How did you make peace with beauty standards and stopped pursuing them?
And what impact have they had on your life?
How did you overcome body insecurities and stopped caring about your looks?
How did you learn to love and accept yourself as an average looking woman?
r/AskWomen
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Truly? I fell in love with a dude who is probably completely average looking to most people and I think he’s hot. So I guess it’s believable that I’m also hot to him and he’s the only one I need to impress. I also have mostly stayed away from most social media and at this point I don’t even know if I fully know what the knew beauty standards are.
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I just stopped looking at pictures of them. I’m sure they feel ugly too, sometimes. In the end, we’re all just people.
As the saying goes beauty is in the eye of the beholder so if you both find each other attractive then there’s no problem
Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, you are beautiful!
I deactivated Instagram 🙂
Edit: being more present in the real world (and in the moment), where people cannot use any filters will help.
You see normal, natural faces and bodies. Also going to the spa/sauna helped me too, because most of the people there had no surgeries.
You are good as you are and once you’ll learn to like/love yourself, everything is going to be easier. I promise 🙂
The person I’m with loves me for who I am and I don’t like attention so being average is a bonus lol
after 35, it matters so much less. you see people for ther kindness and lightness now. but in my 20s, woaaahhh… it was attractiveness above everything
There is so much to do and to be in life, I’ve found now that my appearance isn’t that serious. ‘Pretty’ doesn’t help me grow as a person, and my opinion of myself is the only one I allow to guide my self-worth. If someone treats me poorly because they don’t think I’m attractive, I know that’s not a safe person to be around.
What helped me is realizing that even if only 1% of the population found me attractive, that’s still a ton of people! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I am exactly my husbands type. I’m a plain Jane but my husband thinks the world of me and that’s honestly all I need.
I’m actually been having more of an issue with this lately. I’m not even sure where to start and how to keep it up. Is this feeling a phase? Is it something you really have to work at?
I stopped comparing them in my head. At that time I used to think about what good things about my body are.
Looks fade. Another generation of hot 20 year olds will be right behind the current one. Men don’t deserve all the effort women put into showing off for them. I’m sorry but they don’t.
I love my spouse but many days I wish I HAD A WIFE and I’m as far to the straight end of the spectrum as one gets.
And, you might be a 5 in your town and an 8 somewhere with fewer women. It could just be geography (speaking from experience on this one). 😎
I saw that even when I cared so much about my looks it did nothing but attract mostly douchebags. It’s was a never ending cycle of trying to be perfect and still getting treated like absolute dog shit. When I worked on what was inside I still felt beautiful, I had more respect for myself and I loved me no matter who said I wasn’t cute.
I never was very occupied with how I looked. I never quite knew how attractive or unattractive I was, and as my life was fine as it was, I didn’t and I still don’t care much. However I look or not, enough people like me and enough people are attracted to me.
So I see no need to obsess over my looks or lack thereof. It would being nothing but stress and misery I don’t want into my life, so I’ve never allowed it any space to begin with. I have much better things to spend my time and energy on!
I decided that being hot to strangers was not in my top-20 priorities in life, and worrying myself about the outcome of something that I wasn’t putting any effort toward was silly.
Also I realized that if someone truly believes I’m ugly as sin, well… sucks to be them: they’re stuck here with ME, and they gotta put on their big boy panties on about it.
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I started to question why I felt the need to wear make up every day and why i was so uncomfortable with my face and body.
Then I found out how much money the ‘beauty’ industry made.
Then I remembered all of the ads and articles in magazines about plastic surgery and make up. Plus the articles on how to look better, what your eyebrows should look like, how you can make men happy etc. I was born in the 70’s.
And I realised that the best way to make women spend so much money on products was to make themselves feel shit about how they look.
They make women and girls feel insecure, then sell them stuff to cure it.
When I was growing up ‘heroin chic’ was the fashion, I was slim, but with an hourglass figure. Clothes weren’t made for my shape and I felt wrong and ugly.
Looking back at photos of myself from then I can see that I was lovely.
Social conditioning, advertising, social media and all that shit really will impact how you see yourself and it’s done on purpose.
I rarely wear make up now because I react to most of it My once-slim body is now plus sized. I look my age. My brain is sharp as hell, and I’ve overcome many health issues. Life happened and I see through malicious advertising very quickly now.
Beauty standards are all made up, and they change. The idea that certain body types can be fashionable and desirable is comical to me now. Have a slim body – here’s some padded underwear. Need a bigger butt – have surgery. It’s crazy, and insidious and so very wrong.
In short, there’s nothing to come to terms with, but you’ve been repeatedly told you don’t look good enough as you are. See that and you’ll be just fine. It’s not you, average is normal, most of us are average.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with making yourself look good, if you want to. But it feels different when it’s not based on feeling insecure.
I stopped looking at it because it was starting to affect my mental. I’m not a person who follows trends and wants to wear pounds of make up or somebody who is obsessed with always trying to look trendy with my outfits and all of that. Or wearing these crazy hairstyles so I’m very plain and a lot of people would consider me unattractive because I don’t do all of that extra stuff that you see on social media and I don’t edit my pictures and all of that and honestly, I’ve just stopped caring because I have to love myself and accept myself. God made me this way for a reason you know? And I believe that God does not make mistakes..
Beauty is technically subjective. We created all the standards that exist today, they don’t actually exist. We made all that shit up. But to speak your language, most women are “average.”
Beauty, money, lifestyles all of those things are way overblown on social media. Most things in life are quite mundane. Don’t let anybody make you feel weird for having a “normal” job or being “average” looking.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with these facts. Life is short and you gotta learn to enjoy the little things.
I stopped calling myself an average looking woman.
Work on parts that You identify as ‘average’ about yourself and work on them. You can’t help genetics but good skin, an outfit that’s tailored for you and the confidence that comes from within goes a long way.
I fell in love with an “Average Joe” while dating another hot athletic guy, and it had a lot to do with how much more supportive he was– as our relationship grew, I came to understand how toxic my ex was for pushing me to work out more or eat less. All in the name of health! Poorly disguised manipulation, smh. Honestly I’m still working on accepting myself but I certainly don’t hear the insecurity as often as I used to when it was being shoved in my face.
I don’t mess around with social media often but when I do, I consume the comments and paragraph posts more than the visuals.
Well first off, you’re not average
Ngl, as a boy all I can say is, if you’re average you’re not bad is you’re average you’re better that roughly 4 billion people so just chill n live
Changed my algorithm. Stopped looking at women with plastic surgery. Stopped comparing myself and realized that I’m someone’s cup of tea. Look, this might be fucked up…. but there are way uglier people than us that are happily married and wildly in love. Focus more on the inside, your personality and sense of humor matter so much more. Everyone ages, everyone thinks they’re not as good looking as they are. And you’re no one without a personality.
Dress for YOUR body, but also, wear whatever makes you feel good (and sexy!). Experiment with colors, styles etc. What looks good on Kim Kardashian won’t look good on 90% of women, because A) you probably don’t have a body made up of mostly silicone and B) you’re probably not a million/billionaire with money for a personal stylist and high fashion. Don’t compare yourself to women that were so insecure themselves, all the money in the world still didn’t buy them self confidence. Influencers and celebrities only show you what they want you to see. Trust me babe, they ain’t happy with themselves either.
Be you. Be your beautiful self. And TRUST there are women that would kill to be you, and men that would kill to be with you. I don’t care if you’re 400 lbs and 6’5″ …. you’re someone’s big and tall cup of tea.
it happened slowly, like realizing i was spending so much energy trying to be “pretty enough” for what?? i started focusing more on what i enjoy and how i feel vs how i look, and eventually it just clicked that i didn’t owe anyone beauty. i still have insecure days but it doesn’t control me like it used to. it’s freeing not constantly chasing approval i never asked for.
I worked in a hospital from a young age and saw people on their worst days. So many people coming to the end of their life and most of them had regrets. Didn’t do what they wanted like travel or maintain close personal relationships with family and friends.
I was always spontaneous and impetuous but years of seeing how fast life can just end without warning, take your loved ones in an instant made me really spend time on things that matter to me. Then I lost my fiancé to a sudden heart attack in 2009.
I’ve learned that everyone thinks people are looking at them, judging them. When really, nobody really cares. Everyone is in their own head and own struggles. Even if someone were to look at you and judge, even for a minute, it likely wouldn’t be converted to long term memory. Try to remember a time where you looked and them and judged them in your mind over something. Bet you can’t think of one.
The only person who truly cares if you have a good life, feel fulfilled, happy is yourself. You’re also the only one who can change it if you aren’t happy. So to hell with beauty standards or tiny models who look great on paper. Be happy with yourself cause it’s the only self you’ve got.
Acceptance. I used to have serious body dysmorphia when I was younger, and some still linger.
Then I realized, that I don’t need anyone to think I am attractive. I just stopped trying, and concentrated on life, and things I think are fun. I don’t restrict what I eat, I don’t force myself to exercise (chronic illness), I don’t really style my hair, and I am mostly too lazy for makeup (not shitting on those who use makeup, that is a wonderful skill, and I really admire those who know how to do it).
What happened? I have a lot less anxiety about how I look or what I wear, and for some weird reason people see me as more attractive now than ever before, go figure.
Accept and love what you can’t change and change for the better what you can.
Embracing good and healthy food habits and working out even from home and committing to regular application of skincare serums only at night and giving skin a break during daytime. This helps achieve better skin and delayed aging that you will not need to cover up every day. Wearing makeup only for occasions. And sunblock for beach.
Not following the beauty herd-mentality. (Not following gel fake nails, fake lashes, fads)
Caring for hair with a good conditioner and giving it a break between highlights, etc.
Selecting clothes and colours that flaunt the best and hide the worst will keep one confident in what they wear. Maybe rethink the wardrobe, too.