As the title states, I’m so tired of seeing fake doms. Particularly on here 🤣 A lot of guys who say they are have zero actual experience, know nothing about after care, or even pleasuring a woman. They think that a submissive woman is there to be their slave- however they want to treat her.
This is not how it works. If a man tells you they are a dom without discussing safe words and boundaries first and foremost.. RUN.
A real dom will care about your pleasure and safety first!
I also hate how so many assume that women are just submissive by nature? Or that they can “out dom” a woman domme simply because she’s a woman.
Do better people.. educate yourselves before you call it your kink.
If you just want a woman who will let you tie her up and beat her and use her however you want without any care.. you’re just abusive, not a dom.
Consent, boundaries, and communication are sexy
Comments
Most people just trying to rp because they aren’t actually getting it in real life at all
I guess I’m just genuinely puzzled, because it seems like asserting dominance without clearly establishing consent and boundaries is… well, a recipe for disaster. And honestly, it makes you wonder what sort of experiences they’re drawing from, I mean, I’m no expert, but it seems pretty basic stuff, really… like, how do people get this so wrong? (My daughter just learned about consent in school, and she’s far more aware than most adults, I suspect).
[deleted]
Not to mention the trauma a bad dom/domme can inflict. Gets my blood boiling.
So many of the dudes I’ve seen call themselves Doms are just rapists, tbh. They describe rape when they talk about it, and not CNC.
A lot of abusive men enter bdsm spaces and use the title to carry out fantasies of abuse they can’t get access to elsewhere. They do little work on themselves to become trustworthy.
I found reading g the new bottoming book and the new topping book were fundamental to me learning how to set and maintain boundaries in kink spaces.
A real dom knows the sub is always in control
So very true. When you dom, you care for the person who is submitting to you, and you take care of them. Sometimes in rather perverse ways, but it’s what the two of you both like and want, and so that’s good. I live with my subs and it is 24/7.
Consent and communication are foundational, especially if your kinks are more on the risky side. I speak from experience. And the best tops always bottom for the technique before topping it.
I’m a gay man but literally have the exact same experience. It’s like men think they can claim they’re ‘dom’ and suddenly they have license to be a total asshole, and they expect you to like it? There’s a huge difference between being ‘dom’ and just being ‘abusive’
How would one get started. Do you just say that ist your first time or what
I’ve been a dom for a long time, bit in particular kinks. If we don’t have safewords or objects sorted, or boundaries from the jump.. absolutely nothing happens.
I can go both ways though when it comes to “spoiling people”
I can be a full dom if that’s what the person wants, if they want a bit more care.. cool I can do that. I cater to the person, I think it’s the best way
Someone point me to the S&M book for dummies…
I actually left the bdsm community for this reason. Now I see it for what it is. Complete BS. BDSM is meaningless and porn induced and it’s only gotten worse. Hate to break it to people but all the big bad important people in the community mean absolutely nothing in the scheme of life the universe and everything. It is literally a competition to be the most edgy. That’s all I ever found online and off, especially at munches even with veteran members.
I have no real experience but even I know that safe words, boundaries and MUTUAL pleasure are the most important parts of a sub-dom-relationship.
This is so real… the first time I had met someone who was actually a good dom, I was shocked. They asked my safeword, what I was uncomfy with, and asked a lot of things that not a lot of guys who claim to be doms ask. It was so… refreshing! I have never lowered my standards since 🫠🫠🫠
I’m classified as a romantic dom. I hate aggression, hell nah. but pleasurable submission? love that shit. The first thing I do and always do is go down on her first cause I LOVE that shit
[removed]
I tried the dom thing a few years ago with no experience. It only really happened because a sub started chatting with me on Tinder, I think, and I communicated so well she wanted to get with me. The general relationship/sex was great, but I was totally out of my element regarding the sub/dom relationship. I did try because I loved seeing her pleasure from my actions. I wish I could do it consistently because it’s interesting to me, but I can’t get out of my own head and feel foolish. Oh well.
There are different “types” of doms…
And then there are Tate “doms” 🤮
I don’t have irl experience, but I really look forward to earning a sub’s trust and devoting everything to her. Guess I can call my self an inexperienced pleasure dom 🙂
[deleted]
😂🤣😂….I belong to the same site. I get requests from 18 year old Doms all the time. Most of the Vanilla dudes who join (because they heard they could get laid really fast) claim to be Dom. After talking to over 150 ppl in 6 months, I have met one true Dom.
Lolololololo
It takes experience to gain experience of which I have none, thus I cannot gain experience thus online I stay. I just wanna tie someone up and down🫠
Becoming a Dom in the past year has been a great privilege, only afforded to me by my lovely & trusting girlfriend.
It’s a gift, an honor bestowed to us by those that look at us with eyes that say, “I trust you.”
If that’s not the first thing they think about as a Dom, then I question the legitimacy of their self-labelling.
This is so true!! Some of these guys really think a sub is a piece of trash that listens well
I think there are so many different acts that fall into domination, you need to talk about what your particular partner wants to try
Submission is earned through trust. And yes the subs pleasure comes before the Dom’s.
I’ve heard people join BDSM to help with sexual trauma and to be able to get a sense of control again
Finally someone said it. It’s not about wanting to be in control. It is about knowing what control actually is. Just like leading a group of people you have to know what their needs are how they respond when to stop and when to go and if you don’t know the fucking person and you don’t know a goddamn thing about control it’s not for you. It’s not about controlling yourself it’s about knowing the other person their list of needs wants reactions and how to get said desire for that person and yourself.
RIP your DM’s.
I think people confuse D/s as an opportunity to degrade women. The men you’re speaking of tend to think that submission is a something that can be taken, when in reality it something that must be earned. I am not claiming to be some wildly experienced Dom either, I definitely fall in the switch category but I believe that gives me a good perspective on why someone submits and what they expect in return.
I agree that consent, boundaries, and communication are indeed sexy.
Amen
This is so wild to me, as someone newer to the scene with little irl experience i would never call myself that, and in those dynamics the sub always has control, without consent/affirmative signs its just crazy to me