Okay, I need to share something wild. So, after I posted yesterday, I wasn’t expecting the response I got. But here’s the plot twist: my brother José showed up at my place this morning. He wasn’t just upset he was furious. And, honestly, the conversation was even worse than I expected.
He told me, straight to my face, that I was “ruining his life” and that I was “no better than the rest of the family who enables him.” He went on and on about how I’ve never understood his “struggle” as a creative person and how it’s unfair that I “don’t support him in the way he needs.” He also accused me of “being a robot in a capitalist world” and said I was too obsessed with “normal life” to appreciate what it’s like to live with passion.
Here’s the kicker: He actually had the nerve to say that I was “selfish” for expecting him to be responsible because, apparently, “that’s not how artists work.” He then dropped the bomb that he’s been living like this for YEARS because he’s “not meant to conform to the system” and that I should “learn to let go of the idea that everyone should be stable.” This was a whole new level of denial he genuinely thinks the family is supposed to fund his “lifestyle” because it’s his “artistic journey.”
I’m honestly in shock. I get that he wants to live differently, but at what point is he just refusing to grow up? How is it my problem that he refuses to even try to get a stable job, especially when he’s wasted so many chances? I mean, he literally asked me for money, and then blew it on a concert! How is that anything but manipulation?
I finally told him that he needs to figure out his own life, because I’m done being his safety net. It’s one thing to help out occasionally, but this has become a pattern, and I’m not his personal ATM. The worst part? He tried to guilt-trip me into feeling bad for not helping, as if I owe him because “the family always does.”
I don’t know if he’s ever going to see my point of view. Honestly, I think he’s too far gone. But one thing’s for sure: I won’t be manipulated into continuing to support this cycle. He needs to wake up and face reality. I do feel bad that our relationship is strained, but I’m not going to apologize for demanding accountability.
So, to wrap this up: I’m still standing by what I said. I have every right to expect him to get his act together. He needs to take responsibility for his own life, and the rest of the family can’t keep enabling him. If he’s mad at me for setting boundaries, so be it. I refuse to be part of the problem anymore
Comments
[removed]
NTA. You’re not ‘ruining his life’ he’s doing that all on his own. There’s a difference between supporting someone and being used. He’s not asking for help, he’s demanding to be carried. Good for you for setting boundaries. If he truly believes in his ‘artistic journey,’ he needs to find a way to fund it himself.
Tell him r/antiwork is that way —–>
Wow, that’s some crazy entitled bullshit! NTA. But you know that. The world does not owe your brother a living or a free ride. It’s telling that he criticizes you and calls you a robot but also expects you to serve his needs. The origin of the word “robot,” by the way, is the word robota in Czech, which means “forced labor.” And he wants to force you to labor for him. Damn.
I know lots of artists because I am married to one. I can tell you, most of them have jobs and pay their own bills. And they still make art and manage to do the things they want creatively.
That’s a sociopath. Your brother doesn’t care about you, he cares only about himself. He can find help elsewhere. You did everything you could to help. Let go of this clown. Hard to hear but he’ll probably be like this forever. Cut the cord before he becomes a bigger liability
You never said he had to be stable. You never said he had to conform to anything or live a “normal” life. The only thing you said is, it’s not your job to pay his way. If he doesn’t want to make money then he can live without money.
Don’t let him twist that.
If he’s an artist, then why doesn’t he sell some art to buy concert tickets? I get it, capitalism is the fucking worst, but that doesn’t make it ok to parasitize your support structure.
It’s super funny to me when parasites like this want to complain about their victim being “selfish.” Like, does your brother REALLY want that mirror turned around on himself? What is it that entitled him to YOUR resources?
NTA,
He wants to live an alternative lifestyle? Fine, he can go live in an artist commune and stop mooching off his family.
The money OP earns is “part of the capitalist world,” so as an “artist,” he shouldn’t want that tainted money anyhow.
He’s more than welcome to let the rest of the family keep enabling him, but OP has no requirement to do so.
He can live whatever life he choose, but it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to pay for that life. You and the rest of the family need to stop enabling him. ESH, because none of you is helping him by giving him money year after year. Good for you to putting an end to it for yourself, but nothing will really change until all of you do.
Good for you! If he wants to live the “starving artist” lifestyle, then let him starve. Unfortunately, until the rest of the family stops coddling him, he’s never going to grow up and understand that most artists struggle for their art. Until his “passion” can fund his lifestyle, he’s never can get a damn job.
He doesn’t have to “sort himself out” but you can definitely put boundaries on how much you collude with his ridiculously dependent lifestyle.
Snort. He is absolutely welcome to live that creative life. But it’s not your responsibility to fund it. Ever. EVER.
If the rest of your family chooses to do so, that’s on them. They just need to understand there are consequences for irresponsible financial decisions. Like, for example, having no one to take care of them when they’re old and broke. Your brother certainly won’t do it, and it wouldn’t be your responsibility either.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep arctic nudists warm.
I love how he thinks you’re a corporate drone and puts you down for it but he’s willing to take the money that you earn from your hard work. There’s a serious double standard going on here.
Your bro does not need to see your point of view. All he needs to see is you & your money disappearing over the horizon.
NTA
Cut him off, it clearly offends his artistic sensibilities to be supported by a robot in a capitalist world.
Throw the words back. “You’re right Jose. I’m quitting and following mt artistic journey as well.”
NTA the Bank of Your_Girlfriend11 is OFFICIALLY CLOSED, ask someone else.
Girl, why are you putting up with the cast of RENT and Reality Bites? If mr. Bohemian wants to live for art he needs to accept that he’ll be living with less unless he makes his creations a valuable means of subsistence.
NTA
Diogenes was famous for owning only two things: a bowl and a spoon. One day he looked at the spoon and thought, “I have hands,” and threw away the spoon.
But he also slept in a barrel.
There’s something commendable about being anti materialistic. But you have to give up a lot. You don’t get to live a life of self indulgence while depending on the charity of others.
NTA. So, according to his words, you are a “being a robot in a capitalist world” and a part of “the system”, but somehow he wants the money you get from the system while working like a crazed robot. Funny logic.
Start calling him Mooch. Like introduce him as “This is my brother, Mooch. We call him that because he can’t support himself.”
He can live his life style but for other people to pay, I guess it’s the same as 30ish year olds still living with and off parents.
“Brother, I live with passion. I passionately want to have a roof over my head and food in my cupboard.”
If he’s hungry feed him rice and beans. You do not owe him anything else.
NTA. And don’t give him the chance to paint, “Portrait of an Enabler.”
You can’t tell him to grow up and be accountable for his own life. You can set boundaries and tell him he’s on his own no matter what the rest of the family believes. You probably should have done it sooner. He can’t guilt trip you because you don’t owe him a living
I don’t know him but can you pass-on that I also don’t want to give him money.