My best friend (28F), we’ll call her Ashley, and I have been friends for a while now. She’s kind of a problematic person, but as best friends I’ll fight for her no matter what. We support women’s rights and wrongs!
Lately Ashley’s problematic behavior has leaked into our friendship and I am having trouble navigating it. It all started a couple of months ago. I have been single for a while after coming out of a VERY toxic relationship. She was my BIGGEST supporter and hype woman. We live in a small-ish town and she knows everybody so when we would go out she would introduce me to different guys she knew. She introduced me to this guy, we’ll call Bryan, and his friend. I thought Bryan was super cute and we had a lot of the same interests, but I was so out of practice I leaned on my friend to help me. After a while I started noticing some signs like she was interested. I asked her if she liked him and she said “I guess you’re right, I do. Thank you for saying that. I would have never noticed if you didn’t say anything.” almost in tears and she hugged. She broke up with her boyfriend that day and started dating Bryan that night. I was a little taken back, but for the next couple of months, they were so in love I’ve never seen anyone like that before so I chalked it up to the fact that they were soulmates or whatever.
So Ashley is living with ex-boyfriend (still sleeping in the same bed) and dating her new boyfriend. But again, her problems, her life!
I’m getting better at meeting people and she’s learning how to chill out and we get even closer as friends. But one day we’re out and a friend of ours introduces me to this guy and I find him incredibly boring. When he gets up to go to the bathroom Ashley asks “are you interested in that guy?” and I say “no way!” and she goes “I think he’s so cute” and when he comes back they flirts for the rest of the night and go home together. The next day she breaks up with her boyfriend and starts hooking up with this new guy. Again, here problems, her life! I didn’t like that guy anyway!
Recently I’ve been getting a lot of attention from men and I’ve had some new-found confidence. I haven’t seen Ashley in a week or so because of life things. I mention that I’m talking to a lot of different guys and say how excited I am for this one guy, Robert. I show her a picture of him and she says “I saw him out the other night and I decided to put him on my potential roster” and I replied “Sorry, but I’m already talking to him.” She seemed SO upset and said “let me just be upset for a second and I’ll get over it”
But all of this brings me to last night. We are out watching some live music and Robert is going to come join us. Our other friend canceled and she is now the third wheel to our awkward first date/hang thing. Robert and I are talking and I quickly notice this guy is an incredibly rude guy. I guess he’s nervous, but his “jokes” are coming across borderline sexist and racist. And he is taking up most of the conversation. I felt so guilty for inviting this guy and even worse for making my friend be the 3rd wheel to this train wreck. Her ex-boyfriend, Bryan, is there and she mentions wanting to invite him to our table. When I tell her that’s too messy, she goes over to him to bring him to our table. When Robert gets up to go to the bathroom I say “I’m so sorry he is so annoying.” and she says “I don’t think so” and when he comes back she instantly starts flirting with him. I get up and literally sprint out the door. I know I was supposed to be her ride home, but I couldn’t stop my knee jerk reaction of running away.
I’ve tried to let her be her, but last night made me feel like all of this is just one big competition and I am just a pawn to her. I know I didn’t want these men anyway. But how do I approach this conversation with her especially after I messed up by abandoning her as her ride. (Disclosure: She lives a 10 minute walk from the venue. The venue was a small coffee shop that is open late for live music.)
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Backup of the post’s body: My best friend (28F), we’ll call her Ashley, and I have been friends for a while now. She’s kind of a problematic person, but as best friends I’ll fight for her no matter what. We support women’s rights and wrongs!
Lately Ashley’s problematic behavior has leaked into our friendship and I am having trouble navigating it. It all started a couple of months ago. I have been single for a while after coming out of a VERY toxic relationship. She was my BIGGEST supporter and hype woman. We live in a small-ish town and she knows everybody so when we would go out she would introduce me to different guys she knew. She introduced me to this guy, we’ll call Bryan, and his friend. I thought Bryan was super cute and we had a lot of the same interests, but I was so out of practice I leaned on my friend to help me. After a while I started noticing some signs like she was interested. I asked her if she liked him and she said “I guess you’re right, I do. Thank you for saying that. I would have never noticed if you didn’t say anything.” almost in tears and she hugged. She broke up with her boyfriend that day and started dating Bryan that night. I was a little taken back, but for the next couple of months, they were so in love I’ve never seen anyone like that before so I chalked it up to the fact that they were soulmates or whatever.
So Ashley is living with ex-boyfriend (still sleeping in the same bed) and dating her new boyfriend. But again, her problems, her life!
I’m getting better at meeting people and she’s learning how to chill out and we get even closer as friends. But one day we’re out and a friend of ours introduces me to this guy and I find him incredibly boring. When he gets up to go to the bathroom Ashley asks “are you interested in that guy?” and I say “no way!” and she goes “I think he’s so cute” and when he comes back they flirts for the rest of the night and go home together. The next day she breaks up with her boyfriend and starts hooking up with this new guy. Again, here problems, her life! I didn’t like that guy anyway!
Recently I’ve been getting a lot of attention from men and I’ve had some new-found confidence. I haven’t seen Ashley in a week or so because of life things. I mention that I’m talking to a lot of different guys and say how excited I am for this one guy, Robert. I show her a picture of him and she says “I saw him out the other night and I decided to put him on my potential roster” and I replied “Sorry, but I’m already talking to him.” She seemed SO upset and said “let me just be upset for a second and I’ll get over it”
But all of this brings me to last night. We are out watching some live music and Robert is going to come join us. Our other friend canceled and she is now the third wheel to our awkward first date/hang thing. Robert and I are talking and I quickly notice this guy is an incredibly rude guy. I guess he’s nervous, but his “jokes” are coming across borderline sexist and racist. And he is taking up most of the conversation. I felt so guilty for inviting this guy and even worse for making my friend be the 3rd wheel to this train wreck. Her ex-boyfriend, Bryan, is there and she mentions wanting to invite him to our table. When I tell her that’s too messy, she goes over to him to bring him to our table. When Robert gets up to go to the bathroom I say “I’m so sorry he is so annoying.” and she says “I don’t think so” and when he comes back she instantly starts flirting with him. I get up and literally sprint out the door. I know I was supposed to be her ride home, but I couldn’t stop my knee jerk reaction of running away.
I’ve tried to let her be her, but last night made me feel like all of this is just one big competition and I am just a pawn to her. I know I didn’t want these men anyway. But how do I approach this conversation with her especially after I messed up by abandoning her as her ride. (Disclosure: She lives a 10 minute walk from the venue. The venue was a small coffee shop that is open late for live music.)
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Info why is your friend present on all of your dates?
If you’re talking to multiple people you can’t claim Robert. You friend is shitty but that’s a different issue.
So she’s a ’f-girl’ and is hoarding all the men? Is that what you mean with problematic behavior? If you find a guy you really like, get serious before you introduce him and go out with her. See how she behaves.
Do you really want to be in a long-term competition with her?? She’s not your friend, honestly 🫤
She’s not your friend. She’s an attention (!!). I wouldn’t bring any guys around her that you like.
Your friend is more than just problematic. You could say something like, “I’m sorry for ditching you, that wasn’t right. But I was frankly just over this pattern that you seem to have of hooking up with or flirting with guys that I express even a marginal interest in. I’m your friend, and I’d like to remain your friend, but I don’t see how that’s possible if I can’t trust you in a room with any potential partner I may have. How would you feel if I did to you the things that you’ve done to me?”
If you support women’s rights and wrongs, you didn’t need to post. She wronged you and you support her. Besties 🤗
So basically she just wants all the men in town for herself?
It sounds like she makes herself feel good by pulling men who were originally interested in you- “I can take any man I want”