I just need some advice because this happened maybe 6 months ago and I just can’t forget about it.
I love my girlfriend but whenever she gets bored between college we all of a sudden need to get out of the house more. I work an average 60 hours but more often will do 80. I understand that feeling of wanting to get out because I used to go on hikes a lot too even before we were together. During covid when we first met we would go on hikes together every second weekend or so and that was easy because work was slow I only did 40 hours a week and had a lot of time.
My girlfriend has complained that we don’t do that anymore and that I’ve “catfished” her because I don’t like going on long hikes as much as I used to. I do still like going hiking but now work is back to normal i feel so tired as I work a fairly laborious job. This is normally fine when she is busy at college but when she isn’t she has all this free time and it all of a sudden becomes a problem again.
About 6 months ago i opened instagram on my phone which is something i dont use but my girlfriend sends me reels and tells me to watch them. She is logged in on my phone and when i open the messages i see she is talking to this guy. I open it up and go through the messages out of curiosity and see some weird messages. It looks like a lot is missing between messages like its been deleted. One thing I saw was him saying something about something being crazy after the other day. I immediately spiral and assume she was cheating. I go and wake her up and she was more confused at first but quickly was saying that it wasn’t cheating.
I was pretty frustrated so I just left and went to work and when I get home she she explains to me that they went on a hike together where she regularly inferred that she has a boyfriend. She said she did this because we never get to do these things anymore and she doesn’t want to go alone and her girl friends aren’t into it. I ask who he was and she said it was a guy that she used to hook up with a long time ago. She said she didn’t tell me because I would get weird about it. This is definitely true as I feel a bit weird when she wants to make guy friends specifically when they all hit on her. I know it’s not her fault but my thought is why put yourself in that position.
I wasn’t sure what to do and wasn’t even sure if she had cheated on me or not so I stayed but this feeling has been lingering since and has been hard to get over. Other than this the relationship has been great and we work well together. I just need some advice thanks
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Backup of the post’s body: I just need some advice because this happened maybe 6 months ago and I just can’t forget about it.
I love my girlfriend but whenever she gets bored between college we all of a sudden need to get out of the house more. I work an average 60 hours but more often will do 80. I understand that feeling of wanting to get out because I used to go on hikes a lot too even before we were together. During covid when we first met we would go on hikes together every second weekend or so and that was easy because work was slow I only did 40 hours a week and had a lot of time.
My girlfriend has complained that we don’t do that anymore and that I’ve “catfished” her because I don’t like going on long hikes as much as I used to. I do still like going hiking but now work is back to normal i feel so tired as I work a fairly laborious job. This is normally fine when she is busy at college but when she isn’t she has all this free time and it all of a sudden becomes a problem again.
About 6 months ago i opened instagram on my phone which is something i dont use but my girlfriend sends me reels and tells me to watch them. She is logged in on my phone and when i open the messages i see she is talking to this guy. I open it up and go through the messages out of curiosity and see some weird messages. It looks like a lot is missing between messages like its been deleted. One thing I saw was him saying something about something being crazy after the other day. I immediately spiral and assume she was cheating. I go and wake her up and she was more confused at first but quickly was saying that it wasn’t cheating.
I was pretty frustrated so I just left and went to work and when I get home she she explains to me that they went on a hike together where she regularly inferred that she has a boyfriend. She said she did this because we never get to do these things anymore and she doesn’t want to go alone and her girl friends aren’t into it. I ask who he was and she said it was a guy that she used to hook up with a long time ago. She said she didn’t tell me because I would get weird about it. This is definitely true as I feel a bit weird when she wants to make guy friends specifically when they all hit on her. I know it’s not her fault but my thought is why put yourself in that position.
I wasn’t sure what to do and wasn’t even sure if she had cheated on me or not so I stayed but this feeling has been lingering since and has been hard to get over. Other than this the relationship has been great and we work well together. I just need some advice thanks
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Yeah man, I’d have a hard time letting that go too. It’s not just the hike—it’s that she hid it, deleted messages, and only told you after getting caught. Even if nothing physical happened, the secrecy makes it feel shady. You’re not crazy for still feeling off about it.
Tell her to take a hike!
They fucked but it wasnt good enough to leave you. Next time, next guy.
Deleted messages and lying by omission.
I’d have a hard time believing they didn’t bang on the hike or there wasn’t and still isn’t emotional cheating going on.
Run run run!
She definitely banged him dude. That’s why it’s a secret. I hope I don’t have to convince you. She didn’t mention it because something definitely happened. The deleted messages are a dead giveaway. If there are lapses in the conversation and you can tell then that’s all you need. Don’t listen to her lies and go be happy. She’s doing damage control and doesn’t respect you.
It’s 50/50 she slept with him but you’ll never know..The telling thing is she went with him without telling you about him or her past. Also the fact she had FWB’s itself would be concerning to me and a lot of others I’m sure..
I bet you can’t see her messages with him anymore. She’s learned to hide them better
It wasn’t just a hike. It was a date. They both planned a time and location. Not telling you because you’d get weird about it is a big no no. She hid it because she knew it was wrong. At this point you don’t know what else she lies about, and you don’t know how many times she’s seen this guy. She inferred she had a boyfriend? WTF? She either has a bf or not.
I’m with the other commenters to be honest, less about the hike and more about how she hid it all from you, presumably because she knew it would seem shady, and it’s to do with you not being available to enjoy life with.
If I were in your shoes, I would assume that she’s exploring other options and getting ready to jump ship when the right one comes along.
Real talk: 80 hour weeks are insane man. That’s a fast route to burn out, both for yourself mentally and physically, and as you can now see, your relationships. If you can’t take a step back from this, I would expect any future relationships to go a similar way, sadly.
It’s over. Even if she didn’t cheat, she’s deleting messages which proves she knew it was inappropriate. If it was all so innocent, why cover her tracks? People who respect their relationships and value their partners aren’t interested in entertaining others.
She cheated on you
I think the bigger problem is that you don’t trust her enough to just take her word on it. I think you need to look a lil deeper and ask why that’s all and yeah that all around just sucks tho
Awh man, I’m sorry. The deleted messages and lack of telling you indicate something shady happened and there’s a reason she didn’t want to tell you. And therefore, truthfully, doesn’t respect you. I would probably walk away from this relationship before more time is wasted, as it doesn’t seem you’re compatible in the grand scheme anyways.
Of all the people she could hang out with, it’s an old fuck buddy. She almost certainly cheated. She’s for the streets
She was probably hiking up mount cockmore. Kick her to the curb she can’t be trusted.
OP,
Drop the trash at the nearest hiking trail. Message her fwb as to where you left the trash.
Tell her no thank you
Bro your gut is trying to tell you something, are you going to listen to it?
She went on a date with another man. Do what you will with that.
6 months ago? How has she acted since. Dis she cut it out or just hiding it better?
I think she’s hiding something and at the very minimum is enjoying the attention.
Question: Are you investing time into the relationship to ensure you both are choosing each other?
I don’t ask that with the view to “victim blame” or anything. If she’s stepped out on your relationship, there should be consequences for that.
By the same token, are you investing time into her and the relationship to keep it alive? 80hrs a week for work is a lot.
Your girlfriend is, at the very least, a liar and betrayed you, betrayed your trust. A relationship with lies is unhealthy and has no long-term future. Finish, leave with your dignity
Bet her skirt was getting hiked up on the hike
Move on, bro. She’s for the streets.
Not being truthful before the supposed hike and then deleting messages are both red flags.
Dump her. And thanks for using paragraph breaks.
Yeaaaa, she’s been doing more than just hiking behind your back…
Dump her.
they fucked in the wilderness and she deleted messages to hide it from you. Im sorry you have to experience this
The fundamental issue is that she doesn’t want the same type of relationship that you want.
Dump immediately
You work too much. Been there.
Stop it now. Not worth it.
So when she feels her boyfriend isn’t giving her enough attention she secretly gets in touch with her old fuck buddy to give her attention instead. Oh, and she doesn’t tell you because you would get weird about it, and she’s deleting parts of the conversations as well.
Yeah, that’s all perfectly innocent. /s
This is tough. I’m a woman who innocently texted a bit with a former fwb who was back to being just friends. I never went out with him or saw him after starting my relationship with my bf, but I did hide the texts from my bf. Dumb, I know. But I didn’t want to cause drama. Of course, it blew up in my face when my bf found out I was chatting with former fwb. It looked so bad. Even though the chats weren’t scandalous or anything. Just regular chit chat.
Sometimes women are naive and/or make bad decisions. It’s hard to know if she cheated or not. If you choose to believe that she didn’t, put that hike behind you and don’t use it as leverage to win every argument in the future and mess with her. If you think she did cheat, I guess you can forgive or move on.
I will say that it sucks to be accused of something if she didn’t do it. Is she otherwise open and honest? Can you salvage things? Will she agree not to see the guy anymore?
She might have deleted stuff that he texted because it was suggestive. I also “talked about my bf” so the guy would remember that I was in a relationship. But my bf thought the fwb was up to no good and scoping things out. Who knows? I learned my lesson the hard way and I no longer entertain conversations with people if it’s going to jeopardize my relationship. Good luck, and try not to let that eat at you.
It’s over. Sorry man. I’m not the typical BREAK UP but when a person is sneaking around behind your back because she’s “bored”, ESPECIALLY with a person they were previously intimate with. That’s cheating. Emotionally at the very least…
No one wants a partner that is isn’t able to do things on their own and has to resort to spending time with a previous lover, while you’re at work.
That feeling is your gut and I promise you one thing, it will never lie. If it was simple jealousy or insecurity it wouldn’t still be in the pit of your stomach.
You should have dealt with this six months ago. I’d bet she’s still in contact with others, when she’s bored and “lonely”…
You need to look at why conversations in between were deleted.
Would you go hiking with a girl you used to sleep with behind your girl’s back and expect her to be okay with it?
You’ve been thinking about this for 6 months…so you’re obviously still together…
My brother…there’s a multitude of legitimate red flags here, but the one that stood out to me the most was: “She said she did this because we never get to do these things anymore”
You’re in trouble here dude. Just being honest. This is the most cliché sign of a cheater. She’s literally justifying her actions by blaming YOU and whatever “shortcomings” she has issues with.
Even if she didn’t actually hook up with this guy, she’s a cheater. 100% take it to the fckn BANK. It’s in her. She showed you her cards bro. You know with certainty that in her mind, she thinks to herself about aspects of your relationship that she isn’t happy with – then uses these things as excuses to find “solutions” from other people. She literally demonstrated this, and if she didn’t already bang that guy, it’s only a matter of time before you get wrecked.
Bounce.
Unless you are in a profession thats going to make you millions and millions of dollars.
I’d be cutting back on so many working hours. Couldn’t imagine it, this is your life, you only get one even more so when young and everything is still working as they should be.
As for what this says about your partner. Not everyone could handle dating someone away for so long, only getting bits and pieces of them. It seems clear she cannot.
I agree with everyone else.
Dam dude, that work life though.
They hiked…to his room and smashed.
She got railed on the trail bro.
You work 80 hours a week? Do you spend any quality time with her at all?
Someone is happy to have OP since they do not have to pay for two or three people.
OP you do not have time for a girlfriend anyway.
Unless you have an exceptionally good reason for these crazy hours you may want to fix that first.
She lied and broke your trust. It sucks, but she’s a cheater.
She should’ve just got a dog to hike with. Problem solved.
Imagine being a guy working so hard to provide for you and your girl and she does this? I wish women like her could see how bad they make themselves look. Secret “hike” with an old fuck buddy, deleted messages, what the hell is wrong with people
as a side note how do you function working 80 hours a week😭😭
She went on a date with an ex.
Yeah she probably cheated. Bad.
I’m more worried about you working 80 hours a week than girl problems. This is going to kill you. If you weren’t working so much, you could spend some time having a life, and maybe even spend time with your girl.
At minimal, she had an emotional affair, more than likely, she cheated and used the hike as a cover since you gave her time to think of an excuse since you left after finding the messages. Honestly the trust is gone and her hiding it cuz she knew you’d feel “weird about it” actually means you’d get suspicious of her actions and she’s trying to shift the blame onto you. She’s turning it into a “how dare you feel weird about this totally innocent hike I went on” vs what it is. You work hard and provide, if she is so easily bored then youre not compatible, and if she’s doing shady stuff then you definitely aren’t.
It’s not just that she hiked with a guy friend, it’s that (1) he was an ex-hookup, (2) she hid it from you, and (3) she deleted parts of the conversation. Thats not transparent or respectful. Saying ‘I didn’t tell you because you’d get weird about it’ is a classic way to dodge accountability. Trust gets built by honesty, not by doing sketchy things and then blaming you for reacting. You’re allowed to have boundaries. She’s allowed to have friends but if her version of friendship crosses your line and she hides it, that’s a problem.
Uhh, when I finish hiking with a friend (funny enough, even with a guy I had dated and slept with). I don’t say “something something was crazy the other day”
Maybe would say man my muscles hurt, or thanks for taking me to the hike, or something, or nice views up there. Send some pics. The fact she deleted text is sketchy, why leave half the text there? If it was all kosher it would all be there.
Find another one that will appreciate your hard work instead of complaining…
She clearly belongs to the streets !
I’ve had sex on hikes. Just saying.
Why are you needing to work 60-80 hours consistently?
Does she have a job and contributes to the bills?
If she doesn’t contribute to the bills then this situation is completely fucked up, you working yourself to death to support a freeloading(while blaming you for keeping her alive) cheater just doesn’t make sense my man.
Pro tip to OP and anyone reading this: never give someone a big break between confrontation and getting their story. They will use this time to find a good lie
Putting all them hours u should b single
She lied and with someone she used to sleep with. Yeah that would be it for me. Trust is gone and would be hard to come back. Once trust is gone just leave. It’ll be less painful for you in the long run.
Is your job that great or important that you need to spend 60-80 hours there? Sounds like you’re neglecting yourself and your girl, so the obvious consequence, is that she’s going to start looking for attention. It’s not right that she is, but when you break up, you need to own that this is as much your fault as hers, even if she did cheat.
She did not “infer” she has a boyfriend. She didn’t even imply it.