I have CML, aka Chronic Myloid leukemia. I am tired of being in pain all the time. Ive been a type 1 diabetic since i was 9. Due to severe neglect i did not know how to take care of myself, and when i was 18 i got in a really bad car wreck due to my diabetes. I almost died. I broke over 21 bones in my body, and had to relearn how to walk. Now i have cancer. The meds im on for it interact with my diabetes as i cant eat at certain times, and the time schedule to take them is super strict, not unlike antibiotics for an easy comparison. This is a realitivly good cancer to have, as the treatment is typically super effective. But i dont care. Im miserable. I lost my job and apartment a month after being diagnosed as i was too tired from the medicine to keep them. I moved back in with my parents, and while i love them, its not easy living with them. So ive decided. Im not taking the cancer meds. Im just going to let it kill me. I dont want to be on pain killers the rest of my life from my diabetic nerve pain, the previous injuries from my wreck, and now the added bone pain this cancer will bring. Im over it, if god wants to kill me this bad, im inclinded to let him fucking do so. It would take me out in 3 or less years. My Sokal score (not sure if thats how its spelled, sorry) was high risk, so hopefully itll be quick. And this way, its not suicide, its just cancer. Which might make it easier on my family at least. Thats all i guess. Thanks for reading.
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I understand.
I wish I didn’t and I wish you weren’t feeling this way, but I understand. My cancer will come back, and I’m hopeful it will be worse than before. So yeah… you make the choices you need to for your own peace.
Sounds like some trying times you’ve been through with pain most can’t imagine. On the other hand, if you beat cancer that could be a starting point for better days ahead.
Is there a ything you find wirth living?
I also understand I’m so sorry
I hear you and I understand as well. You’ve been dealt a really bad hand and it sucks and I feel for you (as I’m sure many others here do as well).
I hope you’re able to enjoy your time as pain free as possible.
I read in a book once, if you lose your life, in you don’t get a chance to turn the page. This was in Sidney Sheldon’s autobiography. He wanted to kill himself because of poverty. He went on to travel the world and make millions and write so many books and shows and movies.You have no idea what God has in store for you. When things seem like they’re at their worst, you never know, something might happen that might change everything about your existence. Maybe you’ll find an effective treatment to your chronic illness, maybe you’ll win the lottery, maybe you’ll find a remote job that takes care of all your problems.
I am not you but I would easily say that you’re a very very strong and resilient person considering everything you’ve been through. Don’t loose faith in yourself. You’ve got this. If the cancer is meant to take you, you let it take you fighting. If not, turn the page. You never know what life has in store for you.
Have you tried the alternative medications? There’s a few different ones for cml and patients can experience less negative side effects on one compared to another even if the reported side effects are generally the same
I understand brother completely what you’re saying I’ve been there and I am there. Take each day as it comes and there is no right or wrong way too feel I wish I could give you some words of wisdom but nothing comes to mind
As someone whose mother chose cancer as her method of suicide, I’ve seen the other side of this. I’m sorry you’re struggling. Can you talk ro anyone?
I’m a hospice nurse and no judgement here. There’s nothing wrong with forgoing treatment if that’s not what you want, and If you are determined not to pursue treatment and haven’t already explored palliative care, I would encourage you to do so. It could help provide you with greater comfort and quality of life, and help smooth the transition to hospice when you’re getting closer to dying. If you have any questions about either one, hit me up.
I can’t say I understand. I don’t know the nuances. But I do in an attempt to want to see you smile have a recommendation. When you recover from your accident. Buy a cheap dirtbike (not making financial recommendations but I’m out of ideas). Let the rush take over and engulf yourself in it. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
Godspeed random redditor! I wish you the best! Please know you have my sympathy.
I know where your coming from. I refuse chemo, have done radiation. Have no family left, single, so, really no reason for me to be here. Also have MS and am just tired of all the pain.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to fight your entire life. That’s not fair. I imagine your tired. God Bless you.
If you had already worked at your job more than 1,250 hours in the past year, you should have had the option of using FMLA to protect your job. You should have also had the option of short-term disability as that is what it’s intended for. At least that way you’d be getting paid and still have health insurance.
Re. your illness, it’s a personal choice not to be treated. I understand why you’re tired.
Passive Euthanasia is what this is called. If things become too painful (and you live in the US), there are 11 jurisdictions (states) that have a Death With Dignity Act (DWDA) for people with terminal illness.
I had a really close friend pass from cancer 2 years ago who took this same route.
Thank you for the support and advise. Im going to my oncologist tommorow to discuss further treatment and stopping my medication. I am also going to talk with my therapist next week about it as well to get her opinion on my choices.
Chronic incurable pain is bitch.
How pain free can you make the 3 years or so you estimate you have? Are the pain meds effective, even a little?
I would get credit cards or loans and live it up a little Unless it doesn’t kill you and you spend years dealing with debt collectors.
I’m really OP. This is a shitty hand to have been dealt.
I’ve never had cancer but I’ve made up my mind about this years ago. If I should get cancer, I would not treat it, because it is my time then.
Godspeed, and I hope you find your peace.
I hope that you can find peace and comfort. I will pray that God will have mercy for you and help you. Sorry that your parents suck this badly. I genuinely hope you feel better.
Do they have medical assistance in dying available where you live?
Many ppl choose this path and you are entitled to it. Having some quality of life makes sense to me as well and I’ve always thought that I would do the same if I was ever in the position that you’re in now. You also have the opportunity and time to take care of your own affairs and be present enough to spend what you have left with some control and dignity. You will most likely need to speak to someone about palliative care and make the necessary arrangements. to have it. What do your parents think about your decision?
Dude. CML Is treatable. Wtf. My late lover had it back in the nineties when it wasn’t and he died after choosing to try a bone marrow transplant. THAT was brutal and the Gleevec side effects are nowhere near as bad.