I went to a birthday party last weekend, everyone was laughing, drinking, talking like life made sense. I smiled, I cracked jokes, I even brought a gift. But the whole time, I felt like I was watching myself from outside, like I was just filling space. At one point, I stepped outside to get some air and ended up sitting on the curb for twenty minutes, staring at the pavement, wondering how I got so good at faking it. No one noticed I was gone. That hurt more than I expected. I don’t know if I’m lonely or just empty, maybe both. But I wish someone really saw me.
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I’m willing to bet that some of those people you saw laughing, drinking, and talking are also just like you.
I never go to the birthday parties…I feel exactly how you feel, out of place and time.
I feel it too at times. Or like I’m the floater friend but there are people who will miss you and sometimes we don’t notice them
Well, it’s a birthday party of course everyone would be all happy and that, most likely they’re also faking it like you because who would show their their sad emotions in a situation like this, and that’s maybe why nobody noticed that you’re gone because they had their focus on the birthday 100% or perhaps they did notice but thought you needed some air alone without anyone. We’re all humans with our own struggles. And I get how weird and uncanny it feels when you’re surrounded by positive people while you’re so lost and depressed like that. I’d even daydream or focus on silly stuff so I don’t think about how different Iam. But I do hope you get better and find someone who really sees you. I really saw you here too I guess.
There’s ways you can help yourself but the first hurdle is finding out what the actual issue is. Therapy tends to help alot with getting people’s minds straight or maybe finding something that you’re excited to wake up for, doesn’t have to be some grand purpose, just a small hobby that gets you interested.
Maybe you are introvert
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, and it’s so painful to feel invisible, even when you’re surrounded by people. I can hear the loneliness and emptiness in your words, and it’s valid. It’s tough to feel like you’re just going through the motions, like life is happening around you, but you’re not truly connected to it. Please know that you’re not alone in feeling this way, even though it might seem like it right now. Sometimes it can help to let someone close to you know what you’re going through—whether they notice or not. But also, if you can, try to be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that these feelings don’t define you. You matter, even if it feels like no one sees it right now.
Sounds like derealization. It’s a scary feeling but it’s not permanent or unfixable. The hardest part imo is starting to care enough to try and get treatment and work on yourself etc. The fact that you’ve expressed it at all and put it into words on a public forum is a great first step though. Don’t give up!
Try going to a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu dojo. Try out a few and see which one you like. Maybe you’ll find something there. You’ve got nothing to lose. If that doesn’t seem like something you’d like, volunteer at an animal shelter or at any place that aligns with your values. Take care!
We all feel that from time to time. One little thought or feeling derails everything. And then everything feels bad and pointless. I try hard to let those thoughts go and bring myself back to the present. If there’s a party happening in front of me, even if it’s like watching a movie through my eyes, I try make it worth watching. Sometimes it works and I forget that I’m feeling bad. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve sat on the curb outside just like you. Don’t believe those thoughts and feelings all the time. Sometimes they lie. The truth is that someone wanted you there otherwise you wouldn’t have been invited. You are wanted. And people feel less lonely with you around. Brains do brain things. They just make more and more thoughts. You are not just your thoughts. And your thoughts aren’t always right or true. Hope you feel better!