I went to prison at 18 and served 32 years on a life sentence. I’ve been home for five years now. Life is good, better than I ever expected. I’ve got a solid career, a partner who supports me, and some plans for the future.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about picking up a memoir I started while I was still inside. It’s sitting in a plastic bin in my closet and its already been through four drafts. I haven’t looked at it in a while, but the pull is getting stronger.
I’m not planning to go into the gritty details of my crime, but I’m open to sharing most of the rest. Just wondering if there’s still a reason to tell that story, or if anyone would even care to read it.
EDIT: I am at work so I will respond, just a lil slow
Update: SO many questions.. thank you for the tough ones and the curiousity. I will work my way through the questions and do my best to answer them all. Still at work though…
Update_2: There has been a lot of chatting about why I won’t reveal specfic details about the crime in an AMA. Since the expectation is to Ask anything — I am OK with everyone asking, not offended in any way. However, I will not be sharing any specific details about the crime, I will answer whatever about my motivation, my responsibility — in short, I will answer the “why,” not the “how.” The reason is that there are other people affected my my actions, most notably the family and friends of the man I killed. My book also does not contain details of the crime. This isn’t a true crime episode. Again, thanks for the responses and questions. I appreciate the feedback and offers to read the book.
Update_3: I have to go have some dinner. I will be back later to work my way through the questions. Thank you for asking some insightful stuff. I also appreciate the position of those who are not supportive of my parole. My actions traumatized people beyond comprehension, and I am aware of this.
Update_4: I will continue answering in a couple hours. (it’s 6PM PST for me)
Comments
What were the charges?
Did you have a prison gf?
With all that time away from mainstream society, what surprised you most when you got out?
What kind of career were you able to pursue?
Hope you don’t mind if I ask 2 questions.
what’s the publics biggest misconception about prison?
how easy is it to “keep your head down and not get involved in prison politics and trouble?”
Glad you’ve turned a corner. I can only speculate to the nature of the crime but 32 years is a long time to sit and think about it.
What was your favorite food when you went into prison? Is it still your favorite food?
How did you transition from release to a career?
What’s something that a lot of people don’t know about prison? Good or bad, while inside or as part of release?
How many people inside claimed innocence vs how many do you believe?
How long did it take you to adjust to being inside?
Do you feel guilty? Or are you in peace with it
Is there anything you miss from your prison days? Friends or routine, that kinda thing?
What was the hardest adjustment once you were home?
What do you think about smartphones social media and how the world has changed since you were 18 ?
How long have you been out? How have your familial relationships changed from before during and after?
32 is a long one are you institutionalized and if you don’t think you are why not and how do you manage?
Did you make any interesting snack / food concoctions from the stuff available in prison?
What were the best and worst things in prison? In other words, what were parts of the day or events that you looked forward to the most, and parts of your day that you dreaded the most?
What was your favorite food that was “homemade”?
There’s been many advances when it comes to technology, healthcare, infrastructure, etc. in the 32 years you were incarcerated. What are some notable things that were drastically different, or new things that shocked you (or still do) when released?
Additionally, was it hard to adapt to a society that was 32 years ahead of what you were accustomed to?
Who do you think would win in a fight?
One fully grown Silverback Gorilla or 100 men of average strength and size?
Is it weird getting out of prison and seeing everybody getting sucked into their cell phones and social media?
What kind of limits were there on your future when you got out? Do you know if folks with similar backgrounds usually return to prison? A loved one of mine committed the same crime last year and I’m curious what his life will be like when he gets out (a long time from now).
Ok I’ve got a few.
So you murdered someone, yet you don’t feel the ability to talk about the crime you committed? Was it an adult, female, how much detail are you willing to share? I’d expect someone convicted of murder to be willing to face up to their actions, especially in an AMA.
Also, have you ever struggled with remorse for the victim? If so has that remorse diminished over the last 37 years or do you still catch yourself thinking of it from time to time.
Did the victim’s family ever forgive you?
What skills did you learn in prison, 32 years is a long time, was it at least productive?
EDIT : Just to point out, you’ve served your sentence so any judgments people make on you should really be post-crime, depending on if it had a heinous nature I suppose.
Bonus spoof question “Do you feel you’ve been rehabilitated?”
I was locked up for 3 days in the watch house.
What you have endured is nothing short of incredible.
I am roughly your age and I’m well aware of the time you spent in there.
You have payed your dues.
Yes, write your memoir.
So many prisoners end up back in jail and can’t break that cycle. I realize you were very young when you were convicted, and maybe you made one bad choice or hadn’t fully adopted the criminal life… but WHY do you think you have been able to stay straight when so many others can’t?
How did you cope with knowing you had a life sentence at only age 18? I can only imagine how hard that must have been.
Do you plan on answering more questions or did you get locked up again?
Now that you’ve been home for years, were your family gatherings (birthdays, thanksgiving etc.) ever felt awkward and did it get better eventually?
I’m a parole attorney. Welcome home. I don’t think the details of the crime would be important to the story and may cause more harm to the next of kin. Your redemption story is what is interesting.
How does a 55-yr-old who went to prison in 1988, released in 2020, get into high-tech PC gaming?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMDHelp/comments/196p3dy/comment/mmyxedp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Were you “gay for the stay,”? What are the cultural norms of masturbating in jail?
What was you favorite snack or treat that you could get every so often?
What’s the first thing you ate when you got out?
Is it true about the soap part in the bathrooms?
What was the biggest culture shock when you got out?
Was the charge something that occurred when you were a minor or was the charge and conviction all after 18?
If you were under 18, do you think that all of the additional (I’ll call them protections for lack of a better word) protections (like not being housed with adults, not seeing/being seen by adults) something that actually made a difference to you and was it distressing to lose that when you turned 18?
How did other inmates treat you when you were so young? Were you just another inmate or was there any protection or paternalism there because you were so young?
What actually happens when you drop the soap in the shower?
What was your favorite meal you missed having in prison?
How did you meet your partner?
How did he react when you told him about this and your general history?
How in the HELL did you meet someone while either in prison for murder or after. I’m not a convicted murderer and cannot meet anyone to save my life.
What country are you in OP? In my country, there is no such thing as education while serving the time. Is it free education? I am impressed with your progress!
Did you actually do what you were convicted of?
male or female? just curious
Have the family that killed ever made contact? And if so, what was that like for you?
From your experience what changes need to be made to move prison from punishment to rehabilitation?
You mentioned in a reply that you were prostituting, and your crime was against a man who picked you up. You also said in your op that you have a partner. I have a 2 part question,
Are you gay?
What is prison like for a young gay man, or a young straight man with gay prostitution on his resume? Im not asking for horror stories, just generally, how did you navigate that?
Jordan or LeBron?
no judgement here brother we’re all on our own path with our own BS, but i do find it interesting you don’t think ask me anything is the time nor place to talk about the details of your crime lol.
you’ve shared enough details to string it together i’m just curious why you initially felt/continue to feel that way
I have 2 completely different questions.
Did smart phones blow your mind when you first got your hands on one?
Obviously you don’t want to go back to drugs. But do you have any vices since getting out? Drinking? Chocolate? Gym?
Actually I have a 3rd question…..have you dabbled in psychedelics to help yourself heal?
What’s your take on gay for the stay
Did you get raped in prison or is that a myth?
Op, just wanted to say based on your responses and how well spoken you are I have to say that you break all the stereo types about people who’ve been to prison. We do a giant disservice not helping more inmates get to where you’ve gotten.
If you could change one thing about prison that you think would help more people get to where you’ve gotten, what would it be ?
By “where you’ve gotten” I just mean, educated, acquired people skills, and been able to build a career.
And congratulations sir, you’re doing a bang up job.
We spent at least mil and a half keeping you in. Do you think that was a good investment in the future of our society? What’s the best way to donate books and stuff to prison libraries?
No question, but I’d be interested in reading it if you don’t hold back. I wouldn’t think it would be very interesting if you aren’t able to share the details of how you got there. But that’s certainly a tough and personal call. Just giving you my opinion from someone who has read a lot of true crime.
Silly question, quaint and old fashioned. Having watched a number of prison documentaries, I think an etiquette and manners classes would help prison inmates, including placing a table setting. Seems to have been lost in many families. “Good manners grease the wheels of society” Your reaction?
What are your favorite PC games to play?
What, if anything do you miss about prison?
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Honest curiosity. For the years spent in prison, what happened all these years when you needed sexual release?
I am not sure if anyone asked yet, but did you get some therapy inside? And if you did, was is helpful?
Congrats on getting clean, and staying clean.
Did you meet your wife after you got out of prison? How accepting was she of your past crime and time in prison? Did she know from the beginning?
Does she have any criminal background too?
Do you find it hard to make friends or have relationships with a criminal record, do people usually know or just very closed ones and the rest have no idea?
I’m glad you found your way and have a better path ahead of you. Wish you the best.
My brother has been in and out of jail since he was 14, never making it as a free man for longer than a year or two. In 2022 he got sentenced to 25 years (possible parole after 15). For the first time in his life, he’s actually saying the right things, getting an education, and hoping to turn it around once he finally gets out.
If he gets his first parole, he will be 42 on release. What advice would you give him, and what advice would you give me as someone who wants to help when he’s released?
How in shape were you when you got out?
From my experience when I did 15 months in county. I spent 23 hours a day inside a cell in the winter when it’s to cold we didn’t even go outside. When I got out I could barely walk,could not run at all, any heavy lifting I would be exhausted. I was in the worst shape a person can be. I was wondering if you experience any of this when you first got out?
Have you ever considered volunteering in a role where you teach today’s youth how to stay straight?
Do your coworkers know or your employer?
What was the first you noticed was different from the life you knew when you first went in?
For my brother, it was cordless phones.
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Thank you for sharing your experience, it has been very insightful. I have a few questions;
How was the prison staff? Were they helpful, understanding, resentful, violent, scared, angry? I assume this changes from person to person as well as from position to position. Are there any specific people from the staff or inmates you built connections with?
You mentioned as a younger person you had to be part of prison politics. Are guards/staff aware that you have to be part of some actions for your safety? Are they understanding at all or resentful all the same? Why was it easier to avoid prison politics as you got older? Were you left alone or did you learn to avoid people?
Were you scared for your life at any point in prison? If so, how often and how close do you think you got? If not, what was the most dangerous thing you came across while inside?
You mentioned getting your parole was very difficult. Did you encounter any situation where you felt like people who didn’t deserve it got out? Or people who you felt definitely deserved to be out were denied their chances?
Did you keep any kind of log? Or are you just going to try to work from memory? Don’t know what your training or education is concerning writing, but taking a class at Community College or sometimes at some bookstores can help get you technically, but also get you around the creative vibe you need to jumpstart your journey.
Do you actually care if the family forgives you or not? I don’t blame them if they don’t but also it has no bearing on your life.
First of all thank you so much for the AMA and the openness and honesty you show in your answers.
I have 3 questions and if you don’t want to answer one (or all) of them just skip it, no need for a reason, i respect your privacy.
The questions:
Second Degree Murder is usually when it’s ‘accidental’ but that’s very wide ranged and could be anything from beating up a rival too badly to a hit and run. Obviously i’m not asking for specifics, what i wanna ask is, did you intend to harm the person you killed or did it happen completely random?
Turning your life around didn’t happen on a whim, what (or who) helped you most on your journey?
What are your thoughts about the death penalty?
My wife showed me this, and I have full respect and support for you. I spent 4 years in prison from 21-25, lost my Dad to cancer while I was gone. I know you probably lost ones too; the feeling of being so helpless and unable to do anything besides stare at four walls and contemplate the “what if’s.” I got out July 20th, 2024. Three years later to the date, I married my best friend, and in June were expecting our first child. I think what worked for me for staying straight was that I became close with lots of lifers, or people who had been down significant amounts of time. I asked my close friend to be the officiant for our wedding, he spent 26 years in. I’m glad that your life is everything you waited for it to become, despite your past. I’ve been sober almost 8 years, and I know that’s why I’ve been able to remain a “normal/boring” person, something that I waited those four years for.
My questions for you, did you work the twelve steps while you were incarcerated?
Did you ever attend AA while you were away? If so, what did you think of it?
I went a handful of times when I was at Columbia Correctional Institution, but found it was more just guys bragging about the amount of drugs they sold/consumed, women they had, etc. Thank you for your time, truly wish you nothing but the best.
Hey man, I’ve read your whole post and all your responses, and I just wanted to say that everyone makes mistakes. And sometimes, the circumstances we’re in can make those mistakes worse or more likely to happen. You being convicted for x doesn’t define your whole character. One moment in your life doesn’t tell the full story of who you are.
YOU DID YOUR TIME, and now it’s time for a new chapter in your life. I know it’s a struggle, but we all need support. I just wanted to let you know that, even as a stranger, I see someone who’s taking full accountability and sometimes shit happens. That doesn’t make you a bad person. You deserve the chance to live the rest of your life in peace and happiness.