I am so sick of losing friends to romantic partnerships.

r/

I am aro. At least I think so. I have a couple besties. I have noticed there’s a cycle. When one of them is single, they text me all the time. We share the tiniest bits of our days. Then they’re with someone. Chat is a desert. I initiate and they reply after hours or days. I noticed one of them has been quiet for a while and surprise surprise, they have a partner. The other bestie has been more active with me, turns out they’re not with someone anymore.

I am happy for them when they find love, truly. What I do not understand is why I am less of a priority when clearly they care enough to chat with me so much when they only have friends. It is so frustrating and I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding like I’m jealous and bitter, or like I’m making their breakups about me when it’s a sad thing for them. I’m just upset at this cycle.

Comments

  1. ali693 Avatar

    That’s life though. And it’s a true testament to whether your real friends or not.

  2. Missgenius44 Avatar

    Honestly, you’re very kind because when a friend does that I cut them off. And I make sure they can’t come back into my life once they break up. I’m not their fallback friend and you have to hold those same boundaries for yourself. Get friends who know how to decentre a man and Cherish friends. No one should be throwing away friendships as soon as they find a man.

  3. autumnals5 Avatar

    You’re partner should take priority don’t you think? Its okay to mourne a friendship that once was (a closer dynamic). But you move on and make new friends and connections. Just be happy for them and move on. If life made it more effortless to be involved in people’s lives you wouldn’t feel this way. Its got to be easy though. Life is hard enough

  4. Belle047 Avatar

    Okay, life happens and people move forward with their lives. That includes romantic partners.

    Do you make attempts to contact them when they’re distant? Just a legit question. Also, age seems like a huge factor here. I’m in my thirties and I know my friends move through phases in their lives. I also have.
    Married, two kids later, now getting a divorce. Those friends might get busy from time to time but they have never failed to show up when I NEEDED them. This post reads like it’s from a younger mindset and there’s no age so its just a guess. Feel free to correct me.

    This is part of life. Find a way to be okay on your own and enjoy their company when it’s available. Make more efforts to get to know the romantic partners, possibly? Take part in activities, even if it means being the 3rd wheel. Real friends (emotionally mature ones) should be able to include you in adventures that aren’t couple specific without making it awkward. But ultimately, nobody owes you anything. That includes their time. It’s a gift and you can choose to appreciate it while it’s there or not. But the latter is a lonely place because people need room to grow. If you don’t give them that then it becomes a resentment thing.
    Have you had romantic partners? Theres not a lot of info in your post so… you got a wall of thoughts I had by reading it a few times.

  5. DiddyDoItToYa Avatar

    That first stage you have to expect it. They’re honeymooning. Everybody can’t handle or manage multiple relationships and personalities romantic as well as platonic. Sometimes a partner requires your full attention and care and you rarely get a chance to reach out to others and do things. It doesn’t make them toxic and it doesn’t make the friends toxic necessarily. Just be there when they do reach out. Be proactive and invite them both out or over, get to know their partner. Become their friend too. Let them know that you’re happy for them to be in love and be happy to be involved in their new lives and your relationship with them will almost certainly become an important part of their relationship which is great for everyone!