Since I can’t tell anyone, I want to tell it here and get help from someone.I experienced the biggest regret of my life today.
I am 16 years old and a week ago a kid on the street asked for my Instagram and I gave it to him and we started talking and today we met up and he took me to the cinema.He started kissing me in the cinema and started touching me, including my private areas.I hated this I never wanted this But I couldn’t say it to his face, he kept asking me, and I just said I didn’t know.I hate myself for not being able to say no to him. I find myself disgusting.I feel dirty.I don’t know what to do, it’s driving me crazy
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No, you’re not disgusting. That’s sexual assault, and it’s not your fault. People always talk about “fight or flight” responses, but there’s also “freeze” and “fawn.” Some people just freeze up in tough situations (freeze) or will try to appease the threat (fawn). “I don’t know” is not consent. You were touched by this guy without your consent. He’s the disgusting one, and there’s nothing wrong with you or the way you handled things. I’m so sorry that happened to you, OP. đ«¶
Youâre not disgusting. Thereâs nothing wrong with you.
No not at all. This isn’t your fault. Please block him and try to be compassionate with yourself. You didn’t deserve this and it’s not your fault for not knowing how to respond.
As a 26yr old woman, I’m very sorry to tell you that this is all too common and I regret to welcome you to club.
Youâre not disgusting, the kid assaulted you.
You are NOT disgusting. Donât beat yourself up. Let this be something to learn from.
This was not your fault and you are not alone. Please consider reaching out to someone in your life that you trust, or call a help line. You went through a traumatic experience and help is available <3
This person violated you. You did nothing wrong. Please speak to a trusted adult. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
You’re not disgusting at all!! “I don’t know,” is a clear NO to anyone who gives a shit about consent. He should have stopped, PERIOD. This is not on you. Reverse the roles – if he kept saying idk to you touching him the same way, would you have stopped? Probably! He was being selfish and really awful, to be honest. And that’s putting it mildly. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but despite feeling dirty or disgusting you are NOT dirty or disgusting. Drop this guy – he violated you by not gaining your enthusiastic consent. Hugs
Youre not a diagusting person at all he is
With all of these stories I am everyday so grateful that im a man
No, I think most women have gone through this at some point. It takes time and practice to get good at saying no. Especially if you have never been put in the situation before.
The disgusting one is the guy not you
You are not disgusting at all. You have been violated, which can make you feel disgusted, but you shouldnât feel that way about yourself. I am so sorry this happened to you. You not being able to say no isnât your fault. There is no consent unless itâs a âyesâ, you didnât say that, you said âi donât knowâ. That is not your fault at all. I recommend you tell someone you trust, it can really help you feel less isolated and less awful. Your reaction is how many people feel, itâs how I felt after I was SAâd, but I learnt overtime that wasnât my fault. I didnât say yes, (i didnât say anything). If there is no yes, there is no answer. Please make sure you are doing well.. Talk to those around you who you trust to confide in, maybe even a counsellor at school? (if you trust them). Or even if this subreddit helps, thatâs good too. But I encourage you do not deal with this alone. đ«đ©·Always remember that âYesâ is the only way to verbally consent. Him not waiting to hear a âyesâ is not your fault. There is only one person at fault, and itâs not you.
How are you disgusting when it was him that violated you. You didnât do anything wrong at all and I hope you know this.
You are not. Itâs ok.
A KID??????????????? What does that mean? How old?
Saying “no” is hard for a lot of people, especially young people. As someone that needs to process things and had trouble making good decisions because of that when I was younger, please start doing two things:
Practice saying no. You can do this alone, in front of a mirror,, or get your friends in on this. It might help them, too. Act out scenes that might make you uncomfortable and keep saying no. You don’t need to touch each inappropriately – maybe just imply some things. Of course, even in these situations, you are allowed to only do things that make you comfortable.
Know your own boundaries. Write them down and look at them every day, if you need to. And do not ever let anyone cross those boundaries. Ever! When you know what you are comfortable with ahead of time, you don’t get caught in the situation of not knowing how you feel about something.
There can be levels of boundaries, too. You just met someone? Maybe all you want to do is hold hands for the first three or four dates. But as you get to know someone, that will change. The trick is to not let the first boundary be crossed until YOU are ready. The other person is on your time, not theirs.
As a bonus tip, get your girls together and take a self defense class. Let me tell you, no comes out a lot quicker and louder when we don’t feel powerless and helpless.
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It is NOT your fault. Its his for pressuring you. Do not associate with him anymore as he clearly doesnât understand boundaries
You’re just 16, it’s very understandable that you were afraid to confront him. I’ve once gone through a stalking. 4 km radius and didn’t tell him anything, I had only a km to get home, thankfully he went on the bus. Idk what would of happened if he didn’t. I’m 22 f rn and regret to not speak up. I used to be very very shy. Now I don’t have any problem to confront immediately if anything happens. Please gather confidence!! I believe in you! You absolutely DON’T DESERVE wtf he did. I’m so sorry it happened to you!
Please do not hate you. You are not disgusting at all. Think of it this way, you are at the store and someone says âdo you want this item?â You reply ânoâ and they charge you for the item. That would make them, not you disgusting.
You aren’t disgusting. Our society isn’t very good at helping develop boundaries and what true consent is. Even I’ve struggled with saying no. And that’s as a 38 year old dude.
It can be hard to speak up for yourself. But I know you can so it.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Learn the lesson of what you are comfortable with. Id also practice saying no. It can simply be saying no to little things. But you will feel so much better about yourself if you can set a firm boundary and stand by it.
Remember, it’s your body. And everyone needs your enthusiastic consent to touch you.
I’m rooting for you kiddo.
âJarvis, iâm low on karmaâ
Im so sorry this happened. I’m 36, just happened to me today. Stop talking to him and take measures to stay safe.
You are legitimately not disgusting, what he did to you was sexual assault. You should tell a trusted person about this or even the authorities, what he did was illegal and screwed up, you didn’t deserve that.
why is no one asking how old this âkidâ was? i mean OP was clearly assaulted but ??
40 years after something similar happened I finally told my therapist and she told me that it wasnât my fault. The freeze response is very common in that situation. We are often raised to be people pleasers so saying no is difficult. (((Hugs))). Youâre going to be OK
How old was the kid?
That guy SAed youâŠ
Itâs common to go into freeze when shocked or overwhelmed. Itâs an activation of the dorsal vagal complex – think of hibernation or âfetal positionââŠ. It becomes hard to talk or think or move or speak. Itâs built in biological protection. Your body was just doing what it is designed to do because it assessed you didnt have the means to fight or flee. Iâm really sorry it happened, but thereâs no shame in it.Â
Iâd get some of that energy out if you can. Call a therapist, punch a pillow, i dunno.Â
NOT YOUR FAULT, you’re not disgusting, if anything, it’s the other party
No, you are NOT at fault whatsoever. Iâve been in situations like this myself. Iâm 26 now and sometimes I still have trouble saying no simply because I just want them to stop asking and leave me alone. Itâs NEVER your fault. â€ïž keep your head up girly!!
You are NOT disgusting. What you’re feeling is normal for the experience you just had. And that experience is not your fault.
this was not AT ALL your fault. It’s really hard to stand up for yourself. I’m so sorry. You are not disgusting.
Not at all, OP. Iâm a 37 year old woman and I regret to say that I encountered this exact situation as a teenager more than once. He should not have taken your uncertainty as any type of permission or consent at all. This is on him, not you. Itâs not your fault at all.
You are innocent and he took advantage of that. Unfortunately itâs what a lot of people have to live through and build up strength to stand up for what is yours.
No matter what happened in the past, or what you want to do in the future, it does not determine your worth. Only you do that.
I have a hard time saying no as well, in a lot of situations. My last therapist told me that it’s okay if I say no because it’s my life.
I always said yes because I didn’t want to create problems or make others mad. These days I say no a lot more.
You’re not disgusting, dirty or anything. This person took advantage and put you in a difficult and uncomfortable situation and I’m sorry it happened.
You just gotta do what’s right for you and I get that that is easier said than done.
No, you’re absolutely not disgusting. What happened to you was wrong, and it’s not your fault that you couldnât say no in that moment. It’s very common for peopleâespecially when young or scaredâto freeze up or not know how to respond. That doesnât make you weak or bad.
The person who touched you without your clear consent is the one in the wrong here. Please consider telling someone you trustâa parent, teacher, counselor, or adult friendâbecause you deserve support, and it’s important that this kind of behavior is addressed before it happens to someone else.
Youâre not alone, and youâre not dirty. You were put in a terrible situation, and itâs okay to ask for help.