I (40m) have been married to my wife (40f) for about 5 years now. Recently, I went to get a massage so I could get out the house and relax. This was the 4th time I used this masseuse and everything seemed normal when I walked in an undressed down to my underwear and layer under the sheet. Once she walked in she asked where she should focus and I said lower back (which I always say) and she said okay if you have underwear on you can take them off.
So she walked out the room and I took them off and got back under the sheet. The massage was good/professional just like the last few times I went. When she asked me to flip around to lay on my back near the end of the massage I felt a little uncomfortable but I did it and I was fully covered the whole time. At the very end she usually does stretches and when she stretched my right leg up to my chest it felt like my penis was exposed outside the sheet. She then put the sheet over my penis and used the sheet to grab my penis and adjusted it for me back between my legs. I felt very uncomfortable so I told her I could put my underwear back on but she ignored me so I assumed there was a language barrier or maybe this was just how they do things? When she stretched my left leg the same thing happened and as I could feel it happening I told her again I wanted to put on my underwear. She put my leg down and I felt her grab my penis again but this time I felt something wet so I opened my eyes and she had my penis inside her mouth. I yelled no and told her to stop. She apologized probably
10 times and then touched my chest and told me my heart was beating very fast and asked if I was okay. I stayed silent and closed my eyes waiting for her to leave, which she immediately did. I quickly got dressed, paid for the massage and left.
I I feel disgusted, I feel like it was my fault for taking off my underwear and maybe that was like a code word or something that I didn’t recognize for happy ending massages. I’m so mad at myself and I’ve just felt numb for the past week. Like I have no emotion or motivation to do anything and I’ve been putting on a smiling face for my wife but deep inside I feel like I betrayed her. There were no clues that the lady would do something like this, the place has very normal customers and signs everywhere that say if you ask for sexual favors you will be banned.
I guess my question is would you guys consider this cheating? I want to tell my wife every time I look at her but I don’t want to ruin our perfect relationship.
TLDR – Got a massage and the lady put my penis in her mouth. I stopped it immediately and left. Haven’t told my wife yet, don’t want to lose her.
Edit – Thank you to everyone who replied. I feel a lot better mentally already and I’m going to 100% tell my wife and let her decide how she will react.
Comments
This is touchy. However I think honesty is likely the best policy here. It’s not going to be a fun conversation but if it’s eating you up enough to post here about it then I think it’ll eat you up enough not to tell her.
On the other hand, as innocent as this was, some women will always wonder if it was the full truth and whether or not there will be a repeat. Some might even hold it over your head. This is how my ex would have handled it and if that sounds like your wife and this was 100% as you stated then I think it could cause more harm than good.
Only you know how well your wife will receive this so only you know whether or not you want to be held accountable for something that wasn’t your fault. Which it sounds like it wasn’t.
I will say though if you do tell her, personally I’d never get a massage again just to allay any concerns she might have about this that she chooses not to share with you. It sucks that you have to give it up but life’s a bitch and rarely ever fair.
BS
What did the police say when you filed the sexual assault report?
NONE of this is your fault. Let’s call this what it is: SA.
Are you in the US? I can tell you a legit Licensed Massage Therapist (LMT) is absolutely trained to avoid such a situation, is taught proper draping to maintain client dignity, and will have you only disrobe to your level of comfort.
This person SA’d you and you should file a police report and a formal complaint.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope your wife is a “team us against the problem” kind of woman and will have your back through the fallout.
You mentioned that if customers requested for any kind of sexual favors that they’d get banned from the place, so the masseuse clearly shouldn’t have done what she did to you. Better tell your wife so the two of you could process this whole thing because it sounds like you got sexually taken advantage of. I’m really sorry this happened to you. Best of luck, OP.
This is not cheating, you were sexually assaulted. You had a freeze response. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
What to do is tell the truth to your wife, but first realize that you’re not responsible for the entire situation and you did your best to extricate yourself as soon as it happened.
From your masseuse’s perspective, she believes this to be your expectation (in her experience) and she would like repeat business.
From your perspective, you didn’t ask for it, didn’t want it, and stopped it immediately.
Tell the story as you told us, but don’t feel bad and don’t feel blamed. You did the right thing. She did an understandable thing (in the context of her life.) There’s nothing inherently wrong with sex work, there are lots of subtle codes and cues that this is what you want, you were either misinterpreted in that code or she simply figured if she went ahead and did it, you’d like it and you’d be back and you’d ask for her specifically.
In the future, if you want a massage, do understand that many, many people who work as masseuse are in reality sex workers. They make tips and support themselves that way. They’re not really doing anything wrong either, they are making their living.
The real ‘wrong’ is a legal system where the ‘menu’ is always shady and prone to cues and codes you don’t know.
You can’t (and shouldn’t) try to control how your wife will react. If she overreacts and behaves badly, give her some time. Just tell your truth because it’s what happened. This will spare you guilt and isolation, what she does is on her.
Man you are beating yourself up. You didn’t go in the place wanting a happy ending. You said multiple times you would put your underwear back on. And when she crossed the line you stopped it immediately. Focus on the your intentions and the posture of your heart in the moment. In no way did you intend, foster, Incourage or even think about getting a happy ending. It was just a misunderstanding and you put a stop to it as soon as you became aware. If you feel it will eat at you if you don’t tell your wife then tell her but I feel your conscience can be clear on this one. And to be honest your a stronger man than many and a good loyal husband becuase not many men could have stopped it at that point in the situation.
You did nothing wrong and blaming yourself is only making this worse for you. The more you let this anxiety build the less concise and clear headed you will be if you choose to talk to your wife.
I think you should talk to her and avoid that place in the future. Though you are unlikely to ever experience this again. Get it out, talk to your wife and understand you are the victim, not the predator.
weird creative writing exercise
This is why I get massages from a fellow dude. No weird erections, we both fart if needed which is super nice and if he ever grabbed me or inserted me!?!? I wouldn’t feel bad for the reaction I’d likely have or the black eyes he’d probably have as a result.
I’m super happy with where I go.
By the way, your wife already knows something is up. C’mon she knows you. Just fess up and talk to her!
You’d wanna know if she was sexually abused wouldn’t you? Lean on her, it’s what marriage is all about. Leaning on each other when you need it.
Good luck!
Report her to the owner and the state governing agency.
Just wanted to send you a hug, buddy. This was SA, and it’s beyond awful!
After telling your wife, whatever you decide to do will be okay. There’s no right or wrong response to SA, just so you know ❤️
I truly think some therapy might help you, especially since this obviously triggered trauma from the past (been there), even EMDR therapy if possible.
Be well, and good luck 🫂
I get massages all the time and I always take off my underwear. No one has touched my penis
This is sexual assault. You did not cheat on your wife. I’m sorry this happened to you
Can you tell me which site and therapist you used in a DM so I definitely never go there. Also whether it has parking nearby.