Unless we already know each other from before, now’s not a good time, bro. Everything hurts and I still have to tie my shoes. I don’t give a shit about you. Nothing personal.
I wish I could say it was PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY, but no, as Joey Swoll has proven, even when it’s a spoken rule, people still have their internet-connected cameras out in a place where strangers are balls-out.
If the gym is empty except you and one other guy, somehow his locker is next to yours and you are both in the locker room at the same time. Thus making it maximally inconvenient for you to get your stuff and change.
A modification of the urinal rule: If your gym has a communal/open shower, only use the head immediately next to somebody if there’s no other heads available (in which case, knock yourself out). It’s not a nudity thing but a proximity thing!
If you’re an old man with big saggy balls, stand naked with your foot up on a bench and your entire situation on full display while talking loudly to someone changing near you.
Comments
No wandering eyes.
Always cup the sac
If there is a row of 3 urinals never choose the middle one
“A small dick is like a disability man! You wouldn’t make fun of people in a wheelchair!”
If you’re over the age of 60, spend as much time naked as possible.
Unless we already know each other from before, now’s not a good time, bro. Everything hurts and I still have to tie my shoes. I don’t give a shit about you. Nothing personal.
I wish I could say it was PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY, but no, as Joey Swoll has proven, even when it’s a spoken rule, people still have their internet-connected cameras out in a place where strangers are balls-out.
You should always use helicoptering to dry off after showering.
We’re cool with everyone unless given a reason to be otherwise
Eyes up
Don’t make eye contact, stare at their dick instead.
No boners!
If someone winks at you jerk them off.
No meat gazing
Clap enthusiastically if someone is jacking it.
Don’t stare.
Look but don’t tell or lingering looks.
Don’t drop the soap?
Death before eye contact
Lockers r meant for stuffing ppl in.
Don’t sit your bare ass down on the benches. Put a towel down first.
If the gym is empty except you and one other guy, somehow his locker is next to yours and you are both in the locker room at the same time. Thus making it maximally inconvenient for you to get your stuff and change.
No touching… unless you’re committed to going to completion
It’s only gay if the balls touch
Don’t eat the clementines.
If they don’t get naked it’s because they don’t want to get a boner. That’s what some older dude told me.
A modification of the urinal rule: If your gym has a communal/open shower, only use the head immediately next to somebody if there’s no other heads available (in which case, knock yourself out). It’s not a nudity thing but a proximity thing!
I guess this rule applies to stalls too?
If you’re an old man with big saggy balls, stand naked with your foot up on a bench and your entire situation on full display while talking loudly to someone changing near you.
Slap-Ass is an opt-out game, not opt-in