My biggest nightmare is, assuming a girl pities me enough to go out with me, she’ll never feel safe or protected with me. The average guy (unarmed) could easily hand my ass to me because I’m short and by default weaker than most people. Why should a girl want to be with a guy who can’t even keep her safe? A guy who, if she hears weird noises at 3am and the kids are in the next room, would be completely defenceless to do anything?
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Uhm, in most civilized countries being able to fight well is not a super important life skill. Thinking you’re undatable because you can’t beat people’s ass is super counter productive man. Different women are attracted to different traits. Lean into your strengths. You don’t have to be big and bulky to get women, trust me. You need to change your mind set. Quit obsessing over your perceived short comings. Work on improving the aspects of yourself you have control over and quit sweating the ones you don’t (aka your height). One thing women (and humans in general) are pretty much universally attracted to is confidence. Gonna be real hard to be confident if you’re telling yourself you’re undatable.
Sorry but your attitude (look at the way you talk about yourself) if the way bigger limitation than your strength. You deserve better dearest stranger.
As a woman I think its unwise to rely on a guy to protect you, so I dont really care about how big/strong my partner is. Why? Because strength alone doesnt make guys magically react correctly in stressful or traumatic situations. So a strong guy can run away without thinking and leaving you behind. And from my pov it doesnt make him the bad guy… just a random human being, reacting on a first Impulse of this (fight/)flight System.
I’m 26yo female, me and my 27yo male partner have been together for nearly 3 years and live together with my daughter (4) if there’s a noise in the middle of the night, it’s all 5foot2 of me that goes to investigate, my boyfriend is easily scared. It doesn’t bother me one bit, I am the confrontational one, the braver one, but in the modern world, all I women want is someone to be genuinely kind and thoughtful towards her and her feeling, being able to fight or being able to defend her isn’t the big deal you think it is, maybe other men might think like this, but I can guarantee you, most women who are worth a relationship, won’t give 2 shits x
Are you not able to physically improve yourself with hard work for some reason?
Where do you live where you think women choose men based on whether they can keep them safe or not?
In my 36 years on this planet, physical safety has not been something I considered when choosing a partner (except for the fact that I don’t want a partner who will hurt me, of course).
Women don’t typically get attacked while walking down the streets with their boyfriends, no matter how short, weak and fragile they are.
This is not a thing, «protecting your woman» is mostly a male fantasy.
That’s what the cops are for. Nobody with only fists are gonna fight a guy with a gun and win and a woman who tries to get you to attempt it likely wants those widow benefits. Find someone who views you as a partner not a weapon.
I think most women aren’t looking for a protector. They’ve had to be on guard when they were old enough to not to talk to strangers. They want someone who can be their companion, listen to them, respect them.
The phrase “make them feel safe”. Is the person who they rely on to have their back and take the shift off telling someone to back off or watch out of danger so they can take a short break and not cross their boundaries and creep on them or expect favors just because they were nice to them. Be someone they can relax with. Even if you’re not the best in fighter, if you’re the type to push or pull your girl out of the way from danger or hug her when she’s scared or stressed or have the awareness to remove a stressors from her then that’s the “protector” it’s very individualized.
I’ll give you an example. I have a friend who is deathly afraid of spiders and had been SA. Most of her boyfriend made fun of her phobia and would cross emotional and often physical boundaries that would cause her to feel MORE unsafe when she was with them and they were actively doing it. The guy she stuck with was this friendly willowy guy. He gets rid of all the spiders, helped her spider proof her apartment, when guys get too close or people start to get too physically close he’d step between her and them. He didn’t have much strength but had height and was clever with words and was a good judge in character situations. He listened to her and never yelled at her like her exes. He helped out with chores unlike her exes. Figured out her favorite weird snack combo and makes it for her for special occasions. These are gestures of love and just being a decent person without the expectation of being “paid back”.
Some ladies like a guy who can fight and can quickly remove a threat. Many ladies I know prefer guys who won’t swing first. there are other qualities they look for first
I don’t think looking for someone to get in fights for me has ever been something anyone sensible has ever looked for in a partner. I have been put off by guys who have been too eager to get into altercations, I want someone who’s not going to react or start throwing punches. I want someone who hears a weird noise and remembers they always lock the doors and windows, so either it’s the house settling or they should call the police and not take on house invaders in their pyjamas.
The man I married has probably never been in a fight in his life and that is exactly what I prefer. I’m sure he’d be very quick at calling the police or instructing his lawyers if those were necessary, but I would much rather have a man with brains than brawn.
I do not need a man to protect me, but I do want a man that I feel safe with. Not safe from vigilantes and violent criminals, but someone who I feel emotionally safe with and can be vulnerable with. I don’t want someone who belittles me or threatens me emotionally or physically. I want someone who creates a safe environment for me to be able to be myself.
Your physicality will not stop you from getting a partner, but your attitude and negativity probably will.
You can fight as well as you want, but no one stands a chance against a gun or a knife. It’s like rolling the dice.
BTW. As a guy with a fighting background and an aggressive attitude in the past, most women didn’t find that attractive at all. Which is normal, considering I was giving them threat vibes.
When it comes to ‘protection’ in the context of female emotions, what they really mean is either a naive illusion of safety or—and this is what I’ve encountered most often—a partner’s ability to actively listen and prioritize her emotional well-being. It’s not about fighting, physical strength or even money.
The way you talk about yourself is FAR less attractive than your height or your inability to fight. Confidence and self care is literally everything. Oh and not being a dick
My boy, hit the gym, start eating high protein, fiber meals with veggies. Workout 4-5x a week, cardio 3x a week. Don’t lack body weight workouts like pull ups, push-ups, dips, hit the weights heavy and progressive overload when you feel comfortable not ego. Join MMA, Boxing gyms in your area or if you have a car, a little bit farther from you. Most of them are extremely humble and will treat you like any other person if you’re respectful and cool, cool as in you’re excited and ready to learn without throwing a tantrum when you struggle to get a few moves in.
Your reality is what you make it to be, you’re short. That’s an advantage, the short ppl I’ve sparred in boxing are hard to go up against. Once they drop to their stance if you aren’t at there height it’ll be difficult to get a hit in + they move extremely quick. You’re short, I don’t know what height but short people have a better advantage of building muscle quicker than taller folks.
Unless you have a condition or you’re disabled and can’t workout, you have no reason to look down on yourself so badly. Not trying to come off as a dick, but you can change your reality.
“We ruin the garden, by thinking about the thorns” and if you need that extra motivation “Who Dares, Wins” – SAS.
Get a gun.
As a woman myself, I gotta be totally honest; most women aren’t thinking about how well their partner could protect them. Sure, it’s a thought that might cross our minds but it not a deal breaker. Like others have said, focus on the strengths you already have.
When I met my boyfriend, I wasn’t thinking about how well he could put up in a fight. I was more focused on his ability to communicate, his confidence in himself and his intelligence. His personality came first, looks were a bonus.
If dating apps are what is discouraging you, remember that there is an imbalance of men and women on dating apps. And the apps themselves objectify people to their most basic traits.
I promise their is someone for everyone, even you
All I ever wanted in a man was that he cared for me, could have fun and laugh with each other and have great sex. I wanted someone who could be my best friend and partner.
I never cared about things you are talking about and I have dated short men. I am/was considered very attractive at the time.
My advice however is you need to stop thinking about yourself and maybe others in such a shallow way. Stay away from shallow needs and shallow people and you’ll find a girl who is everything you hoped and more. Just keep trying.
If men think that their value as men, as humans, and as partners, is somehow tied to their uber kung fu ass-kicking abilities, then we have failed men.
Further, if men think that their value as men is tied to their relationship status, we have failed men.
I mean, this is dire.
You want to protect women? You want to protect the woman you love? Be a safe person to be around, yourself. Help other men, particularly young and impressionable men, to reject capacity and eagerness for violence as a defining trait of “manliness”.
Help other men to reject the idea that women are damsels who need knight to protect her.
>The average guy (unarmed) could easily hand my ass to me because I’m short and by default weaker than most people.
But why are you so preoccupied by an average guy beating you up? If you genuinely believe the guys you pass on the sidewalk are sizing you up and preparing to harm you… then either you’re paranoid and insecure about your own inherent worth as a person, or, maybe you’re right — but that’s not a you problem, that’s a ‘society full of angry, resentful, violent men’ problem.
And not to get too into the weeds here, but I think we’re in an era where certain people on social media, youtube, and now even in government, take advantage of men who feel insecure and insufficiently “manly”, and whip them into the very same angry, resentful, violent “men” that you seem to be afraid are waiting to beat you up.
You’re short, and supposedly physically weak. So fucking what? You are inherently enough. For fuck’s sake, Yoda said it 45 years ago — “wars not make one great.” Your ability to kick someone’s ass does not make you great. It does not make you “manly”. It’s not something to aspire to, much less make some sort of singular focus in life.
Believe it or not, you will meet women who don’t fucking want to date and/or marry Rambo. You will meet women who will roll their eyes at your preoccupation with toughness, and simply want a man who will be emotionally present and available, and who will treat them as equals.
And on top of all of that — you could remain single your whole life, and that is not a failure. Your value as a man doesn’t depend on having a girlfriend or a wife. Your value as a man doesn’t depend on how many women you have or haven’t slept with.
You’re good enough whether you want to fucking believe it or not. Your value as a man is inherent in the fact of your existence. Some asshole who spends all his time in the gym making gainzzz isn’t somehow more of a man than you for doing so. No. He’s not.
No. He’s fucking not.
You’re worthy of respect, dammit. Respect yourself.
Thats crazy that you think feeling protected by someone means that someone has to be physically large or fit….unlearn that!!
Get a gun 🔫
Boyfriend material is not the same as bodyguard material. Most women are in fact not looking for bodyguards