When I was 13 years old, I was inappropriately touched by my male cousin. He was 15 at the time. Our families went on a family trip. To save money, we all decided to stay at my auntie’s house, instead of paying for a hotel room. At my auntie’s house, my cousin inappropriately touched me down there. Throughout the trip, he kept touching/humping me. He would ask for me to be in a room alone with him so he could do it. I would say no, and he would tell me to go tell my mom or dad then. I didn’t. I couldn’t tell them. He would also show me inappropriate videos too. I was so relieved when the trip ended. I just wanted to be alone. Years passed, and I no longer feel uncomfortable with my cousin. When we happen to be in a room alone, I don’t freeze anymore. He doesn’t bring up about what happened. I think he has changed. He treats me like a normal cousin.
EDIT – For those wondering, I am currently 18; so, it’s been 5 years. I thought about telling, but I decided to heal first. My cousin has been remorseful. I believe him. I used to hate him, but then I learned that one of my older male cousins did similar things to him in a ‘playful’ way. I’m not sure which cousin though; he didn’t reveal his name. It’s not an excuse for what he did, however it has helped me process everything better.
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Do you think he tried this with someone else?
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s terrible and it DOES matter. I’m glad that he (hopefully) changed for the better and is safer to be around. My heart goes out to you and I really hope you will feel better about this whole horrible situation-xoxo
he treats you like a normal cousin because he probably feels guilty now. that’s your story and experience so you’re entitled to feel however you want. but just because he doesn’t seem weird or wtv, doesn’t change what he did. he was old enough to know what he was doing and know it was wrong. i’m glad you feel better now!
Yeahhh, I would maybe tell someone about that. If he was doing it at 15, I think there’s a good chance he’s still doing it to other girls in his adulthood. It’s probably best to let your family be aware of it, at least. So sorry that happened to you.
I hope you’re not a guy yourself, because what your male cousin did, is just weird dawg. Stay away from that creep. Edit: Which creeps are downvoting this? Y’all are crazy.
Oh my goodness, thanks for sharing that. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t deserve that. Your cousin however, did do something wrong. Even if you were both kids, it was wrong. I think you should tell someone if you are comfortable doing that. I mean, you shared it on here with us, so it’s still bothering you on some level, right? Or am I wrong? Only you really know I guess. Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Do you feel comfortable sharing it with her? I’m rooting for you. Good luck 🤍
Thankfully it stopped. He was definitely sa-ing you and bare minimum owes you a massive apology. But it’s good to hear that it hasn’t left any long term effects on you. It shows how much you have matured as a person
I don’t care if your cousin was 15, but no one is to touch your private parts. You might want to say something to the adults because he might be victimizing other children.
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He treats you normally because he knows now how devastating it would be for you to come forward and just hopes you’ll never say anything.
Please go get some therapy to work through this. You do t have to blow up your whole family but you definitely deserve to process through it and make sure it won’t impact the rest of your life.
I know it’s hard to confront it, it you are not capable of being an objective judge of your own trauma’s affect on you. It’s a part of you, and you can’t be on the outside of it. That’s why therapy helps.
Yeah this shit does matter. You’re suppressing these thoughts and the trauma behind them, and sooner or later it’ll come out in a way you’re not prepared for. And it will effect you negatively in some aspect or another. You can only pretend it doesn’t bother you for so long until one day something randomly triggers some type of emotional crisis, depression, or some level of self loathing. For me it was when I got into my first serious relationship and it really fucked with me when it came to being sexual as I felt my ex gf would think of me different if she only knew. I felt disgusted with myself, but I had no reason to be. It wasn’t anything I did or asked for, and some creep family member with bad intentions alone with an 8 year old doesn’t automatically make the poor kid gay. It’s our choice who we are or grow up to be, not decided by the actions of others when we were too young to speak for or defend ourselves. It’s okay to let yourself feel and deal with this in your own way, don’t bury it. I wish you healing man
I’m sorry that happened to you. Someone I know had two cousins do that to her. She tried to talk to them about it and one asked forgiveness and the other denied it. Who’s to know? Maybe if you talk to him you will get an apology.
He likely hasn’t changed at all, but you weren’t responsive to his advances and he now feels as though if he’s anything but respectful to you, then you’ll expose him. That was a really strange thing to do with a cousin, or really anyone period. If you had addressed it then, do you think he would be so respectful to you now? Food for thought, I don’t expect an answer.
I think he was overwhelmed by the changes his body was going through. I know that sounds dismissive but it’s true. After his mind and body caught up with his hormonal changes, he settled in.
Why are most people ready to have this man burn at the stake ? I think this happens more often than most realize. He chose to express those feelings towards you because he trusts you. He was being a little prick but his mind was going bonkers. Live your life. It’s going to be ok.
Wow, it’s so crazy reading this because I experienced something similar. Unfortunately, I think you will find many women relate. There’s a reason that statistically, young girls and teens are most likely to experience SA from a male family member. So, big thank you for sharing your story. It’s important that we keep talking about it to bring down the statistics.
I wonder how much of emotional trauma is shame relative to society’s judgements.
In other words: if most didn’t treat you like a victim, would you feel like a victim?
I actually relate to you heavily because even I was touched by an older cousin we both are males. At that time I didn’t know whether it was right or wrong and he was prolly 12 and I was 10. I thought it was just very normal and once I realised this shi i confronted him and turns out he was being SAd by one of his seniors in school and it was like an emotional reflex for him.
We’re pretty chill now, and we’ve talked and moved past it. But however I agree with the stance of not taking about it cause it brings back unnecessary memories that might’ve been buried long time ago.
I think that happened to lots of us. I was visiting my relatives and they said we asked Richard (cousin) to come & he didn’t seem interested.
I casually said – yea because he was sexually inappropriate with me when we were kids. He’s probably embarrassed. We were at lunch – no one commented and they quickly changed the subject.
Thank you for sharing my abuser was my brother.
People can change. And your ability to allow and recognize change is absolutely commendable. Seriously.
If you truly feel better, don’t go down the rabbit hole. But I kept my sexual abuse a secret, it was kinda violent though, and it impacted me later on in life. Keep up with your mental health, and if you notice a shift, do your best to address it.
Personally, secrets damage me. But that’s me. I’m really happy you feel like you are ok 🙂 But know that it is ok if you ever feel like you need to address this. You can address it with compassion and without exploding your cousins life that they have built. And you can address it at any age, no matter how many years have passed since.
I’m sorry for what happened to you. I think many of us have similar stories.. doesn’t help I know.. but nice to have others who can emphasize.
It was an older uncle for me. It took a long time to come to terms with it. Our relationship after that was a bit strained, but I don’t think anyone ever noticed.
It was a long time ago and it had a significant impact on my life.
LIkely I’d be a different person than I am today and would not have had some of the issues had it gone differently.
Took a long time but I forgave him and I’m at peace with it.
All the best to you.
Hopefully it’s because he grew up
My first thought is that he prefers young teen boys and that’s why he stopped when you got older. I’d be very worried about any young boys around him.
imagine if he had a little sister… you’re better than me cause i would def need to rehash that and get an apology. at 15 years old you know what is right and what is wrong.
He’s a weirdo and may continue to be a weirdo. Keep your distance and watch the news. That doesn’t go away
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this, it is important to remember that you did nothing wrong, and it is completely understandable to feel upset and confused, you deserve support and understanding during this difficult time.
No one should have to endure such behavior from someone else, please know that there are people who care about you and are here to help and the authorities are always there to stop him from hurting other people like he did to you.
I hope he is brought to justice someday and held accountable for his horrible acts because predators do not stop they get crafty and cunning seeking out other prey.
This happens in.slmost eventually family. Its part of life. You’re both kids. Move forward.
It matters… you feel normal and have a regular relationship with him now, but it did happen, you didn’t want it, you were scared and clearly traumatized.
It could be that something in the future will trigger that past experience trauma at some point, or if you go to therapy you might find out how it truly affected your life…
It happened to me, I thought it didn’t matter, just because is not like I hate men or are afraid of being intimate, but it did affect other aspects of my life that I had no idea could be related to that.
I’m very sorry this happened to you, and I would recommend you to talk about it in therapy.
The fact that you felt uncomfortable means that you weren’t ok with it. What he did was not ok.
If you are ok now that’s great. I’m glad you found context for it and have been able to move past it. If you feel safe around him now that’s ok, too.
I had a similar situation with someone younger, but he did know what he was doing, I didn’t. I don’t feel safe around him, in fact he turned into a bit of a predator. Not to say that’s the case here. Just remember, it’s good for you to be able to forgive, but it can sometimes be unwise to forget.
🤷
Someone super close to me had a stepbrother who was for all intents and purposes just her brother since they were together for so long but appearently any time they were alone he would try and force her to let him touch her and he’d grab and squeeze her roughly and kiss her and spank her all sorts of fucked up shit. She was too nervous to do anything about it and when she mentioned it to me which is about 18 years later now she acted like it was no big deal until I was like “that’s assault and worse in your home where your supposed to be safe ” she is in therapy now said she never accepted that it fucked with her until recently. So even though it may not seem like it matters it does because humans aren’t stone we are sponges.
It does matter. I had a similar situation and my cousin had changed too and for all I know he’s a better person but I still hate seeing him and hate what he did.
Hey i was repeatedly sodomized by a 15 ty mentality challenged boy for years . I was sevenish. Groomed until i let it happen. Its kinda like this . You gotta forgive who did this to you . You gotta realize you were just a child and had no knowledge of what was happening to you!!! So forgive yourself. Main thing.. its over and done , you gotta let it go . Been 30 plus years since this happened to me ! Its over and done
Kids do stupid shit unfortunately. I have a similar story, a female cousin would make me go down on her, I was around 4 and she was prob like 12
This does matter. I want you to remember that. This is not your fault at all.
If you’re making a post about it, then yes, you do in fact think it matters; you should most definitely tell this girl what he did, 15 is old enough to be tried as an adult and face jail time, and be registered. If none of that happened, you’re saying he got off Scott free? He was never held accountable? He never had a reason to learn any better? You can say he treats others better, but the fact is you have no idea how many other people he’s tried to rape, and I guarantee you’re not the only victim.
If you don’t do anything and are fine with him, you are no better than the creeps, pedos, and abusers out there and I’ll die on that hill; I’m not trying to blame the 13 year old that you were, but if you said something, you more likely than not would’ve saved another little girl from experiencing the same thing if not worse. This is from one victim to another, move on, but never forgive or sympathize with these people, what he did was unforgivable even for a 15 year old, and he deserves to be reminded of his actions until the day he dies. Hope he burns in hell and anyone who associates with him who is aware.
Seems to reverse the roles, like you have to worry about how he perceives you. As if you did anything wrong.
Happened to me at age 3 by my 6 year old brother multiple times before bed when we shared a bed. Happened to me again in a closet once by my brother’s friend when I was 5 and he was 8. I told my mom even though my brother begged me not to. We moved about 300 miles away shortly after that. I’m 39 now. I never mentioned it again to my parents or brother. I think they think I was too young to remember. I never told my mom about my brother touching me though. Part of it makes me think this happens all the time with young kids. Another part of it makes me think it happened to him first and then he did it to me. I don’t know if it fucked me up. I am fucked up, but no clue what kind of effect that had. I’m sure it did something though. Little betrayal, lack of trust, me and my brother never really got along as kids, idk man, makes me super sad too because things could have been so much different. I ended up losing my virginity at 12. I don’t think any of that is normal.
IT DOES MATTER, even if you dont think it does, this is serious. but i am glad you are feeling better and i hope that he healed from what has happened as well. bc what you went through was a response to what he thought was normal. now you and him have changed and grew up, it is better to talk it out and possibly doing something for it
Wonder if he thought it was normal because he grew up with someone doing it to him?
Or he’s no longer attracted because you are no longer 13.
In 2006 we took a family trip to Iran to visit my grandmas, aunts and uncles for the first time. Me my mom and 5 siblings. I was 12 years old, and my uncle (moms brother) inappropriately touched me in my sleep, he would put his hands up my shirt and touch my nipples (I feel so uncomfortable just expressing this) it happened two nights in a row. I remember feeling so scared and just froze and pretended I was sleeping when his hands were on me. After the second time I made sure to never lay my head next to my uncle ever again. I never told a soul about what my uncle did, until recently I told my sister she’s my best friend and we are both on a healing journey, trying to heal our inner child as adults so I shared that story about what my uncle did and it broke her heart she thinks we should tell our mother one day but I don’t think i can get myself to tell my mom what her brother did to me at 12 years old. I am 31 years old now learning to heal my inner child and go back to my younger self to feel every pain I ever suppressed. I have a lot of unhealed family trauma. I don’t know if what my uncle did to me has affected my life but again I never allowed myself to remember that situation maybe deep inside me it hurts to think someone close to me inappropriately touched me as a child. How do I tap into this trauma and heal from it moving forward?
Do you identify as a he or her? What are your pro-nou s?
I was also sa’d by a family member. Even if they are remorseful… please be careful, op. I for years let it go and forgave this person. Just to find out that yes, they were sorry for doing it to me, but they kept doing it to others. He too was assaulted at a young age. Sometimes people change and sometimes they get worse. Wishing you all the best ❤️
He was a horny 15 year old and now he’s grown up.Sorry that happened to you.
It DOES matter!! I am sorry this happened to you! Hopefully you are ok?
I was too little to comprehend that this was happening to me and I don’t know which family member did this.