I (26f) thought I was gonna marry him (33m). Last Jan he came back from his home country, one month after getting me a promise ring and said he doesn’t see a future with me because he wants to move back.
We tried to make it work for one year, mostly because I was delusional and could not bear the thought of life without him. But he changed into a completely different person- think the worst kind of avoidant partner: no communication, no intimacy and extreme defensiveness and just wanting to leave.
We broke up four months ago but he kept coming back saying he missed me, but if I tried to reconcile he would say a big NO. I finally blocked him for good last week.
I just feel awful. I wanted it to be him. I wanted him to be better and to be the person he pretended to be in the first year. I miss him and our moments so much. I just wanted to have his kids and for it to work out between us.
I’m trying to heal. Trying to move forward and delve head first into my goals and dreams. But damn do I wish he had stayed because I loved that man with my entire soul.
I’m terrified the next person I meet will be the same.
Comments
I feel you. It is okay to feel this way.
What really helped me through a lot of suffering, and after a lot of time had passed, was: Somebody told me that in the end, I have to choose if I want to continue to suffer or decide to move on.
Both is okay. But there will be a choice. Remember that when you get there.
It’s hard now, but eventually, you’ll see he was never really that person you fell in love with. He is who he is now and always was. The before was just a mask.
You really dodged a bullet. Better to break up this way than to have gotten married and then met his true self.
Proud of you for blocking him – the first step is always the hardest. Im an old lady and I’ve witnessed this happen to many women at 26-27, myself included, where we start to wake up and put ourselves first. Get out of relationships that only serve our partner and fully understand the sunken cost fallacy happens to so many women, and so many don’t get out! We have to love ourselves, first. There is brightness in your future!
You are mourning the person he could have been, not the person he is. You did good when you blocked him. Now you can look forward.
I’m sorry.
It will be hard to see now because you’re grieving, but he was not your person. Your person will stay in your life. Your person will not make you feel confused.
Don’t worry about who comes next. Try to think instead about what you need. You need a lot of self love right now. Grieving over someone who doesn’t want a future with you is telling about how you feel about yourself. Give yourself some grace. You deserve someone who sees an everything with you.
The pain you are enduring right now is a stepping stone to being happier than you ever were while with him. It will hurt before it gets better.
It might take weeks, months, even years, but I promise you you will look back at how much you were hurting over him and thank yourself for being brave enough to cut the cord and put yourself through this so you could be happy in the end, and you WILL be happy in the end. Don’t be ashamed to feel how you’re feeling, just know that it’s temporary.
“It takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn’t have to that way”.
It‘s okay that you‘re grieving.
What really helps me after a break up is no Contact. And also to remind yourself that you fell for someone‘s potential, not who they are
Did you and him talk about moving to his country to stay together or was it only trying to make it work staying in your country? Your post while valid feels like a slam on this guy when I am sure that was and is not your intent.