I’m ( F36) coming here because I had a very bad experience today, and I’m mad at myself, and I feel isolated. I also feel very grossed out.
There’s an employee at a shop that I visit at least twice 2x week. This guy and I had very amenable interactions. He also works part-time for one of my clients, so we had a very cordial relationship. Not sexual, not even real friends, just decent towards work related situations.
We used to greet each other with enthusiasm and no physical contact. Everything was normal. 6 or 7 weeks ago, I saw him, and he looked like he had been crying. I asked if he was okay, and he immediately shared that he has family problems, that he feels lonely, that his relatives have abandoned him. I was surprised at the amount of personal stuff that he shared, but that’s on me for asking in the first place.
He has my number from his job with my client, as he works as an assistant. He texted me to thank me for listening. Cool, no problem. I sent a very short reply because I do not want to build a personal connection.
I saw him a few days later, and he tried to share his problems, but I cut the conversation short. He proceeded to text me. I said I’m a very busy person and that I was basically completely unavailable, so please text for professional reasons only. He tried to pry into my relationship status and I told him that I have a partner ( this is a half truth as my relationship is about to end but that will require a different post) and that I’m not interested in him. He seemed to have understood, completely stopped contacting me, and stopped bothering me. I didn’t see him the last few times that I went to the shop.
Today, I was almost certain that he wouldn’t bother me again. I did my shopping and had forgotten that he existed when I noticed him standing behind my cart. I had no time to react. He was trying to be playful and grinning and asked how I was. I said I was fine and tried to be as dry as possible. He pushed the cart, moved towards me, and hugged me while I was trying to load my things to the conveyor. It was very awkward, but that’s not the worst part. I tried to separate myself, and he repeatedly kissed me on the cheek. He attempted to make conversation, but my mind went blank, and he said “you know what, I love you” to my ear. I know I sound really weak, but I felt like crying, and the cashier gave me this weird look, so I felt twice uncomfortable.
This shit ruined my day. My relationship isn’t at its best, but I still tried to talk to my boyfriend about it and got yelled at. He said it’s my fault and questioned me for talking to people while he’s away.
I want to file a complaint, but I also have a strong impulse to avoid him completely. I also want to confront him and raise hell. I’m alone in this, and my family lives too far. I’m also a sexual harrasment survivor, and that took a chunk of my confidence.
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that’s awful, what a delusional creepy manipulative sadsack pos.
I think you’ve done a really good job setting boundaries and protecting yourself, and anyone would be overwhelmed in the moment where after all that work the guy comes up and starts hugging and touching them in public. But you should be really proud of your response from the get-go.
If it would be healing for you to raise hell on him, go for it mama, you have every right. If it would be more healing for you to hide from the whole thing and pretend it never happened, that’s valid too, you don’t always have to be strong or think about protecting others, it’s enough to just take care of yourself today.
Oh, that is awful! You can file a complaint, but I want you to hear this loud and clear: blanking like that is a survival response and totally appropriate. You didn’t do anything wrong. We have a narrative that we should all kick ass, but in any emergency (including unwanted sexual advances and invasion of personal space) people rarely behave as heroes. We tell ourselves we will do xy and z and it just doesn’t play out like that. If you’re interested in learning more about how brains work under stress, the book Unthinkable is great. Even with training, humans have a pretty high freeze rate.
Id tell him if he touches you again you will have you bf beat** dont say call the police or he can try to stalk and k you be very careful with this keep documents from his former prys change shops completely remove yourself from his perspective
Ugh. I am so sorry that happened to you. Yuck. I can’t believe it. What is wrong with people. I’m hoping that he gets what he deserves. I’m also sorry that your boyfriend wasn’t supportive! That’s not cool. I really hope he keeps his distance. It makes me sad for you. It’s terrifying and terribly creepy.
Your boyfriends a dick for that one. Also, this other guy ambushed you and i would absolutely complain hell id say file a police report if i had any confidence in the justice system. Clearly that guy has some issues and it’s a shame how no good deed goes unpunished
I’m so sorry this happened and the y o be blamed for it is sick. You need to be rid of them both, the creepy pos and your pos bf. Yes, report the incident so he doesn’t try this again or with someone else. You’ve got this, you’re stronger than you think! 💪
Fuck. I’m so sorry. What a shitty human he is. I want to affirm that you had zero fault (abuse victims never do) and how awful this must feel.
It’s not your fault. It’s his. Freeze is a common response in situations like this. That doesn’t give anyone license to push up on you. He knew exactly what he was doing. You won’t always feel this bad. Hugs.