So my niece is a younger gal and her and all her friends are obsessed with conservative tradwife social media, and she sent me this video yesterday and I don’t know what to think about it.
Video: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIyzEcNpTd_/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Its SO crazy. I feel like she’s going to end up trapped and I don’t know if I should do anything to try and steer her away. Her mom is a social worker and a liberal woman, but doesn’t seem to phased by this and just letting her explore things on her own.
Is it smarter to just stay out of it since she’s not my kid? Or do I try to educate this young woman on things she’s not asking for?
Comments
Talk to her. If there’s no conversation about content versus reality and the ideals you think she should hold there’s nothing stopping her from feeding into things like this.
She’s reached out to you so just have a conversation about why she’s watching this and what she thinks
Maybe she was sending it as a “can you believe this shit??” sort of conversation starter? Please…I hope…
I think you need to get at the root of the issue. I saw a researcher say these movements are picking up steam because of the exposure this groups gets from the complete opposite side of the pendulum. In a way it’s an extreme overreaction.
If you outright dismiss why it’s a thing I think you’ll be met with a lot of resistance. Particularly if you are in the group that this is an overreaction from.
It’s niche now but there’s a real chance this shit could snowball if people aren’t going to engage and dismiss it.
It might be helpful to explain to her that this content creator probably was a grocery store worker earning $14 an hour, and a lot of the examples that she gave are respective of herself. So it’s what works for her so she thinks everyone should do it.
Good to remind her that this is just the perspective from one single woman and the more of this content she watches/indulges in, then the more it is going to appear in her algorithm for social media and can easily seem and start to feel like she is seeing everywhere.
I highly recommend she and you watch The Social Dilemma it is a documentary-like film that does a great job of explaining social media, how views and algorithms and influencers can easily pollute a brain and thought process of even the smartest persons.
the social dilemma trailer
So … how did she send you the video? All, “ha ha, check this out” or what?
I think I’d try to discuss it from a place of curiosity and not judgment. Why is this so appealing? What brings her a sense of purpose and self now?
My twentysomething niece is leaning into the “I wanna be a housewife” idea because she has discovered that the thing about work is, you’re expected to do what your boss asks, and you’re supposed to meet certain standards. It’s not like being an A student who can skate by on book smarts not effort.
The glamour of keeping house for her fiance is wearing off, however, because he actually expects her to keep the place clean and keep on top of the laundry and do the cooking, and there are only so many nights where she can say, “But I’m in the mood for takeout,” because he comes back with, “Not on one salary, you’re not.”
We will see how much longer this lasts and who runs out of patience first: the woman who genuinely doesn’t want to be accountable to anyone and figures housewifery was supposed to the means to that, or the fiance who thought this partnership meant she felt accountable to him and his expectations.
How old are they? I’m Gen Z and in my friend groups and with my younger sisters, it’s actually the opposite. The whole tradwife thing is a tiny niche and most people make fun of it. If anything, the trend with my generation is calling out how extreme and weird it is.
At the end of the day, feminism is about the freedom to choose whatever path you want. If your niece makes a grown up decision to go down that route, that’s her choice. You can’t exactly change someone’s mind so easily, your niece isnt someone you can control. Curious to know how old she is. My best bet would be it’s just a phase
I had a conversation about this with a 16 years old a couple months ago.
I asked her to look for tradwives who are 40+ and see what their life is like. Then I explained that a man who can afford to keep his wife at home will also afford to get a young pretty mistress once that wife has a couple of kids and isn’t that young and pretty anymore. As long as she’s ok with that, no problem. Next, what happens to the wife if the young pretty mistress doesn’t want to be a mistress anymore?
I see no problem with women wanting to be feminine and have homemaking skills. I never wanted a career, I love to cook, paint and garden, but I do those things while having a job that insures I can pay my expenses. If tomorrow my partner disappears I will be just fine financially.
Its a tricky situation since her mom could easily see any intervention as stepping into her role. If it were me? I’d be an the most open, vibrant, and interesting FEMINIST woman I could be in front of her, and maybe find subtle and appropriate ways to expose her to the idea of women’s accomplishment outside the home. Ex: bring up an amazing book you’ve read by a female author, an article about an accomplished female scientist or medical professional, show pictures of art by female artists etc. In general just make it part of your conversation and presentation that women do cool stuff. And praise praise praise any academic, athletic or creative achievements she has going on.
If she’s sending it to you, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask what about that video resonates with her. If it’s that a lifestyle built on traditional gender norms appeals to her, that’s fine — but there’s no need to share content that makes it seem like that’s the only way to be. If it’s that she thinks this kind of essentialism is true, and all men really do want the same thing and you have to morph yourself to fit into it to be happy…. I would implore her to look around. Women aren’t split into two groups of happy subservient tradwives and miserable OnlyFans boss babes who get abortions every cycle. And on the other side of things, men aren’t all hyper-masculine traditional dudes who want to be the sole provider for a doting wife and a bunch of kids. I would just remind her that there are LOTS of other possibilities and not to get stuck in an echo chamber.
Ask her if she thinks boys ever have girls best interests at heart. This kind of calculated, strategic brainwashing is coming from the same people that flood kid’s algorithms with Tate propaganda, and by the time they’re in their teens, the foundation has already been built. Instilling regressive attitudes in young people that haven’t had enough life experience to critically evaluate dishonest media is how you get Hitlerjugend
I have a few friends who are stay at home moms. Some are liberal. are conservative. Although they are not Trump maga conservative.
They all hate the social media tradwives. They all say people need to remember their job is to make content. They are bringing in an income. They have sponsored posts and they get PR. They act like they don’t have jobs and don’t bring in money.
If you don’t know her well I’d stay back. You could just be seen as “another out of touch adult” and be tuned out or worse push her further towards it.
I’ve seen others say to phrase it as “make sure you go to community college so you have some skills and have more to offer”. A botany degree so you can grow your own food or a business degree so you can help him run his small business…
Talk with her. Lay it out for her and show her different perspectives. Let her know if she goes down that route, she needs to have protections in place.
I think you should say something. Maybe we need to make videos to counteract this, like look at this cool craft room or nice car I bought for myself with my own money that I didn’t have to ask anyone for. Idk.
Also, my husband is taller than me and makes more money (but I also make money), and literally every guy I ever dated was taller than me and made more money and body counts never came up, and all these men were in my age range, and I’m like an averagely attractive woman, not model. This is some weird shit this lady is pushing. Young women need to understand they hold a lot of power in more ways than one. So, yes, talk to her and try to get her in the direction of empowerment. This weird ass trad wife shit is not it.
Finally, more money or not, if a guy holds any of those beliefs about women, he’s not a good guy and doesn’t respect women, and you should date him. He’ll be the kind of guy who controls who you see and gives you an allowance, and doesn’t see you as a thinking, breathing, person. Plenty of men make more money than their spouse, and still want independent women with personalities and opinions, not weird subservient Christian fascist propaganda followers. Yuck.
Well I’d at least make sure she knows that women like the one in the video are career women selling a lie for views.
I would bring up that if she finds that life appealing that she should make sure it’s a choice and not something she is stuck in. She should have an education and some job experience in case things don’t work out how she imagines they will.
Honestly, the older I get, the better being a stay at home wife sounds, especially now that I have a retirement fund. Focusing on making my home nice and cooking good food sounds like a dream. But I would never make myself smaller to appeal to a man like the woman in that video is preaching. It truly grosses me out that she’s telling girls to not even bother bettering yourself so you can attract a man who will only like you for what you can do for him.
It really depends on your relationship, but if she’s really leaning more conservative like you’ve said in some of your comments, the best route I would take is to encourage having a career as a backup because you never know what’s going to happen.
Point out, that she doesn’t know how long it would be until she met the one. What if she meets the perfect guy and something doesn’t work out? What if they get married and have kids and he gets in an accident? She should always have something to fall back on to provide for herself.
I have a younger cousin who’s 16 and usually with her the best approach is to go for very simple, logical points. Trying to talk her out of anything she wants is not going to work. She’s probably more progressive than I am. Just give her something to chew on.
I would address it, but with her in charge.
Hear me out….
So her mother is liberal and a social worker yet her and her friends are very interested in a conservative tradwife lifestyle…
She should really answer these questions.
What do I feel about my mother’s job? What do I view in tradwives that I would like in my future? What do I view in my mom’s career that I would keep and would discard? What would I be throwing away by becoming a tradwife? Does it truly align with the future I want? Or is there something about my mom I truly want to avoid for my future? How has my mom’s career and views affected me?
By getting to the root of what’s making her deter from her mother’s lifestyle to the complete opposite, you can allow her to be able to have sides from both without getting trapped or on the wrong path.
She’ll be able to guide herself to a better alternative versus feeling like your shoving idealogies down her throat and then get defensive and truly pursue it.
I hope that helps!
This is not universally what young women are listening to these days. I showed it to my daughters (22 and 16) and they laughed their asses off because they and all their friends think trad wife content is ridiculous.
My point is, this isn’t universal and if you let her know how damaging it is, you won’t be the only one she meets with that view. If she lives in a small conservative town, you could encourage her to go to college in a big city where she’ll meet people like my daughters and their friends, and learn that that stuff isn’t cool. If she’s surrounded by people who like that stuff, create diversity of thought by expressing your views about it so she knows that type of content is controversial and may question it more and sooner than she would otherwise.
I don’t think I’ve cursed very often on Reddit. But WHAT THE FLUCK WAS THAT?! Lol that’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s flucking stupid. That type of thinking helps no one INCLUDING men.
Why aren’t the tradwife’s hands in the video dirty with flour or grease after kneading the dough? It seems like a very idealized version of a “housewife” to me. The goal of these influencers is not to show life as it really is, after all. It’s sad that they get so many views by ruining girls’ lives with advice that is nothing more than an Instagram trend :/
Yes, steer her away gently
you just be honest with her and have a talk that this is what young women listen to when they feel really really lost in this world currently, esp with all the dating anxiety and lack of hope about doing well in a career anymore.
It kinda makes sense why anybody impressionable would be listening to media that gives them hope of ‘fitting in’ in quite that way. Boys too.
Ask her how her husband will afford a large family and her farm to play milkmaid in on just one income? He has to be able to support his breeding kink.
Show her this video: ex trad wives speak out
It’s ironic because these content creators are the breadwinners of their families often working full time on videos and brand deals.