woman he met, even so much as dating people he wasn’t even interested in and trying to date ex’s of our friends just for the sake of dating. The lack of selectivity, the anger he took out on me for not finding the intimacy he craved, the persistence he had with woman even after being left on read, and how easy it was for him to be led astray by any little attention was at first heart breaking and made me run to him more everytime he came back, just to go back to how we used to be before this side of him. But the more I sat with it the more I realized it was such a turn off. When he came back and wanted to make things work again, all I could think of was the pure disgust for considering a future/life with this man who would genuinely chase any mildly pretty face or tiny bit of attention he came across and how my old perception of him was completely irreversibly shattered.
He went a MONTH without doing the dishes.
I was bed bound with hyperemisis gravidarum and couldn’t get far enough to go to the bathroom without fainting. So I got a bit of a shock when I recovered!
We were on vacation and we borrowed my sister’s car to travel/sightsee. We got into an argument in the car. This dude had the audacity to kick me out of the car and drove off for a little to calm down.
Mind you, this was MY sister”s car.
I mean… the list is long enough to put me off the idea entirely and I was an idealist almost my entire life.
The first BPD episode
Get arrested.
He victim blamed me when I told him how I was raped.
Blow every night and even if I Begged him to stop. Chose it over helping me, sleeping In our bed, sleeping with me. We lost three friends to bad drugs in six months and he couldn’t stop. It wasn’t my thing for most of our relationship and he chose it over me all the time
My very first boyfriend, still in high school but ~so in love~ with each other that we had recently gotten engaged. There had been a LOT of red flags that my rose-tinted goggles had just turned into our own private Parade of Love- but the morning that he showed up to our first wedding-planning date drunk as a SKUNK, (before 9am and as a minor still!) was the day I realized that I was taking the relationship a lot more seriously than he was and that I was setting myself up to be treated the same or worse than I had for my whole life so far if I stayed with him. Honestly still impressed I had so much backbone as such a youngster!
Totally ignored my suffering through a horrible viral fever, especially the part where i was on the floor and couldnt get my muscles to help me stand up for 10 minutes so i crawled to the door. But he just kept working at his desk 5 feet away from me like nothing was happening.