I emotionally cheated on my ex and I deeply regret it. Can I ever come back from this?

I’m a 24 year old woman. I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years until we broke up. The last 8 months of our relationship, I had been cheating on him via text with a man that I met on reddit actually. I realize how loserly of a statement that is.

It started off as chatting innocently and quickly turned into constant chatting and sexual topics. Then it got completely out of control and we were texting all day everyday, talking on the phone for hours, sending nudes, etc. This went on for 8 months on and off. I would cut things off with the guy from reddit and then go back to him because I was falling for him.

My ex and I had been having problems in our relationship for a while and I eventually did break up with him, unrelated to the cheating. Not to make any excuses, but I think the guy that I clicked with from online highlighted the disconnect that I had with my own boyfriend.

Anyway, I continued to talk to the guy from Reddit. We have flown to meet in person a couple times and I still really like him. We are not dating or anything, but I like him. I feel like a disgusting person for how I treated my ex and how I’m still talking to this man. What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t want to cut things off with reddit guy. He didn’t know I had a boyfriend either btw so it’s not his fault. It’s fully my fault for continuing to be a bad person. Sometimes I want to actually pass away because I feel so guilty.