I have sat on this for literally years. “but the kids” id always tell myself. But the kids are watching us fight every single day and I can’t do it anymore. Just to clear it up right off the bat, this isn’t an abusive situation. Just 2 people who clearly do not love each other anymore and neither of us will admit it.
I thought maybe I should tell him I’m done & we can just live together for a year or so but that sounds like more fighting and idk how I’d expect that to work. But pretending to be okay sounds equally exhausting.
I don’t even know where to start. I’m not entirely financially dependent on him but I definitely don’t make enough to live on my own yet. I won’t be able to start working full time for at least another year when my youngest is in school. Child care costs are completely out of the question.
Realistically it’ll probably take me at least a year anyway to sufficiently make an ideal plan and save up for said plan. I just keep thinking about how much debt we share. The dog. We only have 1 car (also shared, in both names). We got married technically , it was out of state but I never finalized it in our state so I don’t know how to even deal with that part of it.
I know it’s going to be extremely shocking to our entire family which is also weighing heavily on me. Except for a few close friends of mine and my therapist and probably his therapist I assume, everyone thinks we’re so cute and perfect for each other. “High school sweethearts.” Bleh
I just don’t know how I’m suppose to pretend that everything is fine for so long. Continue fighting with him as per usual every single day. I am so exhausted with this relationship and I want out so badly. It’s been 11 years and I feel like I waisted my 20’s trying to fix a relationship that was broken from the start.
If you’ve been in this situation, or similar, what do you wish you did different ? What was the most important dos and donts? What kept you motivated?
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Most attorneys require a $5,000 retainer.
Ugh sorry to hear. Divorce is definitely a pain. Whoever keeps the house and car will have to pay the other out. Also if he makes more, he’ll likely have to pay you child support. So don’t worry so much about the financial aspect of it. You can usually go through a court mediator (at least in my state) and then have a lawyer review it. You’d have to pay a lawyer to review it, but the mediator would help keep the cost down (I have two friends who went through a divorce and did that). Good luck. You’re making the right decision because I promise your kids are picking up on the tension.
No advice but just wanted to say that you don’t have to continue to fight.. you are in control of yourself, your actions, and your reactions. If you’re worried about your children seeing this behavior, it is up to you to behave in a way you’d like them to see.
It is abusive. That is important to know. Then use the DV resources out there to safely get out. Don’t believe he won’t because a predator just because he hasn’t so far.