For anyone who is interested.
I didn’t ruin her wedding, at least not in anyway that I could have stopped. Apparently she’s always hated me, from the moment I was born. The only reason she was always spending so much time with me was because my mother was asking her to “for family”.
So basically my dad left before I was born, I never asked about him because the way I always saw it was if he loved me he’d be here, but my sister blamed me for him leaving. He didn’t want anymore kids after my sister and my mum doesn’t believe in abortions, so when she got pregnant he gave her a choice and then he left. My mom told my sister the reason he left was because he didn’t want me. I’ve spoken to my mum, she said it was a “heat of the moment” comment and she didn’t think my sister would hold on to it.
I also had some problems with my hotel room. I booked for 4 days but the night after the wedding a worker came to ask me when I’ll be leaving the room because there’s other guests needing it. I explained that i booked for 4 days, they said i rang them and cancelled the remainder of my stay (which i didn’t so i had to get a different room). It was my sister “playing a prank”. The “prank” caused her to go on her honeymoon alone, her husband rang me yesterday telling me everything, about why she kicked off, about the hotel and said he’s looking into getting an annulment because she’s not the person he thought she was… so, yeah, that’s basically it.
Comments
I read your post. I saw no fault in your dress or reaction whatsoever. You sister was aware of your dress so you don’t need to take blame on that.
Honestly, she will resent you for this but there was nothing you could have done. Her now ex husband knows what is going on, and that’s why he ended things with her. So you helped him in a way by showing who your sister truly is. She dug her grave.
I think your sister needs therapy. She is deeply hurt and angry. Stay away and live your life. She needs to accept the truth of her life .
You need therapy. I read your comments on your other posts and she’s always been awful to you. You just didn’t see it bc you wanted her love and approval so badly. You did nothing wrong at the wedding or by being born. You didn’t get to choose your conception or your dad leaving. You deserve better.
I hope your mom realises the mess she has made because who blames one child on their other child’s dad leaving
I’ve read your post and update, your sister ruined her wedding and her marriage. You have done nothing wrong. You do not deserve the treatment you have received. Please know your sister’s actions and thoughts are a reflection of her own problems and not because you are bad or deserve that treatment.
Damn, well at least she wasted no time showing her true colors for (soon to be ex) BIL’s annulment
Please talk to a therapist or at least try to journal some of your feelings as you process everything you learned about her true feelings.
This new info will reframe all of your previous memories and it can be quite overwhelming so don’t be afraid to reach out for support
Your sister’s hate & jealousy ruined her wedding & her marriage. She needs serious therapy. She isn’t your friend & she doesn’t like you. You may need therapy to help you go NC with her.
>I hope you’re right, honestly. It was supposed to be the perfect day for her. I helped her plan and pay for so much of it😟 and my mum said she doesn’t want to get involved because I should have known better than to go to the reception after getting changed because it’s common sense to know that she would still be angry with me especially after she’d had a drink, which I agree it was pretty stupid and a little selfish of me really
In your original post you replied with this on one of the comments
Honey you need to put boundaries up for both your mother and your sister. Because they are not good people. You did nothing wrong. They both need help. Wow. TOXIC. You need to get as far away from them as you can. Because that is what abuse looks like.
I’m confused. Your first post said you and your sister were best friends, and you always looked up to her. Now you say she’s hated you since birth and blames you for dad deserting his family. Which is it?
Your sister is disgusting and deserves to be alone, Thank God the husband didn’t spend decades with this nasty witch before realising his mistake. Your mum also absolutely had a part to play in this, they’re both incredibly emotionally immature and could do with some therapy. So could you to heal from all of this.
From an objective outside point of view, your sister has always resented you because – in her opinion – you broke up the ideal of the perfect family that she had. You were born. She was just a kid and she then repressed all this hatred and instead acted like your best friend.
But she isn’t. On her wedding day the mask came off. She asaulted you. She was physically and verbally abusive because of nothing. It has cost her her marriage, but this was on her, It was because of her behaviour towards you.
Her partner saw her in a different light and is now wondering how on earth he could have been marrying someone he knew so little about. He saw a different side to her – a really ugly side – and is stepping away from her.
You did nothing wrong. She chose to behave the way she did. Stop apologising for her being horrible and behaving atrociously towards you..
She is not your friend. She has told you and shown you exactly what she thinks of you when she was expecting to be moving out and on and no longer had to pretend.
I am so, so sorry that you are having to go through the emotional abandonment of someone you believed to be on your side. I hope your mom can help you, but please seek therapy to help you work through what you are feeling and experiencing just now. None of this is your fault. None of it.
I wonder if she’s having some sort of mental health crisis? Is this new behavior for her? I wonder if the stress of the wedding brought some issues to the forefront. If she has really hated you this much since birth, you’d think there would have been signs beforehand.
But regardless, that might be an explanation for her behavior, but it doesn’t take away the horrific way she treated you and the damage she caused. Seems like she’s determined to tear her own life apart.
Stay a million miles away from her. She needs too much work on her personality and past to be able to “change” overnight.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It must be very distressing to suddenly find out the life you thought you had was not what it seemed. You did nothing wrong and your life is going to be full of chosen family who will be very happy that you were born.
I hope you and your sister both find therapists to help you through this. I’m guessing that your father didn’t come to the wedding which may have brought out your sister’s over the top misplaced bitterness. Her behavior sounds unhinged and if I were you I would stay away from her until she gets the help she so obviously needs.
Looks like your sister got her karma. Serves her right and watch out because she will try to blame her husband leaving her on you too. You didn’t have control on how you came into this world so she is nuts to blame you. Please get some therapy so you truly can see this isn’t your fault at all.
I think that it was convenient for her to hate you for being born instead of hating your father because he abandoned her. She needs serious help.
Okay …
Your mother was very wrong to tell your sister that comment, kids are sponges
Oh man, that’s a lot of drama
NONE of this is your fault. It’s your father’s fault for leaving because he didn’t want a second child. It’s your mother’s fault for telling your sister why your father left and not stopping your sister saying awful things to you your whole life. And it’s your sister’s fault for blaming you for your father leaving, for choosing your dress and then blaming you for it, and attacking you after you changed and came back.
Please go no contact with your sister, low contact with your mother, and get therapy because your family dynamic isn’t normal and you need help learning what is acceptable and what is not from others in your life.
Therapy. So much therapy.
Cut them both out of your life for good.
Your sister is downright demonic, but your mother is a rotten piece of shit. I refuse to believe her “heat of the moment” claim. She blames you, too.
A decent parent would NEVER say such a thing.