Lately, I’ve found myself “addicted” to donating blood and plasma. It started as a way to cope with my depression and low self-esteem.
I know my self-worth is in rough shape. Most days, I feel like I’m just barely scraping by, and that the people around me only tolerate me and my quirks. I see friends and coworkers doing amazing things—running marathons, earning advanced degrees, raising families—and I can’t help but feel like I’m falling short. I’m too broke and too exhausted to even imagine doing those things. Instead, I feel like a wisp of a person—just drifting through life. At work, I’m just a body that could be replaced in a second.
But donating blood, platelets, or plasma—it’s something. It makes me feel like maybe I’m doing some small good in the world. Like I’m not completely useless. The prick of the needle gives me that endorphin rush that other get through self-harm, too, and at least I’m not being wasteful with this act.
Of course, there are limits to how often I can donate, so it’s not something that could seriously harm me. And the gift cards I receive help me buy things for my classroom, which is an added bonus. I honestly believed I was doing something good—giving what little I could to help someone else.
But then yesterday, a coworker sneered when I mentioned needing to leave on time to be on time for a donation appointment. She scofted and said “You donate too much.”
Now, I feel like even this isn’t good enough to tip the scales in my favor.
Comments
First off, you are not useless. The fact that you donate blood and plasma—literally giving part of yourself to help others—is objectively good. That coworker’s comment says more about her than it does about you. Some people just don’t get it, and that’s their problem, not yours.
But I do wonder if this is filling a deeper need for you. You’re right that donating is a positive thing, but if it’s also tied to self-worth (and even a little bit to the pain/endorphin aspect), it might be worth exploring other ways to feel valuable. You’re already doing something meaningful—imagine what else you could bring to the table if you gave yourself the same kindness you give to strangers.
Also, as a teacher? You’re already making a difference every day. The fact that you use those gift cards for your classroom just proves it. You’re not drifting—you’re contributing, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Maybe try journaling or talking to someone about the depression and self-esteem stuff. You deserve to feel whole, not just useful. And if donating still helps? Keep doing it. Just make sure you’re not the only one benefiting from your own kindness. You matter, too.
See anything can be addicting
You are doing tremendous good by donating. Also you care way too much about what others think. Some people are just AHs and their opinion is null and void….like your co worker….what a cow! You need to tackle your self-esteem pronto. Don’t waste time with caring about others opinion of you so much. It gets easier as you get older but don’t wait til then!
That coworker is a miserable b word. Donating is commendable, and getting emotional benefits from donations does not make it any less amazing.
Your co worker is a suka dupa. You’re doing more than me. We don’t have to all be doing something grand. Some of us are just trying to survive, yknow? Comparison is the theif of joy, my friend. You’re fine. What you’re doing is good. But don’t get obsessed. Your only problem is caring about what other people think. My grandma always said ‘their opinion of me is none of my business’.
You realize that you’re literally saving lives,right? Piggybacking off what another commenter said,you should be proud of yourself for doing it. Not everyone can give blood. Platelets and plasma takes it to another level,I know,I do as well.
That shitty comment from the coworker? Blow it off and realize they’re the problem,not you. I also work in education, so knowing you use your donation benefits to help buy things for your classroom is absolutely selfless and noble…thank you. You are worthy,you are an amazing human doing good in this world,and even strangers out here appreciate you,even if you don’t hear it or feel it directly. NEVER let other’s dull your shine. You can only control how you react, so don’t let anyone’s pessimistic negativity diminish anything you do.💕
Stop trying to put yourself in a box with everyone. Each and every one of us is just doing the best we can. You are a caring, compassionate adult! You matter. We all have a different life path. Live yours and be proud of it!
Also, giving blood and plasma helps regenerate fresh blood and plasma in you, in turn making you feel better. Win-win! God bless, OP.