I’m be 33 next week. Still single, no kids. I believe 35+ years of age is considered “geriatric” And it becomes harder-not impossible-to have kids.
I’ve already mentally prepared myself for not having biological children and I’m 100% fine with going the adoption route. IVF and freezing eggs are too expensive for it still being a chance it may not work so that’s not even a consideration for me. And idk about surrogacy, I doubt I’ll ever come to terms with that either
But in the likelihood I do meet someone within the next few years and decide to have a family, how is it having kids in your 30s and later? On the positive side I’d be a lot more financially stable- I’ll have a house with a yard and they will want for nothing. But on the negative side, it’s a good chance it may not happen when I’m ready.
So 30+ first time moms, what has your experience been like? Would you have done anything different? Do you want more kids in the future? Are you happy with where you are in life? Was it planned? Why did you decide to wait?
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Not a mom so I know you aren’t asking me, but FWIW none of my circle of friends (8 sets of parents) had their kids before their 30s
I had mine at 40. It was fine. 👍
I had my first at 30. It was a tough transition because I spent all of my 20’s doing whatever I wanted with my downtime.
Now, it’s much harder to have downtime without support systems. Daycare is expensive and on long waitlists. One of my parents is still working, the other too elderly to babysit.
I’m more tired and often struggle with feeling like I don’t have enough time for myself.
But I view children differently than I did in my 20’s. I do feel more equipped emotionally and financially.
I do wish there were some things like paid maternity leave to help.
I had mine at 31 and 32. Had a problem getting pregnant once we started trying but a test I had also “cleans you out” so they think that helped. The second was a bonus child since we didn’t think it was possible for various reasons. But I also have medical issues and other complications. I had multiple dr visits every week in the last few months of the pregnancies but overall was great. My kids are now 20 and 21 and the best things ever in my life.
Had my first child at 33. Which isn’t much help to what you’re speaking about per say
My mum had me at 35, her mum has her at 38. Most, if not all of my friends were in their thirties when they had kids. I wanted kids before 30, but life didn’t work out that way, I’m hoping that the next few years might change things, but you never know how life if meant to turn out, but you do have to stop comparing to everyone else’s timeline.
I had mine at 31. It was the right time for us economically and emotionally. We haven’t started trying for another yet, because I wanted a four-year gap between kids. God knows if I’ll get pregnant as quickly (it took four months) the second time.
I had my first at 32 and second baby at 34. I wouldn’t do it differentely. Mentally and financially this was the best timing I could ask/plan for.
We have a house, good combined incomes and we can afford a lot for our kids, and save money for them to give them a good head start. Oh and I don’t want more children.
Yes, I had one at 32 and my last at 35. It was planned and we got pregnant within 3 months each time of trying. My pregnancies were very easy, but I hated being called geriatric especially when I turned 35 8 months into my last pregnancy. I absolutely do NOT want anymore kids lol. They can finally play out back together without my constant supervision and they go to sleep at 7:30 and sleep through the whole night. I have a life again!
Had my first at 33 and second at 35. No fertility issues and both babies were born healthy.
The majority of women in my country has kids after 30.
I had a kid at 32 and 36. I am glad I didn’t earlier because I was way more patient and together than I was in my 20s. Most parents of my kids are about my age. Many people have kids later!
Hi had my first at 34 and my second at 36. Everything was perfectly smooth and uneventful and 2 healthy relatively easy deliveries.
In my friend group that ranges from 35-45, most of my friends had their kids in their late 30s.
Had mine mid 30s and damn I feel old some days when I’m running around, but I remember my doctor telling me how hard it was going to be to get pregnant at 35 and I got pregnant 2 months after going off birth control. I am not diminishing others stories who did struggle, but it’s not always a struggle.
Had my daughter at 34. Met my husband in February engaged in 2 months married a year later. Just celebrated our 3rd year Anniversary. Our daughter will be 2 in Oct.
Trust me don’t stress as long as you take care of your body and overall health you’ll be fine. I love being a mother in my 30’s. I just wish I had my 20’s energy level because girlllll parenthood ain’t for the weak! But I’m praying love finds you sooner than later and that you find your person.
Yep, I had my son at 38. We had to pursue fertility treatments, so what I would have done differently isn’t relevant, and while we would have loved a second child, that’s not in the cards due to the fertility issues. Very happy with our life. We started TTC when I was 34, the year after we got married, and unfortunately, COVID hit 4 months later so pursuing treatment was delayed for some time and then we had delays during treatment because I was frustrated with our doctor and I needed a mental health break. I would not have wanted to have kids in my 20s for multiple reasons.
35+ is considered AMA, Advanced Maternal Age, but fertility does not decline sharply at 35 (that information is based on birth records and not actual medical information from a small town in France in the 1800s!). Everyone’s fertility is different and you can have issues in your 20s or get pregnant unassisted in your 40s. If you’re concerned, you can have a panel run by your OBGYN.
I don’t even know anyone who had a kid before their 30s #nyc
Interested in this thread. Had my first at 18, second at 23, and thinking of having another at 35.
I had mine at 34 and 37.
Had my first at 33. My cousin had hers at 36 and now pregnant again at 38. The financial stability you have in your 30’s has given me the peace of mind to have a child. Everyone I know is having kids later and later so I wouldn’t overthink it. If we have another it wouldn’t be until 36.
Had mine at 37, 6 weeks ago. So far so good, I’ll report back.
34, 37, & 40. All conceived without medical intervention though I did acupuncture with first 2.
I had my first at 32 and my second at 34. We are a two and through family. I think life is generally a lot easier for us having waited. We are on solid financial footing and have a good work-life balance that just wasn’t possible for us when we were hustling in our 20s. My body probably didn’t bounce back as easy as it would have in my 20s, but I’m okay with that. I’m actually in physically better shape than I was in my 20s just from chasing kids around all day. 😂
My mom had her 1st at 32 and her 2nd at 35. She always said it was perfect timing.
I had my first at 35, and am pregnant with my 2nd at 38. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32 so we didn’t have much choice on timing but I’m happy with how it turned out. It’s certainly more hard on your body and it can be hard when all your friends are done with kids and you are still in the trenches but I love my daughter more than anything.
My first pregnancy happened fast and the 2nd one took about a year as we had 2 miscarriages before this one stuck.
I think most people are having kids in their 30s these days? The overwhelming majority of people I know were 32-37 when they had their first child. If your’e otherwise healthy and don’t have other underlying issues that affect fertility, you should be able to get pregnant with relative ease under 40. Now if you have something like endometriosis, PCOS, or some other kind of gynecological or hormonal issue that changes things drastically.
I had my first at 39 and about to have my second at 41. Didn’t meet my husband until my mid thirties but honestly don’t think I was ready for kids until my late 30s anyway. No real issues with the pregnancies, maybe my back hurts a little more than it would if I were younger and maybe I’d have a little more energy but all in all I can’t complain. Being financially stable and more emotionally mature I feel has made us better parents. And don’t discount how your work/life experience will also shape your parenting in terms of time management, crisis management etc. I’m sure as we age the more negative aspects of being older parents will come up but for now, very happy.
I divorced my ex at 32 (no kids). Met a new guy shortly after. We had our first kid when I was 34 avd second at 38. First one unplanned, second we had barely started trying before she was conceived. I don’t feel ”old”, like nothing hurts and I’m in good shape 😅 I don’t feel like my age impacted my pregnancies negatively or anything.
I had my first at 31 and second at 33. Got pregnant easy both times and no issues ect. You can get your fertility checked to be aware of any issues? Not sure the cost where you are but might be some reassurance or a heads up to make lifestyle changes/freeze eggs if it’s a possibility for you.
All the best and with all the tech they have these days things are easier snd more likely. Pretty sure I read about a 60yo giving birth lol
I loved having my baby at 40. We’re much more stable than we were when we were younger and we’ve both been to therapy to address issues from our own childhood which will make us better parents to her. We are also more confident in having boundaries and not getting pushed around which is important when advocating for someone helpless. For anyone really wanting biological children obviously there’s a risk to waiting this long. My husband and I have a good relationship and would have been ok if having a kid didn’t work out, but we’re glad it did. We’re way more patient and wise then we were when we were younger and healthier in a lot of ways, though my back might hurt worse than it would have and I might have had an easier time without sleep when I was younger, but I wouldn’t trade things.
I have a 2.5 year old. I think if I had a choice, I’d have a kid a bit earlier but I have no regrets because I was financially and mentally ready at the time. I had a rough few months, hard baby and postpartum… I swore I was one and done (OAD) but now we are thinking of another. Just one more
I’m 34 and just had my first. Most mums I know have had their kids in kid to late thirties
Had my first in early 30s and hopefully going to be pregnant with my second in my mid 30s. Everything was great and is great. I have some health issues now that I didn’t know about in my 20s that would have made things easier if I had them sooner sure but I also am more financially stable and can provide for them now whereas before I wouldn’t have been able to. I have zero regrets waiting until now.
I am in a similar boat as you and these comments give me such a hope God willing if it happens for me that I meet someone.
Thank you for posting this🫶🏻
So we had to do ivf after trying for 9 long years.
I had my first at 33 and we plan on having another next year if the IVF gods are kind to us again.
I won’t lie I’m in a permanent state of exhaustion, but by god is it worth it! We’re much more financially Stable now and have that life experience to boot. Life’s good 😊
all my friends have had their children in their 30s. Most of my friends that got married the same year as me ‘23 are having their first and we range from 32-36.
I personally had my kids at 22, because I grew up poor and in a small town community where I thought that was the only normal.
Then I moved to a city and let me tell you I am a decade or more younger than every other parent here, like literally in the whole school community I have met maybe two other young parents out of dozens of people. Most of the parents didn’t even start thinking of kids until they were my current age and here I am walking around with an almost teenager. The oldest dad is over twice my age and was graduating college when I was born (his ex wife is his age I just don’t know her well.) We laugh about the age gaps often.
I was almost 35 when I got pregnant with my son. He’s almost 3, and we’re probably done, but my fertility is still kicking, according to my doctor. I have an IUD in case we change our minds in the next couple years, but after that, the topic of a vasectomy gets put on the table.
I’m 35 and giving birth soon. It was very hard to get pregnant: Fertility treatment is time-consuming, with a lot of appointments and tests before you even get into solutions to actually help you conceive. Not everyone over 30 has these difficulties, but it’s more likely the older you are that getting pregnant will be really hard work.
Adoption is an expensive and many-years-long waiting game, with a lot of stressful ups and downs. So, all the guidance I received was to push through with trying to conceive myself by any means available if I wanted a baby, because I would likely have passed the phase of my life where I wanted to be a parent by the time an adoption went through, if it ever did.
I was my mamas last kid and she was almost 36 when she had me.
Having kids in your 30’s is waaaaay more common now. And as long as you are generally healthy, it’s usually fine from a medical standpoint to give birth well into 40.
This is not rhetoric but what I have been told by my own obgyn and other medical professionals.
Please don’t call us geriatric 😅
My aunt had two kids at 48 and 49 🤷🏼♀️ no health issues and they seem happy.
Me. Had my baby at 31 and felt like the timing was right. Going to try for another soon and then maybe another by 35/36. I’ve seen more women having children later and it’s completely normalized in my neck of the woods here.
I had my first at 36 and am trying for number 2 at 38.
I had mine at 39. Pregnancy was boring and normal, raising my one has been wonderful. For what it’s worth: I’m an educated urban professional who gets a lot of a sense of purpose and fulfillment from a career, most of my demographically similar friends started having their kids from 35-40, and so this was normal for my peer group.
The great things about having a kid after I already had several personal and professional goals met and accomplishments achieved:
1 — No hit to the career. In fact, I’ve had subsequent promotions. Being a working parent only made me better at prioritizing and time management.
2 — None of these identity crises I’ve seen other women who became mothers post about. I already had a rock-solid idea of who I was; becoming someone’s mom merely added to it, not replaced it.
3 — No FOMO whatsoever. And because my kid was eagerly wanted and planned for, I had no resentments about leaving behind my old life. I also had the maturity to know the baby/toddler years aren’t forever, so missing a few years of lazy Sunday sleep-ins or whatever were no big deal.
4 — I had already tackled the hard shit in therapy, so my kid has a parent who’s much more emotionally mature than I would have been as a twentysomething striver.
It was a decision that worked out well for me, given the kind of life I wanted/want to have. I love my life, I love parenthood, and I am very lucky.
I had my first at 34 and it was rough. It was hard to get pregnant then I was sick the entire time. It ended with an emergency c section after a long labor. The c section recovery was a breeze and I felt amazing once I wasn’t pregnant. At 38 had a miscarriage then at 39 I easily got pregnant and had the easiest pregnancy I imagine exists. I walked around trick or treating with my 6 year old days before the scheduled c section. That was also a breeze. The only reason it was scheduled was because of my age. They don’t let you go past 39 weeks at 40 so it ruined my idea of a picture captioned 40 weeks pregnant at 40 years old.
Had my first at 34!
I have always had fertility issues so I did have to do IVF, but it cost less than $2k! Depending on your clinic and state, it can be really affordable. For example, NY state mandates insurance to cover 3 cycles of IVF. So don’t write it off!
I love being a mid 30s mom. I’m much more emotionally available, and have a lot more career and financial stability. If you’re in shape to begin with, bouncing back is a breeze: I was back to running 6 weeks after giving birth!
Literally no one I know personally became a parent earlier than their thirties, other than one who got pregnant at 20 and it was a huge surprise to everyone. This isn’t by accident or not meeting a partner earlier. Nobody I know actually wanted to become a parent earlier, and while I know various people who had kids in their early thirties, most I know are leaving it to 35 and later in order to focus on career, travel, and just generally enjoy their youth and freedom.
I’m not trying to claim that there is zero reason for 35 being the age at which the term “older pregnancy” starts getting used, but from what i have personally witnessed, I’m seeing people getting pregnant very quickly, and having healthy children.
Not 35, but I had my second at 32 when my husband was 41. All is well!
Having said that, please look further into adoption trauma before going that route. Adopted babies aren’t blank slates to treat like they’re your own, and it’s important to provide trauma-informed care, or you can really end up compounding that trauma. All adoption comes at a great loss for that child. Research (and stories from adoptees like me) show the best possible physical and mental health outcomes for adopted kiddos come with adoptive parents being open, honest, and accepting of that loss and the complicated feelings that come with it from the beginning.
Generally speaking, it’s often hurtful for the kiddo if you use adoption as a second choice if you can’t get pregnant because that child will most likely internalize being a “last resort.” Highly recommend choosing adoption or natural from the jump, as adoption can be just as expensive as IVF. This is only one of several factors people don’t realize when going into it. I wish you the best either way!
Barely! Had my first 2 a month before I turned 40. Then another at 41 and the last one at 44. Zero regrets.
Yes, two daughters at 30 and 35. My daughter, 27, is in a similar situation but is just now considering that she might chose to experience the downsides of dating while keeping her home updated a renting her rooms out to her sorority sisters. I set the stage for their mindset as I encouraged my children to invest in their future financially versus earning the Mrs. degree. Her sister met the love of her life at 16 and 6 years later they are financially independent, also, degreed and still not planning for children. The couple is slowly considering a union after a year several states away from family and chose separate college towns all while making new friends and creating a new life like many do. I do not expect grandchildren until I’m at least 70 so I must stay in shape as we have so many memories to still make.
My mom at 76 has 6 great grandchildren. I influenced and chose this life so… There are several ways to slice the pie of life. Interesting topic. Thank you for entertaining my chosen. experience.
Edit to add no IVF or issues achieving pregnancy.
Hiiiii
Not a mom that had a kid in her 30s, (had mine at 20) but my neighbor had hers at 45. Let me tell you, as someone on the opposite side of the spectrum, what I was so jealous of after seeing her raise her kid later in life:
You already touched on it in your post, but if you’re 33 next week you’re a part of the millennials that saw the housing market be an issue in the oughts, so a house is huge. My kid will be going into high school next year, and we are in the same two bedroom town home we’ve been in since he was 7. I’ve had to reckon with the fact that he will not have a “childhood home” with a yard for birthday parties. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but psychologically it really is a level of grief I hadn’t known about until now. So. You’ll have a childhood home for kid- amazing!
Also, you will be so much more present. You ideally already know who you are, you aren’t trying to figuring it out WHILE raising a kid. That’s so much more easy and you’ll be able to remember so much more than the younger moms—it’s a crazy blur at times when you’re in survival mode.
Yes you will leave their life earlier than the younger moms, but because you’ve had more time to get your shit together, you’ll leave them better prepared when your time does come. Financially, probably definitely. But emotionally too— my neighbor has her shit figured out so she was able to pour into her little girl and really give her her best. It’s honestly a beautiful thing to see, one generation pouring so freely into the other…as opposed to younger moms who have to pick and choose what parts of their kids they get (like I’m in grad school now, life is busy, he doesn’t get all of me like I wish he would have got if I had him later I. Life 🙃)
Sorry OP, that’s not who you asked, but I couldn’t let the post go bye without letting you know that there are those of us who really wish this was our situation. If you do adopt, I think you will have a lot to offer a kid who’s been through it, because of your stability.
That means a whole lot 🙌
In my social circles, almost nobody has kids before 30. My mom had me (her first child) at 37, and my childhood best friend’s mom also had her (her first child) at 37. In the county I live in, there are more women giving birth at ages 40-44 than there are women giving birth at ages 25-29. For many people that is just completely normal.
I had my first at 36. We got pregnant the very first time we tried. I had a great pregnancy, a bit of a tricky delivery (emergency C section) and now I have a wonderful toddler. I know it’s not always that straightforward, but that has been my experience.
I’m now 38 and If we weren’t so damn broke I’d like to have another. I don’t think it’s in the cards for us though.
I have multiple friends who had kids in their mid 40s (without fertility treatments or anything, just boop, naturally)
30s isn’t crazy at all. If you’re in a big city, it’s not unusual in the least. If you’re in a small town, more unusual. Those folks seem to like to be grandparents before 50
Had one at 37.
It’s funny because right above your post there was this post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/science/s/G2In1OdDhp
For me it’s a good experience, I planned it and lived my life well before having my kid.
My cousin is 39 with a 2 year old. Living their best lives!
I was 33 and it’s been awesome 👏
I had my daughter at 31 and generally I am happy with it but I also could have been very happy doing it later!
Im 29 and childless. Still holding out for my 30s
My friend is having her first in her 40s. It can be done and more often is.
I am 35 and currently 20 weeks preggo with my first. Got pregnant after ~4 months of trying. Baby and I are healthy and enjoying this exciting new ride! Hubby and I are thinking about being one and done but not completely closing that door.
ETA to answer the why did we wait. My hubby and I have an age gap of 5 years, he is younger. I was “ready” to have kids with him as soon as we started dating, mainly because I was 27 and felt like I didn’t want to have kids in my 30s. Realized shortly thereafter that I was being anxious and wanting a baby rather than being truly ready in all ways. I have done a lot of therapy, grown in my career, and we were able to ensure stability for ourselves to make sure we could care for a baby in all ways we would need to. It was also really nice to spend 5 years together as a couple, growing and being a lil wild together to enjoy the time just us. When my hubby and I both felt ready together, we decided to start trying. I am so glad and grateful we waited until this point, and am so excited to meet my little sweetie in a few months.
Yeah, just had my baby at 36! He’s an absolute joy and may convince me to try for a second lol. I had gestational diabetes, which may be related to age, but we managed it.
I had my first baby in my 30’s, I think pregnancy in general is different for everyone no matter your age.
Sometimes I wished I had kids in my 20’s because I was younger, more fit, had more energy, and also higher fertility, but when I truly look back at it, I had a ton of fun in my 20’s and I don’t think I would take it back at all. It ended up being this way that I had my kids in my 30’s because I met my husband in my late 20’s and we got married in our 30’s.
I felt more ready in my 30’s to have kids because of my finances and also my emotional maturity
I’m turning 35 this summer and have an adorable almost 3 year old. Sometimes I wish I would have had a kid sooner but I am not sure I was ready in my 20s.
I had my son at 37. We plan on having a second child if my husband and I can conceive one. The “waiting” wasn’t intentional. We had kids later in life because we met at 35, married by 36 and baby at 37. We are happy where we are in life, and that we found each other. Neither of us are interested in surrogacy/adoption/donor eggs, so if we can’t conceive a second child then we’re done. The positives are as you say- we were financially stable and could afford everything for our son. We already owned cars, home, and had decent savings. But after age 35 it all gets harder physically.
Yep, I had my first at 38! I had been TTC since 30 and had to do years of fertility treatments to get pregnant, so the timing wasn’t my ideal. It’s been fine.
Most people I know are in their mid-30s when they have kids, because I live in a major city and know mostly people who went to college and have or had professional careers. I’m definitely in the group that is shocked when I see people having kids in their twenties.
It’s just like having kids at any other time. I think it would have been worse if I was younger because I wouldn’t have been as mature. Most of the exhaustion is mental rather than physical and it requires maturity to handle.
My husband and I (same age) met at 26, married at 29 and had our kids at 33 and 35. We’re so glad we waited.
We got to travel as much as we could, build up our savings and buy a home before we had kids. We’re financially stable, mature, educated and felt ready for kids.
I hate how some people say you’ll never be ready for kids because that was not the case for us at all. We were ready and it’s going great.
My great grandmother had her last child at 36. My grandmother had her youngest at 37. My mom had me at 37. I had my youngest at 37. I have friends who had a child at 40.
I realize everyone’s journey is unique, but just to share please don’t buy too much into the misogynistic medical field take on “advanced maternal age.” Are there additional risks? Yes. But also remember the medical field has written off / ignored women’s health for ages.
I barely know any women who had babies before 30. The vast majority of moms around me (in my generation at least) had kids in their 30s
I had my daughter at 34, my son at 35 and my last daughter at 39. You’re fine 😊.
I was pregnant while I was 33 and I just thought all of the after 35 it’s a geriatric pregnancy stuff was funny 🤷♀️ that was my first and only kid, no idea how people do more than one!
I had my only kid at 31, and I’m glad I waited. I was still able to “bounce back” physically pretty quickly, and I had the emotional stability and financial resources to give my son everything he needed. My physical health in my thirties and forties has actually been better than it was in my twenties because I’m more responsible about food choices, exercise, etc. (Not saying these things are always in our control, but I was a feral possum who couldn’t care for myself in my twenties.)
I was born when my mom was 38 , both of us healthy and fine after
I had my only child at age 32. I had no problem conceiving. It took only one try. The pregnancy, however, was complicated and very hard on my baby and me. My kid is now 13 and thriving.
I waited because I wanted to be stable financially and career-wise. My career died anyway because my baby refused to take a bottle.
First? No. But I’ve had 2 kids since turning 30 (my third child was born when I was 31, and my fourth child when I was 40). We are still hoping for one more kiddo before we call it quits for good. I actually found it infinitely easier than motherhood in my 20s. I’m more patient, have more financial stability, and have a much better vision for what kind of parent I want to be.
36, pregnant with my first. Got my Masters and PhD and waited for the right person. Got pregnant the first cycle after taking my IUD out. No regrets.
My sister and best friend both had 2 kids between the ages of 33 and 37. My mom had all 3 of her kids in her 30s, and my grandmother had my mom at 40.
I wouldn’t get too caught up in the “getting pregnant is harder after X age”. The studies and calculations that are used to support that concept should be taken with a grain of salt- all studies have limitations. Your doc can run a test to see what your egg supply is like and then you can have a better idea of where you individually stand. Your age on paper may not be an accurate representation of how your body functions or fertility, especially if you are healthy.
I had my first at 30 and will have my second this year right before I turn 34. I am very happy we waited because we’re more mature and financially stable. There is never a “perfect” time and you can plan and plan and things still not go the way you wanted them to. I think waiting until our 30s allowed my husband and I to grow more—in our careers, together as a couple, and as individuals. As such, I feel like we’re more comfortable in parenthood than some of our friends who became parents younger who feel like they may have missed out on life experiences by becoming parents at younger ages.
I had my daughter at 36 after being married for 6 years. We weren’t in a hurry to have children bc we wanted to travel and have fun and spend time being married.
We did have to use IVF to have our daughter, but it was due to male factor infertility (we didn’t know there was an issue until we started trying). She will be our only child just due to the fact that we don’t have anymore embryos.
Now that I’m a mom to a toddler, I have noticed that most other moms around me, in our playgroups, etc are all my age or older. There was a girl in my daughter’s play group who was a young mom (younger than 30) and we all were in shock. I am in the Chicago suburbs so that may factor into it but I don’t know. Also, most moms I’ve met have gone through fertility treatments in some aspect.
I will have had my kids at 32 and 34 this coming October. Most of my friends my age still plan to have children with their partners and have not yet or have not finished having children yet and are still waiting a few years. Totally normal. You have time!
I was 33 when I heard my first (and only) kid. She was planned, we conceived after trying for a few months.
I’m happy I waited until when we did. We’re financially secure, established in our careers, on the same page about how to raise her. It was definitely tiring but my partner is an equal parent and I only breastfed for the first few months, so that made it a lot easier.
I will say if we had her earlier we might have stayed committed to a second child. But at our ages now it just feels like so much more work. We’re happy with one
First at 33. Second at 36. Currently pregnant again (very early) and will give birth at 38.
I don’t have 1 friend that had kids earlier than 30. I’ve got a few who had their last in their early 40s.
Due to endometriosis and adenomyosis, I plan on yeeting the whole playground (uterus and ovaries) in my early 40s. So I’m giving myself that timeline for the third and final kid. If this pregnancy sticks, then I’m done. If not, I’ve got 2 more years. I want to emphasize though: This is because of ongoing uterus diagnoses above though, not because of biological clock. 🙂
Also… It’s been amazing having a baby not in my 20s. My husband and friends and I did so much stuff! We traveled, we ate good food, we rode motorcycles, etc etc. We did all the fun stuff and I feel so much more relaxed about life having gotten so much done before changing into this motherhood chapter.
I also, and maybe it’s just me, feel relatively the same as my 20s. I am not a health nut (I love fast food and I hate working out), but I’ve been blessed with good genetics I guess. I look the same, I’ve got the same relative energy, I don’t have any aging aches and pains. So I’m not sure why 20 vs 30 would matter for kids in that regard. Am I more tired because I’ve got small kids that keep me up at various times throughout the night? Yes. Is that because I’m older? No, it’s because they keep me awake like kids will do. The only thing I’ll say is different: I absolutely cannot drink the same. But that started before kids anyway. Headaches after drinking like 2-3 drinks kinda thing. But I don’t miss alcohol in large quantities anyway and gummies are a magical alternative anyway.
Met my husband at 35, we were married by 37 and had our kid (no medical intervention) at 38. I’m 41 now and we’re trying for a second, but totally content with the idea it might not happen. My only wish is that I had met my husband a few years earlier so we could’ve adventured more together, but c’est la vie!
My experience is that things can progress a lot quicker when you’re ‘older’ because you know what you’re looking for in a partner and can pull the trigger when you meet the right one!
My second will be born just a few weeks before I turn 39, first was at 36. Both were conceived first try – which I am VERY grateful for but just know older doesn’t always mean fertility issues.
Both pregnancies were fairly uneventful, though you do get some extra testing along the way.
Not me, but I worked with a man where him (early 50s) and his wife (now late 40s) had their first child when the wife was in her mid 40s. Because both of them had a strong career, they had resources, got good healthcare, and had a healthy pregnancy (as far as I know) and baby.
Now I was the executive assistant so I booked everything for them. Because they had resources, they were able to have an “easy” parenthood.* Have a long flight? It’s first class. Going to Disney? They got the top tier lightning pass. They lived in a home that was right for them and got all the little appliances that helped out here and there.
Dad was happy. Mom was happy. Child always seemed happy. A small, happy family. Everyone always had a good mood when I interacted.
This experience made me excited to focus on my career now and not worry about my future so much. Granted, I froze my eggs, so that may be a reason for my comfort, but I don’t think I’d be worried so long as I prioritized doctor appointments and maintaining a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy.
*easy is in quotations here because I don’t think there’s anything as an EASY easy parenthood, but one that is less difficult than others.
I didn’t have my first child in my 30s but there was an 11 year age gap between my “last” and my official “last” baby. I got pregnant on my second cycle after we started trying for a baby at 35 and had a healthy baby at 36. Now she’s 13 months and doing amazing. Believe me I was completely shocked it happened so quick. We started trying in May and in July I got my positive. I thought my age would make it harder but it didn’t at all.
I was considered AMA (advanced maternal age) and honestly the only thing different was I got a more in depth ultrasound at MFM clinic but saw a regular OB all the other times. I also got the option to induce a week early or not because of my age. My OBs practice is all female and she said the majority of them didn’t start having babies until their 30s and 40s.
Had my first at 36, great pregnancy and smooth labor/delivery. Hoping for baby #2 by the time I’m 40/41, then I’ll likely be done lol.
My mom had me at 23. She had my younger siblings at 34. She was much more patient with them, and more emotionally present. Her financial situation was completely different, and it showed in toys/ after school clubs/ vacations- even helping them with college/living expenses. She’s expressed that she was happy she had the confidence l to ignore family advice/busy-bodies this time around, because she was more self-assured and mature. She had a difficult birth (2mos bed rest prior to labor and cesarean), but she’s psychically so tiny and she had twins so.
35 pregnant with my first. Everything has been 100% normal so far and I’m 22w.
I had my first at 37 and I’ll be having my second soon at 39—both planned and very much wanted. I waited until around 35 to start trying, but had two losses (and took a mental/physical health break) before my first healthy pregnancy. My husband and I are delighted to be parents and excited to welcome our second child.
The bad: Complications and genetic issues in general are more common for older moms, so my miscarriages might have been avoidable. Then again, it’s possible to be unlucky at any age, and losses are more common than a lot of people realize. Many issues really spike after 40, so age and timelines are definitely an important consideration. I’ve been fortunate to have normal, uncomplicated pregnancies despite my age, though I’m sure they would have been physically easier in my 20s. 😅
The good: Because of my age, NIPT and genetic counseling were covered by insurance. My husband and I are financially stable, have established careers, and own our home. We can provide for children, and we were psychologically ready to be parents. I think we may also be more patient and deliberate about our parenting as a result of age/maturity.
There are trade-offs with any decision in life. I might have saved myself some struggle and grief by getting pregnant younger, but we also might have struggled more in other ways. I’m very happy with how everything’s turned out, though.
I wish you all the best with whatever you choose, OP.
I got my son (first child) at 32 years old. I had never been a child free person but at one point I was thinking about having kid on my own (paying for fertility clinics,I had a friend who worked for one of it). Met my partner and got pregnant 1.5 months into the relationship lol.
I wouldn’t want to have kid any younger than that cuz I wasn’t in a good situation (financially and emotionally). He wasn’t planned but I had been expecting to have kid at some point of my life anyway. I don’t think I want any more kid (just got a miscarriage few months ago) cuz it was a traumatic pregnancy and birth and I got postpartum depression after that (similar after the miscarriage).
Echoing what a lot of others have said. I was the odd one out in my group having my first in my mid twenties. A few did later twenties but most of my friends have been early thirties before the first.
And roughly it is divided into two types of women:
Marriage/engagement/relationship status/accident/planned all a mish mash. No particular age has been one or another in that respect. Only really the older ones have been more deliberate about not getting pregnant whilst they were doing career building.
I had comfortable living circumstances and was much better off in my 20s but my relationship wasn’t healthy. Now I’m pregnant at 32, baby due in three months, with barely a roof over my head :’) but being older and having thta much more life experience makes me feel much more ready to be a mum now.
Every decade has its own advantages, you might have less energy in your 30s/40s but you can (hopefully) offer more stability and emotional maturity.
Met my fellow at 34, had a baby at 36….and this is a lot for me…. Previously took me years just to say I love you so thought it would take me like a decade in to have a kid, but then I met someone and just knew within a couple months. Eight years on and no regrets. Again, I can’t emphasize this enough…I was so independent and standoffish but I just knew and it worked. We have a non traditional set up where we don’t live together for right now but it still works
I had my first child at 33
Life is amazing
nope , this is what I always wanted
I haven’t decided that yet , I want this one to start walking first.
I have supportive husband , great job , good money and no debts so I am quite happy
I dont know why I decided to wait to be honest
I’m 36. Just had my first baby 8 weeks ago. Will hopefully have another in a year or two.
Had my first at 36 and planning for a second. Easy pregnancy, home birth, and raising my baby has been amazing!! I appreciate that I already completed my master’s and established my business. It makes parenting and working easier and more flexible. I have emotional stability from years of therapy that have helped me remain calm and patient. Being an older parent is awesome.
I had my daughter at 36 and I’m turning 37 soon. It’s great! I do feel like the physical aspect is a little harder than it would have been at a younger age, but overall it’s fine! Just try to get in decent shape in advance and you’ll be good.
I wouldn’t do anything differently, I hadn’t met the right person yet. We might have one more… but in this economy!? I’m not so sure. One is nice and seems a lot more manageable than 2+.
Yes, I got mine in just before they would have started using the word “geriatric.”
I had my first at 31 and was the youngest of my friends to start having kids, and am the youngest parent in my daughter’s class in school. I think having kids after 35 is totally normal. Also where I’m from (Ireland) it’s not like having kids into your 40s is a new thing. It’s just women started having them at 19 and popped out 10+ kids, often having their last few in their 40s. Nowadays we are just having fewer (thank fuck) and when we want.
Hi, not to doom and gloom, but I’ve been meticulously planning, saving for a baby and learned last week at age 39 that I have ‘diminished ovarian reserve’ and will likely not be able to get pregnant with my own eggs even with IVF.
If I could go back in time, I would get my FSH and AMH, and other levels checked at age 30 and frozen my eggs if anything looked weird at that age.
At the time I never even considered such a thing.
Now I’m considering if we can afford to pay for an egg donor.
Life is weird, nothing is guaranteed, no one cares more about your health than you do. If becoming a mom is important to you, you should get a hormone test.
I work in mother baby and I work in an area where a lot of people have kids older.
I had my son at 27 which wasn’t planned but I’m happy I did.
But idk, you can have a kid in your 40s but it is a bit harder on your body and often have a lot of complications (not everybody) but alot of my population where I work does, its high risk.
I think 35 is a great age to start. But 40 to start IMO feels a bit late for a few reasons.
FWIW, the median age of American women at first birth is 30 – so half of all mothers nowadays had their first child in their 30s! Before modern birth control existed, the median age at last birth for women was 41. So you realistically are likely to have time, if you desire.
I had my first at 34 and second at 36 (met my husband at 31). Definitely very much planned, and had no issues with conceiving, pregnancy, or childbirth, and have two lovely healthy girls. Would have loved a third but my husband wasn’t on board. I’m super happy and adore my daughters and family. It would have been cool to meet my husband a little earlier so that we might have had time for a third with a larger gap (I’m 40 this month) but ultimately I’m just grateful I was able to meet him and have them at all.
36 and 39 and i am TIRED
Oh boy. I’m 38 now.. 6 weeks pregnant with the first one. My girlfriend is 43 with her first. My other friend just turned 40. You’re young
My mum was probably the oldest mum (33) when I was growing up in Switzerland (super traditional place, lots of SAHMs with very rich husbands/families, meaning they can afford to have kids very young). The big benefit of an “older” mum (33 is not old, but many of my friends’ mums had them early 20s), from the child’s perspective, is having a mum who really knows herself. My mum isn’t perfect, she fucked up a lot, but she was steadfast, reliable, and consistent in her…. Imperfections, let’s say haha. I love her to death!!
When I was younger I yearned for what my friends had in their very cool, very young mums. But now that I’m an adult? I’m grateful for the emotional and financial stability I got to have.
The women in my circle who had kids had them 30+! Having kids in your 30’s is more common now in days
I had mine at 36, and two of my close friends have had them at age 37. It’s becoming more and more common these days. Highly recommend, I could not have handled this shit in my 20s. I was a literal child!
In my country the culture is different and most people have kids later in life, around 35-45. It’s no problem. But we also live longer so maybe it’s not geriatric for us
Everyone I know is having kids starting at 35 and into their early 40s. Almost no one in my social circle had kids in their 20s.
Are we twins? I’ll also be 33 next week! Happy Birthday May baby!
Several of my close friends have had their first babies, we are all 34-35. Yes geriatric pregnancies have different risks, but they all had healthy babies.
My best friend just had her first baby a month before turning 35. She plans for one more. Another friend had her second baby recently, also in her 30s. Babies and moms all fine and healthy. My own mom had two of my siblings in her 30s, and this was the 90s, and they are fine too.
Edit: I work with kids and many of the moms (actually I would say most) that I see are in their thirties with toddlers and newborns!
Had my daughter at 35
32, I just had my daughter a few weeks ago. I was so naive when we first started to try and didn’t realize how complicated the journey would be. I miscarried my first pregnancy, and conceived again 2 cycles post miscarriage. Even with a low risk pregnancy, and carrying to term, my delivery turned into a major medical emergency. I’m so lucky that both my daughter and I survived, and I would do it all again 100 times over if it meant I got her each time… but I’ll never be able to carry my own kids again. We’re not sure if we’re one and done. We’re looking into ivf and surrogacy but still not sure if that’s on the table as it’s still so fresh haha
We got married in our late 20s and put off trying while my husband was in grad school the first few years of our marriage. Pre-pregnancy I was in the best shape of my life (which may have helped keep me alive). But in all honesty, I’m glad we didn’t wait any longer knowing what I know now.
Same here sis! I don’t plan on having any until … maybe 35/36 if it’s in the cards and if not, I’m also fine not having any. Life is great.
Had my one and only at 37. Planned. I didn’t meet my husband until 34, married at 35, pregnant at 37. No, I wouldn’t do anything different. It doesn’t make sense for me to wonder about what ifs…I met my husband when I did and didn’t have control over that. We’re financially stable. I traveled a bunch before I met him and crossed a few things off my bucket list like skydiving, paragliding, bungee jumping, etc.
I had my son at 32 and while I was there there was a lady that was 39 whose husband was 26 and she was having her first baby. Janet Jackson had her first baby at 50.
Just be prepared to be tired af
I only know one person who had a kid before 30 so 🤷♀️
I turned 30 last year and my mom had me at 33.
Your 30’s is the perfect time
I had my one and done at age 31. I was a ‘geriatric pregnancy’ at that time (1990s). Very much planned and wanted. I was a former child-free who had certain requirements that needed to be met before having kids.
Over 30 – this was a requirement for me.
Married over 5 years and my marriage was stable – I wanted to decrease my chances of becoming a single mother – happened anyway
Owned a home – I didn’t want to be a renter.
Finished with college – good stable foundation
Good job with great health insurance – more stable foundation
Lived somewhere I wouldn’t mind raising children
It was WONDERFUL!!
Pretty much everyone I know who had kids in their 20s – having kids aged them. They were constantly tired and complaining about their kids. They blamed their kids for anything that went wrong with their lives. They resented taking their kids to sports or doing things at their schools.
The ones who waited until they were older – in their 30s – their kids kept them young! They embraced being able to go play with their kids! They loved going to their kids sports games and school related things. They were happy to have their kids and included their children in their hobbies and activities.
Even the ones who had kids in their 40s – it kept them young. As long as they had kept up with their health and didn’t have any major health issues, they were like the over 30 parents.
I am in my 60s now. Do I want another kid? Only if I get a full time nanny and maid to go with it and can set up a family trust to take care of my child in the event something happens to me, because my energy level is not what it was even 10 years ago and the chance of something happening to me is higher now. If I get grandkids in the next 10-20 years, that would be the ideal. I can have the kids every now and then, play with them, and they go back home. Maybe they get to stay the night, maybe they don’t, but they won’t be a full time commitment.
I’m 34 still single no kids I really want one I’m hoping I can meet someone and have a chance to do it before I’m 37 🥲
I had my first at 36 and my second was born just after I turned 39. Both beautiful healthy babies and no issues with myself
I am 34 and having my second kid. It literally took one single try to get pregnant. Don’t believe any of the crap that’s hard to get pregnant at your age. Eat healthy, exercise and get enough sleep. Don’t stress about it and you’ll likely get pregnant
Had my first kid at 35. Got pregnant on the second try, so no issues with that despite “geriatric”. We are most likely one and done. We live in VHCOL and would need to scale back our lifestyle if we wanted a second kid.
45 here at 31w, first and probably only.
I know a lady who met her husband at 36 was pregnant in first 12 months and then had 3 consecutive boys all before aged 40. I do not view her as an old mum at all she’s so cool haha
I had my first child when I was 32 which was 2 years ago
I’m getting married in a few weeks at 36 and we’ll start trying soon after. I’m so grateful I’ve lived so much life already and am in a good place with my career before I started up on this path. Most of my friends are in the same boat!
I had my first at 33 and my second at 36. My friend just had her first at 43. You have time.
Ok, you aren’t asking me. But I had kids at 22, 24, 25, 35, and 37.
Vastly preferred the experience in my 30s when it came to raising the kids. Pregnancy and birth was easier in my 20s (duh, everything physical easier when you are young), but pregnancy and birth are pretty short compared to the length of actually parenting.
My 1st was due days before my 35th birthday, but was 8 weeks early. My 2nd was born when I was 38.
I do sometimes wish that I had more youthful energy to give my kids, but I’m a much better parent now than I would have been if I had my kids when I was younger.
None of my own, but two of my old friends had healthy (multiple) babies well into their 30s.
32 & my bestie had her first at 48
Had my son at 33. Planned, my fallopian tubes were blocked, had surgery & was pregnant within 2 months.
My mom was adamant about not getting pregnant in my teens so I think I was too afraid to get pregnant in my 20s because it was close to my teens 😂. I felt more comfortable doing it in my 30s.
My son’s dad is a dick so I would change the person I had a kid with if I could. He’s present, an active father, we coparent under the same roof & honestly idk if I could do it without a partner in the same home.
I don’t want to miss anything if I don’t have to. If I need time to myself or I don’t feel like playing I can say: “Give mom a minute/dad can play with you if you don’t mind.”(I will say that when one of us needs a minute alone/a nap the other takes on the parenting duties no questions asked.)
If I could do it all over again, I’d choose a different partner & have another kid a year or two after my son was born. I do want another, I’m 40, all tests show that I could do it again easily but…idk.
This is long sorry but I couldn’t finish this without mentioning how awesome my kid is, great sense of humor, extremely bright with a big heart. I adore him.
I live in a HCOL area, very career driven, and most of my friends didn’t start having kids UNTIL their 30s. Some were in their late 30s! You are fine. My best friend had her one and only at 33.
I was 32 when I had my first and 36 when I had my second. That’s just how my life worked out. didn’t particularly care to be a mom. But then met my soul mate. Got married at 30. Then from one day to the next I wanted a baby. Just was not ready before then, but now I was. I was calmer. I was very happy both pregnancies. No regrets. My daughters are my best friends, the best people I know. Would not change a thing!
I was a first time mom in my mid 30s. Second one on the way. I am – by far – the youngest person in my “mom network” to have gotten pregnant. And was definitely the first in my friend network to get pregnant. Don’t fret about your timeline. I wouldn’t necessarily delay motherhood, but I also wouldn’t deem it beyond possible at 33.
Yes, the first and the second were both planned. I got pregnant within the first try. I would not have done anything different. I only plan to have this second one and be done. I decided to wait because I think having a strong partner and co-parent is more important than any other factor in raising kids and went ahead with my plans for motherhood once I married my forever partner.
30s is the norm where I live and also where I grew up. Pretty normal to have firsts in late 30s and early 40s where I live. The only people I know who had kids before 30 had unplanned pregnancies. I don’t know anyone who intentionally had kids in their 20s. Starting having kids in your 30s, including mid to late 30s, was normal for my mom’s generation too where I grew up.
Had my first child at 32 and turned 33 exactly 4 weeks later. Had my second child at 35. I was at a point in my life where I could dedicate myself to having kids. I don’t know if I could have done that in my 20’s. I really don’t think 30+ is an old age to have kids.
Just stay healthy. They will still call it a geriatric pregnancy but it isnt if you are healthy. My sister had her first healthy and so smart baby at 38 and i am planning mine now in my 30s.
I was 27 when my first was born (we were trying and were thrilled after a few months to get that positive test). One of my closest friends said “oh, was it planned?” when I told him the news. Lol. I’m 31 now and pregnant with my second, and it seems like only now are my friends popping out kids or getting married. I feel like all bets are off with timelines these days. My best friend from HS is on her third longterm relationship since college and loving the career-focused life. Another friend from HS had oops babies six years ago.
Do your thang, girlie.
Had my first at 33, then popped out 2 more pretty quickly. Though my last was geriatric. Really thought I would struggle to get pregnant but I didn’t at all.
I have 3 high school friends who had their first in their 40s.
I feel like because I had a lot of fun and wild times until I was like 31 or so, I was really ready to commit to being a mom when it happened.
I had my first at 31. I have friends having kids at 35. It’s so normal to have kids in your late 30s! I wouldn’t worry too much.
38 and pregnant with my first. I’ll be 39 soon with a newborn. I met my partner two years ago and he’s a few years younger. We conceived naturally quickly after told I needed to do IVF with my history and low ovarian reserve.
Physically, yes it’s harder being pregnant older and there are more risks. But taking care of yourself now physically and mentally will help you to prepare.
At 33, I ended previous my long term relationship and sold my house. Went through a lot with work and then taking a break going back to school. I lived in a few different places including a year in a tiny house in the woods. I learnt new skills and went on solo adventures. I had to rediscover myself again and very glad I had the time to do this before becoming a mother. My mental health has never been better. Financially I have a good job and my partner and I have property to raise our child. There’s never a right time to have kids. But being older with life experience feels like I am setting my child up already for success with two stable parents.
I had my baby a few weeks before I turned 36! I didn’t plan to have my child that late in my life but it’s how it worked out for me and I wouldn’t change a thing. My pregnancy was utterly average until the day he was born and I was taken off for an emergency c section within 10 minutes of getting to the hospital which was very stressful at the time. Part of me wants a second but I know realistically that I’m done as just the one child utterly wipes me out! I’m happy though, I love my baby so much.
Had two after 35. I couldn’t have managed it earlier, given what ended up happening in my long-term marriage. Thank GOD I waited or I would not have made it through hell—or one of my children might not have.
Depends on your maturity (if you have that physical choice to wait, of course)—knowing yourself better will always be better for managing the wonderful craziness and sometimes extreme drama that come with kids. Oh yeah, and if you’re raising them with a partner, that person’s maturity level is CRUCIAL. My partner was a very very immature babyman—but I didn’t know that until something more important (an infant) took his place and he was incapable of sharing the focus. Had I been younger, I wouldn’t have been able to see what was happening and how dangerously disturbed my partner had become and likely always had been.
I had my first at 32 (almost 33), and one of my friends just had her first, and she turns 40 later this year.
It’s very normal for women to have first kids in even late 30s and 40s now 🙂
Met my husband at 32, married at 36 and had baby at 40. Infertility delayed us. She might be our only not by choice
I am 33 and in the last month of my first pregnancy. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, we waited because I decided to go to university before we started having babies. I have wanted kids my whole life but I’m glad I waited for the right person and the right timing. I thoroughly enjoyed my 20s and the lifestyle I was able to have because of my lack of responsibilities. I am much more ready now to be a parent than I would have been then. Of our friends, there really aren’t that many who have kids yet, and most that do are only on their first. Lots of our friends are actually older than me by a few years, and they do still plan to have kids but they aren’t in any rush. I had the fire under my butt a little bit just because I have some fertility issues, but if I didn’t have that problem then I wouldn’t have minded waiting a bit longer either.
Edit to add: We want 3-4 kids so I’ll likely be getting close to 40 in my last pregnancy
I had my
First at 30 and second at 34. My second pregnancy was healthier than my first. Pregnancy can be harder as you get older, but not necessarily. I go to baby groups and I’m pretty middle of the pack when it comes to moms ages, and I’m also an ultrasound tech and see lots of women in their late thirsties and early 40s with healthy pregnancies
I’ve only had geriatric pregnancies. You have more doctor’s appointments
Every single one of my friends had their kids in their 30s
I had my daughter at 34, almost 35. Complicated pregnancy but nothing pointing to age being the contributing factor.
Jesus fuck. People have children in their thirties ALL THE TIME.
Huh?? Lol. Almost everyone I know has had a kid over 30 🥲 I had my first at 33. I’m from CA
Met my husband at 31, dated, engaged, married, had first kid at 35, second kid at 38, now I’m 40 with a 4 and 2 year old.
My master plan was to have kids starting around 28, but I hadn’t met my husband yet so it was worth the wait. I wish I had the energy of 20-something me, but I enjoy the financial stability we provide our family. Both our parents were also 35+ when they had us, so it’s been a drawback to have grandparents in their 70s with health issues and limited mobility.